Help me plan my funeral, please!

[mesue]

OK I have been thinking about my own funeral a lot and realize I want it to be different? I don't mind a short prayer but I do not want the endless sermon that says nothing about the deceased which happens a lot here in my area. So if you got any ideas great, if you know of something done at a funeral that you been too that you like and was different please post it. Heres what I got so far.
I want music but not all hymns. at my wake I want this music:
Joy to the World by Three Dog Night
Please Dont Bury me! by John Prine
At Last by Ella Fitzgerald (I think)
Dear Abby, by John Prine
Thats all the music I got so far but I'm working on it, suggestions welcome.
Also on my stone I want, "I told you I was sick!"

[kvmj]

My dad wrote his own obituary and I really think that that was a good idea.

Another thing that's good to do is to ask for terstimony from the attendees. People can get up and share stories. It's more meaningful.

[nightrider127]

Another thing that's good to do is to ask for terstimony from the attendees. People can get up and share stories. It's more meaningful.

This was done at a friend of ours funeral. It gave the service more meaning.

When my Dad passed away a few months ago, we played his favorite songs, one of which was "Keep on the Sunnyside". I guess some people really thought that I had gone over the edge but it was his favorite song and I had it played for him.

We were lucky enough that Daddy had a very close friend who is a minister so we had him do the service. We had a cousin who is also a minister read the eulogy (sp). This too added meaning to the services. If you have a friend or family member who is a minister, consider adking them to do your services.

[Freebeemom]

Why not have a living funeral. If anyone has read "Tuesday's with Morrie", you will understand what I mean. In some strange way, it makes it easier for those who are still alive once you are gone....have people bring their fav. photos/memories of you.

Why not have the song "I did it my way"?

When my grandpa died (He was more like my father than my dad is), he wanted a brass band playing after the church service. He met with the priest before the funeral and discussed what he wanted said as a message to us all.
It was excellent and very personal.

Best of luck to you....I admire you for doing this!

[MamaFairal]

My sister passed in 2000 and at her services we had pictures all over showing her life achievments, family, friends
Her son did the music and played all her favs from "CCR" to James Taylor and Carly Simon....

When ever i hear "youv'e got a friend" i still break down :(

[Crick]

I have my own funeral planned. Why put my family through it. I will be cremated, ashes scattered out over the ocean. No service. If my family and friends want a memorial service then a short one with just a photo on a table and some New Orleans Jazz playing. Celebrate my life, not grieve that it is over.

[ahippiechic]

Same here, Crick. (Well, except for the Jazz part) I planned mine when I was 1st diagnosed with leukemia. It was something I'd never thought about before that really. I'd rather mine be a celebration of my life also.

[schsa]

NO funeral. No music. Make a donation to a worthy cause in memory of me. Cremate me and just dump my ashed into your garden or the ocean. I am dead but I will always be with you.

I do not want people mourning me. I want it to be a celebration of my life. Take some money and go out to dinner or something. But don't waste money on flowers or a minister. I don't want to rot in a hole in the ground.

BTY, when I am gone, everything that I have will go to the local ASPCA and the food bank. I am not leaving it to anyone. My sisters don't need it and my parents will be dead. So I might as well give it to a cause that can use it.

[SCRAPPIN']

Okay, call me crazy, but why are you all planning your funerals? Are any of you terminally ill? Do you just want to be prepared? Are you young, or old? I guess I hadn't even thought of that.......

[mesue]

Okay, call me crazy, but why are you all planning your funerals? Are any of you terminally ill? Do you just want to be prepared? Are you young, or old? I guess I hadn't even thought of that.......

I'm, 48 an my brother died a few months ago and it made me think what I might want, his death was sudden so my Mom ended up planning the funeral and though she did a lot of things I'm sure he would have liked some of the things was purely traditional and did not fit him at all.

[Tadbit]

Mesue, this might sound a little creepy, but why don't you record a message now for your family and friends to tell them what your life meant and thier's meant to you. Do it while you are alive and have a family member save it for you in a safe place. I always thought it would be great to do something like that. It's kind of like getting the last word. LOL :)

[Crick]

Okay, call me crazy, but why are you all planning your funerals? Are any of you terminally ill? Do you just want to be prepared? Are you young, or old? I guess I hadn't even thought of that.......

I planned mine several years ago. I have almost died three times but for some reason am still around. Probably to harrass the MODS on this board. j/k Anyway, I want as little burden put on my family as possible. Believe in the celebration of life not the ending of life. One journey ends and another one begins.

[fatesfaery]

DS wouldn't have wanted a traditional funeral, so we (me, DD and his closest friends) planned a memorial service.
There was a huge wake held at one of his best friends house....mostly just a big outdoor party with a bonfire.
We held the memorial service in an airplane hangar that belonged to a family friend. They had spent a lot of time at the hangar growing up, having barbeques and just hanging out.
There was no minister, Major's (one of his friends) mom spoke,two of his best friends did ulogies, another was written by another friend and given by yet another friend (the guy who wrote it was away at college).
His best friends and I came up with music that either Jason loved or reminded us of Jason. Songs with lyrics were played before and after the service, Celtic music was played during.Two of his friends sang The Beatles song In My Life.
The only religious music was amazing Grace on bagpipes (that's also the only time I lost it during the service).
After the service, people were invited to stay and eat all the foods people associated with Jason.
He was cremated and wanted his ashes scattered in three places....'his' mountain, the ocean and the Isle of Skye in Scotland.I also gave vials of his ashes to his best friends for them to either keep or scatter in places that were special to them and Jason.
My mom wasn't happy at all during the planning stages....afterwards she said she had never atteneded a funeral that felt as personal and right as Jason's memorial service did.

[LuvBigRip]

I planned mine many years ago too. After losing several family members suddenly, and being very sick at a young age, I decided to plan ahead. I will also be cremated, ashes scattered in the Ocean and Mountains, but that is after any organs are removed for transplant if they are useable. Parts are parts. A portion of my life insurance (amount predetermined) will be used for a party for friends and family to either extole my virtues, or complain about what an evil person I was. I figure even if you hate me, if you put up with me, you deserve a beer. :D

[ahippiechic]

I have an organ donor card also. Why waste something that I can't even use!

At a friends cremation recently, they put the ashes in tiny lockets for the family. I had never seen that before and thought it was cool. The rest they scattered in the ocean.

[LuvBigRip]

I think having an organ donar card is one of the best things you can do. I like the ashes in a locket idea.

[Jolie Rouge]

When my two grandmother's died - planning the funereals became a nightmare ( control issues and familial disagreements ) After that, my parents planned their own funereals - including choosing the music, readings, participants ect. When my Dad died after a long illness he had already spoken to the ministers and the expences were mostly paid up. Made it so much easier on my mom.

I am an organ donor and plan to donate the rest to science. They can have a party/wake with pictures and a Jazz Band ( see Crick - we can agree ! ;) ) to rememmber how annoying I have always been. Instructions have been left to play some Stones and some CCR. NO flowers ( take them to the nursing home if any appear ) and monies can be donated to St. Judes Childrens Hospital.

[msshannon]

Okay, call me crazy, but why are you all planning your funerals? Are any of you terminally ill? Do you just want to be prepared? Are you young, or old? I guess I hadn't even thought of that.......



I'm with you...this thread is kinda creepy. I can understand planning your own funeral so your loved ones are not burdened but to ask strangers on the internet to help you? I don't mean to sound insensitive...it just seems like a personal matter.

[fatesfaery]

I also like the locket idea. I have a tiny glass vial with Jason's ashes in it, but it tends to freak people out when they know what it contains.
I'm am organ donor, but since they were doing an autopsy on Jason it wasn't an option.
Instead of flowers, we requested people make donation to the library....for someone who spent a lot of his free time with his nose in a book, it seemed appropriate.
I don't think making plans and letting your loved ones know what you'd like is strange or creepy at all. I've been telling my family what i want since I was a teenager, and it has been a topic of conversation with both of my children.If i didn't discuss it with my family, they would opt for a traditional funeral and burial....the idea of being buried in the ground freaks me out, I want to be cremated.

[MsLynn]

the "best" (for lack of a better term) funeral i went to, they had a slide presentation of pictures from the time when he was a baby till right before he died basically telling his life story in pictures. it was really wonderful, it was all happy smiling pictures with family and friends.

[LuvBigRip]

I don't think it is creepy either. Death is as natural as life, and it is inevitable. Since most people would rather have their life celebrated, than their death mourned, I think asking for suggestions in planning the party is appropriate.

[msshannon]

Making plans with your loved ones on how you want your funeral conducted, what music you want played, how you want to be buried is not creepy. Asking strangers on the internet, however is a rose of a different color. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be insensitive...I just think asking complete strangers on the internet to help you plan your funeral is uncommon...maybe creepy wasn't the best choice of wording. :)

[Crick]

When my two grandmother's died - planning the funereals became a nightmare ( control issues and familial disagreements ) After that, my parents planned their own funereals - including choosing the music, readings, participants ect. When my Dad died after a long illness he had already spoken to the ministers and the expences were mostly paid up. Made it so much easier on my mom.

I am an organ donor and plan to donate the rest to science. They can have a party/wake with pictures and a Jazz Band ( see Crick - we can agree ! ;) ) to rememmber how annoying I have always been. Instructions have been left to play some Stones and some CCR. NO flowers ( take them to the nursing home if any appear ) and monies can be donated to St. Judes Childrens Hospital.

Mark this day on the calendar. Jolie and Crick agree on something. ;) Seriously, I see nothing wrong with asking others opinions on funerals. Someone, like myself, who has theirs planned out just might trigger something that they would like to incorporate into their plans. I think organ donation is a terrific idea. Unfortunatelly, because of my health most of my organs cannot be recycled.

[Willow]

I have an organ donor card also. Why waste something that I can't even use!

At a friends cremation recently, they put the ashes in tiny lockets for the family. I had never seen that before and thought it was cool. The rest they scattered in the ocean.


I watched a show on the Discovery Channel before about the process of preparing a persons body for burial. I didn't know this until I saw the show but they break up all of the organs with something that looks like a fire place poker. They explained why they did this but I forgot. I've heard a lot of people say they want to be buried with everything intact and that is why they don't want to donate their organs but if they are going to be broken up anyway why not donate them.

[justme23]

I don't have a clue about planning a funeral, I'm sorry... It's definitely a great thing you are doing for your family tho.

I wanted to say, to you guys w/ donor cards (also a great thing)... make sure your families know and understand your wishes NOW because even if you have a donor card they still have to ask your family for permission and if they say no then the hospital can't use any of your organs... Screwy, huh?

[mesue]

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be insensitive...I just think asking complete strangers on the internet to help you plan your funeral is uncommon...maybe creepy wasn't the best choice of wording. :)

Its a big world and in different parts of the world funerals are done differently and I have run out of ideas so it made sense to ask others. Here all the funerals are exactly alike and it drives me insane. I'm not asking anyone here to write a eulogy just give me some ideas, thats all. I love the fact that many people here have done things differently for their loved ones along the lines of what that person would have wanted and I think that is such a loving thing to do also love the ashes in the vial idea, might do that myself if I can convince my family to have me cremated. Thanks everyone for the ideas and keep them coming.

[freebielover]

Organ donation is a wonderful thing, the only part that bugs me is my eyes, I won't let them take my corneas for some reason, just bugs me I guess. It's a good thing to have all of this stuff planned out now, the worst time for people to plan things like this is when they're upset and grieving, it will make their life so much easier if it is all taken care of.

[queenangie]

I agree you need to plan ahead on these things.
Why put your grieving family through this to make these decisions
right after your death?

A mother at our church, with 5 young children, was a great one
for organization and lists. She unexpectedly died after going out
with her family one night to a summer theater production.
It was so sad.
The good thing was that being an organized Mom, she had
a file with everything she wanted in her funeral -
songs & hymns, Bible verses, clothing, photos, notes for each
of her children.
Made it much easier on the grieving husband with 5 young kids.

This is a gift you give for the loved ones left....one less detail
for them to handle.