janelle
05-10-2004, 10:10 PM
Posted on Thu, May. 06, 2004
Q: When I call my 2-year-old to come to me, she takes off running. She thinks it's a game because she laughs as I chase her around. She's very quick and often hides in small places where I have difficulty going. I have spanked her for doing this, but that doesn't seem to have any lasting effect. What's a mother to do?
A: Well, of course it's a game! In fact, it's a combination of two of the oldest games in the books, invented long before there were books: "It" and "Hide-and-go-seek." Your daughter has no idea that this isn't as fun for you as it is for her, not until you get all worked up and pop her behind, that is. As you've discovered, however, with this age child, the effect of a spanking lasts about 30 seconds, after which it's off to the races again.
Toddlers don't pay much attention to consequences, no matter the form. For that reason, the effective (relatively speaking) discipline of this age child requires that parents anticipate and prevent misbehavior.
Obviously, it's impossible to do so with any reliability, so parents of toddlers need to resign themselves to the fact that a certain number of misbehaviors will get "out of the corral." Children don't generally begin responding to consequences-based discipline until around age 3. Before then, and the pun is definitely intended, it's a matter of "catch-as-catch-can."
Think strategically. This particular game begins with you telling your daughter to come to you. As much as you want her to listen and obey, I'm afraid you're going to have to settle for less, for the time being at least. The solution is quite simple, really: Instead of telling her to come to you, simply walk over and take her by the hand or pick her up before she realizes what you're doing. As you're doing so, say, "Come with me."
When you pick her up, praise her for doing what you've told her to do. Just a simple "good girl" will do.
"What?" you exclaim, incredulously. "But she didn't do anything!"
True, but remember, this is all about strategy, not logic. By acting like she has in fact obeyed you, you move the day when she does begin obeying you that much closer. Eventually, you'll find that you can simply get within arm's reach of her, hold out your hand, and say, "Come with me," and she will cooperatively take your hand. With time, and equal patience, this problem will be solved.
One thing is for sure: The moment she takes off running, the game is on, and you've already lost. Winning will be a matter of smarter, not faster.
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John Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN, 46240, and at his Web site: www.rosemond.com.
Q: When I call my 2-year-old to come to me, she takes off running. She thinks it's a game because she laughs as I chase her around. She's very quick and often hides in small places where I have difficulty going. I have spanked her for doing this, but that doesn't seem to have any lasting effect. What's a mother to do?
A: Well, of course it's a game! In fact, it's a combination of two of the oldest games in the books, invented long before there were books: "It" and "Hide-and-go-seek." Your daughter has no idea that this isn't as fun for you as it is for her, not until you get all worked up and pop her behind, that is. As you've discovered, however, with this age child, the effect of a spanking lasts about 30 seconds, after which it's off to the races again.
Toddlers don't pay much attention to consequences, no matter the form. For that reason, the effective (relatively speaking) discipline of this age child requires that parents anticipate and prevent misbehavior.
Obviously, it's impossible to do so with any reliability, so parents of toddlers need to resign themselves to the fact that a certain number of misbehaviors will get "out of the corral." Children don't generally begin responding to consequences-based discipline until around age 3. Before then, and the pun is definitely intended, it's a matter of "catch-as-catch-can."
Think strategically. This particular game begins with you telling your daughter to come to you. As much as you want her to listen and obey, I'm afraid you're going to have to settle for less, for the time being at least. The solution is quite simple, really: Instead of telling her to come to you, simply walk over and take her by the hand or pick her up before she realizes what you're doing. As you're doing so, say, "Come with me."
When you pick her up, praise her for doing what you've told her to do. Just a simple "good girl" will do.
"What?" you exclaim, incredulously. "But she didn't do anything!"
True, but remember, this is all about strategy, not logic. By acting like she has in fact obeyed you, you move the day when she does begin obeying you that much closer. Eventually, you'll find that you can simply get within arm's reach of her, hold out your hand, and say, "Come with me," and she will cooperatively take your hand. With time, and equal patience, this problem will be solved.
One thing is for sure: The moment she takes off running, the game is on, and you've already lost. Winning will be a matter of smarter, not faster.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 East 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN, 46240, and at his Web site: www.rosemond.com.