What do you think of this?

[BigLyd1]

DH got mad at me because I didn't think that his son (19) should have his bedroom door closed with his girlfriend (16) in there with him. He thought I was "picking on" his son. What kind of rules do you set for something like this?

Just to add, SS is going away for a while so this may not continue to be an issue. But I was curious what all of you thought.

[Eyore]

Door would be open. When my daughter lived at home at 15-16 her boyfriends would come over and I let them go to her room but that door better be open.

[buglebe]

I would only worry about the fact the girl is 16. The door should be kept open for that reason. There is no reason to tempt fate. They are gonna do what they are gonna do.

[DivineMsDi]

It's your house, so you have the right to set the rules, along with your husband. You should discuss what your policy is on these things.

Part of me wants to say your SS is a young man, and should have his privacy. I mean, if you are afraid they are being intimate, they don't have to do it at your house. They can go anywhere!

Now if you KNOW they are "doing it" and you don't like that in your house, then again, you must agree and have a policy on this w/your dh.

Glad my son is only 6! Good luck.

[JLJFOREVER]

I would only worry about the fact the girl is 16. The door should be kept open for that reason. There is no reason to tempt fate. They are gonna do what they are gonna do.

AGREEDED

[gwens29]

i would make them keep the door open just to keep my boundries set with my stepson he needs to know that 19 or 25 if he lives under ur roof he has rules to abide to lol

[adorkablex]

I would only worry about the fact the girl is 16. The door should be kept open for that reason. There is no reason to tempt fate. They are gonna do what they are gonna do.
16 in most places is legal if its consensual.
I think it's more of a trust issue. My Mom doesn't care who I have in my room with the door closed because she trusts me. I for one could NEVER have sex with my parents within miles of me. Let alone just downstairs. :eek:

I'd say that if her parents are OK with it, and if your DH is.. I'd say give them the benefit of the doubt.

[buttrfli]

If hes 19, why is he still at home anyhow? If he wants privacy then he should get his own place. When my girls become dating age, there will be no boys in the room PERIOD! Boyfriend or not, they can come over and visit just as well in the living room, den or kitchen, but there will be no boys in the bedroom here!

I don't think your DH should have been mad over it, is he ready to be a grandpa?

[DivineMsDi]

If
I don't think your DH should have been mad over it, is he ready to be a grandpa?

I was going to say the same thing! :D

[DaLilPeachy]

in Cali 16 is NOT consensual.
Honestly, if the girl was like 18 I might not have as big an issue with it but in this case I think it's a no no

[deja]

http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

[buttrfli]

http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

Maybe the op needs to print that out and show it to her DH... maybe he will see things differently.

great find deja :)

[adorkablex]

Maybe the op needs to print that out and show it to her DH... maybe he will see things differently.

great find deja :)



Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years
older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is
guilty of a misdemeanor.


I honestly don't think this case would ever make it in court. They're teenagers. Most the people on this site are married to people more than 3 years older than they are. I'm sorry but a relationship with a 16 and a 19 year old doesn't seem wrong to me.


Also, that site has a viagra ad at the top and a "cool teen sites" link. The link is for teen porn sites. :rolleyes:

[buttrfli]

I don't think its "wrong" ... my DH is 15 years older than me. My point (that I didn't even attempt to make lol) is that shes under 18 and if her parents wanted to make a big stink about it, the posibility is there for them to do so.

Back to the open/closed door part.... its your house, you make the rules. If the door being closed makes you uncomfortable, then they need to leave it open. Like I said earlier, if he wants privacy, he can get his own place :)

[turbob]

A relationship between a 16 and a 19 year old doesn't bother me. Sex between two people of those ages does, and this is why. I have heard too many cases of an underage girl having sex, the boy breaks up with her, she cries rape. Leave the door open to protect them, not stop them frmo doing anything. Would he feel differently if it was his son that was 16 and the girl was 19?

[Willow]

If hes 19, why is he still at home anyhow? If he wants privacy then he should get his own place. When my girls become dating age, there will be no boys in the room PERIOD! Boyfriend or not, they can come over and visit just as well in the living room, den or kitchen, but there will be no boys in the bedroom here!

I don't think your DH should have been mad over it, is he ready to be a grandpa?


I agree! They will have enough temptations. Why dangle it under their nose.

[BigLyd1]

Thank you for all the responses so far. DH is well aware that it is a legal issue here, especially in CA, a 261.5 PC. But whatever DH thinks, I know that the girlfriend's mom and I would bet her dad feel the way I do. And I agree about the temptation.

[schsa]

Regardless she is a minor and a door shut is a temptation. Door open. If they don't like it, that's too bad.

[Willow]

Regardless she is a minor and a door shut is a temptation. Door open. If they don't like it, that's too bad.


I just wanted to say that I like your signature line. :D

[wyozozo]

I honestly don't think this case would ever make it in court. They're teenagers. Most the people on this site are married to people more than 3 years older than they are. I'm sorry but a relationship with a 16 and a 19 year old doesn't seem wrong to me.



For the purposes of this section, a "minor" is a person
under the age of 18 years and an "adult" is a person
who is at least 18 years of age.

Being that the age of consent in CA is 18 it WOULD make it to court if the girl's parents pursued!!

Door would be open in my house if for no other reason than to protect the son!

[Freebeemom]

Does your son pay rent? If no....doors open! That is just a respect issue. Regardless of his age, he should abide by your rules in YOUR house!

If he is messing around with a 16yr old, he better know the consequences. In IL, it is not legal. In this day and age, you almost have to sign a waver to have a date with anyone!!

[cinnamonch]

no girl would be in my sons room unless it was his sister or cousin or some other family member.

What so important to talk about that they cant talk in the kitchen or den?

[Quaker_Parrots]

They call it jailbait for a reason

[laughsalot]

OMG~my Dad was absolutely not gonna have a door shut in our house if we had a boyfriend or date over. lmao! Maybe it was because he had 4 girls! Most of our boyfriends wouldnt even go into our bedrooms,lol, they were too scared.

[MtyAphrdti]

back when i lived at home (about 7 yrs ago for reference purposes that this wasn't that long ago or anything) the rules were I couldn't have ANY boy in my room...living room fine, kitchen fine, bedroom NOWAY

[Tasha405]

They call it jailbait for a reason
Yep! That's what I was thinking too. ;)

I would have them leave the door OPEN! If she was 18 I probably wouldn't mind the door being closed since they would both be adults. I may not like it though. lol But since she is under the age of 18, that door would be open at all times.

[freeplease]

In my house, it's my rules. My DD is 19, her boyfriend is 20. They have more respect for her parents than to go into her room. They watch tv in the livingroom or den. The boy said he respects us as parents for having rules. He looked around plenty until he found a nice girl. We think he got the best of the bunch. ;)