Need Advice About My Dd Temper Tantrums

[gwens29]

My Dd Turned 7 Today And She Throws The Biggest Hissy Fits U Have Ever Seen...everytime She Doesnt Get Her Way She Screams I Hate U U Are Stupid Etc And Throws Things Around The Room In Frustration....its Killing Me I Have Tried Grounding , Spanking, Ignoring (cant Do This Long It Drives Me Crazy) I Have Put Her In Her Room Only To Have Her Bang Things And Scream She Hates Me Even More AND SHE WONT STAY THERE ...she Does This To My Son (9) As Well When She Gets Mad She Doesnt Hit Us SHE Just Goes Nuts With Yelling And Hitting And Banging I Cant Restrain Her She Is 80 Pounds And Is Over 4ft Tall...what Can I Do To Get Her To Stop..i Tried Everything But Spanking And Then Used Those As A Last Resort She Still Doesnt Care Have U Had This Trouble?

[cole70]

I dont have any advice because I am in the same boat. My DS just turned 7 too and the normally mild mannered, courteous child is now a brat. He argues, yells, throws things, slams doors etc. Then all of the sudden the tantrum is over and he is giving us hugs and telling us he loves us. I hope its just growning pains or something like that! His teacher said he is not having problems at school at all and he seems to still get along with his friends. I dont know! I kinda wish I could turn him back to a 6yr old! LOL

HUGS!!!!!

Cole

[turbob]

Wow, what a lot of anger! This sounds like a little more than a temper tantrum to me. There are two things I can think of - one is to take for for counceling - banging and throwing things is NOT normal. The other ( and she is too young for this) is a weekend in the detention home for uncontrollable kids.

[chacha]

everytime She Doesnt Get Her Way She Screams I Hate U U Are Stupid Etc
Next time she asks for an item, help with something, money, etc...remind her that she hates you and that you will not help people that hate you...stick to your grounds and mean it, don't give in. I gaurantee that after a few times of you giving her this answere, she will stop!!

And Throws Things Around The Room In Frustration
Every item that she throws...take it away from her and DO NOT give it back until she earns it back. After she loses everything, she won't have anything to throw around.

I have three children...7, 5 1/2 and 4. It is very tough at times, but you have to find SOMETHING that does work. I have found the time out corner works the best for us. It is no fun, as it is a bare corner that they have to stand (1 minute for every year in age) with their nose pointed to the corner. Everytime they move from the corner or turn their heads to see what someone else is doind, add another minute on to the timer. Once the timer goes off, sit down and talk to her in a calm manner. Like I said, this works with MY children but you have to find something that will work for you and your family. HTH :)

[buttrfli]

My kids are afraid of me, so they don't act up like that. They are afraid of me 24/7, but they are old enough that they think about what will happen before they do anything that could end in trouble. I don't play with them, when I tell them not to do something and they do it anyhow, they know they will get a spanking. I used to be the kind of mom where I'd tell them 30 times that they would get a spanking and then I never followed through.... things have changed since summer and they now know better.

Have you tried emptying her room out except for a bed and making her "earn" her things back?

My 7y/o can get a big attitude, but when I start hauling things out of her room, shes the sweetest little thing you have ever seen :) She was real bad about backtalking until she found out what soap tasted like :D

Have you tried taking privelages away? No TV, no bike, no.. whatever she likes to do.

[lassss]

wow do I feel sorry for you..I would NEVER put up with that from my 13 yr old...My son is also afraid of my like the previous poster..what *I* say, goes period. I am the parent, they are the child... I have found out if I start taking things away..computer, tv, guitar, *watching the Eagles Play* (that is a fate worse then death ) :rolleyes:

My 13 yr old is taller and bigger then me and at times he thinks because he is bigger then me he can tell me what to do...lol WRONG...I just cut him down to size and show him his place..

Don't ever let your dd have power over you.. I would definitely take everything away from her until she can control herself..You need to stick to your guns and don't appease them..good luck

[Kelsey1224]

Yep...strip her room AND REMOVE THE DOOR!!! Tell her that those things are privileges that she just lost. And the next time she tells you she hates you...say, "Well, I don't like you much right now either."

If you don't nip this behavior in the bud right now, God help you when she turns 13!

[DivineMsDi]

I am seeing a milder form of this from my 6 year old son...I personally feel he is under a lot of pressure from school. He is frustrated with all the writing they expect at his tender age (it's not playtime anymore), and also the pressure he puts on himself.

This may not work your case or anyone else's but this is what I am doing:

I am trying to positively motivate him with a chore chart. We have done this in the past and it works. He has to earn his rewards (like staying up a little later, playing PS2 a more than a certain amount of time). I also think this is better than punishing a child.

My son is very good and quiet at school, so I expect him to blow off steam somewhere.

I will not, however, tolerate fresh mouth or an attitude...he will find himself in his room.

There are often many ways of handling things. Try several and see what works for you.

PS--is your DD a different person on weekends when school is out or during breaks?

[fatesfaery]

I'm with Butterfli and lassss....my kids might have thought those things, but they would have never said them out loud, much less screamed them.I don't know if they were afraid of me or just had a healthy fear...but they knew acting like that wasn't acceptable.

My kids knew they'd be spanked if they acted like that.

My DS was bigger than me by the time he was 10, but he never raised his voice to me.
DD is 18 and we may disagree and be snarky to each other, but she'd never scream at me .

[lisahiser]

Yep...strip her room AND REMOVE THE DOOR!!! Tell her that those things are privileges that she just lost. And the next time she tells you she hates you...say, "Well, I don't like you much right now either."

If you don't nip this behavior in the bud right now, God help you when she turns 13!


ITA!
My 8 year old has ADHD, and acts up here and there and when I get the yelling and the screaming, things disappear from his room. I first started by making choose the toy I was to keep, but then that didn't work, so now I just walk in his room and take what ever I see he has been playing with or just grab something off his dresser. I have stripped his room before, not removed the door though, but he had nothing but an empty bookcase, a bed and dresser and an empty toy box. ( all the toys went in to bags and into the basement) and I told him that if he wanted to continue acting in this manner then I would throw away one bag of toys for every fit. and every day that he would behave he would earn a bag or big toy back. but he was to be grounded fomr everything, (tv, game cube. game boy, playing with his brother, ect..) for 3 days before we began the giving back of toys and books. It wasn't a fun three days, but it works. If I have to do it again I will. He does get rewarded for everyday he has good behavior, today (since he has given me no problems all week, on getting ready for school and getting his chores done with out me reminding him a bizillion times) we are going to the Christmas Parade here in town tonight and we are going to icecream shoppe to get hot chocolate. My youngest knows better than to act in that way, he always tells me, "Mommy I going to be good cuz I don't want the spiders in the basement to have my toys!"- LOL he is 6.
Tuff it out though mom, you gotta stick to your guns and if you have to let her bang her head on the wall, but just make sure that if she is doing this that she is standing in a corner. my oldest did this before I knew he was ADHD, but I wasn't taking it then either, he has to stand in that corner, and if he banged his head, I would tell him " Its your head, if you want to give yourself a headache go ahead." :eek:

[Freebeemom]

Have you tried the "one, two three" method. Counting works wonders for them; You ask them once to do something or to stop the fit, instead of saying "oh, please stop crying", you say "ONE", they keep it up, it is
"TWO", the next is "Three". I then sometimes have to physically carry my child to their room. I set an egg timer (They hate seeing it), but it works.

ITA with all of the above posts....but you should cut the tv off (Computer, ps, xbox whatever). Only let her play weekends. Limit her time doing that. You may want to put her in a swimming, soccer, gymnastics class. Let her burn off some of that energy.

[mcdoogle]

from reading your other posts it seems to me that there is a lot of chaos in your home. your daughter sees the mess that's going on with your marriage and is acting out in part as a result to that. really, for your kid's sakes, you really need to take care of that.

my son went through a bratty stage, we would restrict him to his room. for days if need be. we would take away his toys, restrict him from tv and video games. it's hard at first, because they do throw fit, they do beg, they do say they won't do it again. part of your job as a parent is to be consistant. you can't dole out a punishment then let her off the hook. you have to stand your ground. and it takes the effort of both parents. your husband needs to pitch in and help.

you are the parent so you must let her know that her behavior will not be tolerated. if you let this to continue to go on she will walk all over you. this is the time to put a stop to it before it's too late.

[gwens29]

I Will Try A Few Of These Suggestions Wish Me Luck Ladies Ill Pst Of Sucess Or Of My Failure..its So Hard My Ds Who Is 9 Was Never Like This And Still Isnt .. When He Gets Mad Occassionally He Will Slam A Door Or Raise His Voice He Never Tells Me Im Stupid Or He Hates Me He Seems To Appreciate Me More Than She Does :(

[nightrider127]

Yep...strip her room AND REMOVE THE DOOR!!! Tell her that those things are privileges that she just lost. And the next time she tells you she hates you...say, "Well, I don't like you much right now either."

If you don't nip this behavior in the bud right now, God help you when she turns 13!

Kelsey is so right. I am getting ready to suggest this very thing to a friend of mine, if it isn't too late. Her son is 13 and she is thinking military school, which I think would be devastating to him.

Try this. I bet it will work for you.

[flute]

Oh, Kelsey, I laughed when you said take off the door!

that's funny~although good parenting advice. (((PS: if your child locks you out of their room..don't kick the door in...just unscrew the hinges to the knob ...Isabel's accidentally done that to us before!)))

My dd has started to get onery, too! Just did a lil while ago. oh, man. she had my flute (i'm playing in a christmas thing so I had it out to practice) I took it away from her, she grabbed it back acting sneaky & went into her room. I had to shut my flute up in our bedroom & shut the door. She ran into her room & said something or hit the door or something. I ignored her but it did stop...

Ignoring IS hard, Oh, I know that.

Something has to work.
I like what Dr Phil says "find their currency" be it Money, toys, tv, PC time, games...

((Hugs & lots of luck))

[queenangie]

First off, you're a great Mom.
It's the hardest job and the least appreciated one sometimes.

It's really tough, but you must be consistent with this on a daily basis.

She is acting out and it is in very inappropriate ways.
If she does this at age 9, what do you think she will be
like when she is 17?

I agree w/ the above - strip her room and her extra fun things like the tv, computer, telephone, videos, games.
Make certain that she earns these back as privileges.

Try the one, two, three and see if it is effective.

Give praise for successes.

Also, the child that is the biggest problem at that moment
is crying out for more hugs & kisses.
This is when it is the hardest sometimes.

Keep us posted.

[Blondiex46]

my kids have the mental health issues and they do that all the time, consequences don't work. Good luck cause I live this everyday doubled!!

[buttrfli]

my kids have the mental health issues and they do that all the time, consequences don't work. Good luck cause I live this everyday doubled!!

There are several great books out on how to "parent" (for lack of a better word) children with mental/emotional disabilities. My DD is disabled and my mom bought me a book on special disciplne and it was the best thing that ever happened to our home. She not to the point that she dosen't know right from wrong, she just had to learn it differently. I will see if I can dig up the book and post the title. (because I can't remember it right off hand LOL)

[evrita]

I would take your child to a theripist and get to the route of her problem. Not all kids act like this because they have tv in their room and playstations.

My daughter acted like this and it turns out she was having aniety attacks and has OCD and it isnt wise to let your child hit their head against the door over and over at least not according to my DD doctor.

[gwens29]

She Isnt Hurting Herself She Is Throwing Toys Againist The Floor Etc And It Isnt Everyday I Think I Can Control Her Better With All The Suggestions U All Posted And Im Trying To Consistient..see I Get Angry And Take All The Privileges At Once Lol And I Have Realized If I Do That I Have Nothing To Work With Now I Know To Take Little Items And Go Up To The Big Ones :)

[mistressB]

I would take your child to a theripist and get to the route of her problem. Not all kids act like this because they have tv in their room and playstations.

My daughter acted like this and it turns out she was having aniety attacks and has OCD and it isnt wise to let your child hit their head against the door over and over at least not according to my DD doctor.

from what i read her father chucks hams at bedroom doors. maybe that's where she's learning it from.

[CatrinaF25]

My kids are afraid of me, so they don't act up like that. They are afraid of me 24/7, but they are old enough that they think about what will happen before they do anything that could end in trouble. I don't play with them, when I tell them not to do something and they do it anyhow, they know they will get a spanking. I used to be the kind of mom where I'd tell them 30 times that they would get a spanking and then I never followed through.... things have changed since summer and they now know better.

Have you tried emptying her room out except for a bed and making her "earn" her things back?

My 7y/o can get a big attitude, but when I start hauling things out of her room, shes the sweetest little thing you have ever seen :) She was real bad about backtalking until she found out what soap tasted like :D

Have you tried taking privelages away? No TV, no bike, no.. whatever she likes to do.


I think it is extremly sad your children are scared of you! expecially 24/7

[momfromTN]

I think it is extremly sad your children are scared of you! expecially 24/7


Have you considered it might be like "fearing" God? If her children know they will get in trouble because she is consistent with the discipline, then she must be a good parent.

[matt111]

my dd is almost 12 and has always had a temper
now she has learned to controll it for the most part
some kids just have tempers just keep at it and find out what will work w/your daughter

now we are going through the attitude phase
kids have it rough these days and have to handle way more then i ever did growing up and at an earlier age

my favorite was a note she slipped under her door (when she was grounded in her room)
dear mom
i hate you
love
allie


makes me laugh
now i just get the
mom i hate u
my response : good then my work here is done :)

[fantasygal392]

My son is 4 will be 5 in Feb .
I have had these problems with him for couple years.
I took him to therapy LMAO
The woman told him to do something and he got mad jumped up on her couch and when she went to remove him he hit at her, she then proceeded to put him in a corner where she had to restrain him for few minutes and left him there came back to sit and talk to me and his brother ....she told him ok you can come outta the corner now...because she said it was ok he stood there until he felt he was ready..he didnt like that she had said he could.
Ok so she tells me well he may b adhd but he is so young there isnt much they can do..(i know better) Ok so i wait awhile and he has a dr apt a month or so later...he throws fit while we in there because i asked him to leave the bed alone ...he didnt want to listen so i got up and brought him onto my lap..for 15 mins this doctor rambled on while i fought him tooth and nail to stay in my arms..she says nothing...I finally say u think this is normal..she said well he is so young so i get mad and say the hell with all these idiots around here decide that he either grows outta it or they can be prepared to put me in hospitial when nerves are completly shot........
My son has done the same things you have said ..screaming top of his lungs that he hates me and im stupid he has thrown toys from one side of room to another and kicked holes in wall.....the only advice i have that has worked at all is being stricter with the punishment....the taking away toys and not giving in right off the bat...when he is acting mean i turn the tv off for an amount of time...his games ect stick with whatever u decide to use as punishment and it will help some...i was always the type that gave in and now that im not its working some. If you would like to email me feel free to do so [email protected]
I apologize that the post is so long but just trying to show you that you arent the only one with a kid that is throwing awful tantrums and i know how it feels. i hope you find something that works for you.

[Willow]

I don't know if the doctors still suggest this or not, and maybe your daughter is too old to do this with but when my younger brother was little he had bad tempers and the pediatrician told my mother to get a glass of ice cold water and throw it in his face. She said it only took one time and he stopped. I guess you are supposed to try doing it without the child knowing so that it is a surprise to them. It's suppose to shock them out of it.

Oh my gosh. I was just reading this again and realized I wrote mouth instead of mother. :o I wonder if I did that subconsciously because she never seems to stop running hers. :eek: :D

[wndysfrnd]

I think it is extremly sad your children are scared of you! expecially 24/7


I disagree with you on this. I would much rather my child fear me, simply for being a parent, than for them to think THEY can walk all over me and get away with any and every little thing.

[CatrinaF25]

Have you considered it might be like "fearing" God? If her children know they will get in trouble because she is consistent with the discipline, then she must be a good parent.

I dont fear God :)
also I think you can discipline with out having your kids scared of you ALL the time :)JMO

[gwens29]

Scared And Respectful Are 2 Different Things I Think The Other Posters Mean They Kids Respect Them And Fear Punishment If They Dont?? If Im Wrong Pls Feel Free To Bash Lol...also Just This Morning My Dd Told Me That A Boy In Her Class Has Been Pinching Her And Hurting Her ..she Said It Has Been Happening A Long Time Im So Pissed Off And I Told Her To Take Her Part And Stand Up For Herself And Im Talking To The Principal And Teacher Today!! Maybe That Is Where Some Of That Frustration Is Coming From The Last 2 Days Have Been Great She Is Loving And No Tantrums :) I Am Making A Chart Today For Her Homework And If She Brings It Home All 5 Days This Week We Are Going To Do Something Special :) Thank U All For The Support And Advice Im So Glad I Found This Board To Air My Dirty Laundry Lol

(((gwen)))

[DivineMsDi]

Good luck, Gwen. You sound like a caring mom! :D

[gwens29]

Good luck, Gwen. You sound like a caring mom! :D

TY SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY LOL I THINK I AM TOO CARING I REALIZE THAT THEY ARENT GOING TO SMALL FOREVER AND I HATE TO MAKE THEM ACT GROWN UP I KEEP THINKING ABOUT MY OWN LIFE AND WANT THEIRS TO BE SO MUCH BETTER AND I WANT TO SHELTER THEM AS LONG AS I CAN FROM ALL THE BAD THINGS AND IN DOING THIS I THINK IM RUINING THEM TOO BUT I WAS NEVER MADE TO DO CHORES AND IM NOT A BAD PERSON OR A COMPLETE SLOB (JUST HALF WAY LMAO) SO I TRY NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AS THEY SAY AND JUST ENJOY THEM BEING LITTLE AND WOULD LIKE THEM AS WORRY FREE AS POSSIBLE :) BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT LIES AHEAD BEING AN ADULT MYSELF

[CatrinaF25]

Scared And Respectful Are 2 Different Things I Think The Other Posters Mean They Kids Respect Them And Fear Punishment If They Dont?? If Im Wrong Pls Feel Free To Bash Lol...also Just This Morning My Dd Told Me That A Boy In Her Class Has Been Pinching Her And Hurting Her ..she Said It Has Been Happening A Long Time Im So Pissed Off And I Told Her To Take Her Part And Stand Up For Herself And Im Talking To The Principal And Teacher Today!! Maybe That Is Where Some Of That Frustration Is Coming From The Last 2 Days Have Been Great She Is Loving And No Tantrums :) I Am Making A Chart Today For Her Homework And If She Brings It Home All 5 Days This Week We Are Going To Do Something Special :) Thank U All For The Support And Advice Im So Glad I Found This Board To Air My Dirty Laundry Lol

(((gwen)))

No bashing here on anyone here :-) and I am sure she meant they respect her :) and mine also respect me :) but they donot fear me but do fear punishment if they do wrong ( if that makes since)
i do know people who their kids are litterly scared of them at all times. they are to scared to ask for Help to scared to talk to parents when something goes wrong in their life. they are basically scared to do anything and walk on egg shells! its very sad IMO.
and I dont think the person that posted is like this at all. I just personally feel it is sad to fear your parents at all times.

[Tadbit]

TY SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY LOL I THINK I AM TOO CARING I REALIZE THAT THEY ARENT GOING TO SMALL FOREVER AND I HATE TO MAKE THEM ACT GROWN UP I KEEP THINKING ABOUT MY OWN LIFE AND WANT THEIRS TO BE SO MUCH BETTER AND I WANT TO SHELTER THEM AS LONG AS I CAN FROM ALL THE BAD THINGS AND IN DOING THIS I THINK IM RUINING THEM TOO BUT I WAS NEVER MADE TO DO CHORES AND IM NOT A BAD PERSON OR A COMPLETE SLOB (JUST HALF WAY LMAO) SO I TRY NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AS THEY SAY AND JUST ENJOY THEM BEING LITTLE AND WOULD LIKE THEM AS WORRY FREE AS POSSIBLE :) BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT LIES AHEAD BEING AN ADULT MYSELF
Gwen, Hugs and good luck. I know excatly what you are going through as I have my two grandkids to raise now and they both have anger issues. I can't say that I blame them either, for the two of them have been dealt out so much crap from thier parents. It's just hard on us, because we are getting the full brunt of their anger now. It's frustrating sometimes, but I'm having my grandson evaluated for ADD and my granddaughter is being evaluated for her her anger problems. We are also putting them in counseling and hoping for the best. Hopefully what you are doing will work for you. Encourage your daughter to talk to you more, as it sounds like she was holding in alot of pain and anger from that kid pinching her at school. I hope you get that cleared up right away. The teacher definitely needs to know about that.