It's so hard when I leave my mother

[janelle]

Picked her up today from the care home and had a really good day with her. She knew me and wasn't confused at all but when we took her back she started to cry and get confused. Didn't remember she lived there, it's been a year. She didn't want us to leave her. It's so hard when I take her back but if I stand behind her for awhile she soon forgets I'm there and I can leave. Very up and down when you have someone with dementia. It's good when they can relate to you and then down when they forget. I hate those diseases. Maybe a little prayer will help. Thanks.:(

[Kelsey1224]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I had the same thing happen with my mother.

My step-father kind of dumped her, saying that he could no longer care for her. When we brought her to our home, I discovered that she didn't even know who I was.

I know it sounds weird...but it was when I brought her to my home that it was the first time I became aware of the depth of her confusion. Keep in mind...that I saw her every week as I had taken over handling her finances for over a year before that.

My mother was profoundly deaf and very eccentric. In hindsight, we now realized that when she misspoke, it was the result of her confusion...not the result of mishearing what was being spoken. Her actions became clear as symptoms of dementia...but that was after the fact.

I guess I didn't want to recognize what was happening with my mother. Plus...my mother and my step-father did an incredible job of disguising her symptoms.

Anyway...we kept my mother in our home for two months. At that point, it became apparent that I couldn't provide her with the care she needed and I placed her in a board and care home.

Praise God that she was only there for a year and a half before she passed away. The first few months she was still 'aware' of things...but she all too rapidly deteriorated to being in a catatonic state.

She passed away after a short bout of pneumonia.

I miss her still...but I don't miss the shell of a woman that she became. I miss the strong woman who was always there for me.

It is one of the most difficult things I with which I have ever had to deal.

You and your mother are in my prayers.

[Unicornmom77]

Oh janelle, I am sorry to hear that, It has to be very hard!! Bless your heart! I will be praying for you and your family!

~Wendy

[Merry99%]

((((((Janelle))))) and prayers too.

[janelle]

Thank you. I really had a good day with her until we took her back to the care home. I know they are treating her good, she just wants to be with family and I don't blame her. So would any of us but it's not possible now.

I know she has it better than lots of others. Each person is different and each presents their own problems. We need to help each other to help our parents. Huggs.

[YankeeMary]

You are all in my prayers. God Bless you all as I am so sure it is sooo hard on you. Praying for strength for you.

[ang in NC]

You are very brave/God loves you!

[donnakc]

My mother had Alzhiemers and was in a home. We learned it was better not to take her on day trips because it was confusing for her. She'd forget she lived in a home and to return was a bad time for her. Just do things there with her. I'd go and we'd sit outside, etc. You could take a picnic lunch or something. I know it may seem sad never to get her out but emotionally it is better for both of you.

[janelle]

We took her out again today. She was pretty good. Took her to get a hamburger and coke. She likes that. Different than carehome food. Got her some new shoes since the ones she has have a hole in one. She was ok while I shopped for them.

Took her back and sat with her while she ate then took her to change her clothes then to watch TV. If I stand behind her she forgets she wants me to stay. Then I can leave.

On the news tonight they had a story on a man with Alzeheimers and the aide in the carehome hit him. The man can be cantankerous with his Alzheimers and I guess the aide lost it. The carehome did call his granddaughter to inform her. He had to have brain surgery for a blood clot so he must have been hit hard. Now he can't stand up by himself like he could. Those things can be very scarey for people with loved ones in nursing homes.

The nursing homes have to call the family anytime the person falls or does anything that hurts them. Mostly they are accidents but not always.

[curlymae29]

Janelle....my daughter works as a CNA in a nursing home. She working on getting into nursing school. She wants to continue working with the elderly because she says that too many who does are just there to get a pay check. Not that she has seen a lot of abuse, but she says they just have a true caring for the elderly. She hopes she can make a difference. If not overall...at least with her patients. I'm really proud of her.

I've been praying for you and your mother.

[janelle]

Thank you. Now I have even a more pressing worry. See my new post.