Open Letter to my Pets ....

[Jolie Rouge]

Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that esthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years... canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

[Jolie Rouge]

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
Garrison Keillor

--


Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

--

Cats know how we feel. They don't give a darn, but they know.

====

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

--

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer.

[Jolie Rouge]

All I Need to Know About Life, I Learned from My Cat

Life is hard, and then you nap.

Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.

When in doubt, cop an attitude.

Variety is the spice of life.

One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy.

Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.

Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner.

Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care."

When you go out into the world, always remember, being placed on a pedestal is a right, not a privilege.

Make love loudly and have your babies quietly.

[nanajoanie]

This is so funny. I've always been and still am a dog lover. But since moving in with the kids, no dogs, only Jameela the Siamese cat. She's the best cat I've ever come across since my Siamese died over 20 years ago. Been a cat disliker most of my life. But this ws funny. Thanks hon. :)

[karefree]

I had a grand time reading this post! I can relate. I have 4 dogs that allow me to live in their house.

[Jolie Rouge]

[b]The love of a cat



You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.



They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid witch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat but downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...