PDA

View Full Version : Why oh why do I throw parties??



ezmoney163
02-09-2004, 12:24 PM
Ok so this is a vent/whine, what would you do type of thread I guess!! I am so mad right now at my side of my family. :mad::mad::mad:

I had a "get together" ( I say this because it was not a "party" with games and balloons) for my son who turned 2. I reserveed a room for 30 people at our local Steak House. (Hoss's for those familiar with it) Anyway, my DH and kids went 1/2 hour early to get the room and take our cake in , make up little treat bags, etc. Next came my dad, his GF , and my grandma. Now the tables were set up in a U shape with chairs on both sides of it. (Tons of room for everyone to sit) My hubby and I sat at he bottom of the U, in the middle so we could talk to everyone. Well anyway, my family , the first ones here sat clear at the top of the U. Ok whatever not a problem. They went right up to the salad/food bar, before anyone had come. (still whatever) even though everyone else was waiting for Everyone to get there so we could all ate together. So anyway, DH and I had the waitress hold all the slips/orders so we could all be served at the same time. (Isnt this what people normally do?? Wait for everyone else to get there to eat together?? I do it even here for just a get together dinner?) Maybe I am wrong. :confused: But ok.... So anyway when everyone came she turned in the orders, brought our food we all ate, then I lit the cake, my son opened his presents, etc. Right after my son had the last present in his lap not even opened, my grandma came over and said we are leaving. WTF??? Jackson is still opening his presents. Ok whatever , I said why are you leaving?? No answer. OK whatever. I don't care I go on and enjoy the other people ( all my DH's brothers and sisters and in laws and their kids) We are still there for 45 minutes or more. We made sure we cleaned up etc, while talking. It was nice or so I thought. Well I came home and called grandma 3 times, she would not answer the phone. (She screens her calls) I knew immediately, that she was mad at me for some reason?? So I got DD off to school this morning and called, she answered before the machine came on (probably not thinking it was me :) I was being sneaky)LOL For the first 5 minutes it was fine, then she started, "Well I think everyine there was kinda snide and rude to us (meaning to her, my dad, and his GF)." I knew it was coming, it always does no matter the situation. Anyway, I told her not to even start that they were the first there besides me and DH and they could have sat anywhere they wanted to , it was them that sat up and the end of the tables to be in a different world. She said well no one talked to us. OH bull S**T !!! My DH best friend (whom is sil M fiancee) was the first to talk to them, my sil M talked to her about her upcoming wedding etc. My sil D made a point to talk to them. My sil L went right over and gave my grandma a hug and talked to her. My sil W said Hi. I went over several times to that end of the U to talk to them, my son and daughter did also. My DH made sure to say HI ( he is not a talker so they can not say anything about him) Anyway, she made a big stink over them not talking to her?? Now to you, does it seem no one talked to them?? I am sorry but our families have nothing in common, plus we are talking people who are old enough to be the grandparents and parents , what all do they want them to talk about, they surely would not be interested in their personally/work lives and that is all these people do is work and home. My DH is the oldest, so you can see the age difference. AND they are the ones who ALWAYS put themselves away from everyone, they never make a point to try to speak to anyone. (Well on with the story) So grandma was b*tching about no one talking to them and being rude etc. Then she proceds to say , they sure did take their sweet time serving our food didn't they, the service was awful. Now mind you I am already rialed up, I said no we had them hold ALL the orders, so we can all eat together, that is what the party was about. I said it would have been quite rude for us to not have eaten together, since we did come here for a party. She got all defensive and said loudly " Are you saying we are rude??" "No one else waited for everyone else to eat off the salad bar??" Which is not true, we all basically went at the same time withthe exception of two whom we knew would be late by 15 minutes because of work and gaurds. No my side never sat down before they got any food, they ordered at the register and then went directly to the food /salad bar then went to sit down ( IMO that was rude) But I said nothing, I just said I wasn't saying you were rude I am saying having them (the waitresses)run back and forth 100 times and everyone getting done eating at 100 different times is rude. We went to celebrate my sons birthday not just to eat. I sure as heck would not want to eat and have other people still waiting for their food. ( I would be embarrassed) Would you?? Anyway, she just continued to try to make DH's family out to be rude and ignorant but IMHHHO it was them whom were rude and ignorant. I told her next thing I do they will not have to worry about it. I will NEVER have all of them in the same place at the same time. Not only do they act like the are the outcasts but this makes everyone uncomfortable. This is one of the reasons I didn't have a party at my own house, because the same thing happened last year for DS birthday. One family all over the other huddled in a corner with grandma sitting on the floor and pretending she was to tired to be there. My dad would not eat and his girlfriend calls all my SIL Bimbos to their face and thinks it is funny!! (None of us do, she is ignorant:rolleyes:) What ever next year (actually DD birthday is in June and new baby will be here in June) DON"T COME!!! :rolleyes:

Thanks for baring with me. I had to get it off my chest!! I am so upset. My DH said when I told him, It is not even 8:15 a.m. I can not believe she is starting on you!! I donno. :rolleyes: Ya know what is funny?? I said last night to Dh and his best friend, what would happen I think I am psychic LOL


:mad::mad::mad:
Can I never win???

zitra
02-09-2004, 12:37 PM
Sorry for your problems...I might be in the minority, but if it were me, if my grandmother acted as if she didn't want to be there/too tired to be there, then next time I would just not invite her. If she got snippy about it, I would tell her, well you acted as though you weren't having a good time/didn't want to be there/and since she didn't get along with DH's family, that she would be more comfortable at home, and that you would bring your DS/DD over to spend some one on one time with her...

LuvBigRip
02-09-2004, 12:49 PM
I guess I don't understand why you have a problem with it, if you knew that it was going to come up. Families don't all get along, and if Grandma wanted to leave and sulk, it is her loss. I guess I just wouldn't let it get me all hot under the collar. When our families get together I let people know that this is a celebration and pouting and carrying on will not be tolerated, and if they don't like it, then they can decline the invitation. But I do extend the invitation, and let any childishness be on their heads should they choose not to attend and act like adults.

ezmoney163
02-09-2004, 12:54 PM
Like I said before I will never win in this situation. They act like this all the time. Weather it be me or someone else. It always seems they want everyone to fel sorry for them or something. I am sorry but these are my kids they will only have one party for being 2 or 8 or whatever, to me if they didn't want to come they should have just stayed home. My kids spend lots of time with my grandma, we let them spend wekends etc. It is not like she doesn't have one on one with them. They do not like DH family for along time. you see Dh grew up extremely poor, we were poor too but not like he was they had 10 kids and sometimes no money coming in, but now all the kids work and have good jobs and income, they got out of the cycle and did something for themselves and when they or even me and DH get something nice and new they have smart things to say about it. Like "Must be nice" Blah blah blah. My DH said "Yea it is nice concidering I have to work for it." ( See my dad is on SSDI ~ he supposedly hurt his arm along time ago, but he seems to not have a problem while he is working or riding his motorcyle, getting 1 million tattoos ( I have no problems with thatoos or motorcycles but if his arm hurts how can he do these things??) anyway he can do anything until they say time to look for a job then he suddenly can not do a thing:confused) Sounds fishy to me. As for spending one on one with my dad and his gf. No friggin way!! Their house is dirty as heck and she smokes like a freight train no matter who is around. I am not saying she should not smoke in her own house, but she knows I had to quit because of asthma, and both my kids have breathing problems so don't do it in their faces. But she does anyway. So no if he wants to see them he has to come here or grandmas because neither of us smoke in our houses so she would have to go out away from them to do so. I am not going to invite them anymore. I can not take the stress. Am I right or wrong?? I donno!!


HVW ~~I guess I have a problem with it because these people are supposed to be adults not children. It is supposed to be a get together to celebrate my childs 2nd birthday, not a time to act like my 2 yer old child. :) You think people would grow up. I just do not know what the heck they expect from everyone, no one is gonna kiss their hind ends. They should have the curtosy enough to respect me and my DH and our kids. Right??

ttistin
02-09-2004, 01:41 PM
Oh I know just how you feel. I go through it every time we have a get togther for the kids too. In fact with Ty's 4th birthday I had cake. I let everyone know that it was just going to be cake and ice cream. Dh's parents come over with a platter of sandwhich meat and stuff, not even calling me up to tell me just shows up with it and wants to eat their dinner here. I wouldnt have minded had they let me known ahead of time but as it was it was already after 7pm and they go to bed at 8 so sorry. They stood by the door waiting for ty to open his gifts, didnt eat any cake and left. they were hear maybe 20 minutes. Now that was rude. I told my brother and sil not to bother to come over because of them, it would have been another fight. didnt want it.

I have plenty of stories like this, so yes I know what you are going through. It sucks but I feel like if they want to act that way then we just dont have to invite them next time, or at least let them know if they dont wanna come then dont.

{{{Hugs}}} Dont worry about them, they will figure it out one day.

JWWB2000
02-09-2004, 02:47 PM
That sucks Brandy!! Just don't invite them if that is the way they are going to act. They will soon wise up to what is going on and hopefully stop their childish acts! What a pain in the rear!!!

schsa
02-09-2004, 02:50 PM
Just do your best to keep them apart or don't invite any of them. Obviously you are not going to be able to make anyone agreeable. So only please yourself. If they don't like it, too bad.

queenangie
02-09-2004, 03:19 PM
What a shame! Sounds like a very nice party you had arranged for your DS's bd. Yes, I agree, everyone should have eaten together.

Maybe next celebration could be just with DH's family at the steakhouse. And then just you, DH, DS go for a short visit to see your grandma/father/GF at their home separately. Apparently, they
don't like a big gathering of the extended families.

It was nice that you had cake and treatbags for the kids too.
FYI - at one of my sister's get togethers last year for Confirmation,
I had brought Easter sacks for the nieces & nephews filled
with candy & little trinkets.
Some of the grown women on the 'other' side decided they too
should have the treat sacks, not just the kids.

Good thing I had a few extras in a grocery bag or
one of my little nieces or nephews would have gone
without!
Like you said, "Adults should act like adults, not 2 year olds."

peaceluver
02-09-2004, 05:17 PM
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you. All I can say is sometimes families can be real pains. I know how you feel my family is always acting out.

silvermist
02-09-2004, 05:35 PM
Should just grow up. As someone mentioned earlier, don't invite her if she whines so badly each time if she'll drag down the atmosphere. If she was raising a stink about other people not going to talk to her why didn't she get up to talk to them and be more social herself? Takes two people to talk. I don't get it. Just take it with a grain of salt. She's getting older so... maybe she feels the need to complain more or something? That's just my observation with older people lol They just seem to complain more often maybe to get attention.

ezmoney163
02-09-2004, 06:07 PM
Thanks guys!! You always seem to have the advice I need. :)

Angie, i feel bad for you!! I hate it when adults want what you make for kids, immature. :rolleyes:

silver, she has always been like this. At any function if no one comes over and makes a fuss she complains. I guess now that I am older I am just tired of the game. Know what I mean?? Like you i said well I didn't see you guys making an effort to be social either. But ya know........ it doesn't matter it is something to complain about.

Thanks guys!!

HumblePie98
02-09-2004, 06:40 PM
We never have parties because of that!! I feel bad for you Brandy!

(((HUGS GIRLIE)))

VALENA-)45
02-09-2004, 07:17 PM
WHEN MY KIDS WERE YOUNG AND WE WERE GIVING PARTIES FOR THEM AND THE ADULTS. WE TOLD EVERYBODY THE PARTY IS FOR THE KIDS, THERE WILL BE NO DRINKING, AT THIS PARTY, IF YOU WANT TO DRINK, YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE, OR NEXT DOOR TO MY FRIENDS AND HANG WITH THE REST OF THE ADULTS. AT ADULT PARTIES, THEY CAN DRINK, BUT THERE IS A LIMIT, ONCE YOU SHOW SIGNS OF DRUNKINESS. YOU ARE OUT, YOU ARE TAKEN HOME, OR YOU CAN GO IN THE BEDROOM AND LAY DOWN. WE SUPPLIED ALL THE FOOD, AND SODAS FOR THE KIDS PARTIES AND THE FOOD AND SOME OF THE DRINKS, FOR ADULT PARTIES. ANYONE COULD BRING DRINKS AS LONG AS WE KNEW ABOUT IT. WE HAD THREE BRITHDAY PARTIES A YEAR, FOR MY 3 SONS. AND THEY NEVER SAW THE SAME CAKE TWICE. MY HUSBAND ORDERED THEIR CAKES. I WAS AMAZED. AS FOR YOUR FAMILY, IF THEY DON'T WANT TO PARTY, LEAVE THEM HOME. AT LEAST THEY WERE INVITED. SO THEY CAN'T COMPLAIN. DON'T FEEL BAD, AND DON'T BE HURT. YOU DID YOUR BEST. EVERYBODY DON'T GEY ALONG. THESE SMILES ARE YOU YOU TO PICK YOU UP!!!!!:) :) :) :) :)

DAVESBABYDOLL
02-09-2004, 07:42 PM
It never failed,during holidays someone was fighting,my mom & sister,me & my mom,me & my sister,my neice & my sister....my sister is the worst though,one year she threw a full coke (bottle) across the room,one year she started cussing and threw a deck of cards,oh I could go on and on,I love my family but sometimes they just SUCK!!lol


I feel your pain Brandy,just hang in there and do what you feel is the right thing to do. :)

ezmoney163
02-09-2004, 09:12 PM
I am hurt by these antics, and I shouldn't be, but she has upset me so much. I have not spoken to her since this morning when all this went down. I always talk to her about 5 or a few more than that times a day. But I honestly do not want to hear the crap so I have not called again. I am upset that everytime they turn around they have to be the center of attention. you know what else is no one except them had one complaint about the party. Everyone else seems to have had a good time. I can not sleep thinking about this. I am so tired but I worry because she is older and you never know when the time will come. I love her very much and I tolerate my dad and his GF for her sake, but today she hit the wrong button and P*ssed me off bad. Why do I feel so bad for not calling?? It was here whom started this whole fiascio. Why do I alwasy seem to have to be the one who gives in to them?? I am trying not to call but it bugs me not to know she is ok. I am trying to stay over here and keep to myself so they have nothing else to b*tch about. Sorry I am rambling I am tired and neeed to sleep but I can't. I just feel so bad. I am being very serious, for the next birthday party or whatever kind of party I am not inviting them, I will say it is just for the kids and not tell them my DH's family will be there. I also always since we got this house, had her over for Christmas to stay Christmas Eve and watch my kids open presents, well even then she made me fell uncomfortable in my own home. She acted like she was put out by being there. She also OF COURSE out did us in presents and got my DD a TV w/ VCR combo. Well this year at Christmas we were having a tough time because my car insurance company was asking for a ton of money along wwith the gas company at Christmas time. Then she acted like oh no big deal, so what your feelings were hurt, I got her something she loved. :rolleyes: DO not get me wrong I love her to death but some times I wanna run away from this whole side of the family. I already have basically gave up my mothers side because my mom and I do not get along. ( This si a whole other story, it has been on going al my life) Right now I feel like I have no one except my DH and kids. And it is not like I have IRL friends. I am to much of a home body for that. I donno........I just appreciate you guys being here to listen to me whine a bit. :)

Thanks so much!!

monii222
02-09-2004, 09:20 PM
Sorry Brandy, we were gonna come to the party, but when I told you we would come. I didn't relize that was my parents anniversary, and we made them dinner, it was a last minute thing. I felt I had to be there with my parents. Sorry about all the problems you had. Sorry if you are upset with us for not showing up.

ezmoney163
02-10-2004, 10:51 AM
We aren't mad at you!! Are you crazy?? LOL I am mad at my family. LOL

We just figured you were busy or sick or something. Your DH called my DH Saturday night but he didnt get to call him back because it was after midnight when we got home. Then the next day ( party day ) I had a bridal show to go to w/ my DH's sisters and he helped put up a kithcen hutch plus had both my kids. :rolleyes: Which was a fiasco in itself. LOL Gosh there is no reason for me to be mad at ya silly!! ((((HUGZ)))))

ebgreen74
02-10-2004, 10:58 AM
sorry you had a hard time/ I've been there oh too many times myself. It would be so nice if everyone could just get along but it seems impossible.