Need advice about ex-psycho

[dena_darling]

I used to date a guy on and off for a year. I worked at Wal-Mart at the time and quit a year after we broke up. This guy was a total psycho. He would go off for no reason and beat the crap out of me. He would pull the phone cords out of my house so i could not call for help, beat the crap out of me, he tried to push me out of my car while I was driving, and tried to kill me by pushing me over a balcony. I had him arrested for abuse 3 times and he kept saying he will keep coming back. My dad chased him through the woods once, lol. Anyway, he is working at the Wal-Mart that I did now. I shop at Wal-Mart all the time. (Right now that is the only main store around.) But it seems like every time i go to wal-mart, i run into him. I will walk around the corner and he will be there. If i just glance behind me, i see him behind me.
It feels kinda like he is following me. He is married now but beats his wife too. (A coworker's hubby is his friend and told me). This guy terrified the daylights out of me when we were together. But now that I see him constantly, I keep have extreme nightmares about him trying to kill me. This happens every time i see him. I can't just quit going to wal-mart because that is the only store nearby and I would have to drive an hour and a half just to go to a different store. And with gas prices, i can't afford to do that. Does anyone have any advice for me? I am sick of seeing him and having nightmares about him. I don't know if he put down on his application at wal-mart that he has been arrested or if that would even matter. One of the new asst. mgrs at this store had kicked him out of a different wal-mart because he was stalking me while i was worked there. My mom said just turn around and tell him to quit following me. But i'm kinda scared to talk to him.

[LuvBigRip]

Can you find out what his schedule is and only go to Walmart when he won't be there? Can you take a friend with you when you go? I know you said you are scared to talk to him, but people like him feed off fear and power. He is probably very aware that he is scaring you and is getting his jollies off that. Next time you see him, look him square in the eye, and tell him to leave you alone. If he refuses, go directly to his manager, explain to him your history, and that your ex appears to be following you through their store. If he is not working, the likelihood that he is following you is greater. If he is on shift, he should be working, rather than on your tail. I wish you luck, people like your ex should be locked up.

[Lora_1994]

my dads soon to be ex wife was a psychopath too and also worked at wal-mart. I used to LOVE going there, but when she started, I started getting her schedule from my dad and if I had to, I'd go at midnight, just so I didnt have to deal with her crazy a$$. Maybe trying something like that would help. best of luck to you.

[suprtruckr]

Can you find out what his schedule is and only go to Walmart when he won't be there? Can you take a friend with you when you go? I know you said you are scared to talk to him, but people like him feed off fear and power. He is probably very aware that he is scaring you and is getting his jollies off that. Next time you see him, look him square in the eye, and tell him to leave you alone. If he refuses, go directly to his manager, explain to him your history, and that your ex appears to be following you through their store. If he is not working, the likelihood that he is following you is greater. If he is on shift, he should be working, rather than on your tail. I wish you luck, people like your ex should be locked up.
i would just ask management when i went in if he was working and if he was ask if they could they keep security with him to prevent him from following if that doesn't work go straight to sporting goods and pick up a baseball bat or a golf club and then if/when store personnel ask WTF you're doing tell them about this guy and that you felt since they weren't going to do anything about him while you shopped you were going to handle it yourself.
if he is following you around this is stalking, and it is illegal. IF walmart won't watch him threaten suit. you should be able to shop in a safe environment

[dena_darling]

Thanks for the advice. I will try and see if a mgr will give me his schedule so i can definitely avoid him. I wish i could just walk around wal-mart carrying one of their baseball bats and when i see him behind me, just turn around and swing.

[suprtruckr]

I wish i could just walk around wal-mart carrying one of their baseball bats and when i see him behind me, just turn around and swing.
i would anyway, what can they do? tell you to leave?

[Freebeemom]

Is it me, or isn't it worse if the manager knows your problems? I would leave the manager out of it and just call the police.....why not drop an anonymous note to his current wife! It just may save her life!??

I would tread very carefully here...getting a manager involved could just make it worse.

[LuvBigRip]

Thanks for the advice. I will try and see if a mgr will give me his schedule so i can definitely avoid him. I wish i could just walk around wal-mart carrying one of their baseball bats and when i see him behind me, just turn around and swing.
I would carry one around too....How do they know you are not going to purchase it. But, honestly, I think as long as he knows he is scaring you, and as long as he is scaring you, he still has the power. Take that power away from him!!

Oh, and congratulations for getting out of that relationship!

[VALENA-)45]

Thanks for the advice. I will try and see if a mgr will give me his schedule so i can definitely avoid him. I wish i could just walk around wal-mart carrying one of their baseball bats and when i see him behind me, just turn around and swing. I would advice you to be very careful around him. go to the police, take your police reports from the past and show them how dangeruos he is to you. And if he continues to follow you , turn around and tell him, if he don't leave you alone you will have him arrested for stalking. do you have any brothers, or male friends that can or will help you out with him??? any man that will hit a woman, will not hit a man. if you can conquer your fear of him, beat him with a baseball bat, break his leg or arm and he will leave you alone. you need to conquer your fear, i have had your fear so i know how you feel, if you could hit him back, you won't be scared of him anymore. good luck i hope you get someone to help you.

[amysusi]

Is it me, or isn't it worse if the manager knows your problems? I would leave the manager out of it and just call the police.....why not drop an anonymous note to his current wife! It just may save her life!??

I would tread very carefully here...getting a manager involved could just make it worse.


If the OP goes into his place of employment, what can the police do? They will only tell her not to shop there. What good will telling the current wife do if he is abusing her the same way he abused the OP. Good ideas though.

Good luck to the OP. That's all the advice I have. I think the others have given you some pretty good stuff.

[LitWtch]

I agree with Amysusi here - basically, if it bothers you to go there, then don't. Personally I'd rather go the extra time to drive elsewhere than subject myself to his terrorism.
If the store manager even thinks of giving his schedule up to you, he is going against privacy policies, and thus no better than your ex.
Frankly, I say go else where - Walmart isn't all that great anyways.
Good luck.

[DaLilPeachy]

ok here's my 2 cents
i doubt they will give you his schedule so just speak with the manager and ask him (like the other poster said) to keep him under wraps when you're in the store.
That will probably do it. Good luck

[Freebeemom]

I still say not to talk to the store manager...who knows if they are friends or not!! BAD idea! This will make the psycho even more mad!

[schsa]

If I were you I would make an appoinment to talk to the store manager. Take the police reports you have on your ex and let the manager know that you don't want his job but you have noticed that he is following you when you are in the store, and you would appreciate it if their security people would watch you while you are in the store.

Let the store manager make the decision about what they can and cannot do. Then you can decide whether or not you feel safe to shop there.

[VALENA-)45]

If I were you I would make an appoinment to talk to the store manager. Take the police reports you have on your ex and let the manager know that you don't want his job but you have noticed that he is following you when you are in the store, and you would appreciate it if their security people would watch you while you are in the store.

Let the store manager make the decision about what they can and cannot do. Then you can decide whether or not you feel safe to shop there. good idea.

[sahmsfreeb]

first off do your best to avoid this store (at least until he gets fired or leaves on his own)


for a store employee to follow ANY shopper should be means for termination. i agree with the other post that the manager probably does not care.... and wont do anything... and management does not have the right to tell you his schedule... that is a privacy issue...
i would suggest that you have security follow you as you shop. not him. following him infringes on his rights. and since you do not sound like you have an order of protection against him you cannot go out of your way to interfere with his life. having a security gaurd follow you would help. but if he is friends with the security or the managment...


please be safe.... please... a girl where i am from died this past week in virginia... her ex killed her.... she was only 19.. please be safe.............

[babydoll_jen]

Why should she have to go out of her way to go to another store just because of some psycho? I wouldn't drive hours out of my way just because of one person. Who cares if it is his place of employment. It is a public place.

[dlwt]

He knows he is scarrying you and he loves it. Dont let him scare you!!! I know thats hard but either dont go there when he is there or look him straight in the eye and show him you are not scared. Maybe he will leave you alone if he doesnt get the fear that he wants out of you. Do you know what car he drives?? I mean he cant work all the time, find the time he aint there and shop. Personally even if someone came to me and told me things about a employee there is not much you can do so going to the manager may just end up losing his job good or bad they have to justify why. I am kind rambling here but Girl you are in control!!!! Dont let him control you

[ttistin]

Next time you are at wal-mart and see him following you turn around and start yelling at him, make sure everyone hears and sees you. Make it very clear that even though in the past he may have beat you and scared you, you are no longer scared of him. Tell him to leave you alone and stop following you. Like I said make it loud so everyone hears. If he sees that everyone is watching him and hears what you are saying maybe he will back off and leave you alone.

{{Hugs}} Good Luck.

[dlwt]

Next time you are at wal-mart and see him following you turn around and start yelling at him, make sure everyone hears and sees you. Make it very clear that even though in the past he may have beat you and scared you, you are no longer scared of him. Tell him to leave you alone and stop following you. Like I said make it loud so everyone hears. If he sees that everyone is watching him and hears what you are saying maybe he will back off and leave you alone.

{{Hugs}} Good Luck.
What a excellant IDEA. Make a scene and embarras him. Bet he wont do it again

[dena_darling]

Well, I haven't been back in Wal-Mart yet. I've just been staying out of the store lately. I'm trying not to go unless I have to have something for the kids. I'm not sure yet what i am going to do. I really dont think i should have to way drive out of my way to avoid him. I'm the victim not him. He does not drive. I heard he has a car but he does not have a license and his wife is scared to drive (??) so her dad drives them around.
But i might just carry around a bat when i go in the store and if he follows me, I will be really loud and say something about him beating me up before and to stop following me.

But thanks for all the caring and helpful ideas. I really appreciate your thoughts.

[LitWtch]

Why should she have to go out of her way to go to another store just because of some psycho? I wouldn't drive hours out of my way just because of one person. Who cares if it is his place of employment. It is a public place.


It may be a public place, but why KNOWINGLY put yourself in a potentially harmful or explosive situation? That is just fueling the fire. By all means, use the store if it is the last resort, but then again, what does Walmart have that isn't readily available elsewhere? I would personally enjoy the extra quiet time in the car and the scenic view, and be at ease when I shop, rather than be paranoid that the psycho may or may not be lurking behind the next isle.

Dena, I am not negating the fact that you were his victim, rather what I am saying is that since you know he may be there, why put yourself BACK to being victimized? If he is as horrid as you say, his true colors will show soon enough with out you or your children having to be hurt.

[babydoll_jen]

It may be a public place, but why KNOWINGLY put yourself in a potentially harmful or explosive situation? That is just fueling the fire. By all means, use the store if it is the last resort, but then again, what does Walmart have that isn't readily available elsewhere? I would personally enjoy the extra quiet time in the car and the scenic view, and be at ease when I shop, rather than be paranoid that the psycho may or may not be lurking behind the next isle.


Sure, let him know he wins yet again. :confused:

Why not stand up for yourself and your rights. By avoiding him, you are showing him that he is winning, that he has control over you. Nobody has control over you but YOU!! Stand up for yourself. Show him just how strong of a woman you became. Reverse the situation (I'm not saying beat the crap out of him or anything). When he is harassing you, start calling him names and screaming at him. Let him know what it feels like to be belittled as a person. If you face the situation, you will feel a huge burden being lifted and be able to hang your head high the next time you do decide to go to Wal Mart.

[LitWtch]

What I am stating is an ALTERNATIVE way of standing up for one's self. Choosing to not allow this is also standing up for your self. The less this man has as fuel, the less he can control. He isn't following her anywhere esle apparently, and who knows if his being in the same place of the store as the OP is, that he is following her - he could very well just be doing his job. Choosing NOT to patronize the store is not giving in, it is a way of turning your back and not allowing the low life scum back into her life. Thus, taking control of who and what she allows into her life, and the situation as a whole.

[andreame70]

Do you know what department he works in? Let's say, for example that he works in sporting goods. If you need to go to WalMart, call the store and ask for sporting goods (or what ever dept he is in) when someone in that dept answers the phone, say something like "Hi, what time does "John" come in today?" They would know if he was there already or if he was scheduled for that day. You are more likely to get this information from the dept he works in, as opposed to talking to the manager or the person at the switchboard. Would you recognize "John's" voice if he were the one to answer in his dept? If you can, then you would know he was there and you could just hang up. If he answers the phone in the dept, you would also know that later that day you could go and shop, because the chances are that he will only work an 8 hour shift. You could even get creative, disguise your voice a little and ask him a question about something that is sold in his dept. Thank him for getting the price on it for you and ask if he will be there all day so he can help you with it when you go in to buy it. He will probably offer you the time that he is leaving for the day.

Just some ideas. I hope that things work out. Be careful and beat him at his silly little game.

[bonniejeanne]

Do you know anybody who works at that Walmart that could find out his schedule for you? All of the employee hours are listed where everyone can see them. Just give your friend his name and ask them to write down his hours. If he continues to follow and annoy you, you can report him to management. There is a man (customer) who continually bothers my friend (a cashier there), and is insistent that she go out with him. One of our CSMs approached her one day and asked if she was going to have to get mean with him. I would think it a form of harassment the way he follows you around, and Walmart has rules against harassment. You can also ask for someone to walk you out to your vehicle if you feel you need to be protected.

[qwestgirl]

Have him arrested for stalking???? I left my home, family, excellent job and all of my friends that I had made for the past 22 years to get out of a bad relationship.....Went 1800 miles away to do so.......You CANNOT have someone arrested for stalking because he is at HIS place of employment whether he is following you or not!! Simply tell the MGR that he is following you through the store and to find him something to do, after all, they are not going to pay him if he isn't doing his job.......SERIOUSLY, if you are having nightmares over this.....GO SOMEWHERE ELSE......The gas prices are cheaper than the therapy involved!! Just stay away.......! OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND...If he sees you, he is obvious going to torment you..so, simply stay away!! PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED.

[freebielover]

I had a nutty ex kind of like that, he hit me once and he was gone, but anyways, ignore him. When he follows you around the store just pretend he isn't there. Don't act scared, you are so much stronger than him, just ignore him. He cannot touch you in a public place, a guy like that wouldn't have the guts to do it, and its not like he can follow you out of the store. Don't go out of your way to shop there, but if you want to shop at Walmart, no one has the right to keep you away. Just my thoughts, take them or leave them, everyone else has great ideas too, I just hate to think that you would have to drive extra just because of one person!

[wubbywa]

They have security cameras in the store too, find out where they are and if he starts bothering you then slowly work your way towards one of them without him knowing what you are doing. Then make your scene if you have too then it is on camera also andthey can watch and see what happened maybe he will get fired then. Put him in his place!!!

[mom4angels]

Do you know what department he works in? Let's say, for example that he works in sporting goods. If you need to go to WalMart, call the store and ask for sporting goods (or what ever dept he is in) when someone in that dept answers the phone, say something like "Hi, what time does "John" come in today?" They would know if he was there already or if he was scheduled for that day. You are more likely to get this information from the dept he works in, as opposed to talking to the manager or the person at the switchboard. Would you recognize "John's" voice if he were the one to answer in his dept? If you can, then you would know he was there and you could just hang up. If he answers the phone in the dept, you would also know that later that day you could go and shop, because the chances are that he will only work an 8 hour shift. You could even get creative, disguise your voice a little and ask him a question about something that is sold in his dept. Thank him for getting the price on it for you and ask if he will be there all day so he can help you with it when you go in to buy it. He will probably offer you the time that he is leaving for the day.

Just some ideas. I hope that things work out. Be careful and beat him at his silly little game.

This is a great idea without getting managment involved. I can tell you from experience that I work as a dept manager for two years at my local Wal-Mart. I was being harassed on the job by my soon to be crazy ex husband in the store. I had quit one job because he kept coming in the store to harrass me and the manager did want to lose his business, so he bascially told me it was my problem. I told my surpervsior the assistant manager over my dept about him in the store. She told me that I could have a written report in my file about him harassing me and that when management saw him around me they would ask him to leave. Well I did what was told to me. About two weeks after i put it in the file and all management knew he came into the store straight to my department. He started harassing me about the person that I was seeing in the store, He had also brought his current girlfriend with him and she was standing right there. The person I was seeing happened to walk out of the back room then. My manager walked right by said hello to my ex and walked away never telling him to leave or nothing. I finally walked to the back of the store with him on my heals still running his mouth and nobody did one thing. I was so mad that I was ready to quit then. He was physically abusive and verbally abusive. I also realize that I was giving him the power over me by letting him harass me. I finally told him myself that if he bothered me on the job again that I would have him arrested and I meant it. I got in his face and treated him like he use to me. But I did it in a public place where I know that he wouldn't strike back. If you stick to your guns , he will eventually leave you alone. It is the power trip is is on right now because he knows that he scares you. I would walk right into that store and shop. If for some reason that you do go there when he is working and he follows you. Make sure you stay on a main isle don't go anywhere that no one can see. Also if you know where the security cameras are in your store take him on a long walk around the store and it can be on film. That way it can be proved that he followed you through the store. I know that there in the bubble in the ceiling in the smaller store but I don't know what they do in the supercenter. I know that the were not cameras in all of the bubles either. It was one at the front and back doors , Lawn and garden in the middle of the store. Then if you really want to tell the manager tell him to check the stores security cameras on the days he followed you. I would do that several times ignoring that he is there. So that it shows up on different days that he was working. As bad as he sounds I am sure that he will get himself fired very soon. If you feel that it is best to tell the manager and he will not do anything about it which is likely , there is a number to the district manager always on the sign at the customer service desk. Call them something will be done then. I hope that this gets better just don't live in fear of this jerk because that is what he wants and if he isn't following you anywhere else, he is just getting his jollies like someone said while you are in
the store. For those dreams you are having is coming from being reminded of what this person put you through. Maybe if you talked to someone about it like a friend or maybe your pastor it will help