Help from anyone who kid has ever had legal problems?(LONG)

[MamaFairal]

As most of you know i have two DD ages 16 and soon to be 21. Well the 21 yr old has gotten herself into a legal mess and when located will be looking at probably 2-5 yrs( long story and cant go into it ok)

We know she will eventually go to jail when caught but i am so scared it is coming soon because now they have called her father in Cali trying to locate her telling him they had something of hers to send her and needed to know where she was......not knowing what is going on he told them what state she is in( not the address).......its coming!

She knows what she did is wrong and she has to pay the price...she does know this.She is not a bad kid she just made a wrong choice in doing something(twice in fact).
Here is my problem....when caught she will have to go way back east to do all this time.We have no family there anymore.She will be extradited to this state to face court and her time and i am so scared for her.
Dont get me wrong i am in no way proud of the trouble she has gotten herself into but as her mom i wont be there to help her is all i am saying.I am very scared for her.Very scared!
Am i wrong to just ask or should i say pray i get them both here for this holiday season. We just got custody of her sister back from Cali and are finally all together again after being separated two yrs. PLease let us 3 be together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and then she can face her punishment.She has also agreed if she makes it thru the holidays she will even turn herself in to face the music so she can stop looking over her shoulder and just get it all over with.
I know this isnt a major V/W but i have no one else to talk to and some of you are very understanding or as i have read have relatives who have been in trouble.I just dont know what to do and am very stressed over all this.
CAn i please add this is in no way a case to flame me for fudging up my motherly duties or raising them wrong. This is just her second offense for the same thing and she never paid the fine for the first time.
Thanks for listening i needed to get this out.

[MamaFairal]

Thank you Raven.

I know she is making it worse by running and trust me i want this all to end also.....i am just so scared for her.

She has been doing so good too....has a 3bdrm apt, F/T job(not an excuse for what she did tho)...and its all gonna catch up with her is what i keep telling her. But she knows now that they have contacted her Father its just a matter of time before they track down Mom also and find her.Its not like she is actually hiding or peeking around corners, they just dont know where she is at.

I have always been a single mom and tried my best to teach them right/wrong but i must have slipped up somewhere huh?She knows i love her with all my heart and will be behind her no matter what happens.
Its just hard to think about your baby going to jail i guess.
Thanks again for listening tho

[spongebob]

i will pm you when i get back.. on some of the thing that you can ask her att.. to go for .. but first is this the first time she was in trouble.. love to tell you now.. but have to run..
just in case this get lost pm okay.. and i reply when i get back

[MamaFairal]

Thank you all for those who have PM"d me .I need to go to work today 10:30-7pm (CST) and will answer all PM's when i get home ok.

Thank you all again.

[cch]

My BIL is "wanted" he's got multiple warrants against him and keeps saying he's going to turn himself in. He's been on the run almost a year. In the mean time the cops catch him he fights them and gets away and gets more charges against him, or chase him, he'll crash the car and ditch it and run again. He's majorly messed up on hard drugs and too stupid to realize what he's doing. If you help your daughter in any way you CAN go to jail too. They found out my BIL was staying at my MIL's house and she had taken his kids to meet him places and stuff and they started threatening her with "aiding and abeding (sp). Be careful what you do!

[MamaFairal]

Ok let me clear some things up before you all misunderstand what i am saying here ok.


I AM NOT aiding or abaiting her in anyway. She is self sufficent and lives on her own...pays rent,taxes and works fulltime.....even has utilites in her own name. She wouldnt be hard to find actually.I am not hiding her.Nor is she out chasin them in cars and running from relative to relative. She is also not using drugs either ok

All this happened in a state back east and it envolved theft of monies from where she was employed ok..there ya have it all in a nutshell.
This was not her first offense for this crime and she know what she did was wrong and will pay for it.

[cinnamonch]

Im assuming law enforcement has been in touch with you regarding where she is. If that is the case, you might end up in trouble yourself for not disclosing where she is. Whether she is in your home or not, you are not co-operating with them and depending on their mood/attitude it can get ugly.

The best thing in this situation is to turn herself in ASAP. The longer she is on the "run" the harder its going to be on her. The fact that she turns herself in might help instead of them tracking her down and dragging her in.

We all want to spend the holidays with family and friends but we dont always get what we want. There are people who have/will spend the holidays away from family and the way you are talking even if she spent this holiday with you, she wont be with next year.

[MamaFairal]

Nope i have never ever been contacted by any law enforcement regarding her. Evryone else who has been contacted tells me their looking for her.....they have never contaced me.
I know i am being slefish in asking for the holidays since she wont be here next year as stated...your right but i just finally have then both here at once and want this holiday season ok.

Off to work now ..buh bye

[Willow]

I'm sorry about the situation your daughter is in. :( I hope things work out for her and that the three of you will be able to spend the holidays together.

[mom2cvam]

{{{{{MamaFairal}}}}}

I just wanted to send you hugs and tell you that I'm sorry for the tough situation you are all in. :(

[ginna74]

If you help your daughter in any way you CAN go to jail too.

That is true... I know that you want to spend your holidays with your family and I feel for you, BUT you will get in trouble because they know you know... they aren't dumb. This is your child that has the warrant. You never know, if they are searching accross the country looking for her I bet that if she comes any where near your home they will know. I would work with athorities the sooner the better because she will be home sooner to have more holidays if you do... the longer she is gone and the more that people help her in not turning herself in the more time she will do and the bigger the likelyhood that there will be more people getting charged with inabling her to skip the law. And if you help her in any way ie. have thanksgiving with family in yur home, in a hotel room, at some one else's home you are helping her skip the law And risk getting her 16 year old sister in trouble as well... like I said I know you want everyone to be together... but I think for the sake of your children (yes both) you need to do what is right. Showing the 16 year old that the law doesn't matter and that she needs to go when the family is ready for her to go only says that it is ok to break the law, and she might just follow in her sister's footsteps as she knows you will be there to get her away.. like I said I know it is hard but doing the right thing isn't always easy :(

jmo

[schsa]

The best you can do is if she does contact you, urge her to turn herself in. She knows what she's done and there isn't much that you can do to stop the inevitable. You will also want to contact the police just so that you cover yourself.

You can offer her your support and assure her that regardless of what she has done, you still love her and will do what you can to support her emotionally (not financially).

Any time something like this happens your heart is going to break. You did what you could and that is the most important thing.

[ginna74]

You can offer her your support and assure her that regardless of what she has done, you still love her and will do what you can to support her emotionally (not financially).

I forgot to mention this too... you will always love her and when she gets out there will be many holidays to share together. You just don't want to be in a cell next to her because you wanted this holiday when the police wanted her yesterday...

like I said the right thing isn't always the easiest to thing to do....

[erniemarie]

please read the pm I have sent you - I had to send it in three parts, I have a little different take on this from my own personal experience and ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) I hope everything will turn out ok for her and your family

[Gitty]

MamaFairal
So sorry for what your dealing with. My brother was in trouble years ago. He left the state also. The police knows where he is. But they won't extradite him because it would cost to do it. If he ever comes back to the state they will arrest him. It is on his record. But the police won't do anything. If what your DD stole wasn't to much, maybe they would just let her pay it off and pay the court fines or something like that. Life is really hard to live when you are looking over your shoulder. Maybe a relative in another state could call and see if she could do this. I hope things can work out alright for your family and that you have nice holidays together.

[HaveKids,LostMind]

Reality is:
You know she is wanted. If she comes to your home and you don't turn her in, you'll be the one in trouble for that, not your DD. So, I think it is best for her to turn herself in, before she gets any of the family into trouble. JMO

[MamaFairal]

Wow! So many opinions....some good some bad.....WOW!

First fo all i do see my outlaw daughter everyday as a matter of fact....she lives just a couple blocks away from me in her own place, which she pays for by herself from working fulltime.

I have tried contacting the state where they say she is wanted and they wont give any info on the phone they say you have to come in to see if there is a warrant(of course its easier to arrest you that way)

This all happened in 2002 and she was put on probation for it with a fine.......which she didnt pay(not my responsiblity)and was repicked up on it when she visited the state this summer. They(released her) gave her till Jan 04 to pay the fine, but she did it again(in same state and left and came to this state)...and now they are looking for here...is everyone following me here??

It is a felony crime, and after speaking with an attorney today he said he doubts they will actually come get her for that amount also.It would cost them too much $$ and trouble for the amount its worth.

I am sorry to have vented my problems and wont in the future as i have been PM'd everything from a neglectful mother to a criminal myself for loving and caring and being scared for my DD.......

I hope all you people with small young children never ever have to go thru anything with your "PERFECT" kids......and they stay small kids forever.

Cant say Mama tried!

[fatesfaery]

I can't believe anyone would call you a negligent mother. We do the best we can to raise our kids. They grow up and we no longer have control over their actions......these actions may not be what we believe or would choose.......but I don't see how the actions of an adult child makes anyone a negligent parent.Kids grow up, they have their own mind...they make their own choices....and they seldom stop to consider whether their parents would approve of those choices. It's really easy for someone with small children to say MY child would never do that....maybe they'll be lucky and their child never will. I learner with my son to never say never and never criticize anyone else's child.

Unless you've been contacted by the police, I don't see how you could be charged with aiding and abetting.

I agree that she should turn herself in, that way she doesn't have to live her life looking over her shoulder. If she does that now or after christmas is her choice.

[Gitty]

Originally posted by MamaFairal
Wow! So many opinions....some good some bad.....WOW!

I am sorry to have vented my problems and wont in the future as i have been PM'd everything from a neglectful mother to a criminal myself for loving and caring and being scared for my DD.......

I hope all you people with small young children never ever have to go thru anything with your "PERFECT" kids......and they stay small kids forever.

Cant say Mama tried! Ignore those rude pm's! They can say you should turn her in, but they don't know what they would do in the same situation if it was their child. And if you did turn DD in, you would be teaching your 16 year old that she can't trust you, if she ever gets in trouble. Don't loose that trust, it's hard to get back with your child. And you can always let DD know she needs to get it paid, but if she doesn't, tell her, you will send her a package of clean white undies if she gets picked up and sent to jail.

[ckerr4]

Originally posted by fatesfaery
I can't believe anyone would call you a negligent mother. We do the best we can to raise our kids. They grow up and we no longer have control over their actions......these actions may not be what we believe or would choose.......but I don't see how the actions of an adult child makes anyone a negligent parent.Kids grow up, they have their own mind...they make their own choices....and they seldom stop to consider whether their parents would approve of those choices. It's really easy for someone with small children to say MY child would never do that....maybe they'll be lucky and their child never will. I learner with my son to never say never and never criticize anyone else's child.

Unless you've been contacted by the police, I don't see how you could be charged with aiding and abetting.

I agree that she should turn herself in, that way she doesn't have to live her life looking over her shoulder. If she does that now or after christmas is her choice.

I'm not usually an "ITA" person, but I can't say it any better than fatesfaery already did, so I won't bother repeating her ;)

oh - ITA :D

(((MamaFairal)))

[cch]

I agree, if someone is harassing you in PM-s, forward them to a mod.

[ginna74]

I don't think my opinion is "bad" that is what I would do ... I think it would teach my children that they now it isn't right to break the law and try and get away with it... I don't think it would teach them they couldn't trust me... they would thank me in the end I believe for teaching them right.... yeh my opinion my not be what you want to hear but it is just that my opinion... I am sorry I am not telling you you should be able to spend the holidays with them... I don't think that is right but that is me... and I know my kids aren't perfect... but I will try to do my best and bring them up the best way I can..