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View Full Version : How can you love someone so much, yet still be disappointed?



LadyBones
10-15-2003, 05:22 AM
Maybe it's just me and i'm haveing an off day or something!
I'm just tired of him not being romantic, ok like buy a flower here and there and just hand it to me for nothing, get me a present on special occasions (birthdays, holidays, anniversary and such). Yes when he is home we cuddle on the couch to watch tv (his choice because heaven for bid i'm not catering to him all the time), and yes we have nookie! But i feel like i am missing more :(
I'm tired of him saying i'll be there for so and so's school event but something always happens and he can't come. I'm tired looking at the house and i see alot of major reconstruction the house need's and he never fixes it. example: we have a hole in the floor that should have been fixed about a year ago, the toilet flusher don't flush right and you have to do it by hand, we need new windows, we live in an old Mobile home and we have to redo the roof, the washer machine is not hooked up right and i have to use a hose just to fill it (thats been like that for almost 4 years now!)
I have'nt been able to finish wallpapering the kitchen because he will not move the stove out for me.
I have asthma and i can't do it all!
I am just so ready to leave everything, Him, the kids! everyone!!!!
Like i said maybe it's me, Maybe i'm the one thats f**ked up. I don't know!
Why do i still Love him?

mom2cvam
10-15-2003, 05:27 AM
{{{{{*Free4us*}}}}}

I wish I had the answer for you or some great advice but all I have are hugs. I've been there, done that. Sometimes the feelings creep back in but I have to push them out and focus on what I do love about him and all that he does do for us instead of his faults. I hope things get better for you. {{{Hugs}}}

ezmoney163
10-15-2003, 05:38 AM
I honestly think it is normal to feel this way every so often. I personally feel this way when things get to stressful, when we have a problem w/ our 7 year old and I need help an d he can not or will not acknowledge I cannnot do this alone. I really feel for you hon. Please remember, you need to speak up and tell him how you feel. I do it to my Dh all the time, it may not get me a flower or a night alone with him, but at least he gets the idea of "Hey I am feeling left out here. I am feeling like a only parent." ((((((HUGS)))))) If you need an ear please feel free to email or PM me, I know exactly where you are coming from.

RobMom
10-15-2003, 05:44 AM
I've been there too. Things got so bad that we divorced. But a year later we got back together and he changed 100% and me too. I mean that was a drastic way to change our ways, but that's how it worked for us. I hate to see marriages broken up and you suggested leaving. I hope you two can work it out without doing anything drastic. The only option I could suggest would be counseling, but I don't know if your DH would want to do that. Hang in there!

schsa
10-15-2003, 06:41 AM
Don't wait for him to do these things. Go to Lowes and take the classes and do it yourself. You can learn how to do almost anything around the house if you go to a class and learn how. I hooked up my own washer and dryer, fixed my hot water heater and put up new light fixture.

If you want flowers, go buy them yourself. Want to be pampered, go ahead. You married a man who isn't romantic. You are not going to change him so you change.

twinfawn
10-15-2003, 07:50 AM
Free4us I can relate 100 percent!!!!!!!, my house is falling down!, and I can't do the work that needs to be done!!!!!!, and it is just getting worse, and my husband just ignores it...and as for me?, I might as well be a light fixture on the wall.. He see's me he turns me on, and he walks on by......:(

AngelGrim
10-15-2003, 10:55 AM
Maybe take the kids go and take a break at your families or something and leave a message for him on the table about how you feel and that something has to give, I don't know, it is hard to make decisions when it comes to men, they all think differently in ways, hope all turns out well.

Soldierwif
10-15-2003, 11:17 AM
I agree if you are able to fix the things around the house that need to be fixed, fix them. It's really not all that complicated. You don't need to take classes. Just do a search online, bam you'll get all the information you ever wanted to know about things. A toilet is so simple to fix. It only takes a couple mins.

I have no advice for you on the first part of your thread. I have never been married. It would be wrong of me to even add my 2 cents.

amysusi
10-15-2003, 12:27 PM
At least you get the nookie. I swear my baby girl came by immaculate conception!

Dolly<3
10-15-2003, 04:01 PM
((((free4us))))
((((twinfawn))))

I think you deserve to have your needs met. It's not like you're asking for much. You deserve to be happy.

Personally, I wouldn't stay in a relationship I wasn't happy in. You can still love someone and not be right for each other. There are women who don't need affection, and there are men who love to give it. There are people out there that fit your needs and I don't think you should settle for less.

I can't believe you've had to fill up your washer for 4 years!! What a pain!! I bet he'd fix it if HE had to do it. :rolleyes:

twinkiesmom
10-15-2003, 06:18 PM
OMG!! I'm going thru the same thing right now! We just had a 'discussion' on this last nite. He recently wrote a friend that he loves his wife . . . . he would never stray. I told him last nite that I couldn't say the same thing. I really can see why ppl stray. I need to be held, I need the attention. If I go out w/friends, the least little attention I get from some other guy, I go nuts. But I hate to say I'm bored w/my man's romance. He does not please me. But yet I do love him. Does that make sense? I need the lust.

About the repair thing. I did find a solution to that. I started doing things myself. I've told him too, that if I hadta do it on my own, just me and the kids, I really could. He knows that too, and hates it. So everytime I say to him, 'what will I need to fix this . . .' he's on it. But I hear u! Like I said, I'm going thru the same. I've made little dig comments to him before and he never got it. But last nite, I seriously got into that subject and how I hate to be used, and then it took off into another subject about a loaded gun he keeps in the house. We really aren't saying a whole lot to each other right now. But thats fine I s'pose cuz I'm pms'n anyway. {{{hugs to u}}}

babystar0729
10-15-2003, 07:34 PM
Oh I hear you! I go through the same thing!!! myhusband used to be soo diferent! now I fond him orin! we dnt share any interests, we just dont do fun hings together.. he doe buy me flowers , candy or take me out to dinner but that is not it. we never cuddle and he is just not romntic anymore. I odnt like football, he doesn like the net or scrapbooking lol so we just dont find a point to meet. Right now he isin the livingroom watching a gm, and i am here in my room, typing my heart away.. :rolleys: men!!!

babystar0729
10-15-2003, 07:38 PM
Oh I fogot that I have started doingthings on my own. All I ask of him is to take us out as a family on sunday. NOT to lunch, but to do fun suff or my on. take him somewhere, even the local park! but he wants sunday as his resting day, he wakes p at noon, wants something to eat, goes buy the newspaper and i beg him for hours to take us out. He finally ges up, takes a bath and we eave at around 5. stores close at 6 so we are screwed.... it ticks me sooo much!! :mad: so this sunday I gotup , and my son too, really quietly took showers and I took him to mcdonalds. We had breakfast there, he played for like an hour, then we went to walmart.The I took him to the park and he played wih some kids and then we played soccer,we had a blast!! My dh kept on calling me but I didnt answer. when I got home h was all sorry but I a sick and tired of BEGGING for a family outing.. now I will provide fun for my son and he can sleep all day for all I care!!

Duo
10-15-2003, 09:06 PM
Nookie? What's that :( Is that something you get once in a blue moon?

I feel the same way at times so you ladies are'nt alone. Sometimes i wonder why bother. Things could be worse i just try to do the best i can do. Part of its trying to get a new job after being laid off last month. Grr...

Peter :)

LadyBones
10-15-2003, 10:53 PM
Thanks everyone! i'm glad im not the only one in this world that this is happening to!
I had a few beer's tonight and watched the 2 baseball games playing, and im a bit more relaxed then i was this morning! Well just a little bit more relaxed...lol
anyways life is hard and confusing and maybe someday things will be better.