just need to vent some things

[*lilo*]

hi i know i hardly post here but im sitting here on the verge of crying and really just need to get this out. im in the process of getting a divorce from my husband. he has left our home with my son and gone to New Jersey to stay with his family. it doesnt bother me at all that my husband is gone, i cant take his lies or his dictatorship anymore. the fact that my son isnt here hurts so badly. i've stayed strong thus far though. trying to make a joke out of everything. he left me with no car, and little money(only $25, which is gone now, he been gone for a week). i got my light bill in and he didnt even pay the whole thing last time he made a payment(im a sahm he was the one who worked) so now i have a disconnect notice. im stuck in ohio, in a small town with no way to get anywhere to get a decent job so i can get custody of my child, whom i want with me badly. my husband is in NJ telling his parents how evil i am, when in reality he is the one who needs help. he lies constantly telling me things and for 6 years i was buying into it. how could i have been so stupid? so obilvious to how he really is. im scared at what he will do when he comes back, will he bring me back my child? i feel so alone right now and its like no one understands how i feel. im trying to hide my emotions cuz i dont like people pittying me. im just so scared and feel so alone. im scared that i will never get to see my beautiful baby boy ever again, i got to talk to him for only 2 minutes since he has been gone(which has been a week as of today), then his father took the phone from him. sorry for all the rambling here. i just need some advice on child custody and things like that because i know im in for a hell of a battle with this one. his parents have the money to take my child from me, i have nothing. no job no car no money, NOTHING. well now the tears are falling so fast i can hardly read what im typing so im going to wrap this up now. thank you for just reading this.

[peaceluver]

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I am sorry for all that you are going through.

[teddy2948]

Does he have custody of your son? If he does, does he have to have your permission to take him out of state? Maybe you can get some sort of legal aid to get help with the legal aspects of what you need to do and work custody and visitation rights. I think they are based on your income. Or in general just consult an attorney, most don't charge of an initial consultation.

[*lilo*]

right now there is no set custody, we arent divorced or legally seperated. i just want my son back here with me. i carried him for 9+ months,i woke up with him for those late night feedings, i've stayed home with him for 2+years. i was the one who was there when he was sick, all the drs visits and everything. it was me, and he's taking that from me, the only thing in my life that i truly love is about to be gone.

[karefree]

lilo, hang in there. I know right now you feel no hope but it is very hard to take a child away from his mother without proof of some kind of neglect or something like that. You will probably get your son and child support and perhaps spousal support until you can find a job to help support the both of you. Get some legal advice, sweetie. It isn't all lost. A judge would take into consideration what is best for the child and most people believe that a child does better with their mother unless there is some problems. Don't despair.

[magenta]

I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but this is what I think:

Go to domestic relations (or whatever it is in Ohio) and file for custody. If you file first, and are granted custody, he will have to return your child or he will be in contempt of a court order.

My cousin had to do this (this is in PA though, I am ONLY assuming it is like this in Ohio) They only lived in Ohio for a week when he kicked her out, she came back here, went to DR and filed for custody and child support. He had to return their son to her. She was only without him for a few days before she got him back.

I would go to the courthouse in your town and find out what to do.

You can also get a courtorder about crossing state lines too without permission.

Good luck to you, I cannot even imagine the heartache you are feeling without your son.

[Momof2totsand1teen]

I would do exactly what magenta suggested. I cannot imagine not seeing my kiddos for that long. I would be at the court house on Monday morning. Get your son back ASAP! I would worry that the soon to be ex will hide your child. Get the courts involved immediately. (((Hugs))) Let us know how you're doing. We are a caring bunch, and many of us have gone through the same thing. No pity, just support.
(((More hugs)))

[schsa]

Also, call Social Services and let them know that your husband has abandoned you and you have no money or a job. Let them direct you to whatever help you can get for free. You can probably get a lawyer pro bono as well. Call a friend and get a ride to your local welfare office.

You are going to need all the help you can get and if you don't start making the effort now, he will have the upper hand.

[lassss]

Yes go to DRS and file for custody first thing monday morning!!!! Usually the first one who files, get the custody. I too am in PA and here, if a parent wants to take the child to another state to live, the other parent can contest it where or not they have full custody. Check with your state on that. Hugsss to you...

[Unicornmom77]

Pm ed you hun!!

[ImaGApeach]

I am sorry for what you are going thru-Sending you prayers and hugs
If you want to talk p.m. me or e-mail me imagapeach2003@yahoo.com

[archaic]

I don't want to be but I will be harsh. You are in serious need of some self esteem. Immediately apply for job training and any social services that you can get. You pay taxes so you are just getting back what you invested. Any woman that will not get job training or learn to support themselves before marriage and children is just asking to get hit. Set up a payment plan for your utilities and other bills. Companies would rather have them paid by any means than not at all. There are also many organizations that will help you. You have to do this yourself. Don't sit back and wait for others to do it for you.
Years ago a friend of mine married right out of high school and had a child a year later. Her husband died at 22 years of age. She had no skills, no money and no self esteem. I gave her what I could and prodded to her to get job training. While she deeply loved her husband (he was a sweetheart) she was totally unprepared to be alone and with a child. She is doing well today and while she did eventually remarry, she is now capable of being totally independent.
Your husband can take your child ONLY if you let him. Apply for the training, apply for the services and prove to the courts that you are willing and able to care for yourself and your child.
I wish you the best of everything.

[Dolly<3]

I agree that you need to do something ASAP(!!) or it could be too late and he might have the upper hand. I can't believe he left you there like that... WHAT A JERK!! :mad: If I lived closer to you, I'd let you stay here and take you to get your stuff done. :( Maybe someone else here lives close to you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this... and on top of bills and being left in the situation you are in, your son is gone. :( How can your husband just leave anyway? Doesn't he have a job? Did he say when he'd be coming back?

UGH! @#$%! jerk.

[reckless]

i don't mean to sound harsh either, but any mother worth her salt would not just sit back and let her husbnd walk out the door with her child! my husband better believe he would be dead as a doorknob if he even tried that. did you even try and call someone-the police, anyone to make him leave your child with you? i would have fought him tooth and nail and then some.

[momfromTN]

Originally posted by reckless
i don't mean to sound harsh either, but any mother worth her salt would not just sit back and let her husbnd walk out the door with her child! my husband better believe he would be dead as a doorknob if he even tried that. did you even try and call someone-the police, anyone to make him leave your child with you? i would have fought him tooth and nail and then some.

Maybe he left while she was out doing errands or something. Maybe he lied and said he was going to the store with the child. Lets hear how it happened before we are so harsh about it. I know it is easy to jump to conclusions, though.
However, I do agree with you.

[lassss]

Originally posted by reckless
i don't mean to sound harsh either, but any mother worth her salt would not just sit back and let her husbnd walk out the door with her child! my husband better believe he would be dead as a doorknob if he even tried that. did you even try and call someone-the police, anyone to make him leave your child with you? i would have fought him tooth and nail and then some.

unfortunelty the police won't do anything because they are married and either parent can take a child someplace. A few years ago, my ex took my son to florida for vacation (it was pre-arranged, as it was his weekend for visitation). The time for my son to return home came and went and I was freaking. I called the police and they came over and said they really can't do anything because he is the father even tho I had primary custody. It all turned out cuz the ex missed the flight and had to take a cab from NY to PA and his cel was dead. The only way to get her son back is file for custody and go thru the legal venues. In PA, a parent has one year to contest the other parent from taking a child to live out of state...lilo go to domestic relations first thing Monday morning!!

[gloria96]

If you have a YWCA for battered women contact them also, they can help you with things also.

You absolutely have to get some legal help, you have to try and get custody filed before he does.

Please pm if you need to. Xh had mine for 6 months before I was able to get them back.

((((((((((((HUGS TO YOU ))))))))))))))))

[kriskay]

I agree, get legal aid. The mother will usually get custody of their children unless they can prove neglect or abuse. And seeing you are a SAHM, you should be able to get child support until the child is 18 and spousal support long enough for you to go to school and get the training you need to support your child.

[*lilo*]

thank you all for the kind words and the advice. first thing monday when i wake up im going to call legal aide and begin proceedings to file for divorce. i want this on my turf, not his. i wanted to throw all his clothes in garbage bags but guess what, no garbage bags, unknown to me. i've been looking for them for 45 minutes to no avail. *sigh* im going to do everything in my power to get my son back. as for the reason i let him take my child. see this man lies alot and i've believed him til recently. he said he would bring him back, he just wanted our son to see his family again since lord knows how long until he will be back there. after speaking with my sister(whom he convinced me was angry with me over all this) we've come to the conclusion that he will never bring him back. come hell or high water i will get my child back. just please keep me in your prayers. and can someone PLEASE toss me some garbage bags?

[*lilo*]

i just realized i might want to say what type of lies im talking about here. he told me he that he had a football scholarship to michigan( i didnt know him when he was in HS he was in NJ i was in PA), but lost it because he blew out his knees(after talking to his friend about this in april of 03 and she was like wtf?? i realized it was false, but hey could have been true) he claimed he used to be a "drug dealer", yes i know what was i thinking getting involved with someone who would do this when i met him he wasnt, and had this beach house in austraila but his ex g/f went on shopping spree so he had to sell all his possessions to pay it off. yes another one where i should have seen through it, but i was young, knew everything. he lied to me about why he lost his job here where we are, he said it was because he couldnt keep his personal issues from work, which come to find out it was because he wasnt doing his job(basically trying to blame me for it). his boss found things from back in OCTOBER that he never did! he would come home from work early, at like 1 or 2 instead of the normal 4 and say "richard said i could be done for the day because he's going home" after speaking with the boss i found out this wasnt true either. he convinced me that my sister and her husband were angry with me over me and him splitting up, so when he left with my son i had NO SUPPORT at all since i thought she was mad at me(on wednesday i found out this was not true at all). yes i was nieve, very nieve. DOH! but i hope that can better explain the situation, and how i now know that i cant trust anything he says.

[wubbywa]

A lot of good advise has been given now you have to set your mind to it and go for the gusto, prove to this man you are not a wimp. I would think you have one strike against him and that would be taking him without permission/out of state. To prove he is a lier and not a good worker you have his boss, hey it is to get your child back. Now if he comes back with your son be prepared he may want to come back home and he knows how he can get back at you and that is taking your son. Get yourself ready for some action tomorrow.

[EMSnurse]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} I also live in Ohio, so here's what you need to do. Filing for custody is a great plan, but you will need money to do that. Go to Human Services ASAP and sign up for all the assistance you can get. While you are there, ask for a referral for an attorney that will work on payments with no money up front. Then find yourself any job you can get, preferably within walking distance. The utility co cannot shut you off till april 1st, so call and make payment arrangements with them so you'll stop getting disconnect notices. If there was domestic violence, call a crisis line for referrals as well, they have legal resources to help. Now, last but not least, you need to get good and angry about this. That will go along way in keeping you motivated. Its so hard when you're depressed to keep going, but you have to for your little boy. Hang in there, you can do this. Don't stop fighting no matter what, OK?

[lassss]

also if you can, keep in touch with your son thru phone calls and letters. I am sure he misses you terribly. It will also show the court that you have not abandoned him.

[sadie01]

Things will work out for you... Just be patient

[*lilo*]

*update*

i talked to him just a few minutes ago. he asked me what was going to go on. i told him that im done and to bring my child back here to be with me. i told him EVERYTHING will be dealt with here in ohio, as i dont have the money for a pricey NJ lawyer that his mommy and daddy will pay for. I told him he is to take NOTHING from this house(which made him mad but who cares). i will not let him leave me with nothing. only thing is now that the weather is so horrible that i dont know how long it will be until he can bring my son back here, i dont want him driving in bad weather all that way putting my child's life in jeopardy. wish me luck as this battle has just begun. thank you all again for the kind words.

[buttershots21]

GET A LAWYER! ASAP! I am going through the same thing and the laws are so messed up and in favor of father custody, that youre only chance is with a lawyer. A real one too, not a legal aide. I tried one of those and he didn't do anything. Take out a loan if you have to. Your in my prayers because I know exactly what you are going through. If you need to talk my email is buttershots21@yahoo.com. Feel free.