What the...?

[amysusi]

With our tax refund, DH bought himself an electronic drum set, and a full size keyboard for me. So I'm IM'ing my sis, and told her about our new toys, and she has the nerve to tell me that she doesn't want to hear that we can't afford anything.

First of all, we worked hard, and deserve a treat. I've been without a piano since I got married, yet I'm one of the best players at church. Now I don't have to try to find time in our busy lives to go to the church to practice.

She said that because in November, we're throwing our parents a 30th anniversary party. She wants a big extravagant thing, but my other sis and I can't shell out for that. DH and I are already putting out at least $1200 just for the rental car and hotel. Our other sis has to come from far away too.

When she said that, I was so mad, but you know, you choose your own battles, and I've not been in the mood for any lately so I didn't say anything. It just made me mad because it was so hypocritical. Her hubby had a $50,000 / yr job, and all we heard from them was how they never had any money. They lived like we did (dumpy apt, hand me down furniture), and they didn't have any kids. Now they have 2, and bought a house, and he lost his job (position was eliminated). He was still doing contract work, and making more than before.

So then she lectures me about how their tax return is being invested in their house. Excuse me but we don't own a house. When we do, it won't be the smallest, cheapest we can find just for the sake of owning (hers is 1100 sq.feet, no yard, their "starter")

So you know what? Shutup about my lack of spending on the party. I'm doing what I can, and DH is also giving me a hard time because he doesn't want to spend a penny on it. What ever she spends will be FAR LESS than what we're spending to be there!

And BTW, stuff came up, and we're not able to take the whole trip expense out of the refund. So I'm getting a part time job (for other reasons too). I've actually been thinking about alot lately, and really miss it.

[JWWB2000]

I feel for you in that situation. I could go on and on about my sil. It is always nice to treat yourself to something when you can. Glad you were able to get something you and your hubby wanted!!! :)

[ezmoney163]

ITA w/ JWWB!!!

[Tasha405]

Tell her that she needs to remember when she had it rough at times and how nice it was to get treats like that.

Congrats on the gift. :)

Oh and ask her if she would like you play her a song on it. lol

[lassss]

It's YOUR money to do with what you want....and I'd tell her exactly that..if she brings it up again, say exactly how ya feel :)

[amysusi]

Heck yeah I deserve that keyboard. My parents promised me the piano, but then gave it to her. They said the piano wasn't worth what it would cost to get it to me (it's really old). She doesn't even play, well just one finger. They said they'd get me a new one. Well now I have this awesome keyboard and they don't have to worry about it. That's not a stress I want to put on them. Dad's health has not been good, and he's missed ALOT of work (also the reason why we're doing a big 30th anniversary, he won't be around for 50, maybe not even 40)
I don't regret for 1 minute getting that thing.

I guess I just have to attribute this to the way she is - the baby of the family.

[twinkiesmom]

WTG on the new toy. And next time she sez:

So then she lectures me about how their tax return is being invested in their house. Excuse me but we don't own a house. When we do, it won't be the smallest, cheapest we can find just for the sake of owning (hers is 1100 sq.feet, no yard, their "starter")

U tell her, I'm very happy for u. It's just too bad she can't be happy for u.

[Unicornmom77]

I know exactly how you feel amysusi!!! BIG BIG HUGS!!!

[EgHunny]

First amy, I wanna say sorry about your dad :(

And Second :D Ask your sister, if you can play the mini violin for her. Its none of her business, either way!! If my brother said that to me, I wouldve told him where to put that mouse....

[amysusi]

A little while ago, I was IM'ing my other sis (sis B). She was saying that she thought our $$ could've been better spent, blah blah blah. I asked if she had talked to our sis from original post (sis C). She said yes and I understood (why she felt that way). So now I'm getting from both of them that they think we are so out on a ledge financially, our recent purchase was a horrible mistake.

Sis C thinks I have an attitude that I shouldn't have to contribute to this party because of how much we're paying to be there. I'm not saying that I don't or I won't, but why don't I get a break? If they're so worried about about our finances, why shouldn't we get a break? All I'm saying is that extravagant is not a good idea. So then sis B says "if you want to buy things, more power to you, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says, but I still think it's important for mom to have this party and I need to do what I can to contribute even if I can only honestly afford $5."(I printed out the conversation for DH). So now I'm thinking she will contribute what she can, but no matter how much it is, it will mean far more because even if I contributed more dollar wise, it could have been more had we not bought those things.

We've never gone into debt by going out there - we've always had it paid for beforehand. They're freaked out because we "just declared bankruptcy". No, that was over a year ago, and it doesn't mean we are still scraping. We're making it, we're fine. And the bankruptcy wasn't from careless decisions, it was from not having medical insurance. But what business is it of theirs anyway? DH is going to call sis C, and tell her that. I'm mainly mad at her. Sis B was trying to smooth over the situation (the middle child - a natural peacemaker). So now DH is involved (why shouldn't he be, he's the one working for this). I called him bawling because I was so hurt.

I'm glad this party is still 8 months away. There is still time for this to blow over.

And another thing, we have a brother. A brother that is not contributing one red cent. It's 5 months after he got married and they're still living with my parents (although dad did tell me they will be out in about a month, all this after they've stayed 4 months past the limit dad gave them). That's another vent for another day. Was I the only one to really learn about responsibility from our parents?

[lassss]

If your sisters are sooo worried about your finances perhaps you should send them your bills with a lil note saying "Since you are so kind to be so concerned about our finances, here are our bill that are due, please pay before the due date" *evil grin*

[amysusi]

DH called her - he's so wonderful - and pretty much told her that yes, we've had ups and downs, but we've always been OK. I don't think she fully understands about bankruptcy. He told her not to worry about our finances. I think it was such big issue with me because he was giving me a hard time, but now that he is starting to see (and I'm learning too) what a grand deal this is going to be, it's not the issue it used to be. And there was a major lack of communication - between us sisters, and DH and I.

I think we're all feeling pretty sorry now.