a little George Carlin humor

[DOOFIS]

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that
make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry
cleaners depressed?

13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

14. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming
for their final exam.

15. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?

16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

17. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

18. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

19. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? >>

[GeThang]

Ha ha ha! Awesome! That is some funny stuff. Thanks DOOFIS :)

[nooshu]

I love George Carlin's humor. Thanks!;)

[Princess4J]

Originally posted by DOOFIS

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?




SO TRUE !!!!!
AT A RESTRAUNT IN VEGAS THE SMOKING SECTION WERE BOOTHS THAT SURROUNDED THE TABLES, WHICH WAS THE NON-SMOKING SECTION.

:rolleyes:

THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS. I LOVE HIS HUMOR.

[Willow]

Thanks! George Carlin is great. lol I like the bit he does about the 10 commandments. He gets it down so that there is only one commandment which is Keep thy religion to thy self. I love that. lol

[Hi_Ya!]

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that
make the Tennessee Titans?
LMAO :D

[janelle]

Have you gone into his web site????:eek: :eek: :eek: Go there if you don't mind any and all dirty words. LOL I think he is funny but kinda crude. Why he is, I don't know. Bill Cosby is funny too but without that kind of humor. I like Carlin when he is on TV and has to keep the dirty words out. Just beware when you go to his site.

Personally, I think the comedians who keep it clean are funnier but that is IMO.

[janelle]

Originally posted by Hi_Ya!
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that
make the Tennessee Titans?
LMAO :D

I think these are cute. He goes way beyond these. :eek:

[Willow]

I don't think it would be as funny without the cuss words. It's like the scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles when Dell (Steve Martin) is at the Marathon Car Rental counter. I have the video with the swears and when I see it on tv without them it's just not as funny. The same thing with the movie Harlem Nights. I don't even know why they show that on tv without the swears because it just isn't funny.

[janelle]

In those cases, I agree, (although, I probably would not see Harlem Nights when the whole movie is going to be crude and you know it) but to just stand in front an audience and swear is kinda going overboard.

I remember Richard Pryor telling about the start of his career when white people just laughed at him standing there saying crude things. How degrading is that? A black guy using gutter language is so funny. HAHA. Yeah, right. :mad: But then I think some black comedians are still doing it. That's why I like Bill Cosby. He never gave into the stupid black man for the whites to laugh at bit. Maybe the poorer black comedians had to do it and Cosby was from a middle class family and didn't have to for the money. JMO.

[Willow]

I like Bill Cosby. Back in the early 80's I remember watching what I believe was called Bill Cosby Himself. That was really funny. I was only about 15 or 16 at the time. I remember him saying that his wife complained because he gave the kids chocolate cake for breakfast and he didn't see anything wrong with that because the cake contained flour, eggs and milk. Then the kids would sing dad is great he gives us the chocolate cake. lol I haven't seen that in a long time.

[janelle]

I have his tape from the concert he made. It's called "Cosby, Himself". At least I think that's it. I taped it off HBO when he was on. Is that against the law too? On my, I'm going to jail now. :eek:

I also bought the cassette at a garage sale. I know you can get it in a CD.

[janelle]

http://www.billcosby.com/

www.georgecarlin.com

Check out the difference. I like them both but I can take Cosby all the time and Carlin some of the time.

[Willow]

Thanks I will check those out. Yes, I remember watcing it on HBO and he also did the different walks such as the martini drunk and a few others that I can't remember. The dentist part was funny too. lol

[janelle]

Cosby's web site must be doing an update since there is only one page. Or I need to do a search for a more active one.

[1tiredmom]

i love watching bill cosby himself-whenever its on i watch it (can never find a tape to tape it) laugh as hard as the first time i saw it-so true

[DOOFIS]

Oh I loved bill cosby himself