Vent about Men!! kinda long......sorry

[katydae]

Hello all,
I just have to vent somewhere and I thought this would be a good place to do it, ;) lol.

What is it about men who are either thirty or in their early thirties that causes them to freak out about relationships?

I met a guy from online back in April ( he was 31), we hit it off great from our very first date (it lasted nine hours!!) We dated for only two weeks and had seven dates all together. I invited him to the Prom (I work at a school:D ) and that was the last night I saw him in person. I did talk to him on the phone for a cpl of weeks after that, we even made plans to go out then he would end up cancelling on me. Of course when I did give up on him he stated it was him not me (I really hate when guys tell me that, lol) I actually think he scared himself b/c he talked about us living together (I told him I was not living with anyone until I get married, been there...done that.....never again!) and he even talked about marriage a few times in passing.

Now I have met another guy from online about two weeks ago (he is 30), we have only been on one date so far. Well I talked to him on the phone this past Sat and he said he thought we lived too far apart (I live a/b an hour and a half from him... what I don't get was it wasnt too far for the first date, lol) I told him in my oponion that was not that far but I was not going force him to go out with me again if he didnt want to. I worried about it all day Sun b/c I thought maybe that was his way of trying to let me down easy by saying we lived too far apart.
So I called him Sun evening and he told me then that he has just been doing a lot of thinking about his life, where he is at in it and where he wants it to go. He said we should at least go out one more time b/c we did have a spark and we are both attracted to each other. He has a job that keeps him busy and he is afraid he won't be able to spend that much time with me. He is somewhat of a workaholic and has not really dated that much in the last four yrs.

I guess what gets me is that these two guys contacted me, wanting to get to know me better and then they start worrying about this and that. I just wish that I could find a man who knew what he wanted and had his head on straight before getting involved with me, is that too much to ask?
I have been divorced for almost four years now and I would like to find a man to have "relationship" without having to worry about their doubts, lol

Thank you for letting me vent, it feels good to get this out.

[LOONEYMAMA]

some men are just like that:rolleyes: just don't give up the milk before they buy the cow and one day you will find MR. RIGHT:D

[Suz*e*]

Originally posted by katydae
Hello all,
I just have to vent somewhere and I thought this would be a good place to do it, ;) lol.

What is it about men who are either thirty or in their early thirties that causes them to freak out about relationships?

I met a guy from online back in April ( he was 31), we hit it off great from our very first date (it lasted nine hours!!) We dated for only two weeks and had seven dates all together. I invited him to the Prom (I work at a school:D ) and that was the last night I saw him in person. I did talk to him on the phone for a cpl of weeks after that, we even made plans to go out then he would end up cancelling on me. Of course when I did give up on him he stated it was him not me (I really hate when guys tell me that, lol) I actually think he scared himself b/c he talked about us living together (I told him I was not living with anyone until I get married, been there...done that.....never again!) and he even talked about marriage a few times in passing.

Now I have met another guy from online about two weeks ago (he is 30), we have only been on one date so far. Well I talked to him on the phone this past Sat and he said he thought we lived too far apart (I live a/b an hour and a half from him... what I don't get was it wasnt too far for the first date, lol) I told him in my oponion that was not that far but I was not going force him to go out with me again if he didnt want to. I worried about it all day Sun b/c I thought maybe that was his way of trying to let me down easy by saying we lived too far apart.
So I called him Sun evening and he told me then that he has just been doing a lot of thinking about his life, where he is at in it and where he wants it to go. He said we should at least go out one more time b/c we did have a spark and we are both attracted to each other. He has a job that keeps him busy and he is afraid he won't be able to spend that much time with me. He is somewhat of a workaholic and has not really dated that much in the last four yrs.

I guess what gets me is that these two guys contacted me, wanting to get to know me better and then they start worrying about this and that. I just wish that I could find a man who knew what he wanted and had his head on straight before getting involved with me, is that too much to ask?
I have been divorced for almost four years now and I would like to find a man to have "relationship" without having to worry about their doubts, lol

Thank you for letting me vent, it feels good to get this out.





Ever considered NOT finding men online?

I know you hear a success story ever now and then, but the most of 'um are losers and desperate, or wanting a quick piece OR last but not least hiding something like mental probelms, a wife, or a criminal record..

Why else have to go online to find someone, poor social skills, backwards, anti-social personality disorder, sumthin?? yikes... I'd really look at church, or Wal-mart, anywhere else...

[katydae]

Actually I have dated men I have not met from online and it is the same that way, too. I dated a guy that I "met" at Wal-Mart, we worked together when my ex-hubby and I split up the first time, when we separated and was going through the divorce, I dated that guy for eight months, he was 38 and lived with his mom , finally I got tired of him not being able to make commit to anything.

Then two yrs ago I met a guy in college, he was really nice (I thought) we dated for eight months, he then started looking for other women behind my back, said he was not ready to settle down with anyone nor did he know if he ever wanted to get married again or not, well we broke up in Sept of last year and guess what? He got married june of this yr, to a lady he started dating from work and they could have only dated for eight months at the most.

So my track record with men online and off is not good. I also have to state that I have dated a lot more men from in person than from online, ;) they have just not seemed to work out.

The last guy I mentioned in my first post he and I plan to go out again but I am not sure if we will keep dating or part ways. He has never been married and has no kids, I, of course am divorced and have two kids. I just want to find a decent guy to have a relationship with I am so sick of the whole dating thing, LOL. He says he enjoys talking to me and wants to spend more time with me but he just needs to sort a few things out in his mind...........
I want to thank you for your replies and I have not given anything out to him, yet ;) way too soon for that

[Gherky]

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} I'm not sure that I will ever understand men. Hang in there and good luck on finding what you're looking for!

[Suz*e*]

My brother is just now currently single. He is very handsome, and is 25 years old. He is a real estate broker, and he does well.

His ex-fiance cheated on him when she was on vacation, she was caught that was the end of it.

You interested, he could use getting to know someone else, he really dont need the help but I do know he is a good, clean, handsome, smart guy. What'd ya think?

[katydae]

Hmmmmmmm Suz*e that sounds kind of interesting.........what state does he live in? I wouldnt mind chatting to him, not going to say that I will date him though, lol. I am 32 and he may not be interested in a woman that much older than him ;) But sure see if he wants to talk,if nothing else happens then maybe I will get a new friend in the bargain :)

[Suz*e*]

suzannexoxo@yahoo.com

E-mail me here, I am goin to bed, lol...I have managed to give my bro away on a freebie board, lolol too funny. It was just that you seemed real nice, but lost.

It was like you just needed a new circle of dudes or something. We are not in OK, but I will tell you later when I reply to your e-mail. He is real easy goin, he'll go along with this if I ask him he loves me. He'll think it is a hoot, and if you too are meant to be it will happen regardless, if not have him hook you up with one of his friends.

You need to get out of your element I think a little ya know? I get on pc every couple of days, sometimes everyday, but I will respond as soon as I see an e-mail next time I am on here, unlesss you change your mind which is fine too.

Later Suzeanne

[GAWildKat]

I met both of my husbands online lol. My 1st hubby and I rushed it a bit and married too soon and too young. My current hubby hit it off almost instantly and being he's the younger man we took the time to get to know each other. We've been married to each other almost a month but been together almost 3. Online dating isn't what I would think of as a good source for finding men or women because of the lies involved, I just lucked up better the 2nd time and found a really decent guy. I would try churches, volunteer groups, etc to find guys before going online.

[hotwheelstx]

Just my 2 cents...Aggie and I met online. Dated (10 years) and married. I didn't want to be married at 27. Monday will be our 3rd. anniversary. I agree online isn't the "greatest" place to meet a "potential partner" but it's a start.

Aggie isn't really "outgoing" as I am and would NEVER intrude if you said "go away".

Yes, I made the right choice for me...but that's not to say that it's "right for you to find "love on line".

I would try asking friends if they know anyone (I had lots of dates that way when single), malls, bookstores. Whatever interest you have see if there's something going on where you live. There's bound to be a man in sight somewhere.

As for the two that you've already dated....I wouldn't worry about them. It's their problem not yours. I dated about 4 men before my first date w/Aggie. I didn't want to go out w/him....he was still in the military and I knew it wasn't something I was looking for. Well, minds, beliefs, wishes as we get older change.

Aggie and I traveled (lived in Germany 2 x's), was in Desert Storm, I finished my college education....in the end it was the BEST decision I've ever made.

NO bars, singles clubs, dating services....that'll cause you nothing but TROUBLE. Been there, done that and never want to do it again.

Good luck to you. I know the right person is out there waiting for you :) :) :) :)

[mlayton1994]

JMO so dont get mad. I actually met mine (sometimes he drives me crazy but, that just me)online. I have never had problems dating on line or off but, me personally you take risks either way. The one's offline can lie etc.. and so can the one's online. I personally think online dating for the most part is they way to go. I did it and I would have never met him if I had not. I was the first of my friends to do online dating and I started it before online dating became a hit. My bf I dated before my DH I met online as well. Just don't give up. If you lived here in GA I could set you up with some of my guy friends or my brother (33).

Hotwheelstx we have been married almost the same time. 3yrs in march.


You are always welcome to email me at mrose106@hotmail.com

[MsLynn]

whats wrong with online dating??? look at all the great friends(not much o a difference) we have here (alot have even met and are good friends in peron) and probably would have never met if it hadn't been for the net

[Jaidness]

I swear sometimes the only thing that go me thru dating a kazillion (ok maybe thats an exaggeration) jerks was saying..if it is meant to be ,it is meant to be, if it is not meant to be,it is not meant to be on every dang date I went on lol.(((((((((((((katydae))))))))))))))

besides who cares where ya meet 'em as long as ya meet 'em?

[joesbaby]

hi i just wanted to say..its not only the guys on line at that age. when i met joe, i was married, he was married, adn he lived in a rental house of my ex husbands grandpa. id seen him around befor,he was a professional ewc wrestler, and in our little town thats news..lol..but id known of him for about 7 yrs. then when i got seperated, he was seperated, but we didnt know that. i lived in the country about 1 mile from him untill i seperated, then moved to the next town over, he moved in with his sister at the town 15 miles back, so i was a total of 29 miles from him. i lived in that town for aobut 2 months then needed my tires air checked in my blazer. i went to the ONLY gas station in town, im in nowheresville ill, and who was working there, yep..joe.
he worked at the staion, less than a block from my house. we started seeing each other, and hed get close , and pull away, and finally i told him i wasnt putting my life on hold for him. if he loved me..hed find me. and i left. i dated another guy. joe came back. we hve been together for over 2 yrs now.
what im saying..is ..if its suposed to happen, it will. no matter where you are, or how you find him. truely. sometimes you find someone you had no idea you needed, untill you have them in your world. i just wish id had to have my truck looked at alot earler than that..hed been seperated over a year at the time we started seing each other. :rolleyes:
i hope it works out for you.

[MamaFairal]

JMO

I have dated on/offline for several yrs now and prefer to meet the men online personally. People can lie either way ya meet them and life and love is just a chance ya take i think.
I have met some REALLY great men online and dated some of them and some i just stay friends with.Heck i even met a Pittsburg Pirates ball player a couple yrs ago in Atl online(on a singles site) and went to his July 4th party in his mansion and had a BLAST...ended up dating his hottie lawyer for several months!
Yes some men will drive that extra distance for the first date thinking they are gonna get "LUCKY" who doesnt agree?
Lately turning #40 i have been attracted to much younger men...the most recent relationship lasted 8 mos and he was 23yrs old...so try younger men.....they love us older women...lol

Without the internet some people would have no contact with the outside world. Being offline i would have never found BBS and all of you :)

[tmesser]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hotwheelstx
[B]NO bars, singles clubs, dating services....that'll cause you nothing but TROUBLE. Been there, done that and never want to do it again.

I actually met my husband in a bar and we have been together for 10 years and married for 5 1/2 years. I knew he was the one when one night about a month of dating him he showed up at my house not to see me but to meet my daughter who was 5 at the time. He is definetly a keeper. Granted we have had our rough times but since we moved to Washington state 6 years ago we have never been happier. GOOD LUCK

[katydae]

I just want to thank everyone who has responded to my post, believe me the hugs and advice are appreciated. I am actually for the most part a happy person but I lost both of my grandmother's this past yr (I lost both of my grandfathers over ten yrs ago) Losing them has made me realize that I want find someone to settle down with and not be alone. My kids will be grown and gone in few years so I want to find someone to love and grow old with.
Thanks again for taking the time to read this and I do know there is someone out there for me, I will be sure to keep u guys posted if it works out between me and this guy I was venting about :)

Catch ya later,
Lana

[mistaken]

Originally posted by Suz*e*
Ever considered NOT finding men online?

I know you hear a success story ever now and then, but the most of 'um are losers and desperate, or wanting a quick piece OR last but not least hiding something like mental probelms, a wife, or a criminal record..

Why else have to go online to find someone, poor social skills, backwards, anti-social personality disorder, sumthin?? yikes... I'd really look at church, or Wal-mart, anywhere else...

Pardon me, but I do beg to differ, on many levels.


How does one hide a mental problem? Wouldn't a criminal record exist whether you met him in your front yard, or online, or Jersey? Do ONLY guys online hide a wife?

I have to wonder...could possibly geographic issues have anything to do with why one looks online? When one lives in smalltown/nowhereville and the pickins are slim, should they have to spend the rest of their life alone, because you said only those with poor social skills that are backwards and have something to hide would resort to the big bad internet to offer them hope for something more? Could it be that the online world opens doors that have otherwise not been available to open? Could it be that in venues such as this, public bulletin boards, or personals sites or ebay or whatever, you get to learn so much more about a person, over a period of time, that could take months or longer to learn otherwise? Maybe some people enjoy the ability to pick and choose in a less confrontational, less hurtful manner than what we experience after having gone out on one pitifully poor date after another that we thought would never end.
It's a pretty cool thing to have access to people all over the world, or whatever your predetermined specs are; it increases the chances in a way Walmart or even church cannot. (And who is to say that only good and worthy people frequent Walmart and church??)

I've been online for three years. I've had profiles at many dating sites, I've been a part of many online communities. Until recently, I lived all my life in one very small town and frankly, it sucked the life out of me to realize there was absolutely no one there for me. I ventured out to a nearby metropolitan city, never found anyone that tickled me in just the right way, and I just gave up...resigned to living a very dull and unfulfilling life in which nothing much was all there was. And then I got a computer. In those three years, I've experienced it all, I've experienced mind boggling deception and lunatics and stalkers...but guess what? That is anywhere and everywhere, it isn't confined to those sitting behind a computer. It's just a little easier to get away with, thats all. A person wishing to deceive will deceive no matter what, be it in person and to your face, or behind your back, or behind a computer.
Anyway, I did put myself out there. I ventured out to Wally World atleast 4 times a week, I went to Church, I went to dinner with friends, I went to movies and dancing/drinking, I did it all...but he just never materialized.
Now, guess where I found the man I'll be with the rest of my life? The man I moved myself and my children 800 miles away, to be with? (Are you ready, lol?) I found him online, but not just anywhere. I found him at a literary site, featuring erotic stories submitted by its members, as well as pictures, forums, etc...so basically, it was a porn board.:D
We've been together a year and a half, he is the best human being I've ever known in 42 years and thank God in heaven, he's mine.

It's a really big world when you're alone; I fully applaud those that do whatever it takes to look for something more.

Oh, I come from a board that is unmoderated that practices free speech. In no way do I mean to offend, I'm just used to being able to speak my mind responsibly. Please don't think I'm trying to insult you, I'd just like you to open your mind a wee bit. Its human nature to want to support and protect others, so I do understand the bottom line you're trying to stress.

[JENNIFERCATLADY]

The best advice I can give is quit looking! I had not dated anyone for 4 or 5 years because I had a lot of issues I was dealing with. The sudden loss of my grandma, dad, finding out my mom had cancer & her death, plus having major surgery, and while all this was going on working 50-60 hours a week. THEN I met Robert. He's 34 now, been divorced 2 times and we have been together over a year. He just moved in about a month ago. He came into my life when I wasn't looking for anyone.

[katydae]

I have not really been looking, I have only gone on three dates in the last seven months.
The last three guys I have gone with contacted me not the other way around. The point I was trying to make is that I wish guys knew what they wanted out of life, where their life is going, and what they are looking for in a woman before they start showing interest. It hurts when you start developing feelings towards them and then they suddenly start having doubts about everything in their lives.
We all have our own baggage that we need to work through and it would be so nice to meet someone who had the past where it belongs...in the past.
Well thank you for letting me vent and I have really appreciated the hugs....... more than a lot of you will know. I know I am not the only divorced mom on this board and I am sure a lot of you know what it is like be both mom and dad to ur kids, to worry about how you will get bills paid, etc. I just wish I could find a nice, decent guy to lean on every once in a while instead of always having to be the strong one.