Would you be upset?

[cookiegirl]

Would you be upset if your husband, boyfriend, partner, stated he wanted to go to a gentlemans club while he is working out of town. Or am i being insecure and selfish.
What concerns me is what goes on inside the clubs. I do not want to post the wrong thing, but I am sure most of you know what I mean.
Would you ask why he feels he has to go there.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you

[Denise1972]

Oh there is NO way in the world that it would be ok for me. My bf used to be an over the road truck driver. If he told me he was doing that, he would be finding a new place to live! :eek: :mad:

[mom2cvam]

My DH works stay aways during the week and is only home on the weekends. There is NO way that him going to "gentlemen's club" would be ok with me. NO WAY!! He knows how I feel and why I feel that way so I like to think he wouldn't go. I know people who go to ones around here and I know what goes on. There is no way my DH is going into one. Thats just me though. I do trust my hubby, I just don't like those kind of places.

[buttrfli]

I guess its just me, but it wouldn't bother me. If I weren't able to trust him in ANY situation, I would not have married him. Hes been to a few and I have even gone with him a few times.... not my kind of thing though LOL My DH wouldn't go just to go. There has always been a party (birthday, bachelor etc) or him and a bunch of buddies, when he went. I am sure if he asked me if he could go, (just to go) I'd be a little shocked, but like I said.. if I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be here.

With him being a musician, I he has to deal with a lot of women coming on to him. I won't lie, I was jealous in the beginning, but after 10 years, I am quite over it. Its just part of the lifestyle and thats just something I have learned to ignore.

[turbob]

Wow -tough question. For me personally, it would not bother me, but I think it has a LOT to do with you guys personal relationship. Only you know the whole story, so only you can decide if you are comfortable with it or not. My question is, why did he tell you he was thinking about it? Is it because he is always honest? Did he want your approval before he went? I think it is a good thing he told you - he didn't have to - that says a LOT about how he feels about you.

[cookiegirl]

Thank you all,
I do trust him. Up until last night I felt very secure in our relationship.
I understand the bachelor party birthday celebration thing. I do not understand I am working out of town reason. He has to work there a few more weeks. Would you tell your man the reasons you would prefer he not go. Or should I not say anything. I only see him a few hours a week, I do not want to come off like a nag. I do not know how to explain this but I don't get it. It makes me feel inadequate.

[buttrfli]

Thank you all,
I do trust him. Up until last night I felt very secure in our relationship.
I understand the bachelor party birthday celebration thing. I do not understand I am working out of town reason. He has to work there a few more weeks. Would you tell your man the reasons you would prefer he not go. Or should I not say anything. I only see him a few hours a week, I do not want to come off like a nag. I do not know how to explain this but I don't get it. It makes me feel inadequate.

IMHO - be honest with him. Tell him how you feel. I don't think that this particular situation would portray you as a nag.... its not like hes leaving his underpants laying around... if it bothers you, he should know.

[MamaFairal]

You should feel good that he told you he wants to go and didnt just go and then tell you he went....lol

I'm sure no matter how much ya trust him your husbands have "been" somewhere they shouldn't have and never told ya about it...lol

Just what do you think goes on there?

* i just wanted to add that i know a friend of my oldest DD's is a dancer and where she dances the men are not allowed to touch at "all"....lap dances are for just the lap..no touching!....and someones hubby pays her quite well cuz this girl is blinging bling!

[mom2cvam]

I guess thats one of my main problems with it. The money should come home to his family not to some dancer. JMO :o

[cookiegirl]

Vegas has lots of these clubs. I am not sure what is approriate to post. I guess what bugs me is the dances they pay for. I hope that is ok to say.
When he first mentioned this on the phone during the week, he was telling me about the guys who went that nite, and he said I did not og. it was the tone, like he was proud he did not go. made sure i knw that. I did not say anything. I was releived. when we hung up I thought to myself i have a great boyfriend. Not going with the guys.
don't get me wrong i still think i have a great boyfriend. it was last nite i said why didn't you go. i know i should not have asked. his response well the one guy who was going is a pain, i wanted to go but...
i di not say anything last nite becasue he was so tired from driving back, i did not want to start anything. so now i have let it bother me all day. and that is really stupid. i am really trying hard to let it go. I thank all of you so much because this is really halping me to do that.

[MamaFairal]

I agree :) completely.

I was just stating that not all dancers are into bopping the guys and not all "Gentlemans" clubs are sleazy.
This girl Jill makes good $ and is a good kid..just dances for a living thats all :(

[YankeeMary]

I don't think this has anything to do with trust at all. I trust my husband with all my heart, but I wouldn't want him in one of these places. Nor would he want to go to one, maybe in his younger years it might have interested him, but no longer. I just don't like the fact that some woman is walking around even half naked in front of my husband, nor would he appreciate a man half naked walking around in front of me. I think it has to do with each relationship, since no 2 relationships are the same. But if DH did decide to want to go to one, of course I would ask why and vice versa. Girlie clubs just aren't our thing. But to each their own. And just for the record neither of us are jealous at all, its just not worth being jealous. Whatever you decide make sure you at least try to talk to him. Talking is not nagging if done the right way. (I come off as a nag sometimes also.) Good Luck.

[momfromTN]

Absolutely. If I am not good enough for my DH, then he needs to step off and get out. Just my opinion. I think that women are used as sex objects too much and the fact that my husband would be ogling gals nearly young enough to be our daughter would disturb me on a LOT of levels.

[Lora_1994]

when me and my husband first got together, I was VERY insecure. I still am to a point and I have heard horrible things about those "clubs". Yeah, I'd probably have a problem with him going to one. But if he wants to watch a porn, read magazines, or that type of thing, thats alright. I just dont like the physical aspect of it. I wouldnt go to see male strippers out of respect for my husband and I would hope he felt the same way towards me.

[cookiegirl]

This came from out of nowhere. Three weeks ago we were talking about marriage and moving to penssylvania. This is one of the reasons I am upset. Shocked I quess. How do you go from discussing a future together to this.
I am going to talk to him tonite. I have to at least tell him how I feel. I do appreciate him being honest and telling me.
But I am such a worry wart this will eat away at me until the work in California is finished. Not a good way to live a life or have a relationship.
I was divorced single woman for a long time. Mike is the first man who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
I really do thank all of you for your help with this. He should be here soon.

[Freebeemom]

I, personally, would think twice about your relationship with him....the marriage part. Like others have said, it is what "goes on inside the club". On one hand...at least he told you, but on the other, I would be shocked. My DH and I did not do the bachelor party thing...we just dont believe in it. It seems rediculous to hire someone to do a "one last fling" mentality. My DH has walked away from it many times and he has definately been hassled about his decision...but after the "ragging" wears off...he knows that he has made the right decision.
It says, to ME, that he is insecure about the relationship...or that he is second-guessing his decision to be faithful. I know many couples who don't have a problem with this, but there are so many other problems in the marriage.

I would really be questioning your relationship....nag or not....would you do that to him? And how would he feel?

Can you "Surprise" him? Go out there and "perform" for him instead of some stranger???

I guess it just depends on how much you want to invest in this relationship!



I think if you listen to your heart or that "little voice"....it will tell you what your true feelings are about this....

[justme23]

Would you be upset if your husband, boyfriend, partner, stated he wanted to go to a gentlemans club while he is working out of town. Or am i being insecure and selfish.
What concerns me is what goes on inside the clubs. I do not want to post the wrong thing, but I am sure most of you know what I mean.
Would you ask why he feels he has to go there.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you


What goes on inside the clubs? My hubby and I frequent gentlemans clubs (together) and I don't know what's goin on in the clubs where you're from but you are very promptly removed from the property if anything but looking goes on in the clubs here... you aren't even allowed to touch them long enough to give them money, you just throw it on the floor.

I personally wouldn't have a problem w/ it, I trust my husband, but I do understand why a lot of women don't like it and you aren't being insecure or selfish.

[sharinbo]

For me, personally, it wouldn't be a big deal at all if my DH wanted to go to one. His co-workers invite him every weekend and he always says no. It just doesn't interest him. He says he'd rather spend the money it would cost to go there on "us". Heck, I'd be fine with him going alone, or taking me with him, whatever.... It's a very personal issue, though. I know alot of people who would not tolerate it at all. However you feel about it, he should respect you enough to honor your feelings about it.

[Dolly<3]

Like a strip club?

Well, I'd question why my bf/dh wanted to go see other scantily-clad/topless/naked women dancing, but I would trust him to behave.

[VALENA-)45]

Sweetie used to work with this guy that was a dog, he had so many women, some knew about each other and some didn't. he would always tell Sweetie, "when you get paid we're going to a strip club", call his self picking at me. i would holler "no he ain't going no where with you". he picked one time too many, and i told Sweetie, and him "go ahead and go, the girls there will take your money and leave you hungry and broke, and your tounge hanging out. She will not take care of you the way i do, and your mine". his friend laughed and never said that again. it's just something men go through, either you trust yours or you don't.

[msshannon]

Oh there is NO way in the world that it would be ok for me. My bf used to be an over the road truck driver. If he told me he was doing that, he would be finding a new place to live! :eek: :mad:

Amen, Sista!!! :D

[MsLynn]

I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home for dinner, :)

[twinkiesmom]

It would bug me in a way . . . . but my mouth would say just how I feel about it. I think how I would put it would be . . . . 'ok dude, tomorrow nite I will be going to a 'women's club' How would that make u feel?' Turn the tables a little. But on the other coin, I trust dh to where he'd look and not touch. And also too, I've known a few ppl that were married to straight men . . . . then their dh come outta the closet so to speak after children were already in their teens. After thinkin of those ppl, I'd be happy my man still favors women over men. lol He comes home to me. Not some pole dancin chickie. And as far as feeling inadequate, u really shouldn't feel that way. He is out of town. Now if he was doin the 'gentlemen's club' thing on a regular basis when he's in town, then I'd feel that inadequacy thing. I don't think going to the 'gentlemen's club' while he's outta town is cuz u arent good enuf. Maybe he's lonely. But I would tell him how u feel about it. U r quite lucky he's honest enuf to tell u this.

[twinkiesmom]

I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home for dinner, :)
lol. so true.

[VALENA-)45]

I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home for dinner, :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnn. you are funny. lol.

[MtyAphrdti]

I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he comes home for dinner, :)


To me that's the biggest problem.....I want my DH hungry for me and rev'ed up by me, not using me as (not to be crass, but) a warm hole

[Angel Lips]

My boyfriend isnt into that kind of stuff. His friend had actually invited him to one, when him and I first started dating and Jon declined, his friend asked "why because your g/f would get mad" jon said, "yes and because I dont want to go its not my sort of thing". So i guess I am lucky for that much. However if he was into that and wanted to go i would be very upset and made sure he knew how i felt. I think that if your with someone there is no need to go to a club like that when you have all that at home waiting for you.

[kimp67]

It would depend on what his intentions are while there. If it's just to look, no big deal, I wouldn't care. I trust him enough to look only. This is only my opinion, but if that's the case, why would you be now second-guessing your future together? Just over him going to a strip club? If your man has other intentions,(than just looking) well then that's a whole different story.

Any updates?

[EMSnurse]

I think most men go to strip clubs because they have fun there, not so they can cheat or even think about cheating. IMO there is no problem with it except for the money spent. It also depends on how the man views it. My hubby views it as a form of cheating, so if he went I would be very upset and wonder what was wrong with our relationship. I have however, been in relationships in the past where the man viewed it as a fun "guy" activity and nothing more, so it didn't bother me in the least. I remember when a male friend got married and the guys wanted to take him to a strip club the weekend before the wedding. I had to let the guys meet a my house and change clothes there afterward so their wives/girlfriends wouldn't find out. (Their clothes would smell smokey) I think that is a sad relationship when a man has to hide what he is doing, even though it was all in fun. Most of my friends who get angry about it are mad because it shakes their self-esteem. My thought about that is that there will always be women who are better looking than me, so as long a DH comes home to me and continues to love me and remains faithful, why should I care?

[queenangie]

One of my sisters has a DH who goes to the strip joints and they are fine w/ it.

DH and I would not be ok w/ this, either to a strip club for him or to see those Chippendale male strippers for me. Years ago, prior to being married, DH went to clubs, but he is long passed that and it is no longer an interest to him.

If others choose to attend, that is their business.

[cookiegirl]

Thank you all so much for your input advice and being there for a stanger. I appreciate all the posts. Everyone of them was helpful

Mike and I had a long talk last nite. It was a good honest open discussion. He was glad I told hm. He told me he respects me and loves me and would never want to do anything to hurt me or for me to lose faith in him.

Have a wonderful fourth of july.
Thank you

[twinkiesmom]

oh, how cool. Glad he understands. Now doesn't that make u love him even more?

[cookiegirl]

he really is a good man. that is why i was so surprised by his telling me all this. he stood by me thru 5 surgeries last year. i have to learn to not keep things bottled up. communication is a good thing.

[JKATHERINE]

For me, personally, it wouldn't be a big deal at all if my DH wanted to go to one. His co-workers invite him every weekend and he always says no. It just doesn't interest him. He says he'd rather spend the money it would cost to go there on "us". Heck, I'd be fine with him going alone, or taking me with him, whatever.... It's a very personal issue, though. I know alot of people who would not tolerate it at all. However you feel about it, he should respect you enough to honor your feelings about it.

ITA! Very well said, Shari.

[twinkiesmom]

communication is a good thing.
It sure is. Keeping it bottled up just either makes u mad or sad. Depending on the situation.

[tmarie99]

At least he has enough respect to mention it. How many men feel that they are married to shrews that they couldn't even approach the topic with?
It speaks volumes for you and your relationship that he feels he can (and should) discuss it with you.
I wouldn't have a problem with it, myself, esp. if it was just an occasional "Out of town going out with the guys" thing. We were apart (he was in Europe, I was in the U.S.) for the first 6 months of our marriage. Then he missed 3 of our first 5 anniversaries. If your man is going to cheat on you, he's going to do it. Most men don't cheat with strippers in clubs.
If it really bothers you be honest with him. If you're not honest about it it will become a huge sore spot. Good relationships are based on honesty, even when it's something that won't "taste" nice. :)
You sound pretty level-headed, I think you'll figure something out.

[VALENA-)45]

Sweetie and i went to a friends house for a cookout and i bought this up, and they said the same co-worker did and said the same thing to his wife, and he told him the only woman i want shaking in my face is my wife.