sick and tired of everything

[irrelevant0]

i broke up with my fiance. it was official july 5. i went to his apartment last night and he was so mean. i don't even know where to start. he told me i probably get on people's nerves because i am mean to them, which isn't true. he had bought me a necklace and a set of earrings. i gave them back to him to keep. i thought i'd get them back if we ever got back together. he gave them to another girl. he made fun of me for talking to people on the internet. he knows i only have 2 friends that live here, and my mom. he said that i was f****d up and it was my fault we're over. he said i don't deserve him. i did everything i could for him and he treats me like i am nothing. i am not trying to make myself out as saint, but contributed more problems to our relationship than i did. he steals, has over $500 in cold checks. i am on probation so i don't want to be around him while he is doing that. we are over, and i am so lost. i don't now how to get over him. i just keep crying and it is driving me crazy. i read his emails earlier, and that was a big mistake. now i am bawling all over again. i think it is p*ssing my dad off, so i am trying to be quiet, but i'm not doing very well.

i also have no money. i am applying for ssi so i'm not working, and i have almost $1000 to pay on a credit card. i am losing my car and i have no money to do things with the two friends i have. i am supposed to start cleaning my aunt's house once a week, $20 each time i clean it, so that will help me a little.

my parents are also fighting. it seems like that's all they do. i feel like it is my fault because i have been hospitalized twice in the last month. i cost them so much money, i think they would be better off without me.

we also had to get rid of my little cat because he wouldn't stop using the bathroom in the house. that crushed me. i miss that little cat so much.

my medicine is also making me gain weight. i am getting huge. this is the least of my problems though.

my mom has been here for me through everything. she is going with me tomorrow to get the rest of my stuff from his apartment. if it wasn't for her i think i'd have killed myself by now. she is truly the only thing keeping me alive. my dad has been drinking really heavily, and i hate to see him like that.

@&%^^*()(*^#@##$$&%^*#$&*^()^*()^*()%*(^#%^*@#$^#$^

[Angel Lips]

I am soo sorry you have to go through this, I know how you feel. believe me it will all get better in the long run. Sounds like hes only saying those things to make you feel guilty, which is wrong and you shouldnt let that get to you. Be strong and show him that you dont need him, your better off alone and find somone who will treat you with respect and appreciate you for who you are. ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

if you want to talk please feel free to message me.

ps i know what its like to read old emails from a loved one, i do it to with my boyfriend which i believe is about to end soon. so i feel your pain too hun.

[Army-Mom]

I am sorry you are going thru a hard time right now. Being young is so hard I do remember...but things will get better I promise...I would have people tell me that when I was young and I would just think they are trying to make me feel better but it really does get bettter...you will heal with time and be a stronger person for it..
hugs,
Marcia

[Army-Mom]

Angel Lips, I guess we are thinking alike on this one. I posted my message and started reading yours and thought it posted twice.lol..

[KATinKY]

Gosh, I am also so sorry your going through this. If you ever wanna talk, you know you can email me, or pm me. my email is deakky@alltel.net. I dont know what to say other than take it day by day. Hopefully your meds will kick in soon and your feel some what better. I am not sorry about you ending your relationship with your fiance though, I know that sounds harsh, but if he is that mean to you, you dont need him and it will just make things worse for you. He doesnt deserve you. Well hope to hear from you soon though, even if it is just to say things are getting better, which they will, I promise. If you ever want or need a vacation, you can come and visit us. :)

[missymommy]

Sounds to me like you deserve better than this guy!

I am sure that your parents are thanking God that they are able to help you. I have had to go back to my parents for help and it is such a comfort knowing that your parents are there for you!

Have you tried to get anything from welfare? I am not sure how that would work living with your parents.

As for the weight gain I know exactly how you feel!!! Tell your doctor that you are very depressed and unhappy about the weight gain and ask for something that is known not to cause weight gain and see if it works for you.

I hope that things get better for you soon!!!!

HUGGLES!!

[justinenycole26]

Forget the jewelry, it is not worth your stress. Secretly hope that it turns the other girl's neck green. Get a picture in your mind of her neck with a big green ring around it. Pull out that mental picture whenever you need to. (But why did you give it back anyway?)
So you really want to get back with someone who is so hateful to you? I can't for the life of me figure out what you would see in him that would make you want to go back for more verbal abuse. You are so much better than that. If nothing else, think of it like this: what do you think would be more effective, him seeing you crying over him and still calling him and making excuses to see him or him seeing you totally forgetting you ever knew him and never calling agian and carrying on wit hyour life as if nothing happens. DO NOT let this man know he got to you.

On another note, if you can clean your aunt's house, why are you applying for SSI? Why not just get a job so you can keep your car and maybe salvage your credit?

[KATinKY]

On another note, if you can clean your aunt's house, why are you applying for SSI? Why not just get a job so you can keep your car and maybe salvage your credit?

I know you probably didnt mean anything by this, but just because she can maybe clean her Aunt's house 2x a week or whatever, doesnt mean she is able to work, I for one know this. It is hard to find a stable job, when you dont know what mood or condition your in the next day.

[mom2cvam]

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. I know my heart would be breaking too but someday you will look back and be glad that you aren't with him any more. My grandma always told me " don't cry over someone that wouldn't cry over you". He doesn't deserve you. He sounds like he's very selfish and a jerk. He's only trying to push you down and control you. You're feeding his ego when you cry over him and let him know that he's hurting you. The best revenge would be to move on. Show him that your life is so much better with out him bringing you down. It will heal with time. In the mean time I'm sending you lots of (((hugs))) and healing vibes. If you need to talk, I've got a big shoulder. ;)

[Elijah'sMommy]

Hopefully, you don't find this toto cheesy....I surround myself with music. Sometimes,it's good to know someone else has gone thru what you're going thru and has come out the other end, intact. When I was going thru a very rough time in my life, I cranked up this song as loud as possible,whenever possible. I think the lyrics are fitting for you. Keep your head up.

Survivor---by Destiny's Child

Now that you are out of my life, I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without ya, but I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without ya, but I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without ya, I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya, now I'm wiser
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya, but I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya, but I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya, sold 9 million

I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it. I'm a survivor, keep on survivin'

Thought I couldn't breath without ya, I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without ya, perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without ya, but I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya, but I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya, but I'm on top
Thought that it would be over by now, but it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct, but I'm still here
Even in my years to come, I'm still gonna be here

I'm a survivor,I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it. I'm a survivor, keep on survivin'.

I'm wishin' you the best,pray that you are blessed much success, no stress, and lots of happiness (I'm better than that), I'm not gonna blast you on the radio (I'm better than that), I'm not gonna lie on you or yo family, yo (I'm better than that), I'm not gonna hate on you in the magazine (I'm better than that), I'm not gonna compromise my christianity (I'm better than that), You know I'm not gonna diss you on the internet ('Cause my mama taught me better than that).

I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it. I'm a survivor, keep on survivin'.

After all of the darkness and sadness, soon comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things, I'll gain posterity

I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder. I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it. I'm a survivor, keep on survivin'.

[justinenycole26]

I know you probably didnt mean anything by this, but just because she can maybe clean her Aunt's house 2x a week or whatever, doesnt mean she is able to work, I for one know this. It is hard to find a stable job, when you dont know what mood or condition your in the next day.

Thank you for not screaming at me Kat. I really did not mean to sound insensitive. Just saying that if it is at all possible, having a job to go to would give her something to work towards, something to distract her and pride. I totally understand that she may not be able to hold down a job, whether it be physical or mental. That's what SSI is there for. I think it is really wrong that it takes honest people well over a year to get SSI. There should be a better way......
But that's another vent.

Good luck in keeping your head up Irrelevant0.

[schsa]

Firstly you are allowed to cry. And your ex is being spiteful and trying to make himself feel better because it's "all your fault". Well, it takes two. And he can go shove his head in the toilet for all you should care. As for the jewelry, ok, regret giving it back. I gave back a 7 diamond engagement ring once. Dang I miss that ring. Don't miss the man but I really miss that ring.

Now, call your credit card people and tell them your situation and hope that they will lower your payment to something you can afford. Maybe only pay the interest and not the principal. But do call. I don't know if you can do the same with your car or not but you can try.

Are you truely eligible for SSI? If so, keep in mind that it will take several years before you receive benefits and if you don't have years of working it isn't going to be enough money to live on. See if you qualify for food stamps or any other sort of social services.

Your meds may make you gain weight but you can take it off with diet and exercise. I did it. Don't assume that the weight will be there forever. And when you meds really kick in you will start to feel better.

I don't know anyone who hasn't gone through at least one major break up in their lifetime. It hurts and it is hard to get over, but you can move on. It takes time but you will heal. And a few years from now when you see him, you will wonder what you saw in him that make you want to marry him. It's amazing but it happens.

[Kelsey1224]

I am so sorry you are going through this. If I remember correctly...this is the guy who would drink up his paycheck, be so sick from all the booze, and not do anything about it.

You are so better off without him. Of course, that's easy for me to say and it will take you a while to realize it. But, you definitely have more friends than he says...even if we are just faceless names on this board. We care!

[DivineMsDi]

You are going through something very normal. You are mourning for the relationship and even if it was far from perfect, it was comfortable for you.

Make a list of all the things making you unhappy and resolve to try and do something about them today. Even if you just take a walk, it will help.

Many others have given you good advice. When you are ready, read what they say.

If you are young or old, love comes around again. True love will find you. A true love will be someone who is not judging you and blaming you for things. Obviously the man is lashing out and immature. Rise above it.

You will be fine. The heart, though broken, will mend. We are here for you.

[irrelevant0]

thanks so much for all the advice everyone.

i just went to a friend's house and talked to her. i used to ask to put makeup on him, just to have something to do. he would always pitch a fit and act like i was asking to kill him. the friend i was talking to said he asked her to put makeup on him.

i hate him so much right now. i swear, i will never get back together with that boy! he is too immature and a bum. i don't need it.

[KATinKY]

thanks so much for all the advice everyone.
i hate him so much right now. i swear, i will never get back together with that boy! he is too immature and a bum. i don't need it.

You are so right....You DONT Need him...

Also, not to make anyone mad or anything, but it does NOT take a year or longer to get SSI, regardless of work history. I know this for a fact. I got SSI and so does my son, who has Bi-Polar, which I stopped mine, dont need it anymore, but I dont know why everyone seems that it takes a long time to get, I know it is easier to get if you got a mental problem, than having something physically wrong with you, which I dont kow why, but that is how it is here, anyhow, just wanted to share my experience, and also that it only took 3 months for my son to get, and six months for myself. and also for anyone that has a kid with Bi-polar, there is so much you can get help with and I am now learning all the laws about the school systems also, if you all need any advice on those things.

[MamaFairal]

[QUOTE=irrelevant0] i used to ask to put makeup on him, just to have something to do. he would always pitch a fit and act like i was asking to kill him. the friend i was talking to said he asked her to put makeup on him also[QUOTE]


?? huh ??

[schsa]

Anger is very positive. Don't let go of that feeling. :D

[Kelsey1224]

[/QUOTE=irrelevant0] i used to ask to put makeup on him, just to have something to do. he would always pitch a fit and act like i was asking to kill him. the friend i was talking to said he asked her to put makeup on him also



?? huh ??

Oh...I'm glad someone else responded to this comment. I thought, "What did she say???"