So many reasons to hate dh today

[Blackberry]

I hate crying. My makeup gets in my eyes and stings and my nose it all clogged up. I really hate dh sometimes.

Our rent is due by the 5th or you get a $50.00 late fee. I gave my son the rent check yesterday to drop off at the office on his way to check mail. Yes, I could have paid the rent myself when I was out doing errands but I just didn't. So I gave it to my son. I cannot walk to get the mail or walk to the office because it is too far for me to walk with my bad back.

Dh asked me yesterday evening if rent was paid and I said yes. Then we made plans for Friday that we were going to get my new car and go out to dinner afterwards.

Today my son tells me that he forgot to drop off the rent. Oh great--now we have to pay the $50.00 fee. I wasn't going to tell dh because he would get so upset. Well someone from the office put a note on our door saying we owed $50.00. Dh saw it when he got home and started yelling and throwing things around and slaming doors. After a very quiet dinner he says we are not going out to eat tomorrow (going out to eat is kind of a big deal to us because we hardley ever go out) because we "spent" that money on the late fee. Then I ask if we are still going to get my car tomorrow and he says I can go get it myself! He says he feels I don't deserve a new car so he doesn't want to go with me. WTF! :mad:

I'm just bawling now. Oh yeah, I had my 2nd weigh in with weight watchers today and lost another 3lbs for 7 total. I told him about it and then asked if he believed me now that I'm seriously going to lose weight. He said that no he did not believe me because sooner or later I was going to "f*ck" it up and start eating junk again and gain back any weight I lost.

I skipped dinner because I feel sick to my stomach. Why does he have to be like this? He makes me feel worthless sometimes, makes me hate myself. I know I am an idiot for not taking care of rent myself

[tigerskiss1963]

iam sorry your having a bad time
here is a big sloppy HUGGGGGGG ;)

[ImaGApeach]

Sending you lots of hugs
Men can be such jerks

[Angel Lips]

IM SORRY *HUGGIES* MEN JUST SUCK SOMETIMES. HOPE EVERYTHING GETS BETTER FOR YOU.

[DBackFan]

NOBODY should put up with that treatment. I would not take it...period. I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt.

[twinkiesmom]

{{{hugs}}}

[menanamama]

I skipped dinner because I feel sick to my stomach. Why does he have to be like this? He makes me feel worthless sometimes, makes me hate myself. I know I am an idiot for not taking care of rent myself
because that is who he is and what he does...he and mine should get together...they both bite...........................................his goal is to make you feel worthless. no you are not an idiot.........but you are now much the wiser.

[BrightEyes]

I'm just bawling now. Oh yeah, I had my 2nd weigh in with weight watchers today and lost another 3lbs for 7 total. I told him about it and then asked if he believed me now that I'm seriously going to lose weight. He said that no he did not believe me because sooner or later I was going to "f*ck" it up and start eating junk again and gain back any weight I lost.

I skipped dinner because I feel sick to my stomach. Why does he have to be like this? He makes me feel worthless sometimes, makes me hate myself. I know I am an idiot for not taking care of rent myself


Way to go , another 3 pounds closer to goal!!!! DO NOT let that man get to you, you are doing great, he is just worried that you are going to lose that weight and look even more beautiful that you already are and someone better is gonna snag you up from him!

You have done weight watchers enough to know better than missing dinner! You better get in there and eat something, he does not have the power over your weight loss or what you eat, do not let yourself think he does!

You are a good, strong woman and he should be lucky to have you. I absolutely feel you deserve a new car, crap happens, the kid forgot, big deal it had nothing to do with your car! Yes I agree 50 is alot of money, but you cant change what happened so dont dwell on it or waste another minute of your life letting him make you cry.

Email me if you need to :)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{blackberry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[MsLynn]

i'm sorry you went through this but...

I know I said it in the other thread, but WHY IN THE HE!! DO YALL PUT UP WITH BEING TREATED THIS WAY... OMG that man would have been picking himself up off the freaking floor. ain't no way a man is gonna say things like that and expect me to stick around and take it. I'll be alone for the rest of my life before i let myself be treated like that.. YES I'VE BEEN DIVORCED 3 TIMES, but I will not be belittled or talked down to in anyway.

i'm sorry, after the first time, i make sure the know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, that is not acceptable, i don't talk that way to them and don't expect them to talk that way to me.

[catssass]

You actually take that crap from him? If my hubby EVER talked to me like that I'd kick his sorry butt out the door, I set down the rules when we first married and there are things you can say and not say, talking like that to me would cross the line and he knows it, its a matter of respect...
....as far as the rent , things happen, remember you are not a child that needs to be punished, stand up for yourself and show him just what you are capable of...GOOD LUCK with your diet, I believe you can do it!!

....Oh, I have been married 25 yrs. ;)

[MamaFairal]

Everyone else has also said it in this thread but here goes again>>>>

INSTEAD OF LOSING WIEGHT

LOSE HIM!!!
Why do you women let men treat you like crap?????

[catssass]

Everyone else has also said it in this thread but here goes again>>>>

INSTEAD OF LOSING WIEGHT

LOSE HIM!!!
Why do you women let men treat you like crap?????

ITA...you see it time and time again, I don't understand how you can put up with it, I don't need a man that bad, I would work 6 jobs if I had to, I would rather be alone with my pride and self respect, than to put up with some jerk telling me how to live MY life, what kind of example is that to show your kids? How is right to let someone belittle you? I heard Dr. Phil say once that everytime your kids see you fight it changes them, it takes a piece of their soul, I'll never forget that...I don't mean to preach and I don't know your situation but I do know you you don't ever deserve to be treated like that.... :(

[Blackberry]

ITA...you see it time and time again, I don't understand how you can put up with it, I don't need a man that bad, I would work 6 jobs if I had to, I would rather be alone with my pride and self respect, than to put up with some jerk telling me how to live MY life...I don't mean to preach and I don't know your situation but I do know you you don't ever deserve to be treated like that.... :(

I can't say why I allow him to treat me like that. Dh and I have been together for 15 years now, since I was 18 and he was 19. We only dated for 1 month before getting married and I was pregnant when we got married. I say all this to show all of what we had up against us when we married. We survived his drinking problem and my mental illness amoung many other problems. I guess I put up with it because I know that he puts up with alot from me too. I'm very emotional, I don't clean house, I make mistakes like forgetting to pay the rent, I"m a horrible cook, etc. We do love eachother very much. He has his temper tantrums and I have my dark moods. And as for what I wrote at the beginning of the post, we have made up & will go get the car tomorrow.

[momfromTN]

I can't say why I allow him to treat me like that. Dh and I have been together for 15 years now, since I was 18 and he was 19. We only dated for 1 month before getting married and I was pregnant when we got married. I say all this to show all of what we had up against us when we married. We survived his drinking problem and my mental illness amoung many other problems. I guess I put up with it because I know that he puts up with alot from me too. I'm very emotional, I don't clean house, I make mistakes like forgetting to pay the rent, I"m a horrible cook, etc. We do love eachother very much. He has his temper tantrums and I have my dark moods. And as for what I wrote at the beginning of the post, we have made up & will go get the car tomorrow.


If he slams things around the house and acts like an infant in front of your child, he is teaching your child that it is ok to disrespect mom. Also, next time he gets mad, will it be YOU he slams around? I feel for you.

[Denise1972]

Oh Sweetie, I am sorry. Men are Jerks sometimes. Like in another Thread, I think ALL the men are having PMS this week. I got in the car tonight and I realized the rear view mirror was broke off and shattered. I just about cut my hand on it. It was the other night when he got PO'd at me for no reason. I think EVERY car we have had now has the mirror ripped off and broken by him. He even tried to break the computer that night. Like a child he broke the PC CD he was playing, AND again when I was picking up a piece off the floor I about cut myself again. I think we should put them all in a cage together when they are like this.. hehe MEN!!

[redrig]

Men are idiots at times. I put up with it because I know I hold all the cards...all 3 vehicles are in my name, so is the house. I work on intrinsic motivation, and I just let whatever childish stunts he pulls (and it's really not that often, but still it happens) roll right off my back. Which really aggravates him, heeheehee :p

[schsa]

You tollerate his behavior because you have no where else to go and don't have enough self esteem to get out and make it on your own. It's not good but it's better than being alone. I have heard it all before. You would rather put up with his behavior than make it on your own and be your own person.

If this is the life you want, I hope there are some good times that make the bad ones not feel so bad.

[VALENA-)45]

From What I Have Read In Your Post, You Have A Bad Back And Can't Walk Far, I Feel For You On That Alone. As For Your Husband, Let Him Have All The Fits He Wants, As Long Has He Don't Hit You. I Will Always Be One Of The First People To Tell You, You Don't Need The Abuse, Wether It Is Pysical, Verbal, Or Mental. And He Has No Right To Make You Feel Worthless, You Are A Very Worthwhile Human Being, You Are The Mother Of His Son. And You Are Doing Very Well On Your Diet, Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! If You Can Put Up With His Tantrums And Such, And he Puts Up Your Dark Moods, Then Hey You Both Are Even. But, The Next Time Y'all Have An Arguement And He Lower's Your Self Esteem, Lower His And See How Much He Likes It, After A Few Times Of Doing It To Him, He Will Stop Doing It To You. Men Don't Like Being Called On Their Short Comings. Go, Get Your New Car, And Be Happy. And Your Cooking Must Not Be That Bad, Cause He Eats It, He Ain't Died Yet. Smile And Be Happy. Btw, Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[amysusi]

I can't say why I allow him to treat me like that. Dh and I have been together for 15 years now, since I was 18 and he was 19. We only dated for 1 month before getting married and I was pregnant when we got married. I say all this to show all of what we had up against us when we married. We survived his drinking problem and my mental illness amoung many other problems. I guess I put up with it because I know that he puts up with alot from me too. I'm very emotional, I don't clean house, I make mistakes like forgetting to pay the rent, I"m a horrible cook, etc. We do love eachother very much. He has his temper tantrums and I have my dark moods. And as for what I wrote at the beginning of the post, we have made up & will go get the car tomorrow.


You're still together after stuff as major as that? I think there is too much between you to just walk away. I think that when he starts saying mean things to you like that, you should just say, "you know I love you, but why are you doing this? What are you trying to accomplish?" You need to let him know that you deserve better than the way he treats you in those moments. You've stood by his side through all those years and all that crap when you could have walked away, and you deserve better.

And what is he trying to accomplish by putting down your success with WW? Does he not want you to succeed? If he's afraid you'll drop him, remind him you could have done it a long time ago with his problems, but chose not to because you love him.

I'm glad you made up. :)

[wyozozo]

I'm sorry you're in the position you are but what I want to know is how old is your son? If he's older, he'd be paying the $50 late fee himself!

[Blackberry]

You tollerate his behavior because you have no where else to go and don't have enough self esteem to get out and make it on your own. It's not good but it's better than being alone. I have heard it all before. You would rather put up with his behavior than make it on your own and be your own person.

If this is the life you want, I hope there are some good times that make the bad ones not feel so bad.

1. This is not accurate. I could leave him if I wanted. I have parents I could move in with if I wanted.

2. True, my self esteem leaves A LOT to be desired, some of it is his fault and some is the fault of my depression (which I've had since before I met him).

3. And as far as you hopeing that there are good times that make up for the bad ones, yes there are. Most of the time is good times. Like I mentioned before, we love eachother very much. We hug and kiss every day, and despite my weight and whether or not he thinks I can lose any of it, my weight hasn't turned him off at all.

4. What happened last night does not happen too often. I do not it believe it has harmed the kids too much. They know it is not ok to treat someone badly, they've know all of their lives that their Dad has certain problems. They remember when he used to drink and what he was like when he was drunk---they never want to be like that. They have healthy ways of expressing their anger without feeling the need to break something. They have never talked down to me in any way...none of that "I hate you" crap. When Dad gets mad over something dumb, we (the kids and I) talk about it.

Dh and I have do not have a perfect marriage but we are very committed to eathother and work hard at this marriage. We've had A LOT to overcome. But all in all I think we've done well.

I'm sorry but I just needed to vent last night. :(

[Blackberry]

I'm sorry you're in the position you are but what I want to know is how old is your son? If he's older, he'd be paying the $50 late fee himself!

He is 14. He doesn't get an allowance though, he earns money by selling stuff on ebay with me. (A few bucks here, a few bucks there). I will let it go this time, but if I trust him to turn in the rent and he "forgets" again, I will have him pay the late fee definately.

[VALENA-)45]

BLACKBERRY~ If, I, misunderstood anything that you wrote, in your post, i am very sorry. i was trying to answer to what you wrote. I was only trying to help you, not hurt you. Please forgive me, if this is the case.

[Blackberry]

BLACKBERRY~ If, I, misunderstood anything that you wrote, in your post, i am very sorry. i was trying to answer to what you wrote. I was only trying to help you, not hurt you. Please forgive me, if this is the case.


No hard feeling to you or anyone else. I know my situation is hard for anyone else but me to understand. No, what you wrote was nice. Thank you. :)

[MistOC]

You're still together after stuff as major as that? I think there is too much between you to just walk away. I think that when he starts saying mean things to you like that, you should just say, "you know I love you, but why are you doing this? What are you trying to accomplish?" You need to let him know that you deserve better than the way he treats you in those moments. You've stood by his side through all those years and all that crap when you could have walked away, and you deserve better.

And what is he trying to accomplish by putting down your success with WW? Does he not want you to succeed? If he's afraid you'll drop him, remind him you could have done it a long time ago with his problems, but chose not to because you love him.

I'm glad you made up. :)

Great response. I think that is the perfect way to counteract his attitude without just fighting back.. :)

Good luck to you Blackberry w/ WW. You can do it!

[VALENA-)45]

No hard feeling to you or anyone else. I know my situation is hard for anyone else but me to understand. No, what you wrote was nice. Thank you. :) I understand your situation. i be in pain all day, every day,and I take very strong pain meds. and i also, suffer with depression. And as for the abuse, i have went through all three forms, that i posted. I know sometimes, you think you are the only person that has or had your problems, but you are not. I have been there, and i have done that. and at the time i wished i had someone to talk too. That's why i thank God, for the bbs family. Not everybody answers the way you think they will, or the way you would like them too. But, We are here to listen and offer our opinioins. We are the part of the family, that picks you up when your down, pat your back when you cry, pray for you when you need prayers, to be mean, if you need it, to make you laugh, give you hugs when you need them, cheer when you have a baby, and ask where are the pictures, so we can see the cute tyke, and owww and awwww. we are even here when a member of the family dies. and don't win someting and let us know, cause we all say congratulations. and don't get sick, cause everybody wants to know, where you are, have you got back home yet from the doctor or the hospital. See, this is what this family is all about. Taking care of each, without the finacial burden. Welcome to the BBS Family.

[suzziq03]

Im sorry he is acting that way too, im wondering why he is acting like a 3 year old pitching a fit the way he is, and making 'get back' comments like a 3 - 6 yr old does, but yet, your the one sitting there feeling like you have done something wrong...... so the rent was late, big whoop, its a lesson learned and you will remember to take it in yourself next month, or better yet, sense your hubby is so perfect let him go pay it from now on, lets see how many times hes late with it. Man it urks me so much ( and urks is a kind word ) when "men" act like this, my X husband acted like this, treated me as if I was the child in the relationship,......... its half of the reason hes now my X!
Hun dont let him get you down, your family here at BBS are proud of you for your weight loss. We are proud of you for trusting your child with that much money ( I know rent isnt cheap! ) and giving him a chance to show responsibility.
Im going to tell you something I learned a long time ago,
To be arround people with bad vibes like your hubby was giving ( im hopeing hes not like this all the time! ) is not a good thing. anyone that treats anyone worse than what they would treat a stranger on the street doesnt deserve the love and attention they recieve from another human being. I do hope the best for you, but please, if he makes you cry by being mean, instead of making you cry with tears of joy. then he doesnt desrve you. thats just MHO.
I hope your happier today, and im sorry if I didnt read further into your posts, and im jumping the gun, little time right now, but wanted to let you know what I thought. Gl on your weight loss quest, and keep up the good work on everything your doing. :)

[PrincessArky]

first let me say that I am sorry you are going through this but I feel even worse for your kids

You said the following:

4. What happened last night does not happen too often. I do not it believe it has harmed the kids too much. They know it is not ok to treat someone badly, they've know all of their lives that their Dad has certain problems. They remember when he used to drink and what he was like when he was drunk---they never want to be like that. They have healthy ways of expressing their anger without feeling the need to break something. They have never talked down to me in any way...none of that "I hate you" crap. When Dad gets mad over something dumb, we (the kids and I) talk about it.


please be careful.......I grew up in a home similar to what you have describe and let me tell you although my 2 brothers and I have big hearts we are completely disfunctional in life. brother R turned out to be just as bad as my dad and his wife was smart enough to get out unlike my mother........brother L isn't alot better just has a wife that will put up with it.....me sister L well just say I get moody sometimes and say things I wish more than anything I could take back........we all three have mental problems which 2 of us take meds for, terrible nervous stomachs to the point of throwing up, unable to deal with ppl in social settings............we all still wonder what we would have been like if they had divorced and although we cant say for sure we are pretty sure we would have turned out a bit more stable minded. I hope that your kids truly dont have any problems but please be advised that you should pay very close attention to their behaviors as teens. My mom who used to be a wonderful person that ppl enjoyed being around has now become a terribly cranking old woman that NOBODY wants to spend any time with :( although we all still love her of course

I will be praying for you and I wish you all the success in the world on your weight loss program.........I believe you can do it if for no other reason to prove your hubby wrong