No word yet

[mesue]

We called red cross to deliver the message to daughter's hubby and hubby's superior in the army that he needs to come home, she had emergency c-section delivery 3 weeks early and no support system, she can't drive and is totally on her own with a new baby, also lost more blood than usual so is also now anemic, she was also told she could not lift anything other than the baby for 6 weeks. No word as of yet, her hubby emailed her he had not even gotten word of anything from anybody. We called over a week ago. Before that we had called when she nearly deliver 8 weeks early and was put on total bedrest, they refused to send him home even though they were told she is totally on her own, she had to drive herself to all her drs. appointments even though she was on bedrest. She did speak to the chaplain here where he is stationed adn got no help. Until I managed to get here she was cooking for herself, haivng to get up to let the dog in and out, etc., all the things you do every day and take for granted until you get put on bedrest and are not supposed to do it. Hubby came down and I am going home this Sunday, I have to go hubby does not know when he will be able to get any time off since sat. work is going to be mandatory. Right now she is going through post partum depression and she called and asked the druggist about the medication her dr. prescribed and get this it is secreted through breast milk so now she has to stop taking it and see if she can get a new med. picked up. I am so upset I don't want to leave her but I also want to go home and if they would just send him home it would all be ok I think. The poor boy just got back from Afghanistan not long before he got sent to Iraq. They are sending some home whose wives are having normal deliveries no problems so why can't they send him home? Sorry so long but just have to get rid of this anger.

[momfromTN]

Who knows with the Armed Forces? They sometimes do things that no one understands. It doesn't seem fair. I cannot believe she has not one friend who can help her.

[bcjjhh]

I am so sorry, I will say some extra prayers for them.

[AshBooJoBr]

Is there any way you can take her and the baby with you? I can't imagine how helpless and alone she is going to feel when you leave. With the signs of PPD showing up, I would be willing to bet she will only get worse by herself. Does she have any friends, military wife support, church members, that can stop by every once in a while? I hate to see these kinds of situations, because PPD is a very scary thing, and it seems every time some poor woman cries out for help and doesn't get it, then something happens and they are made out to be a monster. Wish I was closer. I would take her in.


Anji

[Willow]

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. It's scary to think of what I would do in a similar situation if I had to go in the hospital or wasn't able to do things around the house. I have no one that would be around to help me. I'm a single mother and most of my family is in Florida now. The two brothers that are still here I haven't spoken to in over two years and they live too far away to be of any help anyway. lol I don't even have any close friends who would be able to help. I worry sometimes about what I would do if I ever had to go in the hopsital or something like that. Some people don't realize what it's like to really be on your own without having anyone to help you when you need it.

[aimefisher]

What about the NEW PARENT SUPPORT GROUP? They have that at all bases. It may be called somewhat differently on other military bases but they CAN help if they know what is going on. Call family services on the base she is at.

[mesue]

Thanks everyone, she doesn't live on base, she bought a house about an hour away from where she worked and an hour away from base so that it would not be a longer commute for him or her. All her friends work, the few she has, during the times she has appointments for her and the baby their all at work. I just wish the army would see that she really does need him home worse than they need him, and then of course when we hear that they let others go home for just a wife having a normal delivery it makes me mad not that I don't want the wives to have their husbands with them it just makes me mad when they won't let her husband come home when she has had all these problems. At any rate her hubby will have to call since se has moved since he left, and if they do not send him home the baby will be 6 months old when he gets home. We've sent him a picture and intend to send more. I guess when its time for him to come home she will have to send him directions on how to get home. LOL

[morris2b]

Can she go home with you and stay for a week or two so at least she will be near people, I know postpartum depression is not something that should be played with..

Is it possible for her doctor to write a note to the military and let them know she needs someone with her at all times and what she is dealing with?
Thank goodness I do not have to deal with the military.

Wishing you both lots of luck and Congrats on the new baby!

[midniteblu2]

I don't understand why you wouldn't just take her home with you or why can't you just stay there with her for the 6 weeks.
Isn't that what Mothers do? I know my Mom moves heaven & earth when something is wrong with me. I know I do the same for my kids.
My Mom has been doing most of my laundry since I injured my ankle in March & Mom is almost 80 with a bad hip.

[Iluvbears]

I'm sorry your daughter is going through so much. A lot of women are going through the same thing as your daughter. Their husbands have to do their jobs, it may not sound fair, but life isn't fair at all.

If, you are worried about her wellbeing take her home with you.

[mesue]

I've already been here 5 weeks and we live 6 hrs away and I have tried to get her to go home with us, (I have a husband and son at home and my Mom at home who need me also) but she said she has to stay at home, all the drs she and the baby see are here, plus she owns a home here, as for the statement a lot of husbands and wives are going through this in the military, I understand that but they are sending some home for less problems than she is having and thats what makes me so mad. I know life is not fair but it would seem to me that if they are sending some home just to be there for a regular delivery they should send him home for whats she been through. as much as I would like to be able to stay the entire 6 weeks but I can't.

[momfromTN]

When they join up, that is the chance they take, unfortunately. She will be fine. Since there is not a living soul to help her, she will have to do it on her own. She sounds strong and can do it. As long as she doesn't have to scrub her floors and lift a heavy vacumn cleaner, then she should be fine. Load up the freezer, get some paper plates and do what you have to do.

BTW, it would piss me off too. (((hugs)))

[cinnamonch]

I know you are under a lot of stress as well as she is but have you contacted the Red Cross again? Also contact her local Senator or Congressman's office and see what they can do.

BTW, where is her family and why arent they there helping her?

[mesue]

Originally posted by cinnamonch


BTW, where is her family and why arent they there helping her?

We are here, I have been here for 5 weeks, we live 6 hrs away, hubby is losing his job the plant is closing and he has been going through that all by himself, he also has to work mandatory weekends which cuts down on any time he can come down but occassionally while I am here taking care of our daughter.

[mattsmom32]

Contact some churches, local homeschool groups, scout troops. Lots of groups like that has youth that need to do community service for credits, badges, etc. The kids couldn't help with the driving, but they could cook simple meals, clean up a bit, give her some company so she isn't totally alone, give her time where she can take a shower and the baby won't be alone (I was petrified I couldn't hear the baby when I was taking a shower). But some of the churches may have adults that would be willing to take her to doctor appointments etc.

If she's okay and the baby's okay, there aren't that many doctor appointments anyway. She should go home with you if she's that bad off. I know how scary it is. I had a c-section 2 1/2 weeks early, the baby was diagnosed with a heart condition the day after birth, I had PPD, and my dad died 12 days after I had the baby. Hubby had to drive me 6 hours to see him, but I didn't make it in time. I fell and separated my shoulder 4 weeks after the birth, and then my son went into respiratory failure at 6 weeks and had open heart surgery at 10 weeks. It REALLY sucks, but she can do it with support. If she can't find the help, then YOU have to.

[morethough]

Your opinion has been noted.

Katt

[luceones]

I am sorry that she is going through this, but she will handle it if she has to. The military doesn't care what you or she thinks is an emergency. I had a cousin who was in the Navy when his grandmother died and he did not get to come home for the funeral-he didn't like it but he dealt with it. That is part of military life. Just because someone else got to come home is no reason for him to get to do the same. Maybe the people who got to go home had been away longer and they were allowed to go home because of that reason.

[morethough]

My friend that is there is coming home for 10 days this month. Want to know why??? Because they have extended his his length of stay in Iraq.

[momfromTN]

Originally posted by morethough
There are people over there that have alot more going on back home than the joy of having a baby. Do you realize that there are people there that have NEVER seen their child..who is now 2 years old?? She is going to have to suck it up and deal. If you are that concerned...stay with her otherwise hire someone else to do it. If they send your son-in-law home for something that is not a TRUE emergency then guess what...that leaves another man taking up his slack. He knew the deal when signed up for the service and she knew the deal when she signed up to be with him. I understand that she had the baby a LITTLE early..I understand that she lost more blood than usual. DO YOU understand that in the big picture that is not a big emergency? A death in the family is a big emergency....not the birth of a baby. I understand that it is an important thing and all that..but so is protecting his fellow soliders. If only every man could be home to see the birth of his child or even the first birthday. You better be glad that she is safe and that he is too. Be thankful for what you have and stop thinking that you are owed something. He will be home when he gets home along with the rest of the men over there that have families. Your son-in-law is not the only one.

Sorry if it sounds mean, but I agree with morethough.

[mesue]

To all concerned, no one is thinking anyone owes us anything! That is why we have not went asking for help from the military or anyone else, as a family with limited income and resources and limited time we have done the best we could with the situation, what I have been venting about is the fact that some are getting to come home for normal deliveries who have been there the same amount of time or less when he has not been allowed to period. He would have been using up his accumualted vacation time to be with her when he is needed and GOING RIGHT BACK TO IRAQ TO FINISH OUT HIS TOUR OF DUTY THERE. As for her safety and the baby's safety I am glad they are safe, as a family we have seen to her needs and been there for her, but if their going to send some home for a birth of a child then they should have sent him home as well(please note that I do not feel his being in Iraq or any other soldier for that matter is for our safety, too many news reports to think otherwise but if you think otherwise fine your entitled to your opinion). As for the birth of a child being a joyous occassion it is but not when it is 2 months early and possibly might not make it, which was the case when we first tried to get him home and they refused to send him home. It is basically up to his commander who comes home for emergencies or otherwise, this same commander has sent some home for less serious reasons than the ones listed above. For everyone who offered sympathy and prayers thank you so very much, I do appreciate it.

[jcw]

I really understand what you're talking about. Mom's can't be everywhere, it's tough when you feel like you need to be in 2 places at one time. {{{{{mesue,family}}}}}

[justinenycole26]

Originally posted by mesue
she had emergency c-section delivery 3 weeks early and no support system,


but not when it is 2 months early and possibly might not make it, which was the case when we first tried to get him home and they refused to send him home


There is a huge difference between 2 months early and 3 weeks early. I understand your frustration with the situation, but she does have you to help her, and it is not a life and death situation.

[mesue]

Originally posted by justinenycole26
There is a huge difference between 2 months early and 3 weeks early. I understand your frustration with the situation, but she does have you to help her, and it is not a life and death situation.

Yes there is but they would not let him come home then either but the same person who made the decision not to let him come home allowed others to come home for less. Yes fortunately she managed to carry the baby almost full time but the person who made this decision at that point in time had no way of knowing that and obviously did not care one way or the other yet sent others home for less. As for the war effort he would've been going right back to Iraq as soon as he was not needed at home, and been using up his accumulated vacation time for the emergency leave so you see it would have not been free time from the military. And it would not have been an escape from his military time in Iraq he would have been having to go right back to finish.

[Willow]

I think some people here are missing the point. Mesue is upset because they are letting men go home for less serious matters than what her daughter is going through. If they are letting those men go home then why can't they let Mesue's son in law home. That is why she's upset. It makes sense to me.

[mesue]

Originally posted by Patchouli
I think some people here are missing the point. Mesue is upset because they are letting men go home for less serious matters than what her daughter is going through. If they are letting those men go home then why can't they let Mesue's son in law home. That is why she's upset. It makes sense to me.



Thank You!

[Willow]

Originally posted by mesue
Thank You!


You're welcome! ;)

[elsaleh01]

Ok my first point is to go talk to the first sergeant or whatever they call him in your daughters husbands military. A lot of times all it takes is a phone call from either her or your husband. My hubby is in the air force and we have people over seas, and i have to say that 2 people just came home from over there.... and 1 was fixing to deliver, they brought him home just to see the birth of his child, and all it took for him was a call to the first sergeant. So i would tell her to call them, and if that doesnt work, I know ours here, Has a awesome support line. They will help you with whatever you need. They have so many guys in his "squadron" that are assigned with yard cutting for the spouses of the people overseas, or still in the states away from their home. They have people come cut your grass for you, for whatever reason. SO, with all that said, have her talk to her first sergeant, i know ours would help out with sending someone to my house if i needed it, or sending someone out to come pick me up to take me somewhere if i needed it. You just has to ask. You cant just ask for them to bring your brother in law home, Just ask for help in the situation that you are in. Ask them to mow the lawn, Ask them to take her shopping, ask them to send some one over is she is just needed to talk.. Ours would do it and im sure yours will to if you just ask. Hope i helped you a little bit. Just get her to make the call...

[menanamama]

perhaps the reason others are being sent home for less serious matters is that they have been active for a longer time...could have been elsewhere before they got to iraq...or they may be in a different branch...or are simply less essential to the task at had. it could very well be that hubby is too important to the mission to let go home. i have been in a somewhat similar sit. and would help in a heartbeat if i lived near enough to help. keep you chin up as they say, there is a good reason to keep him there even if you aren't allowed to know.

[momfromTN]

No one was attacking anyone. I am truly sorry your Son in law wasn't home and I can understand your frustration at others being let to come home for lesser things. I would be upset too. But, unless they change it, it is what it is. There were lots of men in other wars who never met their kids until they came home, months and years later. It is part of the military life, I am afraid. And I take my hat off to your son in law for doing what he is doing, and giving his time and possibly his life for our country.

[Donnagg123]

Just a question: Does FMLA count for people in the military currently on duty?

[sgts_wife]

FMLA, as far as I can tell does not apply to the military.
Is there any word on his return? I know what she is fighting against. My husband was deployed for the war on Jan. 10 and didn't get back until Aug. 11. We are at Ft. Stewart(3-7CAV). Where is your daughter?
I tried to have my husband sent home due to severe back trouble. I was reduced to crawling around on my elbows and dragging my legs behind me to clean what I could and cook for and bathe myself and my 5 yr old son.
They didn't care what happened to my son or I. They denied him emergency leave, while some other soldiers were coming home to see their kid graduate high school or because their kid needed dental surgery. They have their priorities mixed up. They do not care what happens to the soldiers' families so long as they can keep the soldier on duty and get away with it.
As for senators or congressmen, good luck with that. Hope yours can help better than mine.

Also, try calling the CG and the IG for the post her husband is stationed at. Also, send another red cross message this time call the military affairs branch of the red cross in washington,d.c. I cannot find the number but will post it if I do find it.

[momfromTN]

Originally posted by sgts_wife
FMLA, as far as I can tell does not apply to the military.
Is there any word on his return? I know what she is fighting against. My husband was deployed for the war on Jan. 10 and didn't get back until Aug. 11. We are at Ft. Stewart(3-7CAV). Where is your daughter?
I tried to have my husband sent home due to severe back trouble. I was reduced to crawling around on my elbows and dragging my legs behind me to clean what I could and cook for and bathe myself and my 5 yr old son.
They didn't care what happened to my son or I. They denied him emergency leave, while some other soldiers were coming home to see their kid graduate high school or because their kid needed dental surgery. They have their priorities mixed up. They do not care what happens to the soldiers' families so long as they can keep the soldier on duty and get away with it.
As for senators or congressmen, good luck with that. Hope yours can help better than mine.

Your situation is a bit different and I think that is deplorable!:eek:

[mlayton1994]

((hugs)) to you and your daughter. Not to sound mean but, this is why many men and women are getting out of the military. They are depoying them for way to long with out letting them go home. You,your family and your daughter will be in my thoughts. I hope your husband finds another job.

[Kelsey1224]

First let me say that I hope your SIL is able to come home soon. I wish the same for all our men and women who are stationed away from their families.

I find it interesting, though, that these deployments are considered long. I was a Navy wife in the 70's...during the Vietnam War. When our husbands went out to sea, their minimum tour was 9 months! That was pretty good. We considered ourselves lucky that they were only gone 9 months. People who served in the Army and Marines went to Vietnam for 1-year tours!

Our grandparents had it even worse... During WWII...it wasn't uncommon to have husbands and fathers gone for a couple of years.

[Mami2Cute]

I sympathize with her. My husband was lucky enough to get to come home on the 2 weeks R&R Leave in 'hopes' to be here for the delivery but he just came too darn soon. But he atleast got to expierence some of the pregnancy, and hear the heartbeat and such at the doctors. He too had only been home some months from afghanistan when word came about iraq. Supposely he'll have a year of no deployments, but i'll believe it when I see it. If theres any way possible I'd say take her back home with you. I've had to go stay with relatives when he was deployed, she may feel odd about it, but she also needs to realize its for the benefit of her and her child. Believe me, I hated leaving MY HOME, with MY RULES also... but I knew it would be easier to be closer to family.

[AngelGrim]

Hope all turns out well, can't say what I would do in the situation she is in, but I can see how she probably feels down. Keep your chins up and take care.