Oh my BBS friends..I have a story to tell.....

[Hollie1974]

Hello all,

If you are compassionate and have some time on your hands, please allow me to tell you a little story. I am about to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I need someone to talk to.....

Let me start by telling you about what happened to me when I was 13. My mom was engaged to a man who was very depressed. We lived with this man for over a year (I think. This time in my life is a little hazy.) Anyway...long story short, one night they got into a fight. I wanted to leave because he scared me (he was a heavy drinker), so my mom told him to give her some money so we could go stay in a hotelroom. She didn't want us to have to go to my grandparents and wake them up in the middle of the night again (yes this was a regular occourance). Anyhoo, they were upstairs in the bedroom and I was directly below them in the livingroom. I heard him say I have the safety off, then BLAM! Yeah, he had a gun. He killed himself.

I am gonna stop there on that story because I still have some unresolved issues that I really don't want to revisit tonight. But I guess what I am trying to say is that I have known someone that I was close to who took his own life.

Now to the present. My bestfriend since highschool (15 yrs now) has always been depressed. As long as I have known her. She has know be planning her suicide. I have just been listening to her, becasue one day she would be talking about declaring bankruptcy and starting college again and the next day she would make comments like I only have a few weeks left, etc, etc.

Tonight it became crystla clear that she is very serious about this. I really honestly think she is going to do it. However, I think that she does not want to do it. Everytime she talks about it she says that it is just so sad and starts to cry again :( I think that she just doesn't want to hurt anymore and she doesn't know what to do to help herself. I have talked to her about counseling but she has the most horrid misconnecption of counseling I think I have ever heard. She says that she does not want to pay someone just to tell her that life is worth living, etc, etc. I tried to explain to her that is NOT what they do.

She has been on medication for the past year, BUT the past few months she has not been taking it. She says that she cannot afford it.

Tonight she said that she was going to spend Christmas with her son (he lives with his father) and then that would be it. I was going to try to get a more exact time from her and then call someone to intervene but I realized tonight taht was just stupid. So tomorrow evening I will be calling our local crisis center and leave the ball in their court. I hope they will do something.

I know that if they do she is gonna hate me. God, will she hate me. But ya know what? If she hates me, that is a good thing because that means she is ALIVE to hate me.

So she will most likely end up spending Christmas in a hospital. She will probably lose her job and her apartment, but what else can I do? I cannot sit around and watch another person I care abot take their own life. Not again. PLEASE NOT AGIAN!

It took this though to make me realize that I need to get some counseling as well. I nned to deal with Mark's death. I had and still have a great deal of guilt from that. lol and I thought i was past it. Funny how liife jumps up and smacks you in the face.

I am just so sad and mad right now. I just don't know what to do with myself.

I am doing the right thing, right? I am so afriad that my actions will drag her down even farther than she is now. But I really think that she wants help. She has told a great deal of people that she is going to do this. I CANNOT believe that I am the only who is apparently going to do something about it.

Ok well, I think I am going to go cry for a bit. I need to let some of this out.

Sorry for all the typos.

If you read this far, bless you.
Hollie

[laughsalot]

I dont really know what to say except that this hits close to home with me. My hubbys best friend shot and killed himself a little over 2 months ago and I WISH THAT HE WOULD HAVE juST REACHED OUT AND LET US KNOW HOW HE WAS FEELING. I dont know if we could have changed anything but I wish that he had given us the chance to try. His death was devastating not only to us but to so many people. I pray for your friend and I pray for you. I hope that you do lose this friend to suicide. It is awful to say the very least. I dont know that we will ever completely heal from this.

[Blackberry]

Hollie, you are right. A person who talks about suicide will usually end up committing suicide. Most people think if the person just talks about it then they are not serious. And you are right, she probably does NOT want to do it, but feels like it is the only solution.

I am pm'ing you now, and hope other BBS'ers have some good advice for you.

[MsLynn]

well i'll just say i know how your friend feels. i've been though so much, and you're right life jumps up and smacks you. every time i think i'm over it, the "OLD GHOSTS" come back and try to destroy anything good i've accomplished.

Please do whatever you have to. HATE is a powerful emotion and its a passion and it can make her feel alive again.

[mistressB]

wow, the exact same thing happened to a friend of mine. her mom was dating a drunk and he up and shot himself one night.

your friend sounds like a mess, but usually people who are serious about committing suicide will first withdrawal from their friends and loved ones, then they will do it. they don't go announcing it to everyone because if they really want to die they don't want anyone to be there and stop them . it sounds to me like she either is asking for help, or loves the attention.

your friend seriously needs to be taking her meds. once she does she will feel so much better. i know that you said money is an issue for her and i know how expensive they can be, but doctors are privvy to programs that pharmaceutical have available. when i use to take paxil the company would fed ex me a shipment every two months free of charge. i seriously hope your friend gets the help that she needs. i've been in her shoes, i've felt that desperation before. it's not fun.

[MsLynn]

your friend sounds like a mess, but usually people who are serious about committing suicide will first withdrawal from their friends and loved ones, then they will do it. they don't go announcing it to everyone because if they really want to die they don't want anyone to be there and stop them . it sounds to me like she either is asking for help, or loves the attention.

.
yes they will usually withdraw from friends/family but as for the rest of it.

i'm sorry but you are so far off on this its not even funny. that is a very common misconception and alot of people have succeeded in taking their own lives because of this STUPID theory, that if they talk about it they aren't gonna do it. GOOD GRIEF. I've been in the line of work that, takes the calls , responds to the call, and even transports the bodies, when someone has committed suicide and i have heard 100's of times. "THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO BUT I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE SERIOUS, I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE DEPRESSED", or wanting attention, or something to that affect, but it didn't change the fact that the person who said it was DEAD...

PLEASE DON'T EVER THINK BECAUSE THEY TALK ABOUT IT, THEY AREN'T GOING TO DO IT.

[janelle]

am doing the right thing, right? I am so afriad that my actions will drag her down even farther than she is now. But I really think that she wants help. She has told a great deal of people that she is going to do this. I CANNOT believe that I am the only who is apparently going to do something about it.
================================================== =======

Yes Hon, you are doing the right thing!!!!!!!!

How can you drag her down any more than she is? Death is forever so how much worse can she get? Also she does not have the right to do what she plans to do to her son. He will have to live with her actions forever. That is really sad so you are also saving him. Please stay strong for him if nothing else. She needs help and she needs it now. She is lucky to have such a good friend as you. Huggs.

[mistressB]

sorry, i was just sharing what i learned in psych class. as if your origional post wasn't rude enough you just had to go in there and add more. thanks.

[MsLynn]

i'm sorry if you're offended, but in case you haven't noticed several of your posts have been considered extremely rude by more than a few. it was not intended to be rude towards YOU. It is a stupid theory and very wrong, i know its very popular, but i've been around suicides more times than i care to remember in the past 17 years and i'm sorry but its just wrong.

[Hollie1974]

Well, I went out and shoveled snow for about an hour. Cold, but I do feel a bit better.

laughsalot I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and I VERY much appericate you sharing it with me.


mistressB I hear what you are saying and if this was her usual 'I'm think about leaving this life" I would agree with you. However, in all the years I have known her and been on this ride with her before (her depression), I have NEVER seen her this bad. I have seen er in despair before but this time its something that runs much deeper. I wish I could wave my hand and make all her pain go away.
:(


MsLynn, instead of withdrawing from me, she has been calling me every night to talk. I think this is a very good sign that she really wants help, she just doesn't know how to go about getting it. What do you think?
Either way, whether she likes it or not, she's gonna get it!


janelle, had I had any thoughts of playing the 'wait and see' game your post just blew them all away. He deserves to have his mother. And no matter how mad she may get at me, I will wallow (wallow? lol hey it's late, I am cold and tired, leave me alone! lololol :p :D) in the knowledge that have done all I can to keep his mama here.

Hollie

[Njean31]

yes they will usually withdraw from friends/family but as for the rest of it.

i'm sorry but you are so far off on this its not even funny. that is a very common misconception and alot of people have succeeded in taking their own lives because of this STUPID theory, that if they talk about it they aren't gonna do it. GOOD GRIEF. I've been in the line of work that, takes the calls , responds to the call, and even transports the bodies, when someone has committed suicide and i have heard 100's of times. "THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO BUT I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE SERIOUS, I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE DEPRESSED", or wanting attention, or something to that affect, but it didn't change the fact that the person who said it was DEAD...

PLEASE DON'T EVER THINK BECAUSE THEY TALK ABOUT IT, THEY AREN'T GOING TO DO IT.

i agree with you. i also want to say there is no textbook sequence for suicidal people, all people are different. some say they are going to do it over and over for attention.......some say they are going to do it over and over and finally do it.....some never say they are going to do it and end up doing it. imo, ANYONE threatening to kill themselves needs some kind of professional intervention. you never know if they are just crying out for attention or are serious :(

[YankeeMary]

CALL SOMEONE! I agree 100% with MsLynn...she might night do it today or even tomorrow, but she will. nami.org is a wonderful place for info and support groups and help. I wish you luck and I wish I had a friend like you in my corner. Don't feel bad be proud that you are such a GOOD friend. Hugs and Prayers to you and her.

[joey74]

I have gone through some major depression and thought about suicide as well. Depression is a funny thing like that----one minute your reaching out for help; wanting to get better ----and the next the demons take over and you don't think you can bear another moment of the pain.
I wouldn't wait to get her some help. She may be calling you every night and talking --but who knows when one of those "dark moments" will hit again and she will follow through.
She needs her med's, and she needs to realize some depressions are just to sever to get over yourself without any professional help
jmo
I hope everything works out for both of you..

[reneep45]

Call someone , do something , NOW .
I've been thru this with my brother, i waited trying to figure it out &
i told him , i couldn't know this and not do anything ,, he said he'd hate me , kill me & everything , while i was decideing what to do ,,, he did it .
My brother is dead & i did nothing to help him ,, you don't want to live with this on your mind ,, believe me , its not easy wakeing up everyday knowing that i let my brother die (whom i loved very much)
Please do something

[Donnagg123]

Has she actually talked about how/when she is gonig to do it? Usually if someone has a plan then that means they are serious. What is the reason that she would need to commit suicide? Maybe you could discuss it with her. Also, most medications if you cannot afford them you can get free from the manufacturer. I know my husband gets his Paxil for free from our clinic and it has been a God send. Find out if you have any places like that around you because it sounds as if she needs to be back on the medication. HTH & GL

[buttrfli]

I agree about calling someone. I have had very different experiences with suicide / suicidal people. I have an aunt who has had mental health issues her entire life. I grew up with our phone riging several times a week in the middle of the night because she was telling my mom she was going to kill herself.... my mom would call the police and have a neighbor get my aunts kids (she was in new york, we are in oklahoma) and that went on for many years. My mom finally got tired of it (I am just telling the short version, theres a lot more involved) and would just tell my aunt to take the kids to the neighbors so they wouldn't have to see her do it.... my aunt is still very much alive.

My other experience is with my best friend who has been gone almost 12 years. I would see him on a regular basis and I never suspected anything. One day I was unable to get ahold of him and it was 2 weeks before I saw him again. He showed up at my house and had told me that he had gotten drunk and called a crisis line because he wanted to kill himself. The crisis line traced the # he called from and sent the police to help him. They took his gun and took him to a treatment facility for 2 weeks. The day he got out was the day he came to my house. We sat around most of the day BSing and watching movies, he helped my DD (who was 11 at the time) with her homework, I called back all the girls who kept paging him and took msgs (he was popular w/ the ladies). When my DH got home, we all had dinner and Scott (my best friend) had asked DH to drop him off at a club so he could meet up with some of his buddies, so thats what we did. DH had a gig in town that night, so I went out with him and we went out to eat breakfast when he was done playing. At the cafe I saw a another friend of mine who asked me to come sit with him for a few minutes... I did... he told me Scott had killed himself earlier that evening. To be honest I STILL don't remember from that moment to 2 days after. I had no clue. I didn't expect it. The hospital had given him his gun back and thats what he used. I eventually realized that him coming to visit with me that day was his way of saying goodbye w/o me knowing what was going on. I am still very sad over the whole thing and I relive that day all the time trying to pick it apart and find some kind of sign that I should have seen... I know better, but I can't help it.

Some people say they are going to do it becaue they want the attention (whether they know it or not) some people say it and do it, some people don't say a word. Get your friend some help. Who cares if she hates you? She would be better off as would her family if she was put in a hospital and received proper treatment.

On a more grim note: people who really intend on killing themselves and really mean it, actually end up doing it, regardless if they tell anyone or not. I truely believe your friend is crying out for help and just dosen't know where to turn or what to do except end her pain.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I know its not fun and its emotionally draining on you... but you are a wonderful friend to her to care so deeply :)

[schsa]

Ok, this is my advice and it tends to work more often than not. Call her and talk to her about her depression and her need to take her life. Then remind her that if she takes her life all she is doing is passing the pain along. She will pass it to her children and her family as well as all of her friends. She will be free but everyone who knows her will now have the pain. It won't get better but it will be much worse.

Then tell her that she needs to get help. There are free mental health clinics as well as her local health department. They will help her get therapy and get the drugs that she needs. Most of the major pharmaceutical companies give these drugs away to people who cannot afford them.

Therapy is a way for her to work out her anger which is causing her depression. I have found it to be a lifesaver. I have a friend who is dying who has finally gone into therapy and it is changing his life.

If she needs someone to talk to who has been on the edge, PM me and I will give you my e-mail address. I know exactly what she is going through. I know that she is making plans and we have to get her to think beyond herself. I know that she is in pain. But you can stop the pain and you can get better. But you have to want to get better.

[nosanity05]

MsLynn, instead of withdrawing from me, she has been calling me every night to talk. I think this is a very good sign that she really wants help, she just doesn't know how to go about getting it. What do you think?
Either way, whether she likes it or not, she's gonna get it!


PLEASE! Seek help for your friend, and do it NOW! We had a similar situation with my sis-in-law (who was also my best friend). She was seeing a doctor for depression, so we all figured the dr had it under control. She called me one night at about 11 PM, talked to me for about an hour (not about killing herself, but in hindsight, I should have picked up on a lot of things she said), then committed suicide about a half hour later. I have lived with the guilt, and the 'what ifs' for 10 years now. If you know the name of her Dr., call him. Believe me, your friend will thank you later.

[Hollie1974]

CALL SOMEONE! I agree 100% with MsLynn...she might night do it today or even tomorrow, but she will. nami.org is a wonderful place for info and support groups and help. I wish you luck and I wish I had a friend like you in my corner. Don't feel bad be proud that you are such a GOOD friend. Hugs and Prayers to you and her.

Ty YankeeMary. I have never been to nami.org. It's a wonderful site. Thank you so much for passing on the addy.

[Hollie1974]

i agree with you. i also want to say there is no textbook sequence for suicidal people, all people are different. some say they are going to do it over and over for attention.......some say they are going to do it over and over and finally do it.....some never say they are going to do it and end up doing it. imo, ANYONE threatening to kill themselves needs some kind of professional intervention. you never know if they are just crying out for attention or are serious :(

I think this time she is quite serious about it. And whether she likes it or not I am going to try to get her help.

[Hollie1974]

I have gone through some major depression and thought about suicide as well. Depression is a funny thing like that----one minute your reaching out for help; wanting to get better ----and the next the demons take over and you don't think you can bear another moment of the pain.
I wouldn't wait to get her some help. She may be calling you every night and talking --but who knows when one of those "dark moments" will hit again and she will follow through.
She needs her med's, and she needs to realize some depressions are just to sever to get over yourself without any professional help
jmo
I hope everything works out for both of you..


TY very much joey74. I am going to call them tonight.

[Hollie1974]

Call someone , do something , NOW .
I've been thru this with my brother, i waited trying to figure it out &
i told him , i couldn't know this and not do anything ,, he said he'd hate me , kill me & everything , while i was decideing what to do ,,, he did it .
My brother is dead & i did nothing to help him ,, you don't want to live with this on your mind ,, believe me , its not easy wakeing up everyday knowing that i let my brother die (whom i loved very much)
Please do something

Renee, first I would like to thank you for sharing this with me. I know this cannot be something that is easy for you to talk about. I am so sorry that you lost your brother. And I am sorry for the guilt you live with. I know the pain and guilt that the survivors carry. It's not a light burden.
:(

Hugs

[Hollie1974]

Has she actually talked about how/when she is gonig to do it? Usually if someone has a plan then that means they are serious. What is the reason that she would need to commit suicide? Maybe you could discuss it with her. Also, most medications if you cannot afford them you can get free from the manufacturer. I know my husband gets his Paxil for free from our clinic and it has been a God send. Find out if you have any places like that around you because it sounds as if she needs to be back on the medication. HTH & GL

Yes she has, sort of. She has told me that she is going to make it look like an accident so her son gets her life insurance money. Her reason is that she just wants the pain to stop. She doesn't want to try anymore, that it hurts to much.
I am hoping that she will be able to get some meds for free, but with the amount of money that she does make, I don't know if that will be possible.

[Hollie1974]

On a more grim note: people who really intend on killing themselves and really mean it, actually end up doing it, regardless if they tell anyone or not. I truely believe your friend is crying out for help and just dosen't know where to turn or what to do except end her pain.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I know its not fun and its emotionally draining on you... but you are a wonderful friend to her to care so deeply :)


Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

I know that this sounds selfish (and please no one flame me for it. Put yourself in my shoes before judging me) but atleast if I do something and she still takes her life, I know that I did all I could to try and prevent it. Does that sound horrible?

I am just glad that I am here for her. She has told alot of people (including her MOTHER) and as far as I know no one is doing a thing. :(

[Hollie1974]

Ok, this is my advice and it tends to work more often than not. Call her and talk to her about her depression and her need to take her life. Then remind her that if she takes her life all she is doing is passing the pain along. She will pass it to her children and her family as well as all of her friends. She will be free but everyone who knows her will now have the pain. It won't get better but it will be much worse.



I have tried this. She justs tells me that everyone would be better off without her.
:( That everyone will be ok. That her son will be alright, etc, etc. She tells me that she just doesn't care anymore and just wants it to end. But while she is saying these things she is crying so hard I can hardly understand her.

Ty for the offer about talking to her, but she no longer has a phone, hence no e-mail. And when I have tried to talk her into talking to others that have been thru this, she always says if she needs to talk she can just talk to me. I am both flattered and seriously stressed by that statement.

[Hollie1974]

MsLynn, instead of withdrawing from me, she has been calling me every night to talk. I think this is a very good sign that she really wants help, she just doesn't know how to go about getting it. What do you think?
Either way, whether she likes it or not, she's gonna get it!


PLEASE! Seek help for your friend, and do it NOW! We had a similar situation with my sis-in-law (who was also my best friend). She was seeing a doctor for depression, so we all figured the dr had it under control. She called me one night at about 11 PM, talked to me for about an hour (not about killing herself, but in hindsight, I should have picked up on a lot of things she said), then committed suicide about a half hour later. I have lived with the guilt, and the 'what ifs' for 10 years now. If you know the name of her Dr., call him. Believe me, your friend will thank you later.


I wish that I did know her DR.'s name! I don't. And if I start asking her now, she will no that I am up to something. I am so afraid that i might do something or say something that will tip her off to the fact that I am going to call. I am afraid that that may push her to do it know, ya know?

[Hollie1974]

Ok I would like to say thank you to you all! You guys are great.

Second I am going to call tonight but I have one MAJOR problem. I DO NOT have her address. I have tried to look it up online and I can't find it. I am going to try and get over there today and et her address, but I don't know if I will be able to. I may have to wait until tomorrow. I don't want to ask her for it because I don't want to tip her off to what I am doing.

I am so afriad that when I call tonight they are going to tell me that there is nothing they can do, because she is not in the actual act of doing it. Just talking about it.

Another fear I have is that they are going to go over to her house and ask if she is planning on killing herself. I am afriad that if she says no that there will be nothing they can do.

Hollie

[DreamWorld]

I feel for your friend! Is there anyway that you can arrange an intervention with her family members and the crisis center? It's scary knowing that she has that thought on her mind. I believe she's crying for help and she's turning to you for that. I will keep her in my thought's and prayers!

[Kelsey1224]

Can't you tell her that you are mailing out Christmas cards and need her address? Then mail her a card! I also don't think that asking who her doctor is would seem suspicious. Just do it casually and as part of the conversation. If she refuses to give it to her...say, "Okay...no big deal. I was just wondering...)

And to the various posters who question whether or not her threats are real...who wants to take a chance that she is bluffing? I certainly wouldn't. God bless you for caring enough for your friend to go out on a limb for her.

[janelle]

Can you talk to any of her relatives who might know her address? If they are not concerned then just say you want to send her a card.

You call the 911 people or call your mental health center to get ideas on how to get help for her. What options do you have in your area?

Remind her of her son and he will be lost without her. He may not get any insurance. They know very well how someone died. They investigate. He will have nothing if she goes through with it. If she loves her son she owes it to him to get help.

You know what she values and loves the most. Keep talking to her about those things. She needs to start thinking of other's problems instead of her own. I know that can be very hard when in depression but keep talking to her about that and see if you can draw her out of her pain and focus on the other people she loves.

[YankeeMary]

If she has threatened to kill herself or harm others then that is a good enough reason to have someone committed. Can you possibly tal her into going to the ER? Once there hopefully she iwll tell the doctor she wants to kill herself, then the doc can admit her.

[renagade]

Please do try to get her some help. If you don't the (what ifs) will eat you up inside. My husbands best friend killed himself in 1978. Put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Not a word about what he was thinking of doing. We found out after chrismas day when my husband went to see him. Thank god I didn't go with him. Can't imagine ever getting over the sight of something like that. my husband called the cops and waited till they got there but many a night he woke up from nightmares of that day. His ex-wife told us she had talked to him that night and he had tried to call us but our line was busy.
What if ?????? You never get over losing them and wondering if you could of done something for them. Yes get her some help fast!!!

[Hollie1974]

Hi folks,
Just a brief note to update ya.

Well good news! I nabbed her address, so now i have that. It's a little morbidd how I got it. She and I were talking on the phone and she said that she didn't want me to be the one to find her after she did it. I told her chances were good that I would be the one to find her. She freaked out a bit and kept saying you can't do that, you can't do that, I don't want it to be you. So I said well I will make a deal with you. Give me your address and if there is a couple days in a row that I don't hear from you I will contact the authorities. She agreed and know I have it. I also asked her when and how she plans on doing it. So now I have have that as well. I asked her if she really, really wanted to do this. After a pause she answered that she didn't know. I take this as a very good sign. We had a very good conversation tonight and I am hoping that I was able to reach her a bit. I also pointed out to her that she has never known anyone who has done this before so she has NO CLUE how those she will leave will feel. I also told her that when she dies she will no longer have the pain, but she will be passing the pain on to those she leaves (TY schsa!!). That seemed to make her stop and think.

Hopefully I gave her alot to think about. Now armed with the info I now have, after putting my son to bed I will be calling the crisis center and speak to a counselor. Hopefully they can help out.

Thanks all! Didn't I say this was suppose to be brief??! Opps, lol sorry

[Hollie1974]

Ok just got off the phone with the Crisis Center. Here's the deal....if I feel that she is an immedate threat to herself (and the counselor I spoke to said that he thinks that she is not yet, becase she keeps telling me that she wants to spend Christmas with her son) that I should call them and they will go to her house right away. I also found out that if she will not go in for treatment voluntarily that they can and will take if her need be.

I will keep you all updated.

Many thanks and hugs,
Hollie

[GAWildKat]

Hollie, I've been following this saga all day, I hope you don't mind my opinion on the details... I think she should be commited now before she becomes more depressed and a danger. As a former peer counselor and sufferer of clinical depression what I hear is a desperate woman, the closer that christmas comes the more desperate and withdrawn she can become, I've seen my darkest hours in the days just before Christmas and oft thought it would be better to quietly die and not make a scene at Christmas. Intervene now while you have an opening before she possibly changes her mind

[HisEden]

Too many people talk about killing themselves, and sadly many of them succeed. The hard part about suicide is "do they mean it", I say this because hundreds of thousands of people have died committing suicide that they didn't intend to commit. It was a cry for help, a way to get attention, etc. that went horribly wrong. I AM IN NO WAY saying that this is where your friend is at, just trying to say not everyone that posted "maybe it's a cry for help" was wrong in their thinking.

I speak from personal experience, too much of it actually.

My point, your friend needs someone to talk to. You mentioned her son lives with his dad, well that's hard on any parent and it's a rough time of year for alot of people. There are so many reasons why people want to die, and most of them are understood by few. Most states offer free or sliding scale counseling, and I suggest that she checks into it (if you call a crisis line they will give you the info). Go with her the first few times, it'll help (both of you actually). Depression is like a roller coaster ride, some days it's like a kiddie coaster with no problems and then you have the "extreme" coaster, with the major ups and downs, this is the one you wonder if you'll live through it. My guess is she is on the plummet, and that's a horrifying place to be (there is no hope, you can't see another way out, etc.). If she's talking it's a good thing, but what she needs to do is know why she is so upset. That's hard to explain, but when you're depressed you can turn a insignificant moment into the worst thing that's ever happened in your life, it's easier to deal with when you can identify the source. She needs to know that it's okay to feel sad, and the thoughts she's having are temporary. Think of it as taking a wrong turn, well you just need to stop and look around to get your bearings and then head back to the right road. The most important thing she has to do is want to turn around, and to me it sounds like she does, but she doesn't know how to.

With that said I will say this.... As a friend you are doing everything right.

Good Luck!

[sunnybowl2002]

sorry, i was just sharing what i learned in psych class. as if your origional post wasn't rude enough you just had to go in there and add more. thanks.
WOW...that was rather mean, don't you think? What was so rude about the original post? This is the reason why I do not post in the V & W, people like this rip you apart for asking for help.

[baragabrat]

I don't have any new advice for you, Hollie, just want to share this: Last year, a couple days before Thanksgiving (in the evening), I took enough pills that should have killed me. I wasn't found til next morning. Through God's intervention, I am here and well and have been in therapy for a year. I never said a word to anyone. I just did it.

All I can to anyone in this prediciment is assume that the individual will follow through and if you love this person, get them help. Either through a crisis center, police....do whatever you have to do. And pray! For yourself as well as for the person you try to help, as you both need strength in this kind of situation. Be prepared for a miracle, but if you have done all that you can do and it still happens...don't feel guilty. Some things are just not within your control. I am a grateful, living, walking miracle and thrilled to be on this planet!

[msmom79]

Oh My This Brings Back The Memories.my Sister Went Through Such Depression For Years.i Would Put Her In The Hospital,and She Would Come Out Better,then She Wouls Stop Taking Her Meds And Get Bad Agian,back To The Hospital We Would Go.yes She Hated Me At The Time,she Would Ignore Me,not Have Anything To Do With Me.oh My Gosh ,she Would Take Walks For Hours,till She Had Blisters On Her Intire Feet,she Would Walk In Front Of Trucks And Cars,she Just Didnt Care.she Was So Depressed.it Has Been About 2 Years Now That She Is Doing Great,she's On Her Meds And She's Her Old Self Agian.i Cant Tell You How I Fought Putting My Sister In The Hospitals,i Didnt Want To Be The One To Do It! But I Did,i Stood By Her,and She Has Been Going Through This For About 11 Years Now,if I Seen She Needed To Be Hospitalized Agian,i Would Do It In A Heartbeat.my Advice To You Is Call Someone Now!! Yes She Will Be Angry,but Hey,you Will Save Her Life,and Thats The Important Thing Here!! Thanks For Leting Me Tell You My Story.i Know You Will Do The Right Thing.hugs And Prayers To You And Your Friend , Ann

[Hollie1974]

Hollie, I've been following this saga all day, I hope you don't mind my opinion on the details... I think she should be commited now before she becomes more depressed and a danger. As a former peer counselor and sufferer of clinical depression what I hear is a desperate woman, the closer that christmas comes the more desperate and withdrawn she can become, I've seen my darkest hours in the days just before Christmas and oft thought it would be better to quietly die and not make a scene at Christmas. Intervene now while you have an opening before she possibly changes her mind


Hi GAWildKat,
Not only do I not mind you voicing your opinion, I appericate it. And I do hear what you are saying. Here is the problem. When I spoke with her the other night, she was having a very calm night, making plans for the future, etc, etc. If I call them and send them out and they find no evidence of her wanting to kill herself (and on her calm nights, she is a VERY fast on her feet thinker) then they cannot take her. So they leave, she will no doubt know who called, I will lose her trust and then if she does go to do it I will have no way of knowing and no way to get her help.

I have decided that if she has another what i called hysterical nights, that will be when I call. The way she has goen in the past, one night she is calm, the next night she is hysterical. So tonight may very well be the night. I don't want to wait until after Christmas because I don't know what will happen after Christmas.

Hugs,
Hollie

[Hollie1974]

Just wanted to send out another thank you to you all and big hugs! Please keep the prayers coming. At this point in time there have been no new developments. Please keep my friend in your thoughts.

Also for those that have PM'ed me, you will be hearing from me soon! I just had two teeth pulled Monday and am in a bit of pain, so I am trying to take it easy.;)

Thank you,
Hollie