belle5691
08-08-2004, 06:49 PM
This may be long, but I could really use some other people's thoughts. Please don't flame...lol...just hit the back button if you feel the need...my mental stamina isn't up for flaming right now, just thoughts to help me make a better decision.
About a year ago we moved to Kansas city area for a couple of reasons. One was my husband's health. He has had 3 heart attacks, 2 bouts of pneumonia, a rotator cuff repair, a hospital overdose of pain killers, a gall bladder surgery, and a minor surgery for kidney stones since February of 2002. We needed closer to better doctors than were available to us in Fort Scott, KS. There were a few times that if we had not lived 5 minutes from the hospital in this area that he would not be alive now. Right now, his health is the best it has been in 2 years. He is still recoving from the 2 surgeries this past week. He does have excellent doctors here, I couldn't ask for better. I use some of the same physicians, and am equally impressed with my own health care.
The second reason was, I worked with a friend I was very close to--at one time more than a friend...I don't want to go into any more than that, and thats the part I really don't need flamed about....I know it shouldnt have happened. It did. And I learned a really valuable lesson, don't ever say you won't do something until you are put in a certain situation. Briefly, my marriage was hell.....I had been verbally abused, I had been sexually assaulted by my husband, and the mental abuse was more than I could take. This person has been a tremendous help to me. been the best friend I could hope for. At times---my only friend. We worked in a home based business together. We still do. I posted last week about me thinking something about him that was wrong. I apologized to him. He was forgiving easily. When my car broke down, he gave me rides, he helped me take it to the shop to get it fixed this week. Anything I ask for, he is there. Sometimes, not as soon as I want it, or feel like I need it, but he will make time for it.
I guess here is the hard part about that part of the situation---My marriage is still not the best. My husband and I do not hate each other anymore. We have a very mutual respect and are still together for various reasons. Its been so bad for 3 years, that some things you don't forget. But---for health reasons, and children...we are still together. It is very difficult for me to be around this "friend". And at this point, he is now very close friends with my husband. I want away. The friends relationship and I have changed enough that it is very, very difficult for me to have to deal with seeing him on a regular basis. To put it bluntly, because of the situation at home, I crave the closeness I used to have with this friend. And the shocker for some of you is, my husband encourages it. I have not spoken to my husband about any of this. I just till my husband no, not going to happen. Friend has also told me that he wants this. I dont know what else to say about this right now.
Then---about a year ago, some things happened with my husbands family. He cut off all communication with them. Basically, they had us evicted from someones home we were living with, because "my personal character" was not desirable. They also had nothing to do with us for over a year. They found out last week from a friend of a friend (you know how that goes) that husband was in the hospital, so the phone rang at the hospital one day. It was one of his sisters. Wanting us to know we were still family and they loved us.
Then on top of recent job problems (They wanted to fire me because I was fat)....then they said it was because the person who hired me went to the same church as I did.
Then my only other female friend last week applied for a job that I wanted (with a resume I made for her and knowing I had an interview there.) . She starts work tomorrow.
Just all of this together, makes me want to move really bad. I would move to another major city with good doctors for husbands health. But he was convinced to move, when all of a sudden our pastor came by...and during visiting, told us to not run away from problems....that they will follow, will just be a different environment. So, now husband doesnt want to move, but I still do....really badly. I work, he doesn't, he can't due to health issues.
Am I unreasonable to want to move, and start over somewhere else? Can someone please help me think about it a little more clearly. And I hope by being open about my situation, I don't ruin people responding to me here. I really do need the support here. My "real life" friends aren't too available....LOL If you got this far, thank you very much for reading. And thanks for any feedback someone can give me.
About a year ago we moved to Kansas city area for a couple of reasons. One was my husband's health. He has had 3 heart attacks, 2 bouts of pneumonia, a rotator cuff repair, a hospital overdose of pain killers, a gall bladder surgery, and a minor surgery for kidney stones since February of 2002. We needed closer to better doctors than were available to us in Fort Scott, KS. There were a few times that if we had not lived 5 minutes from the hospital in this area that he would not be alive now. Right now, his health is the best it has been in 2 years. He is still recoving from the 2 surgeries this past week. He does have excellent doctors here, I couldn't ask for better. I use some of the same physicians, and am equally impressed with my own health care.
The second reason was, I worked with a friend I was very close to--at one time more than a friend...I don't want to go into any more than that, and thats the part I really don't need flamed about....I know it shouldnt have happened. It did. And I learned a really valuable lesson, don't ever say you won't do something until you are put in a certain situation. Briefly, my marriage was hell.....I had been verbally abused, I had been sexually assaulted by my husband, and the mental abuse was more than I could take. This person has been a tremendous help to me. been the best friend I could hope for. At times---my only friend. We worked in a home based business together. We still do. I posted last week about me thinking something about him that was wrong. I apologized to him. He was forgiving easily. When my car broke down, he gave me rides, he helped me take it to the shop to get it fixed this week. Anything I ask for, he is there. Sometimes, not as soon as I want it, or feel like I need it, but he will make time for it.
I guess here is the hard part about that part of the situation---My marriage is still not the best. My husband and I do not hate each other anymore. We have a very mutual respect and are still together for various reasons. Its been so bad for 3 years, that some things you don't forget. But---for health reasons, and children...we are still together. It is very difficult for me to be around this "friend". And at this point, he is now very close friends with my husband. I want away. The friends relationship and I have changed enough that it is very, very difficult for me to have to deal with seeing him on a regular basis. To put it bluntly, because of the situation at home, I crave the closeness I used to have with this friend. And the shocker for some of you is, my husband encourages it. I have not spoken to my husband about any of this. I just till my husband no, not going to happen. Friend has also told me that he wants this. I dont know what else to say about this right now.
Then---about a year ago, some things happened with my husbands family. He cut off all communication with them. Basically, they had us evicted from someones home we were living with, because "my personal character" was not desirable. They also had nothing to do with us for over a year. They found out last week from a friend of a friend (you know how that goes) that husband was in the hospital, so the phone rang at the hospital one day. It was one of his sisters. Wanting us to know we were still family and they loved us.
Then on top of recent job problems (They wanted to fire me because I was fat)....then they said it was because the person who hired me went to the same church as I did.
Then my only other female friend last week applied for a job that I wanted (with a resume I made for her and knowing I had an interview there.) . She starts work tomorrow.
Just all of this together, makes me want to move really bad. I would move to another major city with good doctors for husbands health. But he was convinced to move, when all of a sudden our pastor came by...and during visiting, told us to not run away from problems....that they will follow, will just be a different environment. So, now husband doesnt want to move, but I still do....really badly. I work, he doesn't, he can't due to health issues.
Am I unreasonable to want to move, and start over somewhere else? Can someone please help me think about it a little more clearly. And I hope by being open about my situation, I don't ruin people responding to me here. I really do need the support here. My "real life" friends aren't too available....LOL If you got this far, thank you very much for reading. And thanks for any feedback someone can give me.