Gonna Vent About X (I may get flamed but I need to)

[ShelleyG]

Okies let me start this:

When I first left him I was VERY unstable (tried to commit suicide)

He had me feeling like I didn't deserve to live, anyway, In the best interest of the kids (my 2 oldest girls) I left them with him (we share custody) Until I could get back on my feet, not so much $$$ wise but emotionally.

Well, I pay child support its not much but 50.00 a month.

What burns my butt is he never uses it for them, I mean both girls are preteen - teen and they need items (period stuff)

He doesn't buy them for them, they come here on my weekends and ask me to get them some. He wont let the 11 year old do anything, his reason is she will drop out of it and we are too busy for one more child's activities :(

The other thing that really burns my butt is IM struggling for food and stuff he makes 100,000 a year!

Why cant he afford to get them their needs?

Of course he filed bankruptcy to get out of our old house, and cc stuff, and never took my name off anything. So I have bill collectors going after me for 120,000 LOL

Like they are ever gonna get it, but I can never have my name on a house or get a CC or anything thanks to him. Unless I go bankrupt myself then wait the 10 years or 8 something like that.

That doesn't even bother me so much anymore but the girls needs really does, And why cant the 11 year old have an activity as well? His step sons (2) and my oldest have activities but Hillary isn't allowed to? All she wants to do is take dance and Man its burning me up.

So now I have to wait till Hillary is 13 so she can talk to a judge so she can come up here:( My 14 year old is thinking she wants to but "her friends " are more inportant right now (as it would be with most teens)

Im just venting, it out about the pad thing . I mean come on! LOL

[ezmoney163]

I am so sorry !! I would be PO'ed too!! Hope he wakes up and smells the coffee!!! Girls have needs too and moms are not the only ones who need to get those needs for them. ABout activities just tell him what is good for the goose is good for the gander. What one does the other should be allowed to do also!!

((((HUGZ)))) Hope all works out in the end hon!!

[ShelleyG]

oh I so cant wait till she is 13 I feel so bad for her she told me she hates it there :( she gets ignored all of the time

It really pushes my buttons

[ezmoney163]

I have been in HER shoes. I remember I hated living with my mom, thank the Lord the judge listened to me at 12 and let me live with my grandparents . If I would have had to stay with mom who knows what I would be like today!!

[teenies*mom]

Kinda of sounds like my ex ShelleyG.
I left him 8 years ago and been divorced from him for 6. He is paying the same amount of child support now that he did 8 years ago.
I took him to court 3 years ago but the judge said because my new hubby makes alot more than him then the child support stays. He has never even offered to help out with school clothes or even school supplies. He says that's what child support is for..
Teenie is 11 - you know that you CANNOT buy an 11 year old any kind of clothes on $65.00/week - thats what he gives me....
But the way I look at it is, when I took him to court 3 years ago, we got a copy of his W2 form too and what he made in an entire year is just about the same as the taxes taken out of my husbands pay a year....I know thats not the point but what burns me is he doesn't even offer anything, not for shoes, sneakers, even a notebook.
You know? So I am kinda in the same boat as you.
I hate ex-husbands - they ought to be shot :D (just kidding):p ;)

[ShelleyG]

LOL I know what you mean, I buy them their school clothes, sneakers and supplies and I pya him chold support LOL

I mean how much are pads 2.00 come on :( but they call me or ask me when they are here for "supplies"

[Bick'sMom]

hmmmmmmm........x hubbys should be shot......not a bad idea!!!! J/K

Mine is the same way. One of our children lives with him (long story) and I am constantly sending stuff. I send underwear, socks, even toothbrushes. I don't mind doing it but geez can't they shop?

[ShelleyG]

lol thats what I was wondering, I know they have stores up there LOL and I know he can afford things :( GRRR LOL

[silvermist]

Originally posted by ShelleyG
lol thats what I was wondering, I know they have stores up there LOL and I know he can afford things :( GRRR LOL

Not tryin to cause anything but maybe he doesn't know or the girls are too "embarassed" to ask their father about "period" stuff so they ask their mother? Just a thought like I would think he would buy it for them if they asked? Like he can't deny them that lol But I agree about the activities. She should be allowed that for sure if all the others are offered activities.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

Originally posted by teenies*mom
Kinda of sounds like my ex ShelleyG.
I left him 8 years ago and been divorced from him for 6. He is paying the same amount of child support now that he did 8 years ago.
I took him to court 3 years ago but the judge said because my new hubby makes alot more than him then the child support stays.

UMMMM...YOUR HUBBY'S INCOME HAS NO BARING ON WHAT YOUR EX SHOULD PAY,SHE IS NOT YOUR NEW HUBBY'S CHILD.THE JUDGE YOU GOT REALLY SOCKED IT TO YOU.GO THROUGH THE STATE CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT AGENCY.

[ShelleyG]

nah they are pretty open to asking for things he just "conviently forgets them, so I try and make sure they have stock on hand, kinda easy since we all get "it" the same date LOL

He is that way he doesnt really care about female issues :(
Or acknowledge he is "ignoring one child"

So frustrating :(

[freeby4me]

Ya know, I just had a thought. What if the girls arent asking their dad to get them their "supplies"? Maybe they purposely ask you Shelly so they feel like mom can get something special for me that dad doesnt. Or maybe a this is something special that me and mom share that dad isnt apart of.
Now, How often do you get your girls? Perhaps you could set up some kind of dance thing on your time with her? Even maybe if its just some CD's that she can dance to in the living room or something of the likes. It would at least make her feel special knowing she can do something like that at moms when dad wont let her at his house.

[becca_joy]

I can't say i blame you for being upset,i would be too

[ShelleyG]

Might be with the 11 year old but the 14 year old is Very open when she needs something LOL (and wouldnt go with out LOL)

I am thinking of looking into the Ywca and see if they have anything on the weekends, She so wants to learn or do something

[twinkiesmom]

Talk to your girls. If they ever go shopping w/dad . . . have em ask dad for some money so they can get their own supplies. Then Dad won't hafta feel embarrassed about getting them, and when the girls need it, they can get it themselves.

Or, have them pick the stuff up, put it in the cart and then they say, do u wanna get these or should I? lol then have em ask for money if he wants them to.

[wubbywa]

I agree with Davesbabydoll, your now husband income does not make a difference, the court shouldnt even have that information. In Michigan that is how it is, my now husband does more for my son than his own father does anyway. Grrr the court system...

[MamaFairal]

Originally posted by ShelleyG
nah they are pretty open to asking for things he just "conviently forgets them, so I try and make sure they have stock on hand, kinda easy since we all get "it" the same date LOL
He is that way he doesnt really care about female issues :(
Or acknowledge he is "ignoring one child"
So frustrating :(

Not to be gross or anything(seriously) have them use his tube socks when they run outta pads......lol

When he runs out of socks and finds out what they were used for......he'll buy PADS galore........lol!
Try it!!!!

Edited to add: This has not been proven just a thought....lol

[FireFox1973]

LOL! I hear you. My husbands ex-girl friend pays the child support. Well paid is wrong, she has yet to pay a dime, but the court order is $88.00 per week for two boys, and 20% of all uncovered medical. She has not paid a dime, and has the brass ones to say "oh, send socks, I have none here." Of course, we do because we don't want the boys to go w/o, but it burns me. We are both diabled and on fixed incomes. If she were a guy...things would be different!

Don,t know what state you are in, but I would start making a detailed diary, and then go file a motion. You do not need a lawyer, but if you qualify for legal aid, go for it. Let the judge see how silly he is behaving. Again, in the long run, the only ones hurt are the kids. Thats what stinks the most! I'm sure your girls have dad's number, even though you are frustrated!
Good luck!:D

[babymaniac]

Originally posted by MamaFairal
Not to be gross or anything(seriously) have them use his tube socks when they run outta pads......lol

When he runs out of socks and finds out what they were used for......he'll buy PADS galore........lol!
Try it!!!!

Edited to add: This has not been proven just a thought....lol
LMBO That is so evil and nasty ,but funny as heck !! I bet it would work like a charm .

[justinenycole26]

Like I said in another post, some people do not deserve to be parents. Don't have time for another kid to have an activity??? F'ing ridiculous! If one can't do it, none of them should. Great thing they are doing to the poor kid's self esteem.

[FreebieCyn]

Wow....$65 a week for 1 kid.....lol That is alot compared to what I get......I have 2 kids (both Teenagers now) by my EX-DH and all I get is $68 a week....anywho.....


Shelley the most important thing isn't what your Ex-DH buys for them and what he doesn't, the most important thing is that you are there for them when they need "you". (Which sounds to me like you are) So, keep your head up hun...Hopefully things will eventually get better.....(((Hugs to you and your kids)))

[Quaker_Parrots]

What really puzzles me is, if he is remarried, why doesn't the Stepmother pick up "supplies" for them? and save Dad the embarrassment?

[llbriteyes]

>Of course he filed bankruptcy to get out of our old house,
>and cc stuff, and never took my name off anything. So I
>have bill collectors going after me for 120,000 LOL

File bankruptcy. You'll feel better once thats over and done. Its nothing to be ashamed of, and if you already have bad credit, it won't make it any worse.

>That doesn't even bother me so much anymore but the girls
>needs really does, And why cant the 11 year old have an
>activity as well?

Thats just mean. Shame on him. The weekend stuff sounds like it could work though.

>So now I have to wait till Hillary is 13 so she can talk to
>a judge so she can come up here

Just a heads up... In the state of Ohio, at 13, she CAN talk to a judge about moving in with you, however, the court has to go with what is best for the child. You MUST prove that living with you would be better.

Linda

[ShelleyG]

True, on everythin you all, and even thought we dont have alot of $$$ we have alot of love and time, she needs extra help with school and I have time to help her and the schools are really good here as well, She wouldnt get ignored is the most important thing. I think she doesnt buy them because she "doesnt get one" is what one of my daughters told me (dont know why but lol) Maybe the just want me to get them because he might be clueless I dont know. (or maybe he buys the "granny kind" that feels like a diaper and they are embaressed LOL but I just get them and have them on hand for them .

I placed a few calls around about activities so hopefully I will find out this week or early next week, I already made an appointment to take them ice scating they have a free day when the "bad skaters" can go for an hour LOL

At least its something :)

[cch]

Originally posted by FreebieCyn
Wow....$65 a week for 1 kid.....lol That is alot compared to what I get......I have 2 kids (both Teenagers now) by my EX-DH and all I get is $68 a week....anywho.....

I see this so much on the boards! Hubby has 5 kids (4 with me) and pays $350 a month for my step-son ($87.50 a week), he only makes $360 a week before taxes. Either you guys are royally getting screwed or we are!

Shelley I LOVE the idea about his socks! If your girls had the guts to do it their Dad would really have to take notice of their needs!

[lassss]

I can understand what you are going thru on the house/bills end..my ex wanted the divorce, in the divorce papers he was to pay the mortgage and the upkeep on the house as well as pay off 2 of my credit cards....guess what, he didn't, he let the house go up for foreclosure, sporatic paypments on my cc (was only 2k)..Then he filed for bankruptcy. sooo needless to say, my once good credit was severely damaged. I couldn't take him to court because I was paying $75 to $135/week in childcare....last summer my son (who is now 13) and I decided that he was too old for daycare and I could leave him home while I worked. I only work about 5 miles away. So with not having to pay child care anymore I started talking to a lawyer and we filed a petition for this money he owes on my cc. Because his payments were so sporatic the cc balanace of 2k turned into 4k, 2k of it is all interest, late fees etc. The hearing is today in family court. On top of all this, I went to domestic relations for more money as I have never had an increase in 7 years. My ex, gives a line of BS and says he only makes 30k/year. He is self employed so I can't prove he makes more but I went back to the last time we filed together back in 1993 and we claimed 28K and I was not working...He is making alot more then 30K....now on the other hand, he is very attentive to our son, he will take him to all different places and buy him whatever he wants and spends alot of time with him. I would bring your concerns to Domestic Relations and see what they can do, maybe they can make him keep a record of purchases to make sure he is using that money on the children. good luck

[schsa]

Go ahead and file bankruptcy. You are too far in debt to recover in this lifetime.

As for your girls, if they were that bad off they would be begging to stay with you. And check out the many freebie activities that are available for kids or for a very nominal fee. You would be surprised at what some rec departments offer kids.

Keep in mind that it could be much worse. You could still be living with him.

[teenies*mom]

Originally posted by ShelleyG
nah they are pretty open to asking for things he just "conviently forgets them, so I try and make sure they have stock on hand, kinda easy since we all get "it" the same date LOL

He is that way he doesnt really care about female issues :(
Or acknowledge he is "ignoring one child"

So frustrating :(


Thats what my neighbor told me too....I'm debating on weather to get a hold of a lawyer and go that route because he is just getting out of it too good. My neighbor said that you can take them back to court like every 2 years or something, well it's been 3 for me so it's due time....last time I didn't hire a lawyer but if it helps....

ya know what pi**es me off is she is in the 5th grade now and he NEVER once since kindergarten up, asks about her grades, teachers, if he can go to a parent/teacher conference...none of that..

I could go on and on like I'm sure alot of you can but
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!

[ebgreen74]

I agree, I think either the girls aren't asking him for the stuff, or he's too embarrassed to buy it for them, or maybe he doesn't realize how often he needs to buy them for them? I like the idea somebody else had about him giving them the money to buy the stuff themselves.

I think alot of men sure would be happy to only have to pay $50 a month child support on 2 kids. Trust me I'm sure ALL $50 gets spent on the girls in some way. I don't really see the complaint there I guess...$50.........??

As for the activity, has your daughter taken up things in the past and just quit? Sounds like that's the case to me. If so, I don't blame him for not wanting to keep shelling out the cash for activities that she just quits on anyway.

And the last thing I have to say, if he's such a bad father, why are your girls with him, instead of you? Go file for custody if he's that bad-seriously.

[charlahinkle]

ccg, snickering at your child support costs.. Also in Missouri here, my divorce was just finalized. Dustin pays me $850 a month for two kids. he made $34,500 last year. So a little less than 1/3 of his check comes to me. if you search around online there are child support calculators that are relatively close. At least for missouri, if you know what both parties earn.

[cch]

Originally posted by schsa
Go ahead and file bankruptcy. You are too far in debt to recover in this lifetime.
I agree, you have to do what you have to do. Sounds like a clean start with new hubby wouldn't be a bad idea for you.


Originally posted by schsa
Keep in mind that it could be much worse. You could still be living with him.
ROFL! I'm really cracking up here! I'm going to remember that line for one of my g/f's when she's griping about her ex all the time.


Originally posted by charlahinkle
ccg, snickering at your child support costs.
He has 5 kids (including the one he pays support for) and makes $360 a week. She has 2 kids (including the one he pays support for) and claims she makes $250 a week (she works for a business her adoptive parents own, so no way of knowing for sure). When him and I were seperated I received $290 for 3 kids, doesn't make sence to me. She was allowed an extra $240 a month for daycare (which she doesn't even have to pay because she keeps the baby with her at the business) and that's why his support is so high. The average day care is about $100 for part time care, which is what she would have to use if she actually did leave the baby with a sitter. Not to mention she's a worthless mother to both her kids (I could list hundreds - maybe thousands - of reasons why, but I've hijaked Shelley's thread enough already lol). Some women call fathers "the sperm donor" - we call her "the egg donor" because she doesn't deserve to have either of her boys!