Halloween Joke Thread

[jaybird]

Thought I'd give Jolie something to keep her busy for the next week. Add your own!

Q: How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?
A: Take away his funny bone!

Q: What two types of music do mummies like best?
A: Rag time and Wrap.

Q: Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to take!

Q: What do ghosts enjoy for lunch?
A: Boologna sandwiches, peanutbooter cookies and a salad with boocheese dressing.

[Willow]

Q. Why couldn't the witch have babies?

A. Because her husband has crystal balls.

[Willow]

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new
office, and his staff was helping transport many of the
items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony
arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the
drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the
people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked
across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's
office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell
you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

[shelhop]

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

[suziebee20]

lol, I don't have any, but I wanted to say these are all really funny! :D

[sheasherry]

that one is really good ...more please...

[Gia]

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as
'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave
him some goodies, he returned for more.

"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few
minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back
three more times tonight too." ;)

[Kelsey1224]

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the cr@p out of a ghost."

[Jolie Rouge]

Top Ten Features Of A Really Scary Haunted House


10. Glow-in-the-dark Yeltsin liver.

9. Barbra Streisand music is coming from somewhere but you can't tell where.

8. Ride consists of 12 hours in factory where you sew together Nikes for 8 Cents an hour.

7. On wall hangs movie poster for "Bicentennial Man 2."

6. A decomposing corpse that just got engaged to Catherine Zeta-Jones.

5. Pervasive old-man smell.

4. They make you share a long elevator ride with a really talkative guy you only kind of know.

3. Step-by-step demonstration of how a chicken becomes a mcnugget.

2. A room full of mirrors and a naked John Madden.

1. Guy named Puffy keeps shooting at you.