My BF hit me hard, and he is in jail

[catdance]

and he went in his boxers, no clothing at all..to boot, he hit me so hard, I fell on the floor, the cop had no problems arresting him, he said he did it, and would again.. and he has to stay til Tuesday after court, today of course, non working Goverment, do I leave the door open for him? Becaue he has to come home, if only to pack.. I gotta to go to work, I just got the "dream job".. with raises.. I have a bruise on my cheekbone..I gotta pack, was leaving without him, Oct..something, he has my end of the rent in his checking..I am terrified..he is gonna KILL me, he is the kind of guy, nice to everyone, and as soon as he gets with me, it HIT'S the FAN..like ROAD RAGE, always, he is like that..what can I do??
I am smart, but this was like.."you can't hit me that hard"...and now I think, "you can't hit me ever, and be mean verbally, or use me anymore"..and he is sitting in jail, and we have friends down there who work there, and it will get around, if it already hasn't..I have to stay here, til I get a place, I can't get anyone on the phone, to even look at places, I own a household of furniture, too much, I am scared!!!! I had this planned to get out of here after Oct. 1, pay my end and get out, without him, I am so scared..
I am shocked by all of this, he uses pot, so he can't pass a "P" test, and he is supposed to go "over the road", get a new job..which is why I agreeded to stay longer, so he could get clean urine, he can't find anyones to use for this, (how wrong is that?? at 41??) I should have seen this....do I call his work and tell them he won't be in Tuesday and try to "smooth" this over?, just for a few weeks..I am the type, here is really me, who goes shopping for food, and get's nothing for me..
I am in trouble, in spades..I was angry with him, now scared, of him..I told him to leave the house, after I called 9-11 and he said.."no way, you are going to jail", and why..because he ate my food I got and paid for at a Chinese place, it was mine, not his..and he went NUT'S..
and the "kicker"..not only did he go to jail in his boxer's, and that is all he had on, because he admitted to hitting me, he got cuffed, he also let me paint his toenail's, last week, in purple as I was putting that on mine..
I wonder if this is funny..
I had to vent, my "sweetcheeck's" is offline..and I had to just tell..
and I admit to being frightened, because I am..he I am sure an avid smoker in jail with none, and this guy acts, street-smart, he isn't, those boys, in the joint will tear him apart if only for toenails..I swear I was right to put him in jail, I told him to leave, and he refused..and now..this, what will start the, "AFTERMATH", and I am scared of this..

[buttrfli]

And you should be afraid! I realize you have to go to work, but I would use every spare second I had putting his stuff in bags and putting them out the door and having the locks changed!

I am so sorry he hit you... did you get a TRO against him? I know in some states they are automatic when someone has been arrested for domestic violence, but not all states do that.

You have every right to stay where you are... get him O U T! Call your landlord TODAY and have the locks changed... if they can't do it, call a locksmith - in my state (OK) the police will actually call a locksmith in these situations and they are changed for free... I'd ask if it applies where you are. If you lived closer, I'd come help you pack his crap.

....

as serious as this all is... I have to say that its SO funny about his toenails LOL

Good luck to you!! I wish I could help out more, but first and foremost BE SAFE!! Your furniture is not as important as your life.... trust me, I lived it.

[Angel Lips]

I am soo sorry he did that to you. Glad hes behide bars and he should stay there too. Your so much better off without him. Maybe you should consider getting a restraining order put against him, and if he steps so many feet towards you his butt gets hauled back to jail.

[MamaFairal]

Get out NOW!
Lisa, as a BTDT i can tell you not to stress over the material things and get out now with your life.......seriously!
If you think and feel he is going to retailiate then your are probably right..you know him better than any of us.
GET OUT~GET SAFE~ until your place opens up Oct 1st

Good luck

[GAWildKat]

First can I kill the jerk, Second, get a TPO/TRO agaist him, they work if you use them. Change the locks, notify the landlord of the abuse, and go to a shelter. Been there, done that. You'll be ok.

[LitWtch]

You need to go and get an emergency order of protection that will prevent him from coming back to the house with out an escort. Then when the courts open from the holiday, you can get a permanent order.

[catdance]

WOW!! BBS, you guys so rock..thing is this, he has the rent in his account, I warned him, to leave, then, just me and the cops, and that took awhile, but my face, they saw, he admitted to it and would do this again, but we live here, I get so wishy-washy, on this, I am serious, but think if you had a home, like me full of furniture and crap, I have been packing, but the dishes, stunk, I left, for 2 days to my sisters..and it reeks.. so much..I had to start there..my "MOM", shoot, she is old and my sister freaked out last week, I dunno..I refuse to give up my job..will never happen, waited too long for this..and this put's me as far as moving right back to my neighborhood.. if I write the check and fake sign it..what then, I think a "bad".. I refuse to go to court, if I do, I might lose my job..but my face, tell's me I should..the Landlord has been unavailable, he is on his way back from "UP NORTH"..he has no keys, just his boxer's and toenail's...ok, this isn't that funny, but the POLICE have to give him clothes to get home, reminds me of "TRADING PLACES", serious, after they saw my face, he got no way back in..I tried to give sweatpants..Cop did say.."NO< I SEE HE HIT YOU..he get's nothing"..
Retalation..he is gonna..

[andreame70]

Catdance, if your name is not on that account, DO NOT write that check. Do you want to be sitting in a jail cell beside him? Come on now, it is time for you to start thinking smart and find the legal avenues to get you through this. Everyone has already given you good advice, like changing the locks and getting the restraining order. Call and ask about whether or not there is a group available that can help you with the locks being changed. Don't make things worse on yourself by forging his name to a check from an account that you are not listed on.

(((Huggs)))

Andrea

[kama5207]

OK...i know you're scared and have every right to be. right now you're second-guessing every move you make...should I ?...shouldn't I? what can i do to make him not hit me when he gets out ? if i do this...then maybe that...but if i don't do that then maybe this ?
sound familiar?...anyway, and you know this better than anyone of us here...no matter what you do/don't do...he will do what he wants cause he doesn't need a reason. he is sick in one of the most cruelest ways possible...dehumanizing women to feel powerful. just pull yourself together and start making phone calls.
1] to the local police station that picked him up. ask to speak to someone who deals with domestc abuse. tell them your concerns. they are better equipped to handle him than any of your friends and perhaps, as they have seen this time & time again may be better able to guide you in making the best decision for you he is not your concern.
2] here is a url with a list of agencies/hotlines in MN, many of them 24/7. i don't konw which ones are still active but keep dialing till you get someone on the line. again, they're used to advising you of options available to women in your situation.
http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/MN.HTM
3] you can't do it alone cause you're upset/confused/scared. you need solid advise from people who've been there/done that.
4] if you need to go to a shelter to get your life back together then do it. you said you have a dream job waiting...well...don't mess it up. you can always get new furniture if you have to. just pack your work clothes and get out if they aren't going to keep him in jail for awhile.
5] hope you have caller id...if not..and you hear a voice saying "you have a collect call from...." just hang up. don't even wait for the voice to finish. you don't want to talk to him and get intimidated more. you need a clear head and he'd only be messing around with it.

good luck. i wish you strength to do what you gotta do for yourself.

[schsa]

If your name is on the lease, then tell the landlord that he is out and you are going to take over everything yourself. Have the locks changed and when he comes back, call the police so that your BF can get his stuff and get out.

Secondly, if you have no choice but to leave, go rent a storage unit and a truck. Put as much in there as you can and come back for the rest. Take the things that are most important to you. Sometime you have to give things up. Your BF will not destroy the bed he sleeps in or the couch he sits on. Your dishes and smaller things are easier to destroy. Take pictures off the wall, computers and anything that he can pawn for money. Let your landlord know what is going on.

Call a local women's shelter and see if they can assist in any way. If you need some cash to get through, they might be able to help you out. The reality is that things can be replaced but your life can't. Get a restraining order. Get a new phone number for your cell phone. And get out before he comes home and decides that bruising your face isn't enough. That he would rather beat you until you are dead.

[Amyjean]

Catdance, everyone here has made some great suggestions but you're the only one who has control of your life. Please be careful and keep in mind that your focus is on yourself. It sounds like you're still concerned about him and that's only natural - after all, you've been living together and depended on each other. I can understand your being wishy-washy. It's hard to make changes when you don't know what the future holds. And like Kama5207 said, he is sick and probably grew up believing that it's okay to control other people, especially women and those he deems weaker. But it's not your responsibility to change or help him. He's 41, he will find a way to take care of himself, however that may be. Worry only about yourself and your own safety. He has no right to hit you or be abusive (whether physically, emotional or verbally) in any way.

Here is another link to a site with resources for battered women in Minnesota: http://www.mcbw.org/resources.htm

And congratulations on your dream job! More power to you!

[azrocky]

catdance you have been given some very good suggestions to help you get thru this, I hope that you at least have a cell phone that you can carry with you at all times, but if by chance you do not have one activated at this time please keep it charged up, because you can still call 911 even if the phone is not activated.
I have a couple of old cell phones that I would be more than happy to send you one if you dont have access to one, just let me know so I can get it off in the mail to you asap.
I will be praying for your safety ((((catdance)))
God Bless
azrocky

[catdance]

you guys, so are, great..I can hardly breathe.. this is bad, they have it at $1200, but he will get out..rent, not paid..and the Men and Ladies who "do this deal, are going to advise, he pay's that $1200", and he doesn't have it..I do but this is gonna killa me, in cash.. now what..he is MAD, he has had his "interview", they said.."look out".. I am scared!! BUT not paying for this, my face, say's all..did the dishes, packing, I am really afraid this time..so real..

[MamaFairal]

So what he has all your rent money....right now you have your life and i would escape with that :)

GET OUT OF THERE NOW!
Go to a shelter....a friends, your moms......just get outta there.

If you dont i will never forgive you for letting him back into your life after he has hit you :(

DONT END UP A DV STATISTIC!

[jedmatters]

Been there, done that... so listen..
RUN

You should never allow him back without the police present. Even to get his stuff. He broke the law, and most places will make him move out. Change the locks (alert the landlord). Do not toss his stuff out. That is illegal. Since you are not married, none of it is community property. So you can not damage his stuff. You can not even place it on the steps. You can box it up, and have it ready for fim to pick up (with police present).
So not fret over what he needs or wants. He has no more right to that concern than you do that bruise on your face. And, you can not be fired for a court date. That is a law. If you must appear, they have to let you off.
Do not back down, if not for yourself, do it for the next girl he beats up. Let the charges stick, so he has to have that on his record. This needs to follow him.
If you ever question what to do: look in the mirror and ask that face that looks back if this is what you really want? Is this happiness? Is this something you want a young girl to witness?
I know, you did not mention children, but somewhere someone will see that mark, and can you look at them knowing he wins if you back down?

[iluvmybaby]

Get the heck out of there, take only the bare minimum, what you can fit in your car, clothing SS card, birth certificate, credit cards, cash jewlery whatever. Take this seriousily, if he crossed the line once he is going to do it again. Stay with your mother, your posessions can be replaced you cant, get a protection order. I am begging of you to take this seriousily and to leave and NOT take him back, please read the poem below


"I Got Flowers Today"

I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night, And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowerstoday.
I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids?
What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But . . I know he must be sorry,
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

Some Warning Signs of Dating/Domestic Violence
Does your partner:
Insult you in public and private?
Check up on where you've been and
who you've talked to?
Put down your family & friends?
Limit where you can go and what you can do?
Destroy your belongings?
Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
Touch you in a way that hurts you or scares you?

[MamaFairal]

Catdance~ Ya know the more i come back and check this post the madder i get....at YOU!


You have posted for so long about how you want to break free of this jerk(being nice here) and now he has laid hands on you and bruised your face and all your worried about is the rent money.
GIRL WAKE UP!

You said you are really scared this time he is gonna kill you........go with your feelings and get her butt outta there ASAP!

If you come back here and post that all is well in happy land i will never forgive you for giving in and being weak.

You have worked hard and long to set things up so you can get away from this life and all your worried about is him.......did he worry about the bruise it would leave when he hit you...NO!

Sorry if this seems harsh but hey..i thought you were smarter than that :)

[moe265]

I was in a violent relationship for about 6 years. I will tell you that it will not change. Oh it will for a little while and you will think all is well and good but the second that something goes wrong it is all back to the same ol stuff. If you are scared then you are scared for a reason and you should leave. You have a job, you have the means to leave. I would NOT stay where you are. I would get as far away as I could without him knowing where you are. I would get a restraining order so that he can not come to your job if he knows where it is. I lived in fear of retaliation and I eventually moved 1400 miles away so I could have peace for my child and myself. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT .... BE STRONG AND DO NOT LOOK BACK........GO NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ang in NC]

Leave him, you can do it.

[twinkiesmom]

What they all said. Do not let yourself get into that position again w/this guy. It aint worth being someone else's punching bag. {{{hugs}}}

[llbriteyes]

1. TAKE PICTURES OF WHAT HE DID TO YOUR FACE! Give them to someone you can trust.

2. Get a restraining order.

3. Get the hell out of that house if you think he's coming back. Those dishes won't do you a bit of good if you're dead, and a restraining order won't help if he decides to kill you.

4. I repeat.... ABANDON SHIP! There are "safe houses" you can go to. These are houses designed to shelter battered women. They are secret houses. He won't be able to find you.

5. Let him get his own belongings. Take what you can pack in a suitcase and carry in your hands.

REPEAT: Belongings can be replaced. Losing your life over this is NOT worth it!

[stacyo99]

My suggestion is getting a restraining order. When he gets out tuesday or whenever, and he comes to pick up his belongings, you can call your police department and have someone there to make sure nothing happens. Unfortunaly, unless your name is also on his bank acct you dont really have any legal proof that you gave him your money(it would be your word versus his word, and I havent heard of any banks getting in between a civil matter). If you decide to not stay there and dont have any friends/family you can stay with for awhile, try to find a battered womens shelter. Unfortunately, the statistics show that battered women (even if this is the ONLY time he has hit you, you are still a battered woman) seem to stay, thinking in the back of their mind he can/will change. If this happens to be your situation and you decide to stay with him, there ARE drinks and other stuff available to help him pass a urine test, even though he may be dirty (but to my knowledge there are no speical drinks or drugs to make him not hit you). I truly hope you decide that you are worth more then staying with this guy. Love does NOT physically hurt. And if he said hes sorry, what he really meant to say (if hes anything like the other absuers out there) is "Im sorry until the next time you pi$$ me off". (NOT implying you DID upset him, but thats usually the guys reasoning for hitting you in the first place).

[Blondiex46]

Firstly I would love to congrat the police for taking him is cause still some of the police don't do that.

Secondly, breathe, alot is going on and you have decisions to make but you don't have to make them RIGHT NOW, you must take care of yourself. I understand that you are/were in a relationship with this person and you probably love/loved him and it is natural to have feelings of hestation. Also, to be afraid of going through with it (the court thing) is scarey cause of the repurcussions of the decisions that you may make. To change the place you live and your life in a short period of time is scarey, but you if you choose to stay with him, you know the next time may be your last time. He will not stop doing this it will only get worse, I promise you. So, what do you do, either stay (and there will be a honeymoon period) or leave and start over. Is it easy, absolutely not, cause you as I said are not only leaving where you live but also someone that you were/are in a relationship with and you tell yourself that it is not like this all the time. Also remember this is not your fault. It takes alot of courage to walk away, but you have to take care of yourself cause he surely isn't going to and it doesn't sound like he is remorseful about it, that is the scarey part, it is almost like he is saying, I will do it again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and whatever you choose to do, I understand and will not judge you, have been there. Good luck

[queenangie]

Girl, follow the above posters' advise. Your life is much more precious than your belongings. Get outta there and protect yourself....or you won't be around for that dream job.

Keep us posted.

Prayers to Jesus for you, dear.

[moogle]

Also - if you have any pets - take them with you when you leave!!!!!
If he'll abuse you, he'll abuse them too. They can't call the police.....

[GAWildKat]

I know I posted earlier to this thread and I wanted to add a quick thought then to the list. I'm back now to share more of my thoughts. I know what's going on in your head, many of us here do. Contact the local shelters and see if they will help arrange storage for your possessions. Get the TPO/TRO against him. make sure to get pictures of the bruising for yourself. Talk to the people at the police dept that deal with domestic abuse, see if they can get you into a battered women's program. If you have pets see what arrangements can be done for them. Whatever you do, don't think he'll get better or that it will never happen again. It won't. It's all down hill from here. With my exhusband and me it started as arguements that were petty and we'd usually make up after. Later the hitting started and I was emotionally too weak from all the other things going on in my life to care what he did. I'd drink myself into oblivion to keep from remembering the pain. I got to the point I didn't care if he did kill me because it would be an escape from the hell I was in. One day he blew up over me chating with a guy online that I was crying my hurts to and threatened to kill my cat "to make me behave" and I snapped, ran out of the apartment with the cat trying to find a neighbor's apt that I could run to. When the police found me I was too numbed and shocked to be coherent. I clung to my cat for dear life. He was charged with battery, sexual battery, rape, assault, etc and spent 45 days in jail. His fellow jailbirds tried to kill him for what he did to me. I learned later I was preggo with our daughter and tried to make ammends until he tried to beat me til I miscarried. (I did carry her to term) Not only did he get arrested for that but the arresting officers took him off to a secluded place and beat him for what he did. I was 30 weeks preggo and as I dealt with all the legal issues surrounding the abuse I was commended for being a strong woman. The police worked extra hard to make sure I got the services I needed like counseling and the officers that were assigned to my precinct made sure I was never left home alone. They did it voluntarily. With the help of everyone, I was able to break free and move on with my life and find a good man. If I can do it so can anyone else that cares to improve their life.

[faygokraze]

"YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON" Dont let him hit you!

[joni1269]

{{{{{CatDance}}}}}

Hang in there!

[iluvmybaby]

Please keep us updated, we havent heard anything from you and we are all worried :(

[buglebe]

I hope you are not posting because you are packing and getting out. Every one has given you excellent advice, my advice to add to the others is this;
Do not let him get near you, try not to be in the same room with him. What ever charms he has that attracted you to him in the first place will be totally "on". He probably does feel sorry. So often they do. And they don't mean to do it again but they will, over and over again until you get far away from him. Therapy can help some of them but you don't need to be around for that. He should be out of your life. It may be the hardest thing you ever did because obviously you still love him, but love your own life more. Good luck and post when you can. You can see we all care.

[1tiredmom]

i hope you take the advise of what the others are telling you-if you don't have kids i would just get my things that i could & leave asap -i have never been in that situation but have seen some that have-i think i would leave while he is not there--widh you the best of luck and like someone earlier said since neot hearing from you-hope you're packing and getting out and not bailing him out

[k1ley4evr]

dont forget take a picture of your face, quick. even tho the police officer sees your face, sometimes it is better for the judge to see it himself, by the time court starts, your face will most likely be a little healed, take pictures so that the judge can see how bad it really was, and sometimes the arresting officer arent always at court.

[latestdish]

The even more heartbreaking thing about this OP's post is that she is always, always thinking about everyone else other than herself. She asks for prayers for sick friends. She has adopted families for Xmas that would not otherwise have one, and agreed to do it back in July. In fact, she adopted my little girl.
While I strongly applaud you for this, please take a break for a week. Take care of yourself. I have been where you are sitting. It cost me a child, literally (not current dd), born three months too early from punches sustained. It doesn't get better. It doesn't matter what he says. It is, unfortunately, illegal to throw his stuff out. Don't box it up. Legally, the police may have to inspect his property, that he is required to detail what he is getting. Let him do that. Instead, make sure if he does come back, it is via a police escort. Do get a temporary restraining order. Also, you should not have to move anywheres because of a jerk. Do take a picture of your face. Call a women's shelter, to see if they will let you get referrals to legal counselors. Sometimes staying in a women's shelter has curfews, time limits, etc, that are very restraining with a job with long hours. I am going to give you the opposite counsel that was given here. Keep the shelter as an option, but explore other options, too, to see if they will work better to help you keep your job. Use it as a last option. Go to the Urban League, or local housing association, to see if you qualify for help with a deposit somewheres else. If you go to church, temple, etc, notify your pastor, and make sure you tell them it is in confidence only. Request referrals for another place to stay/live. And I really hate to say it, but let some of the furniture go if you have to. Take pictures of its current condition/value, in case you have to leave. If he destroys your stuff, hold him financially accountable in court. Document everything. Immediately place pets with a friend. Leave social security card, birth certificate, etc, anywhere but home. God bless you, mam, and I am truly sorry for your pain.

[Tasha405]

I really hope you have left his sorry butt. Sweetie if he hit you once he will do it again. No matter what he says or swears to. This will probably work out one of two ways... he will get out of jail and come home mad and ready to fight or he will come home calm and collected until you do a little something to make him mad again.

Take everyones advice and leave. Take only what you have to have and don't worry about the rest. Those things can be replaced but your life can't.

[MamaFairal]

Catdance~ where are you today and are you ok?

[redrig]

prayers and hugs to Catdance...have faith in yourself and get yourself and any children/pets to someplace else.

[Elijah'sMommy]

Catdance~ where are you today and are you ok?


Hopefully, she's at work??? Please check in with us......

Wanted to chime in my 2 cents on this one. Do what everyone has recommended. As someone previously stated, many of have have (unfortunately) been where you're at. We know where your head is right now. THINK WITH YOUR HEAD, not with your heart. It takes some time for your heart to realize what your head has known all along.

(((catdance))))

Stay strong, stay fierce, stay beautiful. You are all those things. Don't let him take any of that away from you!

[LuvBigRip]

I really hope you are ok, not to step on anyones toes, but a restraining order doesn't mean squat if this man wants to hurt you. Too many women have been killed while holding on to an order not worth the paper it is written on. Get one, yes, for legal purposes, but do NOT put faith in it. Make sure that you include the address of your employment and immediate family members on the order. Then, pack your stuff up, call a shelter, and get out. If you have a cell phone, change the number, with a restraining order, most phone carriers will allow you a one-time change in your phone number without charge. If you do not have one, ask the shelter about getting one that will allow you to call 911. Inform family and friends that under no circumstances are they to speak to this man. If you see him following you, go immediately to a public place and make noise. If he breaks the restraining order, press charges. Men like this, even with counciling rarely change. First they yell, then threaten, then hit. They apologize, and they foolishly are taken back. NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE HIT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Please believe that you are literally running for your life.

[ChristiNate]

You need to get an Order of Protection, not a Restraining Order. (((HUGS)))

http://www.letswrap.com/legal/ofp.htm#whatis

Getting an Order For Protection
(O.F.P.)


Is there a person who has harmed or threatened you or your family? You can get the court to help you stop the abuse! Read this information to learn whether you need an Order for Protection, and to learn how to get one.

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What is an Order For Protection?


An Order For Protection (OFP) is a court order that will help to protect you from domestic abuse. An Order For Protection tells the abuser to stop harming or threatening you. Domestic abuse is defined as any of the following conduct between family or household members: physical harm, injury, assault, rape, terrorist threats, or making a person fearful of harm or injury or assault. Examples include hitting, kicking, pushing, punching, slapping, pulling hair, choking, holding you down, threatening to harm or kill you or the children, forcing sex (even if you are married), or any sexual contact with a child.




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Who can get an Order For Protection?


Any family or household member may ask the court for an Order For Protection. A family or household member means married or divorced people; parents and their children; persons related by blood (such as brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, or grandparents); and people who live together or have lived together in the past. People who have never lived together may also ask for an Order For Protection if they have a child together or have been involved in a significant romantic or sexual relationship. You can also apply for an Order For Protection to protect a child in your family or household.


Victims of abuse who are at least 16 years old may get an Order For Protection against an abuser they are or were married to or have a child with. Other victims of abuse under 18 years old must have another family or household member or an adult (at least 25 years old) get an Order For Protection for them.


If you are worried about a child in someone else's family or household, you may be able to apply for an Order For Protection, but it is usually best to report the abuse to the police or Child Protection Services first.


If you are worried about an adult in someone else's family or household being abused, you should call the police or Adult Protection Services.


If you do not qualify for an Order For Protection, you may be able to get a Harassment Restraining Order (HRO).



Note: If you are married to the abuser, you do NOT need to start a divorce to be able to apply for an Order For Protection.

[wubbywa]

Anyone hear anything new?

[catdance]

Here it goes, I called out of work, they had NO PROBLEMS with that, the weird thing, there were at least 30 women waiting for restraining orders, so I didn't get mine done, but it was put to the JUDGE I was there, they were very backed up, he did call here, so they raised him to $3,000, and there were well over 100 men on the list, just for these issues, believe that??..so court at 9:00 took til court at 3:00, he has been released, he can't come here, this was an expediated (SP) court order and will remain as such..he has "P" test's to do and has another court date, in September, oh heck, this is September, on the 21, I think..he may not call here, if he does, I have to call, the police, I will, I am 1/4 way packed and have an appointment at a rent locator's place at 3:00,Wednesday, have the money to move the other part my Mother is gonna pay as a B-day gift to me, as this has been planned. He was told in writing, on his release, he has to pay the rent, and return my money, his end goes, seperate, from mine and he must pay the $50.00 late fee, his car keys and car and cell, are here, so I have the cops, I understand with him here at 7:00 to get that and I packed his clothes, toothbrush, etc, as the Ass't Attorney said, otherwise he can come in here, I can retain his house keys, pending his next court apperance.
I thank all of you for advice and being mad with me, I have learned by looking at my face and the many bouts of diarehia (SP), this was it for me..my job is safe, I am and I was leaving on the 31st or way before that in October, but thankful, I never have to listen to him, again..Emotional and physical abuse, is really the same I have understood..boy, what a way to learn..
And that poem, scared me, alot..
But, I am ok, I am scared, I am panicked, but safe, now..
Thank you all, for this suppport, it really amazed me..and got me tho "think right"..as a lady told me today: "WAKE UP AND FLY RIGHT< YOUR LIFE IS A GIFT".."use it"..so I will...

[Kelsey1224]

I am proud of you. Be strong. You are taking the first steps. They will get easier with time.

[iluvmybaby]

catdance I am SOOO happy to hear that things are looking a little bit up, stick to your guns girl friend and maybe seek counseling, it is going to take you a while to work through your hurt/anger after being abused. PLEASE keep us updated!

[amysusi]

Wow, good for you!! You are awesome!!

[Elijah'sMommy]

Catdance, I'm glad you are ok. You are doing the right thing. Keep your head up. Call yourself L'Oreal, because YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I am so proud of you. Stay strong!

[mlayton1994]

((hugs)). my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[twinkiesmom]

so cool. You will go far w/that attitude girl. WTG!!!! And yes, Life is a Gift. Don't throw it in the toilet of someone else. Enjoy your life!

[Damnifiknw]

You need to get an Order of Protection, not a Restraining Order.

I hate to say it, but, a piece of paper isn't going to stop a bullet, knife, 2 by 4, hammer, their fists, the man breaking in your home while you are at work waiting for your return, and a number of other things. It's just a piece of paper, it's not protection...Even though you have this document doesn't mean the man will stay away. The document doesn't put a chains around his legs, or a sheild the woman from his abuse. All those documents are worth is to let the police dept. know the person has caused you harm and might very well do it again..It's not protection, and anyone who believes filing for an order of protection will save your life, You need to think again..Thousands of women get killed even when they file....By the time you call the police (if you have the chance) and they respond, you will either be dead, or beat beyond belief...A bullet will stop these men dead in their tracks, not a piece of paper.

There was a lady who had an order of protection moved away was remarried. Her ex found her, and broke into her home. He waited in the basement for her to come home, and killed her..The document(s) don't mean a darn thing to a man who wants to harm you.


To the OP, I wish you well...Stay Safe,,,let your family know where you are at all times for the next couple of weeks or so.

[laughsalot]

{{{{{{{CatDance}}}}}}}} Big huge hugs to you! Stay strong girlie! We are all behind you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Unicornmom77]

PLEASE STAY SAFE, I will be praying for you.

[latestdish]

Will try to keep this as short as possible, knowing that you have a lot of pms, e-mail, and junk in general on your plate right now. Peace, prayers, and *hugs* be with you. Really, really happy job was kept for your court date, and they didn't give you too hard a time. Grateful you are making progress, and you let us know. Wanted to return your pm, but your box is understably full. I justed wanted to write thank you for the pm, thank you for the things you discussed in there, your good heart, and don't write me back. Take care of yourself instead, please, for a week. Things will be harder for a while, but you will have a much richer life for being rid of the jerk. You will be so busy for a while you may not have time to think about a lot of things, including pain. Please when the business passes remember I am hear to listen over time if you need me. I can't help you financially. I am a great listener, and might possibly help in other ways. Example: I'd be happy to look up resources, etc, on your behalf if you need them, and e-mail them to you, if you would like that sort of help. I'd be happy to summarize good freebies for you, if moving becomes time consuming, and you run out of time. Think that's not much help? It probably won't pay your rent. But it will help a teeny little bit. And every little bit helps. -Joy

[ChristiNate]

I hate to say it, but, a piece of paper isn't going to stop a bullet, knife, 2 by 4, hammer, their fists, the man breaking in your home while you are at work waiting for your return, and a number of other things. It's just a piece of paper, it's not protection...Even though you have this document doesn't mean the man will stay away. The document doesn't put a chains around his legs, or a sheild the woman from his abuse. All those documents are worth is to let the police dept. know the person has caused you harm and might very well do it again..It's not protection, and anyone who believes filing for an order of protection will save your life, You need to think again..Thousands of women get killed even when they file....By the time you call the police (if you have the chance) and they respond, you will either be dead, or beat beyond belief...A bullet will stop these men dead in their tracks, not a piece of paper.

There was a lady who had an order of protection moved away was remarried. Her ex found her, and broke into her home. He waited in the basement for her to come home, and killed her..The document(s) don't mean a darn thing to a man who wants to harm you.

I didn't mean a piece of paper would protect her. I was trying to offer some advice.

[Freebeemom]

CatDance, PLEASE be careful. It may not be a bad idea to go to some group therapy classes for domestic abuse. You are on your way to a new life!!!! :)

[MamaFairal]

Catdance~ I..no "we" all are so very proud of you for being strong and getting out and going on with your gift!
You are so loved and appreciated here and please know we all care about you trememdously and want you safe.

I am sorry if i sounded harsh or mean in my post but as someone who HAS escaped with just her life and kids(everything else was left behind)and started over from scratch i know EXACTLY where you are coming from.....its hard...damm hard and its gonna behard for awhile yet but you will get thru it all and be stronger for it.......YOU GO GIRL...you can do it you have all of us behind you!

PM me if ya need another ear ok sweetie ;)

[auntjudy]

Honey, first of all YOU DID NOT PUT HIM IN JAIL, the police did because HE broke the law. More advice if you don't mind (been there unfortunately - you never believe it will happen to you) do not go any where alone, always go with other people. I've asked total strangers if they would mind if walked with them. I've asked managers in resturants if there was someone in the place that could walk me to my car. Every single person said yes. I just told them I was uncomfortable being out alone.
Hopefully part of his release from jail agreement is not to have contact with you. The police will go with you to get your stuff from the apartment, or be there when he comes to get his stuff. Please do not fall for that "just want to see you for old times sake" do not for any reason be alone with him. Your life is worth way more than this guy.
Be careful and stay safe.

[ang in NC]

You can do this, you are strong!

[catdance]

OK, the UPDATE, and we should kinda let this "simmer down", here's the FUNNY part as the BF was going in front of the Judge, he told that Judge, he didn't want a Public Defender, as he was defending himself, the ladies who fight in court against guys like this told me today, and the Judge said, "well, this is a FREE World, but the charges and her body marks, are gonna get you in the WORKHOUSE, until I am satisfied with your behavior, so don't think it will be Christams, by the time you go home", or something, I told you he was not tooo smart, well, he got his defender, made thier deals, and was released.. the Police came, way later, he wrote the check and didn't stop the funds, as I have the right to tell his Probation Offficer, of that, if he stops them and he would then be returned to jail..so that is cool, he got his clothes, and I did as I was told, kept house keys, the Landlord is changing tonight. He is cool, the landlord, and I can move without much notice, this is for sale and he moved from his side already, no really matter, if I stay past the 15th,of (OCT) then I have to pay the rent, otherwise no problem with the deposit.
I am seeing a therapist, tommorow, to kinda let all this out, I am super nervous and exhausted..I don't think he is gonna KILL me, I think he is really scared, no matter to me, so am I..I have a HUGE "CRY", inside..
I won't take his calls, he hasn't and am changing the phone number as well, I am changing my job location and didn't know til Today where, so he doesn't know that, at this point..I can't tell anyone but you guys, and my family...I am still packing and looking, I have appointments after my appointment in the evenig to look at places.
I did remember to change my PASSWORD on my computer, he knew it..I thought that was smart..
So, I am not gonna let this run my life, and I heed all cautions, I thank all of you who have read, and or responded to me, I never knew, I had all this SUPPORT, I can't thank you all, enough, the advice and all, overwhelming, it helped to just read, and re-read, it all..it kept sinking in, slowly at first,and now, "I think I understand" it wasn't my fault, he did this to himself, and it is OVER..the realtionship, is over..I hope he KNOWS this, but since he can't use alcohol or drugs, I hope this clears his mind, to think more clearly, because if he tries, I am calling, the Police again, and he will be going to jail, he was told this, without any hesitation, I understand..so, I can't let this RUN me, and I will be very careful, and get moving outta here..

[guesswho!]

Glad you're OK & really proud of you for all the steps you're taking to free yourself from BF. Dont know if I would be as strong as you've been if I were ever in your shoes. Cont' to keep us updated.

Be sure to keep a current addy w/ppl you're trading with. I'll put DC on my pkg to ya so we'll both know what's going on...as I realize things are crazy for you right now.

TAKE CARE.

[latestdish]

Really proud of you! It is a very tough, courageous thing you did standing up for yourself! *hugs* Peace and prayers with ya every night. -Joy

[Amyjean]

...it helped to just read, and re-read, it all..it kept sinking in, slowly at first,and now, "I think I understand" it wasn't my fault, he did this to himself, and it is OVER..the realtionship, is over....

Catdance, it might also help to re-read all the wonderful things you wrote yourself. Copy/paste/save all the words you wrote about how it wasn't your fault, how you're going to make these changes to keep yourself safe and how you are strong enough to do these things. Keep these words with you, if only in your head and take them out when you need to be reminded. You've already done so much already. Keep going girl!

[twinkiesmom]

keep on moving . . . . and don't look back. Peace . . . .

[Blondiex46]

thanks goodness you are ok and that things are going well. I am so proud of you and what you have done is nothing against him you are taking care of yourself which is what you need to do cause him or anyone else will. Keep us posted. Good luck and take care.