IM Etiquette

[cpbaby]

WHAT are the "rules" of IMs? Are there are rules at all? I have a friend who is driving me CRAZY.


I have always used MSN and Yahoo. I talk to several people at a time, sometimes. I know my other friends do also, so if it takes a minute or two for them to answer me, I dont have a problem with it, I surf and do my thing. SOmetimes, they (or I) have small "emergencies" due to animals or children or even hubbies and it takes 5 minutes or more to get back. STILL not a problem.

This one friend thinks that if you do NOT answer her right away, you dont want to talk to her anymore. I dont mean, let me think about what you just said, but NOW. I was across the room reading todays paper and I heard her IM me on Yahoo. I get up to come see what was being said and before I could get from the loveseat to here, a whole 15 feet, she had BUZZED me THREE TIMES. Then, when I got here, she was wanting to know the name of a job search site I gave her earlier. I said ok, and was looking for it. I dont keep it bookmarked because I dont like it, but she is without any job at all so maybe she can use it. Before I found it, she BUZZed me TWO MORE TIMES because it was taking so long. I told her "WAIT! I am looking for it! I dont have it bookmarked." THEN she gets weird and says "I dont want to be a bother, never mind." I finally found it, and gave it to her. Every single conversation with her is along the lines of if I dont focus SOLEY on her, I am mistreating and ignoring her. I do have a life, she is included but only as a part.


Am I in the wrong here or what? Was I "trained" wrong before I started talking to her? Or is she being unreasonable?

[Willow]

I have yahoo and windows messenger but I don't really use them that often. It does sound like your friend is being a bit impatient. lol I have a similar problem with the messenger. There was this one guy that I used to talk to but has since been put on my ignore list. He would send me a message and then I would answer and then he wouldn't say anything again for literally 10 or 15 minutes. I just got tired of talking to myself. lol A couple of times he would come back and say oh sorry I had a phone call or something like that. If I'm talking to someone and I have to leave my computer I at least ask them to hold or say be right back or something. I don't just leave them sitting there wondering where I went.

[suziebee20]

I think she needs some more patience. I have a friend who will IM me, and if I don't reply in like 10 seconds or if I'm still typing a reply she'll say, "Are you still there?" Then if I say yes, she'll say "oo"... everytime! I don't know what's worse, her asking if I'm there every few seconds, or the oo thing. lol. I'm not familier with Yahoo, or MSN, is there an "away message" feature on there like AIM has? Maybe that will help her see that you are busy.

[Willow]

Although yahoo doesn't have a message that just states "away" they have ones that say not at my desk, be right back, not at home, busy, on phone, and things like that. Also it will tell how long a person is idle ONLY if you have your personal options to show that. My options aren't set that way. A lot of people think if you aren't showing as idle that you are just ignorning them but they don't realize that you have to set your options for that if you want it to show how long you've been idle.

Also what someone just pointed out to me is if you log in as invisble and someone tries to send you a message it will say "your message has been sent, if the recipient is not online he will see your message when he logs back in but when you try to send a message to someone and they really aren't logged in it will say this recipient is not online. So it's easy to tell when someone is logged in as invisible.

[cch]

Tell her if you didn't want to talk to her anymore you'd simply block her, not just ignore the im's.

[Dolly<3]

I know people like that too. It's like they just sit there staring at the screen waiting for you to say something. When I get on, I'm shopping, here, or just browsing - so I don't reply right away. I finish what I'm doing. Like if someone popped up right now, I'd finish writing my sentence and then check it. Maybe even the whole thing, it depends on how focused I am on what I'm doing.

I hate it when people are like "Are you mad at me" "Am I bothering you" when it takes a few minutes to reply. I think most people are the way you (and I) are. It just depends on how long they've been online/using IMs. Some people get on just to chat.

I mean, there are some things that take precedence - like problems they might be having, but most of the time I'm not just sitting here staring at their box watching the "____ is typing..." message. :p

[zitra]

I think you friend is being both impatient and unreasonable. People who IM you have no way of knowing what you are doing when they IM (you could be in the bathroom, taking you dog outside, cooking). I myself never set my IM to away or turn it off, basically becuase I just have suhc a bad memory I would forget to turn it back on. I have told pople who IM me that if I don't answer it doesn't mean I am ignorign them, just that I am either not home, or in the room when they IM.

I think that people who expect you to hop just becuase they decide to IM you are rude just to say the least.
I actually find it rude for somone to keep IMing you if you don't answer their first one. K if I don't answer your first IM, I am either too busy to answer or IM you back. If I have not answered your first IM I am obviously not goign to answer ALL of the others you sent.
I also really don't like whne people feel you are at their beck & call..I have my own life here.

The way I feel about IM's is they are fun to do when I am online, surfign the net/playing games/checkign e-mail, but if I am away from the pc and doign something else, and I hear and IM pop up I am not going to rush, and stop what I am doing just to see who it is.

[atag71]

These kinds of people are what the "ignore" button are for- well that and "hey- you like to cyber?" lol - if she is your friend in person too, I would try to work it out by talking to her about it.

[Unicornmom77]

LOL IM etiquite somone should write a book!! LMAO

I am a true IMer I can be in the kitchen and hear that ZING of yahoo or the msn dong and I will drop my fork and dash for the PC LOL


I always wait and surf or whatever when I am waiting for a reply, but when I first started IMing I didnt understand that when you are IMing you may be doing somthing eles also, Like I thought you just sat there and Imed and thats all you did! LOL But now I understand, so maybe your friend is just new to PC or Iming!!

HAVE FUN!! I LOVE IMing!!

[Willow]

My ex used to hate if I was doing anything else while talking to him on instant messenger. If I took more than a couple of seconds to answer he would say things like well I will let you carry on with what you're doing I can see that it's more important than me. He was such a jealous control freak. I'm so glad I can say he's my ex now. lol

[twinkiesmom]

if u are busy at the time, just say: 'hold' then go about your business. she don't like that, too bad.

[ttistin]

Oh this sounds like someone I know :rolleyes:

1 Example~ I was in the other room cooking, heard the IM but I finished what I was doing, took maybe a minute and a half. Went in and it was like

Hello

Hello???

Are you there??

Well fine you dont want to talk to me.



What?? I sat down and typed what?
She said oh I was just kidding, Yea right:rolleyes: I doubt that. Some people just need to learn that others do have a life other then IMing within 1.5 seconds


:D :D