is it me??? or the schools??? or is it others??or do i vent too much?

[sahmsfreeb]

You know it is very disheartening to read others post about their problems at school. unfortunatley i am not alone... I just started a vent about a teacher and the Halloween problem of goodie bags.

Then I sat back and thought.....

I spent the first month of school making phone calls to fix my sons busing problems.....really horrible busing....
then I spent my second month on the phone with my kindergarteners teacher about his behavior in the classroom... apparently he cant pay attention and calls out a lot and cries....

Then last week I had to call the speech teacher to attempt to get speech for my 5 year old (they told me they would contact me in a few weeks that was 2 months ago) only to be told that he needs to have another problem other than speech to get therapy.... (This will take me another month of phone calls) so if my kid is fine but can’t speak well they will let him sound like an idiot until he gets beaten up. (I told the speech teacher this and she got silent which means it’s true)
Then the speech teacher proceeds to tell me to get my son tubes in his ears because her kid has them.... (I didn’t know she was an M.D. either) But she also found it relevant to point out to me that my oldest son is A.D.H.D. And that has WHAT to do with my son who needs speech??? I never told anyone other than his teacher that he was A.D.H.D.
I am so upset seeing that this goes on across America. I know I am not alone but I am very upset for today’s children. I guess what frustrates me the most is that I go to a top 200 school district in the US. I guess i expect more and better because of it. But then i think If I have to go through all these trials and tribulations what is going on across America for other children and schools????
And its not that I haven’t a clue of what goes on in schools. I used to teach before I had my own children. I quit when I had my first son.
i guess it is just me..... maybe i expect too much... i seem like a person who complains too much. i dont like what i am. I dont want to be that. but i know im not alone. i guess im just a mom. i expect too much.

[HaveKids,LostMind]

You're not in the wrong for wanting the best for your children. I have been having probs with my son's sub...dont get me started! Im just saying, your vents are valid.

[krisharry]

push to have your younger one tested for a speech/language impairment
he can then qualify for speech class

[schsa]

I don't know anyone who doesn't have to fight tooth and nail to get the help that their kids need. Once you get them into the classes that they need it's a heck of alot easier. But getting it started is the hard part.

Nothing like a little bureaucracy to drive you crazy.

[sahmsfreeb]

Originally posted by schsa


Nothing like a little bureaucracy to drive you crazy.


thanx for the smile! i needed that!!!! you should see me im laughing so hard...lol...but it is so true! i feel like a salmon swimming upsteam in my kids school! im not mad im just vfffrrrpppp! TY!

[fatesfaery]

I'm sorry you're having so many problems with your sons' school.
My nephew has had tubes in his ears 3 times. He also goes to professional speech therapy. His ENT told my SIL that the reason he had speech problems was because the way heard things was as if people were talking under water.He had constant respiratory problems when he was a baby, and by the time he was 3 he didn't say any intelligible words. In the three years since he had the tubes and started speech therapy, he's a little motormouth!

They put my daughter in speech therapy when she was in first grade, I never noticed she had a problem until after she started speech.

Call and talk to your schools nurse and ask her who you need to contact to get him enrolled in speech, if she can't help, I'd call the principal and talk to him/her.

[momfromTN]

I feel your pain. My son, last year in Head Start, was taking Speech, Occupational and Physical Therapy. He was diagnosed by a Psychologist as having Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Well, we move to FL, and I bring my inch thick file with all his papers,etc from the school, and docs in TN. Was that good enough? NOOOOOO! I had to put up with crap from the school system here from July to October to get him into Special Ed Preschool. They acted like they didn't want to deal with him. Now, they are wanting him on medication, because he is so compulsive. We were considering a small dose medication to help him concentrate, but I also am having to deal with him not being able to stay the full day 3 days a week, because he won't lie down for nap and doesn't cooperate well. FOR GAWSH sake! The child has not even been there a month. Can he not just have some time to adjust? I realize my child is not the only one in there and the teachers are worked hard, so I don't complain. I am simply overwhelmed with this Special Needs thing. I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything, but some days, it is so tiring.

[sahmsfreeb]

well today is STEP 1 for my son.... the teacher and speech teacher and prinicpal long with the school shrink all meet today to decide if he needs speech... then it is onto EVALUATIONS....evaluations by the school shrink his teacher social worker etc.... if you dont have arther-itis cross your fingers for him. ill keep ya all updated. i wonder if they will call me today....

i doubt it...

ty for all the positive thoughts and support... i figured why i have been nasty for the last few days.... PMS lol...

[ibbygayle]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have been really lucky with my son's school. He's in Kindergarten and his teacher and assistant teacher are wonderful. The school is just great. I knew my son would need speech and his doctor recommended it when he went in for his school checkup in the summer. The doctor put him on Claritin and Nasonex for his allergies so we could see if that was what was causing the fluid in his ears. Then I took him to an audiologist to have his hearing tested. His hearing was fine and by then the fluid was gone. I mentioned my son needing speech the first week of school and the teacher submitted his name right away. I went to meetings with the counselor, his teacher and the speech therapist to go over everything and sign papers letting them test his hearing, etc. and it all went very smooth. He then started speech classes like the 3rd week or so of school. And I love the speech teacher. She is so sweet and my son likes her.

I don't understand why the school "shrink" is involved with deciding if he needs speech therapy. At our school the Speech Therapist did evaluations on my son and made the dicision, along with the teachers input. Also I don't understand why he needs to have something else wrong before he qualifies for speech. That sounds strange to me.

You're doing the right thing by staying on them and getting your son the speech therapy he needs.

[Azriel_LittleHawk]

i am pretty sure that there are a whole bunch of parents here who are eityher facing this in the future, are facing it now..or have faced it in the past. it's a sad thing. it took me .....almost my son's entire kindergarten year to get him the help he needed...and the funny bit is? 5 yrs later my girl goes to the same school? 3 weeks go by, and no problem ..then ...POOF when the school admin found out she was MY daughter? all the sudden she is "violently acting out" they were talking of suspending my 5 years old!!! no crap!! WELLL...i had tried to do "open enrollment" in another school system..*mind you, the school she is in now? is just over a mile away, her OLD school? is over 6 miles one way. !!*
well rather amusingly..i've had absolutely NO problems from her teacher at the new school!!! and when al this started? i decided to go talk to her head start teachers who'd had her for 2 yrs...and gues what? "nope, no violent outbursts like that, she WILL stand up for herself or she cries but never what they are claiming"
well..you figure it out. now it just makes me laugh.

the people at her new school? they KNOW how to deal with kids!! and whats more? they genuinely love these kids!! i am so happy i went ahead and transfered her!!
you hang in there!! keep fighting!! if you ever need help..please let me know..i can't stand to see a child "swept under the rug"..

ciao!
Az

[DivineMsDi]

I have sent you a PM if you want to reply...good luck, I have the same nonsense with my DS's school!!!

[sahmsfreeb]

well at 2 pm today my phone rang and it was my sons teacher.. on monday i will meet with her and others and find out what they discussed yesterday about him. they want to see me at 9:10 am of course dh wont be home to get the kids to the bus stop and school doesnt start until 940.... sooo the teacher said that they kids could sit in the hallway.... "you sit here guys while mommy talks about you" lol.... my youngest already knows im trying to get him speech... ill keep you all updated..... cross those fingers for him... i really hope he can get speech without being diagnosed adhd because his brother is adhd...
toodles!

[sahmsfreeb]

well i had the meeting. i am so mad i can spit.:mad: :mad: :mad:

the first 20 minutes were spent with the sp.ed. teacher, speech teacher and the kindergarten teacher telling me of my sons behavioral problem... they made me sighn an agreement stating that they are working with him to control his calling out outburst... finally in the last five minutes they talked about how he is not eligible for speech!!!! I AM PI$$ED OFF AT THE SMITHTOWN NY SCHOOL SYSTEM!!!!! i fought for the first 2 months to get my kids decent bussing and now this!!!!!!!! the speech teacher then told me that he needs to have two things wrong with him b4 he gets treatment. i then said oh so when hes in second grade and gettign beaten up then youll intervene??? i said that people have awful perceptions against people with speech problems... she then spouted her lines about going through my private insurance!!! i dont know what to to... i have no clue where to begin.........my sons ped will not get involved basically it becomes a p*$$ing match with the school....he said that the school will not listen to him... i am confused... i do not know where to begin...and if they dont budge and he soent have anything else wrong with him he StILL LOOSES! its not fair.. this poor kid..... he has had such a crappy beginning to kindergarten.... any advice appreciated and acepted! ill do anything at this point. TIA!

[YYounghouse]

the teachers...
but they are just giving you the "party line" they would most
likely LOVE to help him and give him speech. But there are
rules that the school board and your state have put in place
that must be followed in order for a child to qualify for services.
The school has become a "catch all" for children and their parents
to drop their problems. The school in many states does medical shots and eye checks and yes... speech. The school would do well to concentrate on TEACHING but society has dropped so many other responsibilies on the doorstep of the school that teaching often comes last. The signing of that letter is one example. The school is trying to prove that you are responsible for the child. Crazy, hu? I mean 20 years ago....
it would have been understood that the PARENT is responsible, not the school. Not now, everything is a school situation. I would seek private speech therapy- where you can choose the provider and the
schedule of services. I agree, speech can make a child a target of
others ridicule. I would seek help now. You see the problem and it is real. The school is there to educate, you are there to raise protect
and provide and care . It is only recently that those lines have gotten confused. You ( and I and many others) have bought into the idea that it is the schools job to provide this service. It simply only is IF IT INTERFERES WITH LEARNING. Your job is more complex, it is YOUR job to take care of emotional needs. You are not helpless here, you are the PARENT! It is revealing to me that you said now my kids will have to sit outside until school starts. That is your choice. You could have insisted on meeting at a different time, or paid for a babysitter. YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. AT ALL TIMES. Not the school. It hurts, and I don't mean to be harsh....
but it is the truth. Let it empower you to work for your son.
I don't mean this to harm you, but I love this place and now almost everyday when I log on to read-- I read things about schools and teachers. It hurts that people can be so mislead. YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER. The teacher can only do what the state/district/principal allows. WORK FOR YOUR CHILD.

[schsa]

Most medical plans do cover speech therapy. I would look into it to see what your insurance offers.

It doesn't seem fair that the school won't help when they can.

[sahmsfreeb]

mine only covers 30 sessions those were used up this year between march and june.... my son cannot get insurance therapy until jan. and then only 30 sessions. this is why i want the school district to help my son. if the doctor takes him then doesnt that mean he has a problem that warrents fixing??? if that is the case i cannot understand why the school will not help him. they didnt even evaluate him. and when i asked them to they balked!...

[YYounghouse]

I think because it is not a school related problem
they feel like it is not their concern.
It is rough, but the truth.
I feel badly for you with the insurance problem.
But, just because he has a problem doesn't mean the school
has the finances to correct it-- unless it interferes
with learning. School is in the teaching business.
If you discovered ( and it is never released, so you wouldn't)
that your child had fewer textbooks or supplies for learning because
another child was using the needed money to purchase them on something not considered school related- You ( and I and everyone else) would flip. Think of it like that. The money has a end and
everytime the school dips into it to pay for something-- something else is left out. It is the schools job to make sure that the things left out are not the essentials for learning for the GROUP.
Not the health related business or the child rearing business.
I know the lines are blurred and in many cases the school takes on
the social and emotional and medical-- but it is not their
job. I feel your pain as a mother. You must find a way to help him.

[sahmsfreeb]

see the financial thing throws me because this school district smithtown ny is on the top 200 list of schools in the us! taxes are very high here. we are talking $12,000 for a 4 bedroom house. here is a profile for the schools here http://timesleader.greatschools.net/modperl/browse_district/588/ny/

the speech teacher did not test my child at all. she came to the conclusion that he does not need speech. so i want it from her in writing how she came to that conclusion. she made it a point to tell me to get tubes put in my sons ears... she made it a point to repetedly tell me to use private insurance. and then she brought up the fact thath my older son is adhd. I never told anyone! just my older sons teacher. this i pay for out of my own pocket. he goes to therapy every weekend for his problems. 200 per session. the teachers wont work or even allow a child to be active in the classroom unless they are receiving treatment. so how can you say that the school should not give my son speech when they feel that children should be medicated before they will teach them? i understand the point of view that you are coming from. i have had a day and a half to simmer down. trust me i was brewing! but i used to teach a long time ago. and yes it was easy for me to blame the parents not knowing the full story. but it was my responsibility as a teacher to give 100% of myself to the child.

am i moaning and groaning yes... i was thrown off guard by all of this. i needed to vent.... and to find others who know what to do...i thank all of you...

[YYounghouse]

it was unprofessional for the teacher to bring up
your other son. UNEXCUSABLE. It is legal that she knows about him
though, any teacher in a building is legally allowed to discuss a child with a paid professional on the staff. ( allows for input )She should never reveal that knowledge to you ( rude) or let it influence
how she feels about another child.
The teacher was out of her professional field to
mention tubes in his ears. OUTRAGEOUS.
I can't believe she got away with that- I don't know a
teacher foolish enough to suggest it--because if it is mentioned
as being needed for educational purposes, then the school can
become liable for providing it. ( In special ed. meetings with parents
we know to be careful not to say something like " a computer at
home would increase his learning power" because then we can be
asked to pay for one. CRAZY....
For speech evaluation he just needs to be referred
by his classroom teacher. BEG HER TO DO IT.
If they refuse, then appeal.
He should at least be tested. If he is progressing in
his studies-- they most likely won't give it to him though.
No matter how wealthy the district, they divide the money pie
by educational need.

[DivineMsDi]

My son also goes to one of those FINE Long Island Schools...I am STILL waiting to get feedback from his OT teacher..has he or hasn't he been to her yet? I received a paper from her weeks ago saying he would get half an hour a week. No idea if he has been seen. My DH is fuming. Our DS missed speech for the last 2 weeks due to numerous days off (school closed). Well, today he is supposed to have this Occupational Therapy. Let's see.

The teacher called yesterday to offer some strategies to help my son with his poor handwriting. Well, OT is supposed to be helping with this...if he had it. I asked the teacher about why he has not had OT, and she was cagey about it. Don't you KNOW when a 5 year old leaves the room?

Keep complaining. Maybe you can write to the superintendent. Keep being a pain in their butts. Sorry to say, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Long Island===pay HIGH taxes, pay for "everyone else" to get free services, pay outrageously for housing and car insurance. The middle class gets the shaft here, seriously.