Just tired of it

[Sunnymoonx]

Ok, brief history of my mother. Shes had problems with depression and panic disorders for most of her life. My only sister died 10 years ago this coming december and ever since that happened my mother has never been the same (can't say I blame her and I hope that pain is something i don't ever have to go thru)
anyhow, I ask her maybe twice a year to watch my 3 kids for us. Last time DH wanted to take me out overnight for the first time in 3 years and she said that she just wasn't up to it so we wern't able to go out.
Well here is what is bugging me now. DH is having surgery on his leg on Tuesday. He is going to be put to sleep for it and will be out of work for at least 8 weeks because of it. Today he told me that he really wants me to be there before the surgery and before they put him to sleep. I originally thought he wanted me to drop him off and come home with the kids and just want to pick him up. But no problem, I don't mind at all being there and want to be.
So, I asked my mother if she would please come for a few hours to be here to help get my preschooler off the bus and my kindergarter on the bus after lunch. She told me that she can't get off from work (she volunters at the town's senior center and has been there long enough that she can take a day off) She said That she just isnt up to driving out here. (we live about 40 miles apart)
SO now, I don't know what I am going to do. We don't have any friends here who can watch the kids for me. Our only sitter is in high school and I can't ask her. So, I am stuck. I either have to bring the kids to the hospital with me and wait, or just not go. It just p!$$es me off. I NEVER ask her to watch them.

I know shes depressed and there isnt anything I can do about it. It isnt going to get any better until she is ready to ask for help and that is what I am tired of. She just doesnt want help. My poor father (who is blind) has given up on her too. He has tried to get her help, tried tog et her to go out and do things but asll she wants to do is sit in her room all day, smoke and play slots or bingo online. She comes out of the room to go to work, comes home and get right on the computer. She comes out to cook dinner and runs right back to her room and stays there until she goes to bed. It isnt much of a life for her or my father and I just don't know what else I can do. I have never been real close to her. I don't know if she holds that against me and had always wished that I would take the place of my sister (who was very close to her). I just don't know.
I am stressed right now over this whole surgery thing, not having any income for the next 2 months and It is scary. I am worried about taking care of the kids for Christmas and having a good thanksgiving. I am worried about being able to buy the stupis little everyday things like toilet paper or toothpaste.

Nobody needs to reply. I just needed to whine about this somewhere and this just seemed to be the right place to do it.
If you've read this far, thanks!

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

If I was close to you, I would watch them. Sorry, you are going throught this.Do you have a neighbor you could ask? another mom close by?

{{{HUGS}}}

[Sunnymoonx]

There is 1 mom nearby I can ask but we don't know her well and I hate to be a bother. the 2 boys have speech disorders and are difficult to understand and I always hate to bother others with it. the boys get frustrated when others can't understand them. I know things will work out but it's just the way I am, always stressing over things like this for days before it happens.

[rain_cries]

What time is your husband's surgery and how long will he be in pre-op waiting to go under? Maybe you could ask the other mom to look after them for an hour or two after they get off the bus, take care of your husband until he is asleep, go home and get the kids and then take it from there.

[Kelsey1224]

I don't have any solutions for this situation. You will need to just take the children with you. Not a fine option...but it seems like the only way out this time.

However, it is obvious that your mother will NEVER be there for you. You need to accept it and find other options. I'm assuming your mother-in-law is also not available.

There are a variety of mom's groups out there...some at churches, some at YMCA's, etc. Now is the time for you to start nurturing friendships with other women so that you have additional options available to you.

You would be amazed how many other women are in the same boat. But, once you make friends with other SAHM's, you can then start trading babysitting duties...have play dates...etc.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this...but you need to face the fact that your mother is incapable of being there for you. (I'm sorry if this sounds harsh...that's not my intent.)

[Sunnymoonx]

Kelsey, I do agree, and no, i am not taking your comments harsh. I know she will never be there for me for such things. Until or unless she gets some help,this is the way it's gong to be and I do know. It is sad and you know, I really feel bad for my father. He relies on her for everything. Yes, he can do a lot by himself, but he can't drive, cant read the paper or the mail. she doesnt spend any time with him just having conversation. It's sad.

Rain_cries, I don't know what time the surgery is yet. They DRs office will call us monday afternoon to tell us what time to come in tuesday(stupid, but what can you do?) They did tell him it would most likely be late morning -early afternoon. Just the right time for my youngest's bus to bring him home and my 5 year olds bus to come pick him up. UGH! I am still "exploring my options" on a sitter for an hour or so or whatever I need. I really do envy people who have family and friends who can watch their kids for them. I have a few friends who have a dozen people to turn to for sitting so never have a problem finding one.
I know it will all work out. It always does but, like i mentioned before, I still get so stressed out. I've always been that way.

So now I am off to take a break for an hour or so to make some halloween goodies. I have to make rice krispie treats for 2 of the kids classes and I am making some chocolates for DH to bring to work tonight and share with his co-workers.

[schsa]

Check with the churches in your area and see if they can assist you for a few hours.

I know that you want your mom to help but having been in her shoes, she literally can't. She probably has enough just trying to get to work let alone try to deal wit 2 children. It's very sad that she won't get help but there are alot of people like her out there.

I would also ask the other mother. It's not as if the children will be there for hours on end. Your husband needs you and people will understand.

[Gitty]

Talk to your 5 year olds teacher and the school. Ask if he can go to the school for the morning class and eat lunch there as this is a emergency situation. Keep the preschooler with you. And alot of schools, Boy's & Girl's clubs, Y's and even churches have after school programs, check and see what options you may have in your area. The school may know a place that can help. And your hubby really does need you there, even if it's just to make him feel better. Good Luck!!!