Should I tell my friend the truth re her son's accident?

[joni1269]

My neighbor and good friend has a 20 year old son. He is a bit wild, but a good kid nonetheless.

Saturday afternoon, her son's buddies were knocking on my door. My friend was not home (She lives nearby) and they needed her cell phone number. Her son had been in a motorcycle accident. The boys gave us all the details - that Mom hasn't heard. He was very drunk, he was not wearing a helmet, and he was doing a wheelie on the highway. He is OK - very bruised, and got 50+ stitches to his wig and elbow.

I saw my friend yesterday, and DH asked her if she knew all the details. She said she knows some details, but was waiting on her son to feel better to talk about it. She knew about the drinking (the hospital did a BA test - automatic in an accident) because he told her. She also knew he was not wearing a helmet, but he told her he was just going around the block.

DH and I can't decide whether we should tell her these details. Her son will probably tell her, and take us off the hook. He is 20 years old, and we think this information will just upset her. But then again, I would want all the details if it were my son.

What do you guys think?

[lassss]

I would.....as there may not be a next time or next time he may kill someone.....and maybe a lil prevention and a talk with him from his parents might change what happens in the future. Also he was drinking underage so he might have his license revoked..He needs to understand the dangers of drinking and driving (riding)

[MOM2B2003]

Strictly JMO here, but I think that I would WAIT until the son feels better and the mother and son get a chance to talk about it. Give him a chance to give her all the details. If he doesn't tell the truth, then you must decide if he has told her "enough". I mean, she already knows the two most important details: that he WAS drinking and that he WASN'T wearing a helmet. Given that she DOES know that much, how much more is really necessary for her to know?

When I say to give him a chance to tell her the truth, he is obviously hurt and recovering, so he won't be out there doing that stupid stuff again until he is recovered.

Again, this is ALL JUST MY OPINION!! Opposing views are welcome, being slammed is not!! :)

[Willow]

If he was a minor I might consider telling her. He is an adult so I would let him tell her. Also what did you mean by wig? I've just never heard that expression before. :)

[schsa]

Give him the opportunity to tell her first. What isn't revealed there will come out in the court hearing. You should be there if she needs a friend but there isn't any point in adding to her grief right now.

[Angel Lips]

i agree with everyone here and just wait it out until he feels better nad comes clean with him, i think it would be different if he was under the age of 20 but since hes older he should know better to tell her all the details when hes well enough too.

[latestdish]

I'd wait, too. However, once he was better, I would have a talk with her if he doesn't. JMHO. -Joy

[Dolly<3]

She knows he was drinking and he wasn't wearing a helmet. I don't think where he was driving will really change how she feels.

I wouldn't worry about telling her.

[andreame70]

I agree, since she already knows he was drinking and not wearing a helmet, there is really not much else you can tell her, except the wheelie part. As bad as he is hurt, she is probably already thinking there is more to it than what she knows. If his buddies were going to her house originally to tell her, then ended up at your house because she wasn't home, it is likely that they will tell her everything as they told you. I would hold off and see what happens. I am sure it will all come out. I hope that he recovers ok and realizes just how dangerous this all was. Maybe he has learned a valuable lesson from it. Let's hope.

Andrea

[MamaFairal]

My neice who lives in Atlanta(she's 16) had a friend who got thier license and a car....

She slipped one day and told me they did 110 MPH on the hwy one night...i told her parents...who wouldnt let her ride in his car anymore because of it......yeah my neice hated me afterwards.......but:

two weeks later they same carload of kids wrecked.........the driver died and 2 other kids(not my niece) were badly injured.......

My niece prolly would of been in that car had she not been forbidden to go with the driver.........TELL!

[joni1269]

Also what did you mean by wig? I've just never heard that expression before. :)

If you split your wig, you have a gash on your head. Sorry - common knowledge round these parts. LOL!

[joni1269]

My friend says he never wants to ride a bike again - that is good news. If he does, he has that "fear" now, so he will be careful. DH and I decided this might have saved his life. The next time it could have been much worse.

I feel sorry for my friend. She has had a rough couple of months. This same son got a DWI (car accident) a few months ago, and then her sister got one last weekend. Now this.

I just hope this was a wake up call about drinking and driving for her son...

[iluvmybaby]

JMO but this is going to come out in the court hearing, and there will be one because he was drinking and driving, whether another person was involved or not. I hope this straightens his life out

[Shann]

he's a big boy and he should be the one deciding to tell her that info or not. i feel that he's an adult so if he wants to tell her he will, if not he won't. I'm sure we all have things we keep from our parents that we wouldn't want someone to put their nose in our business, and maybe this is one of those things for him. that's jmo though.

[Soleil]

I agree I think you should wait and leave the son to tell her. Also I agree that it will come out in court.

The boy could easily lie if you said something to his mom. It could damage your friendship with her for a short time but may be okay when the court date happens. I assume his mother would go just for support of her son.

But really from what you have told us he's told her almost everything. He's bent the truth a bit but the way I see it is the truth always comes out eventually.

Boy if I only realized that when I was child and the lies I told my mom. LOL But it's true. Eventually in the end my mom always found out the truth or the guilt of lying to my mother got to me so badly that I would come crying to her and tell her the real story.

[twinkiesmom]

My neice who lives in Atlanta(she's 16) had a friend who got thier license and a car....

She slipped one day and told me they did 110 MPH on the hwy one night...i told her parents...who wouldnt let her ride in his car anymore because of it......yeah my neice hated me afterwards.......but:

two weeks later they same carload of kids wrecked.........the driver died and 2 other kids(not my niece) were badly injured.......

My niece prolly would of been in that car had she not been forbidden to go with the driver.........TELL!

OMG, what a story. I'll just bet those parents are thankful they put their foot down.

I think the mother in the OP's story already knows the most important details of the accident. Now if she didn't know about the alcohol involved, I would tell. But w/this one, what else does she really need to know? If there were other parties involved where a blame could've possibly been put on them woulda been one thing, but it's all on the boy. And she already knows that. What she gonna do? Tell him never to do wheelies again? This kid is old enough, I would let him do the detailing. One of these days maybe when u get talking to her, find out if she got all the details. (after the boy has time to say something) If he didn't, then u tell her what u heard. But I wouldn't think u should be on a hook of whether u should say something or not. IMO, I wouldn't worry about it.