MySonNick1
04-01-2004, 01:30 AM
WOMEN'S REVENGE > >
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase. As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse. "So, do you
always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No,"
she replied, "but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, so I figured this was the most
legal, evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN > >
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll
never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair
out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CHORES...
A) Shopping: A man walks into a pharmacy and
wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct
aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the
counter. Confused, she says, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
"You see, it's like this," he replies. "Yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton
of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooooooooooo much cheaper. So..... I figure
if I have to roll my own ......... so does she."
B) Laundry: One day my housework-challenged
husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting
do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends,"
I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He
yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they
say blondes are dumb...
ANNIVERSARY WISHES: > >
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been such a
devoted couple she would grant each of them
a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip
around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her
hands. The man wished for a female companion
30 years younger... Whoosh... immediately he
turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
A WOMAN'S PREFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And Finally... A PRAYER...
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase. As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse. "So, do you
always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No,"
she replied, "but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, so I figured this was the most
legal, evil thing I could do to him."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN > >
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll
never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair
out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CHORES...
A) Shopping: A man walks into a pharmacy and
wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
answers that he is looking for a box of tampons
for his wife. She directs him down the correct
aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the
counter. Confused, she says, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
"You see, it's like this," he replies. "Yesterday,
I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton
of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooooooooooo much cheaper. So..... I figure
if I have to roll my own ......... so does she."
B) Laundry: One day my housework-challenged
husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting
do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends,"
I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He
yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they
say blondes are dumb...
ANNIVERSARY WISHES: > >
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been such a
devoted couple she would grant each of them
a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip
around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her
hands. The man wished for a female companion
30 years younger... Whoosh... immediately he
turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
A WOMAN'S PREFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And Finally... A PRAYER...
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN