gonnascream
01-05-2005, 08:21 PM
I have to let this out, because I feel like I am going to snap inside. I feel like I am screaming, and no one has heard a sound.
to my dad:
I love you. I know you haven't told me that since my surgery, but I do. I am sorry for what I said, I know I deserved what I got then. I have accepted the fact I will always be a mistake.
to my brother.
I wish you well in life. I know we don't see eye to eye, but don't be like me.Please don't blow your chances in life. Your nieces love you and miss you.
To my mom:
I get my selfishishness from you. I hate myself, cause I have turned into you. I am making the same mistakes with my hubby that you did with dad, and when he left you he left me too. And I was a scared kid that couldn't handle it. Screw you you god forsaken witch for making me this way. I am watching the love of my life fade away because every single time Im angry I turn into you. The only thing I was ever good for was child support, you never cared how much I cried. The only thing I ever wanted from you was some kinds words and a hug.
to my grandma:
I am sorry. You remeber that time I called up there back in 95, and I was crying, and dwight awnsered the phone, and he asked "what have they done to her now ?". They had done it, but I was trying to see if anybody loved me, or if I could be loved. You know what they did was use me as a pawn in the divorce.
to ruthie:
you remember when I was 16, and I cried and cried after I broke up with will ?
I thought he loved me, but I cried because that was the first guy to have used me. It's all true, I meant nothing. I hope you & nate have a long happy life with each other, underneath it all I can tell he's a great guy.
to my andie:
I cry because I hurt & I wish you will never know what it's like. You are such a beautiful girl, your going to take over the world some day. But I wish I was a better mom. I want you to know I have loved you since the day you were born, and I did everything I ever could for you. Im sorry I yell, Im sorry I say mean things to everybody, I am sorry. Baby I want you to know that the night I got real sick and your granddad had to take me to the hospital, I thought about you & your sisters. How much I love you, how brave you 2 are, and how if I died that night, you would never grow up to see me being a bitter old hag.I love you girl.
to my nikki:
You are wonderful. You amaze me everyday with the way you look at things. I would give anything to be in your world for even a second. You got a gret big sister, a wonderful stepfather, and a mother who love you very much
to my love:
I yell at you too much. I get angry too often. I am killing us. I am going to do whatever it takes not to lose you. I have issues baby that I am too scared to deal with. I am scared you are going throw me away, the same way my dad did, and my ex, and half the guys I ever dated. The only thing I know in life is that nomatter how much a persons heart aches, they can be tossed aside. I don't care where we go as long as it's together. Im going to pray that things go better for you tommorow I love you with all my heart and soul, but I been a crappy wife. I would leave me in a heartbeat.My permanent resolution is to love you, and be calmer, to put away my razor tounge. I said what I did out of anger, and Im paying for it now. I will never be susie homemaker, but I will do my best to turn it around. I love you, forever and always.
To my MIL:
Im sorry I screwed up your comp. I never meant for it to happen.
to the rest of the world:
I know my shortcomings. If you quit pointing them out, I will improve. It may take a lifetime of tears, but hey, I know what I have to lose.
sincerely, M.
to my dad:
I love you. I know you haven't told me that since my surgery, but I do. I am sorry for what I said, I know I deserved what I got then. I have accepted the fact I will always be a mistake.
to my brother.
I wish you well in life. I know we don't see eye to eye, but don't be like me.Please don't blow your chances in life. Your nieces love you and miss you.
To my mom:
I get my selfishishness from you. I hate myself, cause I have turned into you. I am making the same mistakes with my hubby that you did with dad, and when he left you he left me too. And I was a scared kid that couldn't handle it. Screw you you god forsaken witch for making me this way. I am watching the love of my life fade away because every single time Im angry I turn into you. The only thing I was ever good for was child support, you never cared how much I cried. The only thing I ever wanted from you was some kinds words and a hug.
to my grandma:
I am sorry. You remeber that time I called up there back in 95, and I was crying, and dwight awnsered the phone, and he asked "what have they done to her now ?". They had done it, but I was trying to see if anybody loved me, or if I could be loved. You know what they did was use me as a pawn in the divorce.
to ruthie:
you remember when I was 16, and I cried and cried after I broke up with will ?
I thought he loved me, but I cried because that was the first guy to have used me. It's all true, I meant nothing. I hope you & nate have a long happy life with each other, underneath it all I can tell he's a great guy.
to my andie:
I cry because I hurt & I wish you will never know what it's like. You are such a beautiful girl, your going to take over the world some day. But I wish I was a better mom. I want you to know I have loved you since the day you were born, and I did everything I ever could for you. Im sorry I yell, Im sorry I say mean things to everybody, I am sorry. Baby I want you to know that the night I got real sick and your granddad had to take me to the hospital, I thought about you & your sisters. How much I love you, how brave you 2 are, and how if I died that night, you would never grow up to see me being a bitter old hag.I love you girl.
to my nikki:
You are wonderful. You amaze me everyday with the way you look at things. I would give anything to be in your world for even a second. You got a gret big sister, a wonderful stepfather, and a mother who love you very much
to my love:
I yell at you too much. I get angry too often. I am killing us. I am going to do whatever it takes not to lose you. I have issues baby that I am too scared to deal with. I am scared you are going throw me away, the same way my dad did, and my ex, and half the guys I ever dated. The only thing I know in life is that nomatter how much a persons heart aches, they can be tossed aside. I don't care where we go as long as it's together. Im going to pray that things go better for you tommorow I love you with all my heart and soul, but I been a crappy wife. I would leave me in a heartbeat.My permanent resolution is to love you, and be calmer, to put away my razor tounge. I said what I did out of anger, and Im paying for it now. I will never be susie homemaker, but I will do my best to turn it around. I love you, forever and always.
To my MIL:
Im sorry I screwed up your comp. I never meant for it to happen.
to the rest of the world:
I know my shortcomings. If you quit pointing them out, I will improve. It may take a lifetime of tears, but hey, I know what I have to lose.
sincerely, M.