Need help-Friend has an out of control teen

[hockeymom]

My neighbor came over last night and unloaded alot of stuff she needed to talk about. The main thing is her 16 year old son who is totally out of control. She has to padlock her bedroom door because he robs her and even sleeps with her bedroom door locked at night so he cant get in He has been arrested a few times for stealing and they just let him off with community service. He comes in whenever he wants, has pictures of pot on his walls, talks back or yells at her when he does not get his way. Thats just half the stuff!! I need to find some kind of help for her, can anyone suggest somewhere to start? The fact that she is afraid of her own son in her own house has gotten me really concerned. Unfortunately she is widowed and no family around to help her. If you have any links or sites that could get her started please let me know.

Thanks
Hockeymom


tallain887@aol.com

[itsmetiggy]

Have her look into a type of boot camp..or call the talk shows <no not jerry springer> but montel williams or as much as she annoys me jenny jones they are always doing shows about out of control teens and they are usually able to help it might be a long shot but its worth a try

[JWWB2000]

try contacting the local authorities to find out what kind of programs are available in your area. Maybe there is a program for disturbed teens in the area you can find out more information about and share with your neighbor. Sounds to me the boy needs a good swift kick in the arse!!!!! (JMO though) She may want to think about having the police come through her house with drug sniffing dogs because she suspects her son is doing drugs. If she explains this to them nothing will happen to her but her son will face the charges. Since he already has a rap sheet the police should be very cooperative with her to do this. Maybe this will make him see she is not fooling around with his irrational behavior anymore and he will get a clue!! Just thought I would try and help.....

[schsa]

She also needs to look up Tough Love and see if they have a group in their area. If not at least check out their website. It sounds as if he has anger issues that might be related to the fact that he doesn't have a father and he may need a male mentor to take control and try to get him back on the straight and narrow.

Tough love. Go through the yellow pages in her area for Social Services that could help. And I agree that a boot camp wouldn't hurt.

[hockeymom]

Thanks for all the replies gals:) Hopefully I can get her some help with her son. The reason I am trying so hard is because she wanted to know if my son would hang around with hers so he will be with some better kids, sorry but NOT!!!! As much as I feel for her I dont think mixing our kids together is a great idea, especially since he has not been allowed to hang around with her son in 2 years because of this stuff. The last thing I need is her son over casing my house for the next time I am out:mad: Hopefully I will find her some great leads to start.

Thanks
Hockeymom

[zitra]

Originally posted by itsmetiggy
Have her look into a type of boot camp..or call the talk shows <no not jerry springer> but montel williams or as much as she annoys me jenny jones they are always doing shows about out of control teens and they are usually able to help it might be a long shot but its worth a try
I agree with this...but have to say that I don't think "having pictures of pot" is a problem..Lots of teens now wear shirts with cannibus leaves on them/have pictures..just having the pictures isn't a problem (IMO)..but the rest of the stuff you desribed is.

[JWWB2000]

Just wanted to add to my comment about the drugs....the posters are not a big deal like Zitra has mentioned above but his actions are really irrational as if he is doing drugs. It may be best for her to have her home searched now to make sure he isn't doing them before things get any worse than they already are. This is just my opion. But social services would be the best place to start as mentioned above!

[Gitty]

My friend had a daughter that was out of control. She turned her daughter over to the courts. Her daughter lived in the detention home till she was 18. My friend had to pay support to the state, but it was better then getting hurt by her daughter. This was about 10 years ago. I'm not sure if the states still do this, but if it gets to bad, it maybe a option to look into!

[azwup05]

My sisters stepson was doing the same thing. She petitioned the judge to go ahead and lock him up. At the time she was the only one willing to deal with him. And she explained to the judge that she had to think of his brother and half siblings. And to mainly show that this was unacceptable. To this day he thanks her.

[hockeymom]

:)

[zitra]

I would say as long as my son (when he is a teen) was not getting into any trouble, and was a good kid, no i would not have a problem wiht him having posters liek this in his room..IMO it would be my son's room and he shoudl be able to decorate or express himself how he wants...as long as he is not smokign the stuff, I don't think it should/would bother me if he has posters....whne my brother was a teen he had budweiser pictures in his room...neon budweiser signs/posters..he coudl not legally drink, but i don't think there was anything wrong with him having the posters/signs

[Willow]

I have a daughter who will be 16 in December and she has given me a lot of problems over the past four years. She is in a residential program for teen girls. She was not following any rules at home and she would take off and not come back. I've been through hell with her. I don't really have any advice for your friend because nothing that I had tried was working. I hope things get better for her soon.

[momfromTN]

No disrespect intended, but come on, people. WHY would posters of pot be ok for a kid's room? The phrase, "if it walks like a duck", comes to mind. When my kids are adults and in their own homes, I don't care what they do, but in my home, there will be NO posters of crap like that on the walls. But, hey, to each his own home, I guess.

To the OP: Your friend needs to Call and get information about help in the community, then go to his room while he is at school. Strip it down to the bed, and a crate and closet. Give him one outfit and change of drawers, socks, etc for each day. That is it. No gameboys, no nothing. No pot posters.

This suggestion comes from a teacher my mom knows, who works in a school for troubled kids, who gave her the same advice for my nephew, whom Mom raises (long story). It has done wonders with the counseling. He has to earn his things back.

[mikang]

I agree with momfromTN, my son is 16 and I don't want him having posters of pot or beer in his room! IMO, if they have the posters of pot in the room they have probably tried it and it is their way of saying it's ok to do it. If my son put them up in his room they would be down the same day. For the OP.. my cousin's 16 yr old son was causing her some really bad problems and he ended up getting into trouble and doing community service for it. Well, my cousin said that the community service wasn't doing anything for him. She contacted the judge that gave him the sentence and asked him if he could put him in a boot camp. He did and to this day her son is doing great. The boot camp did wonders for him. Before he went he quit school and while he was in boot camp he got his GED. Your friend might want to look into the camp or call the judge. I hope she gets help for him soon.

[hystera]

I am sorry, but this angers me to no end. I have 3 boys 22,18. and 8 (and no I am not crazy..LOL). Now although they are not angels, they never more than once or twice tried to push me around. I am 42 years old and for a few years was single. I think that I am pretty cool
to them. I LOVE metal music, watch Headbangers Ball, Go to Tool ect.. concerts and all that stuff. I am not trying to be cool, this is who I am but.... I am the adult and mother of these boys. I will ALWAYS be OLDER and WISER than them. Respect is not earned in parenthood, it is learned. It is taught. I do not drink nor do drugs, and I open doors for elders and have patience with all humans, except rude ones. I have a home with 4 VERY important rules that my kids know by heart. 1. No lying 2. No cheating 3. No stealing
4. You never treat other people like crap, even if you feel like crap. My home belongs to everyone in the family, but... since I clean it and make sure it reflects a sense of pride that I have... I am the Queen, and if I say to pick up a wet towel and deposit it in the dirty clothes hamper, I mean now, not when they want to. This system has worked for me very well. I have my 22 year old (Michael) in the Navy, Self supported (thank God) for 5 years. He enlisted at 17. Yet he calls me 3-4 times almost daily. My 18 year old (Adam) started Berkeley in August with a full 4 year free ride after graduating with a 4.5. Then my 8 year old (Malcolm) is honor roll since he started school and swears he is going to be a World Cup Soccer player and buy me $80.00 shampoo when he grows up. I have been truely blessed. Why don't you tell your neighbor to send that kid to me. I will be more that happy to go toe to toe with him.

[cch]

She can contact her county juvenile officer, even though he's her son she can press charges on him if he steals from her, maybe a couple nights in the gray bar hotel would straighten him up.