Why is he sooo clueless??? Kinda Long

[DaLilPeachy]

Sorry I have to vent - once again about my boyfriend but this time with a story attached.
A long time ago he would tell me something (just any random thing)in front of his friends at work and when I reacted he would ask me questions about why I was upset so they could hear. I asked him stop doing it.
Then the other day he tells me that he told his female co-worker that I need cooking lessons from her. Then he tries to make it better by saying Oh well I just meant mexican food. Of course you can cook baby blah blah blah.
THEN the other night he tells me that she came in her with hair all hooked up and that she should teach me how to do my hair. (He TOLD her she should teach me I cut off 24 inches of hair because he likes short hair and I don't know how to style my new hair) so that's already embarrassing me again. So now he calls me up in front of the girls (I like them, they're nice) and starts in again telling me they offered to teach me to cook. I start to cry and he's making it all obvious. "Why are you upset, are you crying?" I didn't know the girls were in the room with him so I hear one of them go "Hi Mari" so I'm like I can't believe you did this to me AGAIN. I don't want to talk to you right now, call me later.
He doesn't understand why this hurts me. Now he leaves me a message (I ALWAYS answer his calls but this time I just let it ring) telling me he hopes I'm not mad and that i'm over reacting and I don't know the whole story. WHATEVER!! he just doesn't get it. Now he'll probably be upset with me for over reacting or some other reason. I can never be mad at him, he always finds a way to turn it around on me. UGH!!!
Sorry so long but I just needed to get it out.

[cpbaby]

HOney, kick the SOB to the CURB! If thats the best he can do, to treat you like this, put you down, not only to you but to his "friends" and other women, then he does NOT deserve to have you.


BTW, I would DIE before I cut my hair for a man. ESPECIALLY 24 inches!

[LitWtch]

It's called psychological abuse. When you react, he knows how to control you. Give'em the boot. You deserve better, and you have already told him a few times to stop.

[DaLilPeachy]

Thanks for listening guys. I just wanted to clarify something really quickly. You know how we all talk about the bad stuff when we're upset and rarely the good? Well I have been. (Not that I've been posting much) I need to say this. He can be inconsiderate and spoiled at times but he's a really good guy and he treats me with respect and I don't know if anyone remembers me from a long time ago but I was in a very messed up sometimes abusive relationship. He has supported me through everything. (I should post to update where i've been I guess) Any way I am glad someone is listening but he's not a rat bast@rd or anything. Just... well I dunno. Lame sometimes.

Thanks though. I really do appreciate having a place where people will listen.

[Dolly<3]

I'm sure he has his good qualities, everyone does. Sometimes the bad things overshadow them.

((((Peachy))))

[DaLilPeachy]

Thanks you guys <snifffffff> Damn I cry easy now a days

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

Originally posted by *Amanda*
I'm sure he has his good qualities, everyone does. Sometimes the bad things overshadow them.

((((Peachy))))

AMEN !! you hit the nail on the head !

[ImaGApeach]

[[[[DaLilPeachy]]]] I wish I could help but I'm in no position to give much advice on relatiionships-but if you just need to talk pm me

[jcw]

{{{{{DaLilPeachy}}}}}}}}

[reneep45]

Originally posted by FishmansBetrHalf
I don't have any advice. I try not to give people relationship advice, because you never really know what you would do in a situation till you have lived it. I just wanted to give you a hug because you sound like you could use one. (((((DaLilPeachy)))))

HUGS ! HUGS ! & MORE HUGS !!!

[Quaker_Parrots]

hun, how can you say he respects you if he tears you down in front of his friends? {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

PS Fight back, next time he throws his friends qualities in your face,you ought to say to him, "if XXXX is so perfect, why aren't you with her?" might shut him up.

[feliciac]

Originally posted by taybai
hun, how can you say he respects you if he tears you down in front of his friends? {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

((((((((((((DaLilPeachy)))))))))))

Hun, if he treats you like this he does not respect you. You do not tear down a person you love and respect, especially in front of other people. He may have good qualities, but respect for you is not one of them. If you have already addressed him about this, then it is time for you to take some action. Either leave him or get some counseling, because it won't get better unless you do. Yes, guys can be dense sometimes, but he just doesn't seem to have any reagrd for your feelings. And that is not good and does not make for a good relationship, regardless of how good everything else is.

[Kelsey1224]

I agree with others here. I'm sure he does have some redeeming characteristics...but he IS disrespecting you. Basically, what he is saying is, "I think you need some improvement in this area and I have told a female friend that she is better than you in that area."

How would he like it if you told him that your ex-boyfriend could give him pointers on how to make love??? AND HOW WOULD HE FEEL IF YOU DID ALL THIS IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS? And if he got upset...would you be justified in asking why he was upset??
Basically, he is comparing you with other women and finding you lacking. And he is doing this publically!

This is very hurtful.

Besides all that, he is negating your feelings. Feelings aren't right or wrong...they just are! You need to explain to him that it hurts you when he does this. Frankly...it doesn't matter if he will understand why it upsets you...just that it does.

And if he loves you, he will want to stop doing this which hurts you like this.

[kimp67]

You said he treats you with respect? That's certainly DISrespecting you!! That would be the day I would put up with that crap!!

[zitra]

Originally posted by taybai
hun, how can you say he respects you if he tears you down in front of his friends? {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

PS Fight back, next time he throws his friends qualities in your face,you ought to say to him, "if XXXX is so perfect, why aren't you with her?" might shut him up.

Well said, couldn't have said it better myself.

[Kelsey1224]

Any updates on this situation?