Can I trade him in for a new model?(long vent)

[bribella]

Grr! Sometimes I really dislike my DH to the point that I just wish he would go away(is that bad?) . This morning he gets all ticked off at me because he had gotten a speeding ticket while we still lived in MN and all he had to do was pay the ticket due Aug.11th. Well tomorrow is the 11th and he asked me if I mailed it for him, ummm no, it's your ticket, your a big boy.

So he gets all bent out of shape over it and starts getting on my case about why didn't I do it. I told him that he has had since June to take care of it. He could have paid it before we left MN as we lived up the street from the courthouse. He told me that he has no time to do that as he has to work and I dont.

It'll probably take about 4 days for it to get there now. The post office is open on saturdays and there are lots of mailboxes ect. around he could have taken care of it, but didn't. And it is not like he works 24/7, he is able to find the time to go fishing and do whatever else he wants to do.

I am stuck at home with the 3 kids and no vehicle right now because we sold his truck before we moved and he has been using my van to go to work. He thinks that I should pack up the kids and walk 2 miles or so to go get the money order and then walk to the post office wherever the heck that is.

He complains what do you do all day besides sit on your computer? I work all day and you do nothing. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! He should try taking care of a 5yr old, 2 and 1 yr old all day and night and then tell me that I do nothing.
He complained that the house isn't spotless when he comes home so therefore I must not be doing anything all day.

HELLO!! We have 3 small children and I vacumn 2x aday (at least), mop the floor at least 1x, I wash and fold laundry all day, I cook , and wash the dishes by hand at least 3x a day. I am not going to run around after them every minute they are awake picking up everything they may lay on the floor it is pointless I tell him. Like shoveling snow while it is snowing as soon as you pick it up there is more there in the same place. I start cleaning at 8 am and I dont usually stop until 3pm, should I spend my every waking minute cleaning?

He doesn't do a darn thing around home~ I take out the garbage to the street on pick up day, I work in the yard, he won't even mow the grass. His reason is that he has to work to support us and on his days off he wants to relax. Fine, I understand that you work and I appreciate that you work so hard so I can stay home with the kids but you can still help out. Other men do things around the house on their days off why can't you? When do I get some time off?

I love him to death but I cant stand the fact that he thinks that because he goes to work that he shouldn't have to do anything else. I do absolutely everything for this man with the exception of him going to work and wiping his behind :rolleyes: What does he do for me besides go to work? NOTHING!!!! :(

[msshannon]

I hear ya girl!!! I am this same point in my relationship with my hubby and it's the SAME situation except he mows the lawn and when I nag, he takes out the trash, but I have to stay on top of it to get him to do that...if I have to do it, I leave it in his car ;)

I have an 8 year old and a 3 year old that bicker and fight all day and I thought I had my hands full!...but you, you definately have your hands full!!! I do NOT envy you at all..lol :p

I tell my hubby the same thing...I tell him he works for me and our boys but that's all...I tell him it's not that I don't love him for that, but it takes more than that to keep relationships healthy...our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He's very good(probably more so than I) at playing with the boys...that's the first thing he does when he gets home, they'll play until it's bedtime. I get whatever energy is left over..lol

Sounds like you need to get away or have him take the kids for the day, if that is possible...this helps me regroup and have some time to myself...he does this quite a bit so I have time for cleaning, gardening, cooking, or even bathing in peace...something I'm sure you probably don't get to do very often..lol

Don't feel alltogether bad about wishing he'd leave...I often wish I could leave..lol...or wish I had money for a nanny :rolleyes:

[Angelseyes28]

I'm sorry he is giving you such a hard time. All I can say is it sounds like he is spoiled.

[rlynn411]

If he thinks you do nothing all day.... do exactly that for a day. Then when he come home and sees dishes sitting in the sink, laundry piling up, no dinner etc. and he ask what did you do all day you can say NOTHING..... let him see what NOTHING looks like and see what he has to say.

My DH gets like that every now and again. Granted our kids are older than yours but they bring their friends in the house in packs and it doesn't take all that long for the house to look like an explosion happened! And until school starts again I'm officially over trying to keep ahead of their messes.

[bribella]

I hear ya girl!!! I am this same point in my relationship with my hubby and it's the SAME situation except he mows the lawn and when I nag, he takes out the trash, but I have to stay on top of it to get him to do that...if I have to do it, I leave it in his car ;)

I have an 8 year old and a 3 year old that bicker and fight all day and I thought I had my hands full!...but you, you definately have your hands full!!! I do NOT envy you at all..lol :p

I tell my hubby the same thing...I tell him he works for me and our boys but that's all...I tell him it's not that I don't love him for that, but it takes more than that to keep relationships healthy...our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He's very good(probably more so than I) at playing with the boys...that's the first thing he does when he gets home, they'll play until it's bedtime. I get whatever energy is left over..lol

Sounds like you need to get away or have him take the kids for the day, if that is possible...this helps me regroup and have some time to myself...he does this quite a bit so I have time for cleaning, gardening, cooking, or even bathing in peace...something I'm sure you probably don't get to do very often..lol

Don't feel alltogether bad about wishing he'd leave...I often wish I could leave..lol...or wish I had money for a nanny :rolleyes:

Me leave without at least one child with me? Yeah right! If I do go somewhere I have to at least take my 1yr old, because he says that she will cry and scream the whole time I am gone and he doesnt want to deal with it. I tell him that he watched all 3 of the kids while I would go to work at night and he seemed to do all right. His response: you were making money now your'e just spending money. WHATEVER!!!! I don't have any friends that I can go visit as I only have 2 friends and 1 just moved to Oregon and the other lives a ways from me and I would need to take the ferry over to the otherside and then drive quite a ways and with only 1 vehicle right now that would be difficult to do. But it is nice to dream.

[JWWB2000]

Sounds like he needs a good wakeup call. If you can do this and stand it try and do absolutely nothing for a day or two and see what it is like when you actually do not do anything but "play" on the computer. See his reaction then. He would then realize what you actually do and not be such a oger about him working and you not.

[bribella]

My plans exactly , when he comes home and sees that nothing has been done with the exception of dinner I'll tell him this: How do you expect me to have time to clean when I have all this internet surfing to do? LoL!

[JWWB2000]

Don't even fix dinner......say you were too busy with the internet

[DBackFan]

Gosh I feel bad for those of you with husbands like that. I have almost the opposite problem. My husband I both work full time but his is 12 hr days and 6 days a week and mine is just the normal 40. He does WAAAY more than me around the house. Sometimes I think he does it to make me feel guiltier by ever goin online..lol He's a great hubby. :)

[wubbywa]

Well instead of punishing yourself by not doing anything and having to do 2-3 days of catch up you could try this, dont wash his clothes,dishes,clean his bathroom,anything that is something of his. Then in a day or so it builds up and maybe he will have to rethink about his comment.

[JWWB2000]

Well instead of punishing yourself by not doing anything and having to do 2-3 days of catch up you could try this, dont wash his clothes,dishes,clean his bathroom,anything that is something of his. Then in a day or so it builds up and maybe he will have to rethink about his comment.

That is a better idea!!!!

[amysusi]

I think it's a spat all families with SAHM's go through. We've been through it so many times, DH understands now. THough a couple weeks ago, when I was at camp for 4 days, I came home to him telling me it wasn't that hard and how much he got done with time to spare. THat's because the kids respect him, they won't tear it all up behind him. If he tells them to play in their room while he gets stuff done, they will, and they won't keep coming out to tattle and whine like they do to me.

I do get irritated with him just vegging on his day off. It's like he's just laying around in his underwear watching me work. He's home, he can watch the kids and run the office, so that's when I try to get out and do stuff, and he complains how I always "take off". Hello! Grocery shopping won't do itself, and saving money takes time!! So I say to him "Gee, it must be nice to have a day off." :rolleyes:

[LuvBigRip]

Submit a bill to him for all his cooking, cleaning and other chores you do around the house. I agree with not doing anything for him. I cannot stand when men think that what we do as mother's and wives is NOT a fulltime job. HTH do they think their clothes get cleaned, the food makes it to the table, the children are loved and cared for???? Do they think the magic faeries show up and clean while we sit on the couch eating bon-bons and watching Oprah??? Oh, and the whole not watching your own child, don't even get me started on that! Hand him the kids, take the van key and walk out the door. Tell him YOU worked all day too, and you expect a hot dinner on the table when you return.

[msshannon]

I think it's a spat all families with SAHM's go through. We've been through it so many times, DH understands now. THough a couple weeks ago, when I was at camp for 4 days, I came home to him telling me it wasn't that hard and how much he got done with time to spare. THat's because the kids respect him, they won't tear it all up behind him. If he tells them to play in their room while he gets stuff done, they will, and they won't keep coming out to tattle and whine like they do to me.

I do get irritated with him just vegging on his day off. It's like he's just laying around in his underwear watching me work. He's home, he can watch the kids and run the office, so that's when I try to get out and do stuff, and he complains how I always "take off". Hello! Grocery shopping won't do itself, and saving money takes time!! So I say to him "Gee, it must be nice to have a day off." :rolleyes:



I know that's right!!!! Mine seems to think the grocery shopping does itself too...as well as the laundry and anything that requires menial effort on his days off. Oh, and don't forget he still wants sex, the remote, and a back massage :rolleyes: Yeah right!! Right after I find the cleaning fairy, the supper fairy, and the trash fairy! ;) :rolleyes:

[Angel Lips]

Id tell him to start cooking his own meals and do his own was..teach him a thing or too and make him help out, he has no right to say you "sit on your computer all day"

[amysusi]

I cannot stand when men think that what we do as mother's and wives is NOT a fulltime job.
I heard on Dr. Phil that experts say that being a stay at home mom is the equivalent of TWO full time jobs. Stick that in his face!

[lynde]

HEAR HEAR---Im ready to trade up myself!!!!!! This time I want 1 that is SUPER FILTHY ROLLIN' rich:)

[LuvBigRip]

Show this to your DH: http://www.salary.com/careers/layouthtmls/crel_display_Cat10_Ser253_Par358.html (scroll down to the breakdown of salaries)

What mothers are really worth:
Stay-at-home mothers wear many hats. They're the family CEO, the day care provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist, and educator. Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be $88,276 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary leaps to $112,797.

"Mothers are responsible for the mental and physical well being of the family - putting a price on that isn't easy," said Lena Bottos, compensation market analyst for Salary.com. "But we looked at it as what you would have to pay other people to do the same work if the mom weren't there."

Even if these mothers were getting paid what they'd be worth on the market, Bottos added that they still wouldn't be adequately compensated. "You see that $88,000 amount and you think, 'Wow, that's such a big number.' But when you take into account that it represents a 90-hour workweek, and doesn't even begin to factor in that they are on call 24 hours a day, it's not so large. Plus, stay-at-home moms get no benefits in terms of pension or 401(k)."

[iluvmybaby]

:rolleyes: I would straighten that stuff up REAL quick because he seems to think that he is the kind of the castle, offer to let him quit his job and take care of the kids while YOU work, he would be calling crying because being a mother is a 24/7 job. Start going out, the 1 y/o will not die if she crys a bit, you deserve time to yourself, no hubby, no kids. Get another vechile FAST for hubby to drive to work you need a car so you have some freedom. Girl if you dont set up stright right now he is going to keep walking all over you, this is a reason I celebrated when my divorce was final. My hubby was emotionally abuisve and used to tell me how much I didnt love and support him because I was trying to better myself by finding a good job and maybe taking some classes, when I used to go out with my friends the stuff would hit the fan about how I neglected him ((dinner and a movie, 5 hours tops)) Men are like children I do not think that they ever completely grow up.
If all else fails consolt a lawyer and hit him where it hurts, his wallet, he will have to pay child support for count em THREE kids, and alimony, then he can REALLY be supporting you guys while you find someone that is going to treat you right because no man has the right to talk to you that way, wanting you to walk two miles to get a MO for a ticket he got that is going to be late. I wonder if they are going to swear out a warrent for him? He might want to call and ask

[YankeeMary]

I am with DbackFan, I have a wonderful husband and he would never complain if the house were a mess or whatever. Shoot he even went and surpised me by buying me my own laptop just so I could be online as much as I wanted. Maybe you need to sit him down and just have a nice talk and explain to him this and that, sounds like you love him, just aggravated is all, just maybe this time he will understand and be more willing to help.

[schsa]

You work 24/7. His day has a begining and an end. My mother rarely worked when we were kids. My dad was the breadwinner. My father retired. My mother's work has never quit.

I think I would rather leave him at home with the kids and go to work for a while and see how much he can accomplish with three little ones. I doubt if he could keep it up for more than a few weeks. A couple of days is easy. But try doing it on a full time basis.

[bribella]

I am with DbackFan, I have a wonderful husband and he would never complain if the house were a mess or whatever. Shoot he even went and surpised me by buying me my own laptop just so I could be online as much as I wanted. Maybe you need to sit him down and just have a nice talk and explain to him this and that, sounds like you love him, just aggravated is all, just maybe this time he will understand and be more willing to help.
I do love him and I know that he loves me. I do what I do for him because I want to, not because he tells me to. He apologized when he got home for getting upset about his ticket he told me that I was right(well of course I was :p ) he should have taken care of it himself. He was grumpy and I was grumpy because I don't appreciate someone jumping my case at 530 am. He said that he would make an effort to do more around the house and he told me that Sat. he will take care of the kids and I am to go out and do something without worrying about the kids! I think I'll go shopping for new clothes and shoes!!! I can't wait! :D

[Shann]

maybe you need to take YOUR van on some weekend and leave him there w/ the three kids and treat yourself to a nice weekend away from home and then he can tell you how much you don't do! :rolleyes:

[bribella]

maybe you need to take YOUR van on some weekend and leave him there w/ the three kids and treat yourself to a nice weekend away from home and then he can tell you how much you don't do! :rolleyes:
That sounds wonderful a weekend away with no kids! Too good to be true I think I would miss my kids too much and that would ruin my weekend! Oh and it may be MY van but HE pays for it ;)

[amysusi]

I do love him and I know that he loves me. I do what I do for him because I want to, not because he tells me to. He apologized when he got home for getting upset about his ticket he told me that I was right(well of course I was :p ) he should have taken care of it himself. He was grumpy and I was grumpy because I don't appreciate someone jumping my case at 530 am. He said that he would make an effort to do more around the house and he told me that Sat. he will take care of the kids and I am to go out and do something without worrying about the kids! I think I'll go shopping for new clothes and shoes!!! I can't wait! :D

I'm excited for you too! :D I'm going to tell you what DH told me to do when I needed to get out the other night. "Get yourself something pretty!"