question for people who have lost a parent or someone close to them

[mlayton1994]

First let me thank everyone for standing by me during the loss of my father.

Second It has been a mth since my father died and I still think of him often. I was made to feel by someone that I was crazy because I still wasnt completely over him after 4wks. and I still think of him. Ok I am from a very close knit family. I just want to know is it normal to still wish he was here and miss him. When I went home 2wks ago and went into my parents room I could still smell him (his clothes are still in the closet) and I started to cry.

There are days that I think of him. I cant help it. He was a great father and wonderful man. There were over 200 people at his funeral and about 300-400 at the visitation the night before.


Just need opinions. Now I am worried b/c of what this person said that there is something wrong with me.

Thanks for your advise.

[BigLyd1]

That's awful what that person said. My dad has been gone for five years and I still miss him. It does get better with time but the pain never totally goes away.

[girlwithsoul]

It gets easier but you never get over the death of someone close....at least in my opinion. I still think of my grandparents every single day and think how I wish they could be here now. You aren't strange or silly in any way. Maybe the person who told you that you should let go has problems with their own emotions or simply, unfortunately, has no serious family ties. Grieve and morn as much as you need to....it will make it easier to deal with in the long run.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Faithfully]

I'm so sorry about your loss. My daddy's been gone over 6 years, and I miss him so much. I talk to him all the time, and tell him how much I love, and miss him. Your friend is the one with the problem, not you. I think its totally normal to always grieve abit for a lost loved one. ((((hugs))).

[mlayton1994]

Holidays were his favorite time of year and they are mine as well. He enjoyed life. I just hate the fact that they make me feel like I am crazy for still getting upset but, my dad hasnt been gone that long. I just want to know am I crazy for feeling the way I do. This person told me that I needed to get on a drug to help me not be so crazy.

[cinnamonch]

My Uncle (he raised me) has been gone for 4 years and no its not normal to think you would be over missing him in 4 weeks. Obviously whomever told you this has never lost anyone they were close to.

[ezmoney163]

Whom ever said this must have never felt the loss of someone close. My grandpa died almost 6 1/2 years ago and I think of him almost everyday, he and my grandma raised me and I oved him very much we were very close. I think of him constantly and someties I even still get teary when I think of him. Yes you are going to hurt inside and it is going to stay with you always. My mil died almost 3 1/2 years ago and we were close but I still feel that loss also, there are times I think I ought to call grandpa or MIL to tell them my kids did or said this or just to talk to them, then it hits me I can't. I am so sorry for your loss, but you missing them is a natural thing, it is a way of keeping there memory alive and a part of you.
((((HUGS))))

[CarolinaBlue]

I lost my mom 13 years ago and I lost my dad almost 5 years ago. I still think of them all the time and still shed tears sometimes.
No, the pain never goes away completely.

[kaylaandbrittanysmom]

(((mlayton1994)))


I lost my dad 10 years ago(I was 15 at the time).I still miss him to this day.There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling.There will be times when you seem to miss him more.Be glad for the time you did have and remember the good times.
For me,the hardest times were my wedding and the births of my 3 kids.I still sit here and think of how much he would have spoiled them.
Just know that he will be watching over you and will always be with you.Everyone is different and deals with death in a different way.Let yourself grieve.


If you ever need to talk,feel free to PM me.

[dsden99]

I lost my mother-in-law in 2000, and not a day goes by that i dont think of her and miss her. The person that told you that you were crazy has a screw loose somewhere, and needs a good butt kickin in my opinion. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Never let anyone tell you not to miss your father!!!! I hope you feel better soon, and i will be praying for you and your family.

[Hi_Ya!]

Everyone grieves at their own rate. Please don't worry mlayton! I lost my Mother 16 months ago and while the pain is much easier to bear now, you never stop missing those who have passed away. You are grieving normally for YOU, don't let anyone tell you to "Get Over It". *HUGS*

[Kelsey1224]

WHATTA JERK! Four weeks and you are supposed to be done grieving over the loss of your father? Obviously this person hasn't ever lost anyone close to them or they are incapable of loving deeply.

I lost my father 6 years ago and I still feel the pain. I hated him most of my growing up years...but we became close toward the end of his life.

I lost my mother last year. (In fact...last week was the one year anniversary of her death). My mother had been suffering alzheimers so her passing was such a relief. I don't think I was grieving at the time of her passing.

Now...I'm able to remember her as she was most of my life...and I'm missing her so much. I think of her every single day! I don't think there will be any day that I don't miss her.

[Maeryn]

Whoever told you that is an ignorant, insensitive clod!! My mother died in 1988 (ten days before Christmas). My brother was killed in 1996. I still grieve for them both very much. Some losses become easier to bear with time, but the hurt never completely goes away. You do what you have to do in order to cope; don't worry about what anybody else says.

{hugs}

[jonette5]

I lost my father 22 years ago when I was only 17. To this day I miss him and cry on occassion. The pain gets better and it does not stay at the top of your mind forever but it never goes away.

The person who told you that is an idiot! Everyone grieves in their own way. If you need to cry or be mad or confused or what ever that is fine just do it and don't let anyone tell you it is wrong!

(((HUGS)))

[schsa]

My Aunt Chrissy dies in the mid 1960's and I still feel that she is with me.

My Aunt Doris died about 15 years ago and she is in my mind at some point every month.

People that you love and care about never really leave you. It does get easier with time but there are still moments when I will be talking to my mom and Doris or Chrissy will come to mind and we still cry a bit over them. I think it's because we loved them and they were so special to us.

I would much rather that someone thought of me from time to time after I am gone than to forget that I existed in 4 weeks.

[CaptCritter]

I lost my husband just this past June, I know the pain you are feeling. Don't ever let anyone make you think that you are taking too long in grieving. I had alot of trouble the first month, and then things seemed to be better the second, but the third month was by far the worst for me, I think it finally dawned on me that he was in fact not coming back. So anyone that thinks you should be over it by now is crazy! Take your time in greiving, just don't let it consume you and remember to take care of yourself as well.

[intimidator329]

{{{mylaton}}}
my grandpa died Jan 3, 1996 and at my wedding (renewal of vows)Aug 4, 1998 I lit a candle in his honor since he couldn't be there. Several members of my family (including my now sil) couldn't understand why I did that. They said the candle was to be lit by hubby and I and to symbol our unity. Hubby lit the candle to honor his grandparents.
To this day I still think about my grandpa and wishing he could give me advice and help me through my rough times.
Heck, I'm still grieveing Dale Earnhardt. A fan wrote a tribute poem to Dale and one line says (as if Dale was talking) As long as you remember me, then I'm not really gone. I say that line over and over to myself when I'm missing my grandpa and Dale.

[dlwt]

I lost my Mom almost a year ago. Some days are better than others and some days I feel I shouldnt be having a good time if I am. I hear it gets easier with time. My Uncle said to me a week after Mom died I cant believe your Dad is still crying over your Mom. I walked away from him but I quess it all depends on who is asking questions how quickly they expect ya to recover. Some people expect ya to be done and over it within a week and others KNOW that it never goes away. My Mom was 62 when she died. Her Mom died when she was 12 she never quit missing her. So thats what I think when I think I need to get over it. Sorry going on and on. I will think good thoughts for you and so VERY sorry for your loss

[tmesser]

That person who said that to you must not have loved anyone and lost so they would not no what to feel. I lost my dad in 1981 when i was 19. I still hate the day he died 12/8. i wish i could just hide at home and cry. but i have to carry on. my husband and daughter know just to leave me alone on that day. My dad was my world sinc emy mom died that day i was born. He married again when i was 5 but i never liked the witch. i have two half brothers that hasn't had anything to do with me for the past 10 years because of that witch. i just wish sometimes my dad was still here and could have met my daughter and husband. sorry so long

[mlayton1994]

the person who said it to me I had become really good friends with so I took what they said to heart. I have been there when they have needed me. Thanks for the support everyone has shown me and I am glad to know that I am not crazy.

[mejane1]

I am sorry for your loss! It does get easier over time, but I still have days where all I do is cry. My brother passed away 12 years ago, at age 12, and I still miss him! We were 13 months apart, and best friends. I always wonder what kind of person he would have been, and now all I have are the memories of the time we had together. It breaks my heart to know that my neices, or the children I will have, will never get to know such a wonderful person. Do not let anyone tell you that you should be ok. It takes time, and everyone is different. It is obvious that the person that told you that, has never lost anyone close to them. I am sorry that I took over your thread.

[kimp67]

(((((((((((((((mlayton))))))))))))))
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you! I think it's different for everyone. Personally, I lost my Dad 3 1/2 years ago. Some times when I think of him it doesn't hurt, other times it will sneak up on me & feels like a knife going through my heart. Time does make it better.

[christianw27]

my grandma passed away several years ago, i still think of her very often and cry once in a while, four weeks, hmppph :eek:

[jcw]

Hon, my dad will gone 6 months tomorrow and I have just gotten to where I don't cry every day. I still cry at times but now I can think of him and not cry every time.I still miss him so much and I'm sure I always will. It is just now sinking in to me that daddy is really gone.I don't think me, you or anyone else will ever get over the loss of our loved ones it might get easier but we won't get over it.

[Soldierwif]

Now I am worried b/c of what this person said that there is something wrong with me.

My father passed away a little over a year ago. In less
than 24 hours a so-called friend told me to get over it, plus a few other things. I had to force myself not to knock the living hell out of this person. It took a lot for me not to jump all over him and just pound his head in. You do not say things like that to people. People are going to react differently, People shouldn't be surprised if someone beats their arse to a pulp when something so assinine comes out of their mouth. People should think before opening their mouths, or learn to keep their mouths shut in situations such as a death.

The person who told you to get over it. Hasn't lost anyone close to them, or they are just heartless. It takes a very long time to get use to someone not being there anylonger. Just ignore those who tell you to get over it. They are just talking out of their arse.

[tigerskiss1963]

my dad died in 1999
and i still think of him all the time
nothing wrong with you

[stampdog]

my mom has been gone now for 12 years this october 27th and my dad has been gone for 6 years as of nov.11th.i still think of them daily and miss them,especially this time of year.i get really depressed at this time. so when you think of your dad or mom it means that you really loved them when they were here.so never ever stop thinking about your dad.there is nothing wrong with you.

[justme23]

I lost my mother new years eve of '88. You never 'get over it'. I cry for her still and I probably always will.

[erwinmst]

Hugs to you. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling the pain of losing a loved one. I lost my father almost 1 1/2 yr ago. I still think of him everyday, sometimes it is happy thoughts, other times I just cry. I have not gotten over it, and I never will get over losing one of the most influential people in my life. My dad and I were very close and I don't think I will ever "GET OVER IT" it might get easier, but it never goes away completely. I think you should try to not hang around this person who is obviously trying to make little of your loss and pain.

[heartlvrs]

I am now 40 years old..I lost my dad when I was just 16 years old..Yes LONG time ago....and I think of it now just as often as then...so you never really get over it...but pain does dull..I still cry when I think of it..so NO you are not crazy or anything hon..ignore them!

[marcy122]

You are completely normal & this "friend" is completely an as*!! No one has any right to give you a timeframe on something as personal as grieving. Do it at your own pace, & do whatever it takes to get you through it-crying, screaming, hitting a pillow, choking the chit out of some insensitive clod!
I lost my father 18 years ago when I was 16, & I still cry-I'm crying now. I've now lived longer without him that I had him here. It does get easier, but little things will hit you out of the blue & either make you cry or smile. Sometimes it's a song, a place or sometimes he just pops to the front of my mind-he's always there but sometimes it makes me cry & sometimes I can smile. I constantly think of how I wish my kids knew him, especially my son--he is so much like him.
You will get through this, but I would have to boot the "friend".

[Blackerose]

My son died a year and a half ago. I still cry everyday. I still cannot bear to look at photos of him, but I do. The only reason I go on is because I have children at home who still need me. It hurts just as bad today as it did the day he died, and holidays are the worst to deal with. I've had people tell me that I should be over it or that I am overreacting. How do you get over it?

[Crick]

My father passed away Christmas 1980. I still think of him every day. Perhaps because we weren't real close. Still I suffered right along with him for six months that he battled cancer. I also have dreams where I get home (where we lived at the time) and he is sitting there in his favorite chair. His passing was also two weeks after my birthday. Even though it's been almost 23 years I still cannot stand to celebrate my birthday or Christmas. As many have said "everyone grieves at their own pace."

My thoughts are: Don't ever forget about a loved one who has passed. That doesn't mean that you have to close yourself off from life. Just remember the good, wonderful times you shared.

[Jenniferj]

We lost my grandfather almost 4 years ago now. I still think of him often and feel that it is normal.

He died in November of '99 and we are a knit family as well. So when Thanksgiving rolled around, and then Christmas, it was heartbreaking for me on so many different levels. What really got me was when he was not there to say our holiday meal time prayer. My birthday that next January was tough too because I expected him to be there, deep down, even though I knew that since he had passed away that it would be impossible.

The grieving process is so different for everyone and I believe that you're perfectly normal.

**hugs**

[mlayton1994]

thank you for all the support. This made me feel like I was normal and what I am going thru is normal. Thank you for sharing the stories. I love reading them and it makes me feel good that you guys support me. Again thank you for the love and support everyone has shown me. BBS is like my extended family.

[slyred]

I lost my mom last year and my dad 8 years ago, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss them. I will see something on tv or hear something about someone they knew and think, Oh I have to call mom or dad, and then reality hits. I think losing my mom was worse because I was 800 miles away when it happened and i didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I was very close to both of them. Having supportive family and friends does help a lot.

You never do get over it. Holidays seem to be the worst for me.

Take care and just know that it does take time, and we are all here for you.

[ibbygayle]

That person had no right to say that to you. I would never tell someone that!!! My Grandfather died 21 years ago and I still think of him alot. I still miss him and wish he was here to know my sons, he would have spoiled them more rotten than what they are (lol) and be here for events like my wedding, etc. I still cry sometimes so I when I talk about him or certain times of the year. When I was 18 my sister lost her baby when she was 6 1/2 months pregnant and someone told me not to cry when I went in to see the baby, my sister and her husband. Of course me being the very emotional person I am burst into tears as soon as I saw them. I told my sister later what they had said and she said, "I would have been worried if you would have walked in and was emotionless". So don't pay any attention to anyone and grieve the way you need to. ((HUGS))

[Merry99%]

((((((((((Hug))))))))))
I feel sorry for who told you that,their world must be awful cold:(
Its been since april 29th for me since my Dad died,and I still have tears about it very often,I know he is in a better place,but would love to have another day with him.Enjoy your memories and don't pay any attention to anyone saying that there is a timelimit on love.

[NASCAR38]

This Post Made me cry my Daddy Died 18 years ago And I Miss and think about him everyday .. he was My First true Love .. but i try to look at it like this "God needed An Angel to help Pour out the rain :) ......... I'm sorry someone said that to you ..... God Bless

[fatesfaery]

Marinafk, I lost my son March 2002. In the beginning I could deal with pictures of him when he was small, but not pictures taken shortly before he died. I finally put one in a frame in the living room, and at first I tried to avoid looking at it. I still cry everyday too.
I've lost grandparents and aunts and uncles, but I know there's noting on earth that will ever compare to the pain of loosing a child.
You're not overreacting and neither am I, unless someone has lived through this, they have no idea.



Originally posted by Marinafk
My son died a year and a half ago. I still cry everyday. I still cannot bear to look at photos of him, but I do. The only reason I go on is because I have children at home who still need me. It hurts just as bad today as it did the day he died, and holidays are the worst to deal with. I've had people tell me that I should be over it or that I am overreacting. How do you get over it?

[Nanc952]

There is nothen wrong with you it is the fool who said that.
You loved your Dad and it is too soon not to cry.
I have lost almost everyone that was close in my life, birthday's holidays and even a special song can bring tears.
But that is called love. That person probably never cared for anybody but themselves.
I know what you are going threw when my Mom passed it was a month before Thanksgiving and people could not understand why we didn't want to go out and party. By the way I know longer talk to them at all. No lost either.
It will get better in time but time is what it takes. You will never forget nor should you but it gets a little easier to not cry.
(((((((hugs))))))))))

[mikang]

My daddy died 7 years ago and I still cry at times. I was married to a real jerk at the time. When my daddy had been gone 2 weeks my now ex husband told me to get over it. I was then told I could not cry in front of our son because it would make him cry. I stayed married to him for 2 more years then divorced. When I met my wonderful husband I'm married to now I told him about my ex not letting me grieve. Well, my hubby took me in his arms and told me to cry as long as I wanted to. My son came in the room and asked what was wrong and my husband said I was crying about my daddy. As soon as my son heard that he sat down beside me and said he always wanted to cry too but was afraid of what his dad would say. This person that told you that probably has never been close or loved anyone as truely as you have. My son and I got to grieve over my daddy and his papaw and now when we think about him or hear a song he liked we laugh or cry and it makes us feel so much better. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you need to stop grieving. I'm very sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you.

[momfromTN]

Originally posted by mlayton1994
First let me thank everyone for standing by me during the loss of my father.

Second It has been a mth since my father died and I still think of him often. I was made to feel by someone that I was crazy because I still wasnt completely over him after 4wks. and I still think of him. Ok I am from a very close knit family. I just want to know is it normal to still wish he was here and miss him. When I went home 2wks ago and went into my parents room I could still smell him (his clothes are still in the closet) and I started to cry.

There are days that I think of him. I cant help it. He was a great father and wonderful man. There were over 200 people at his funeral and about 300-400 at the visitation the night before.


Just need opinions. Now I am worried b/c of what this person said that there is something wrong with me.

Thanks for your advise.


That person is NO friend who would say something like that to you. How rude. Everyone grieves in their own way. Yes, if you became a recluse and never set foot outside for 5 yrs and never saw anyone, I would worry, but dang! It has only been a month. You NEVER 'get over' someone's death. It gets better, and you deal, but you never get over it.

[JKATHERINE]

Mlayton, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I also come from a VERY close knit family and in my short 23 years have lost all of my great grandparents, all but one of my grandparents, my cousin, my sister, my uncle (who was like a 2nd father) and most recently (5 years ago), my own father. Every loss is devastating and you don't ever totally "get over" them. You love them and you will ALWAYS think of them and ALWAYS miss them and always grieve. Even after 5 years I still miss my dad soooo much. There are still days that the pain feels brand new. It's a terrible feeling, but it just serves to remind you of how precious my family is to me and how quickly they can be gone.

Please, take your time and grieve. It is good for the soul. Get support from anyone and anywhere and definately still come here and talk to all of us.

Jamie

[metro]

first i am sorry to hear your loss second the person how told you that obviously never lost a loved one, or they would understand what you are going through.
it will be 3 years dec 21 that my mom has been gone. and it took me a year before i finally accepted it. my mom was my best friend. and to be honest i will never get over losing her, but i have moved on with my life. it will get easier, people always said that to me but i never believed them then. but it does. i know how you feel. if you ever feel like to you want to talk feel free to e-mail me!!!

[mlayton1994]

thank you so much for everyone posting your stories and sharing them with me. I went hope this past weekend and it still sometimes seems not real to me. I appreciate everyone opening up and talking to me about their loss. It helps me. I am reading these stories crying and thanking God that I have BBS to come to. This is like my extended family and your posts mean so much to me.

Again thank you for sharing.

[DOOFIS]

mlayton I just wanted to tell you that I lost my dad 7 years ago and I lost my husband in August and I still miss my dad and it still hurts just as much as I miss my husband. Your not crazy it still doesn't seem real to me that either of them are gone.

[JENNIFERCATLADY]

Mlayton, there is NOTHING wrong with thinking about your dad. It's healthy for you. Just do NOT do what I did. When my dad died, I went 3 years and 2 days thinking that we were just working different shifts and we were missing each other. THEN my world got turned upside down when my mom died. When Mom died, I didn't have time to grieve because I had to deal with everyone in the family being mad at me. My dad died September 23, 1997 & my Mom died September 25, 2000. Then in April 2001 I had to have major surgery, 3 days after my surgery my only brother disowned me because of the way mom left the estate. So it took me 4 years, lots of Zoloft & Depakote (to control my temper), my 2 uncles & 5 cats to get me through everything. I, too am from a close knit family. I was always Daddy's Girl, but Mom was my best friend.

[dobiesnj]

My father passed away in 1980 and my mother in 1987. I still "talk" to them and think about them all the time. Sure, it gets easier to accept as time goes on, but whoever thinks that there should be a specific time to grieve and then forget about your loved one, has to be a cold, unfeeling person.

Just do what YOU want to do and FEEL what you want to feel. It's nobody's business but your own!

[Loving2Sons]

Good grief, I lost my 17yo brother 17 years ago when I was 21 and I still miss and think of him...and it still hurts. A month after his death I was still crying myself to sleep and having nightmares...for months I did. And I sure as heck was mad at the whole world for just continuing on as if nothing had happened! About a year before I ever felt anything close to 'normal'.
Grieve however you want, for however long you want. Don't worry at all unless it's causing BAD problems in your relationships or life. I saw a counselor who simply taught me some relaxation tips that really helped. God Bless!

[ocvachick]

I just want to reassure you as someone who lost a very close cousin unexpectedly over a year ago. I still think of Rhonda often.. about once a week atleast and its been over a year. I miss her, and her thoughts brighten up my days. Its ok to cry too.. God knows Ive done plenty of that.

[Gumball1960]

My father died in 1995 and my mother died this last June. I still miss both of them. I still haven't been able to go in my mother's room long enough to remove her clothes from the closet & dresser yet. When my father died we cleaned out his stuff together but now that my mother's gone too, I don't know if I can do it alone. There's also tons of stuff to go through in the garage too. I know I'm gonna break down crying when I finally get around to going thru it all. 4 weeks and you are supposed to be completely over & done mourning your own flesh & blood? I still catch myself sometimes wanting to call the hosp. to talk to my mother before I remember I can't do that now. Same with missing my dad, every so often I'll think he should be home from work now even tho he had retired a few years before he died. My 4 yr. old DD still asks to see her Nana even though I've tried to explain to her that she died. She'll repeat it over & over but still doesn't understand. :( My mother had been in the hosp. from last Nov. until she died in June so I was getting used to her not being in the house, but still can't get used to never being able to see & talk to her anymore. Don't ever let someone tell you how long you should mourn.

[Judy]

First of all I am so sorry for your loss and everyone else here thats had to endure the pain of losing someone close.
I was 14 when my father died while I was sitting there with him.
When I was 17 one of my children died at 7 months old.
My brothers both died within a year of each other, they too were young.
My son in law died during the first Gulf War and just this past August we lost our Grandson. He was a firefighter in the Air Force.
I never got over any of my losses.
I have moved on. But forget? Never.

[bbjoan]

I lost my dad ten years ago, it is still very hard to go to my moms and not see him. I dont think i will every get over it just learn to hide it better.I even some time smell him at my moms he use to hall oil so i could allways smell it on him my mom heats with electric now so when i smell his smell i know he is watching over us if that makes sence. in three years i lost my best freind who was my sister in law at 42 my brother at 36 my dad at 65 and i still cry for them. please dont fell bad about your felling just have a good cry when you need to. my heart is with you