What am I gonna Do????????

[muherd]

Hi all, long time no see. I've been debating on posting but I have no where else to turn and I'm ready to pull my hair out. I just recently got custody of my 2 yr old niece. I don't want to go into the reason she's now with me, but she is and she's better off for it. I dropped out of college so I could take care of her, I'm currently not working and we live with my bf who works. What's killing me is her b-day is coming up and so is Christmas and we're not gonna have the money to buy her anything. Her father pays child support but it's barely enough to pay for food and clothes for her. She had no winter clothes or even jeans that fit when she got here, so I had to go get them. I can't get her into daycare around here until I have her medical records which her father was supposed to send to me and still hasn't. I guess I'm gonna have to get them myself, but even if I could get her into daycare, I can't afford it and we don't qualify for any type of aid because of the money my bf makes. To top all of this off lately everything in my house has broken, first the fridge died completely so I had to get a new one, then I blew a tire on my car, had to get 2 new tires, then something in the gas tank on my car broke and had to have it fixed. I had to pawn everything of value that I own but the bills are paid and there's enough food in the house to feed my niece for another week. I'm just so depressed about not being able to get her the things that she wants and half the things she needs. She still needs more winter clothes, cause if it snows she won't be able to go outside, since she has nothing to wear. I don't know what I'm going to do about everything. My bf is really supportive about the whole thing, he's the one who pushed me to get custody of her. He adores her and she adores him, and he's so good with her, cooking her fav foods, taking time out to play with her and teaching her things, it just breaks my heart not to be able to give her the things she deserves.

Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long.

[Gitty]

Call your childrens services to get her name on the christmas tree at local stores. Call Toys for Tots (your local tv stations will beable to give you their #'s) Salvation army can help. Your local TV stations have coats for kids programs. Your local shools does some kind of christmas project, like gloves, hats, socks on a christmas tree. Also your local food pantry or churches, will help you. Don't feel ashamed for asking for help, That's what they are there for. GL

[Taterbo]

What about going back to the courts for more $$ from the childs father. If you can prove what he is paying is not covering the costs maybe you can get more. Or even a one time extra payment for needed clothes. I would also ask who ever handled the custody hearings to make the father turn over the medical records to you. Why is the child ever becomes sick, you will need to know her history.

[aimefisher]

Try calling some local churches, the Salvation Army, United Way and look in your phone book under FOOD BANKS.

[JWWB2000]

You have a PM!!

[muherd]

Thanks all for the advice. I've called some places and have been told the same thing over and over again, I don't qualify for help, then there are the places that since you don't qualify for help, that you can't apply for. It's crappy and it's how kids slip the cracks. The other places I'll look into today and see what they have to say. As for going back to court for more money, it won't happen. The judge just gave us what my sis was already getting for support and my laywer said I should be happy with it since most people don't get as much as we did. I called my niece's new doc and he said he'd get a fax to her old one for her records so hopefully that will be taken care of.

JWWB2000 you have a pm back

Thanks all for the shoulders and the advice.

[cinnamonch]

Im a bit confused as to why are they taking your bf income into consideration since you are the one with custody of your niece.

The angel tree is based on income and since you have none, your niece would qualify to be signed up.

Also, like its been suggested, call the local food banks and the United Way Agency. They can direct you to a number of places that offer assistance.

[bngomom]

If you do day care in someones home you don't need medical records. Also you could also do day care in your home. You could make several hundered dollars a week by baby sitting other kids.

[ginna74]

I've called some places and have been told the same thing over and over again, I don't qualify for help, then there are the places that since you don't qualify for help, that you can't apply for.

wow that is strange as my husband and I are getting Va money and he is getting money for going to school through the VA as well (a living allowance)...it is not much in the skeam (sp?) of things but it is enough to pay my bills mostly. I am going to get toys for the kids through the salvation army, we have for the past few years, it also comes with a very nice food basket for christmas.. (thanksgiving too) ... we can get a food basket once a month. the kids get medical through the state.... and if we wanted we could get food stamps and such... the only reason why we aren't is because we don't want to get my daughters bio-father involved. we make what is not even close to the limit to get these things.... how if you don't make a thing can get turned down? we make a bit of money qualify...

[momfromTN]

www.wahm.com

go to the bulletin boards and look under telecommuting moms.

www.workathomeagents.com
www.onss.com
www.cyphercontractors.com

[muherd]

I was told I had to supply info on all income that comes into my home that includes my bf's since he lives here too. I guess I could have lied and taken advantage of the system but that's not in my nature. My niece has insurance coverage since her father has to keep it on her. As for daycare, I'm not real sure about letting someone babysit her out of their home, I'd prefer an actual daycare. One of the local churches has a daycare, it's $25 a day or $100 a week, but the pastor is trying to help me get approved for LINK, so that might get taken care of. I said I had called some places, not all of them. Truth be told I'm alittle overwhelmed by everything. My life has been totalled turned upside down. I'm 22 yrs. old and have never had to be responsable for anyone except myself in my life, so this is all kind of new to me. It's not like having 9 months to prepare for this new life, she kind of got dropped off at my door literally. I'm not worried about food so much as other things. There's enough food to last for a week for her, by then we'll have another check in the bank. It's taken some creative budgeting but the ends are meeting, barely, but they're meeting. I was just voicing my concern over not being to get her all the clothes she needs and stuff for christmas and her b-day.

[schsa]

Fortunately she is 2 so an empty box works just about as well as anything more expensive. I would definately be checking with Goodwill for children's clothes as well as garage sales this time of year. You would not believe what people will sell for practically nothing and there are tons of kids clothes out there that are in great shape because little kids out grow them so quickly.

Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. And start looking for some Mother's Day Out or some other mother's groups that are associated with your local YMCA or churches. It really does make a difference when you start meeting other moms. Clothes and toys can be swapped around.

And you might want to consider taking out a student loan to go back to school. With enough of a loan you can put your niece in daycare while you take classes. There isn't any reason why you should put your education on hold. Many schools have on campus day care for students with Early Ed students and grad students running the program. Look at all of your possibilities.

[ginna74]

if she is two go for wic... that will help def!

[nosamiam]

You should be able to get financial aid, grants, and loans to go to school. You should also look into programs through public aid for child care. It can be done. I did it and I was the same age you are now with a 2 year old daughter with no help from my daughter's father.

It will all work out. You have to learn to not worry so much about stuff and take one day at a time.

[Kelsey1224]

Good for you for becoming a mother to this little girl. Don't worry about Christmas and her birthday. She is two...these things don't have much meaning to them at this age.

If your pastor is trying to help you out with day care...there is probably stuff going on at your church which will provide a present or two for her.

[peaceluver]

I sent you a PM.

[magenta]

You got really great advice here, I just wanted to add:

Wal-mart has garanimals clothing, they are $2.88 for separates. I just my 2 year old 3 outfits there yesterday for under $20.

My 2 year old has toys and you know what he likes to play with? Pots and pans, plastic serving spoons, and empty boxes.
The Dollar Tree has a ton of stuff, like toy cell phones, books, crayons, dolls and stuffed animals. All of this is cheaper than what our local goodwill sells things for.

Kids this age are so easy to please.

As long as you love them, they will thrive without the newest most expensive toys.

When I was your age I had 2 kids under 2, so I know how you feel. I don't know if you are able or not, but could your BF watch her if you got a part-time job opposite his shift, this is what we had to do when we were young. I worked full-time during the day and DH worked at night.

Good luck and be proud of yourself for being so selfless that you gave this child a home. :)

[Gumball1960]

Check your local Dollar stores if you really want to get her something new for her b-day or Christmas. They have lots of little stuffed toys for just a dollar. One toy for each day would be plenty. 2 year olds are very easy to please. My DD was happy playing with empty Pepsi cartons and plastic water jugs. :)

[nosamiam]

I want to add that I think your a wonderful person. Like others have said she doesn't need much just your love and attention.

[marcy122]

I agree with nosamiam. You're a great person, & that's what this little girl needs--someone who will be there for her, not just to buy things. Your love & attention will mean more than anything. If you really want to get her toys, I'd do as suggested--the dollar store or maybe check into food pantries-they sometimes have a "store" where you can pick things that are needed for free.
Best of luck to you all. You are wonderful, just take it one day at a time!

[ttistin]

Originally posted by nosamiam
I want to add that I think your a wonderful person. Like others have said she doesn't need much just your love and attention.

I agree:) :)

[muherd]

Thanks all for the great advice and words of encouragement. They really mean alot to me. I'm still just trying to get by day to day. I never knew kids were this demanding. She's adjusting well and shocks me everyday with how smart she is. I just hope I can provide the home she needs. I'm totally exhausted from trick or treating so I'm off to bed, Thanks again everyone.

[littlemissy]

Have you tried the FSOT boards here on BBS? I like to watch for good deals on children's clothes and toys there. It might be an alternative with good prices. I also like to hit the thrift stores around here, great prices and they outgrow clothing so quickly at two years old. What size does she wear? I might have some things that my dd has outgrown.

[TX_Cowgirl]

since you and your boy friend arent married why would you have to use his income? I mean there are ways around it...and there are lots of churches that have clothes closets for this kinda help and even food if you need it

[rugratsX2]

About counting her boyfriend's income... in some places the system is screwy. For a while my daughter and I had to stay with friends, and I had to report THEIR income!

Anyway, I agree with everyone else here. 2 year olds are VERY easy to please. Good luck with everything, and I am so glad that she is in such a loving home.

[Sunseekr]

A new Mom at 22 to a two year old. You are a wonderful person. She is so LUCKY to have you. The people here have given you some wonderful advice.
I just wanted you to know that with all the crasiness in the world, it is good to hear about a young person stepping up and doing the right thing to help a child in need.

I hope God or whatever higher power you believe in BLESSES you. Good LUCK.

[Carlie]

Since your bf's working, how about you get a part time job on the shift your bf is not working? I know it might sound taxing.. but that's what I do.. saves on childcare, and if you need it, you need it... they're about to start hiring for the christmas season.