Custody of a child....Where do we start?

[ladyseals]

My husband's daughter Alyssa lives in Alaska still, she is turning 6. We moved from Alaska 3 years ago and her mother will not send is a picture or nothing. My husband pays child support and calls faithfully. We always send clothes and gifts. Her mother has about 8 kids now together with her boyfriends kids and Alyssa is always treated like an outsider. Not to mention she mixed with hispanic and her family is a little racist. For example, we talked to her tonight and she was playing at her gandmothers by herself because her brother and sisters were at 'thier' grandmothers and she was not allowed to go. She spends a lot of time at her grandmothers. Her mother also does drugs etc...

We would love to get custody of her but know it will not be easy. Her mother is not going to just hand her over. I would love to raise her and my family would treat her no different (hubby's family is in California). We are moving into a brand new home and she would have her own room and everything. But, I have no clue at all where to start, any help would be great!!

[Danny]

Start with the Family Court where the child support payment orders were issued. Petition for a custody hearing. Alert child protective services if you feel this child is in a home with drugs and possible neglect. Good luck

[gobs101]

1st thing you will need is a lawyer who will help you with the laws and will let you know if you have a case or not. Getting custody of a child is a very difficult thing to accomplish if the parent hasnt done any thing in the courts eyes to warrent a removal from one parent to another parent. Have you thought of 50/50 custody or more visitation with the child? Best thing to do is contact a good laywer to help you. Good Luck!

[janelle]

If she has ever been arrested for using drugs then you would have a very good case for change of custody.

[sprintx]

We went through this and you have to have solid proof of anything you are saying that the mother does or did. Just knowing about it or saying it doesnt work. You will need either witnesses or some solid proof. And even then its really difficult because its always in the best interest of the child and they do not like to uproot them.

There is a lot of info online about this and there are different laws in every state that specify what things must be met in order to satisfy that court that there is danger to the child. Our lawyer actually said unless you have evidence that the custodial parent is starving them or beating them you are pretty much SOL.

Its also very expensive. I actually tried to get my husband to offer her several thousand dollars to give up custody and I think she would have accepted but the lawyer said not to do it because if she didnt accept we could get in trouble if she told about it.

Good luck.

[shelhop]

The one thing that my lawyer couldn't stress to me enough is to keep records. Absolute day by day records if necessary. I've always had my kids, but fought to retain custody. I ended up with a diary of goings-on...it was very valuable, because then I had dates and examples. And any correspondence...you say you send clothes and gifts...always send them with a return receipt requested...then even attach your sales receipt to them and store them in your file.
The other thing is going to be that you would have to show that your husband gives her more than monetary support. That he also gives her emotional support. He needs to be making every effort to see her, to talk to her on the phone. He can even be receiving correspondence from her school. (Grades, special programs, etc.,)If he's not receiving photos, has he requested them in writing, sent the request certified mail? This stuff is more important than most people realize.
I don't want to discourage you, but unless you have solid proof, not just hearsay, that the daughter is being neglected or mistreated, it will be an uphill battle. Not impossible, but difficult. Fight for visitation first. Then you can see for yourself how she's REALLY doing. Even long distance, your husband is entitled parenting time. (When there was an 800 mile distance in our situation, my ex was entitled to the kids 4 consecutive weeks in the summer and a week over Christmas vacation.)
Hope this info helps.

[NINK]

my unkle just went through this, as someoned else said records are very important. he kept records of everything, every single detail of every conversation between him and his ex wife and between the kids and he involved the police so there would be other official documents. if she is on drugs make an anonomous report to her local police department, also call childrens services and have them investigate, that can also be done anonomously. this will all get filled and work on your behalf. especially if either find any incriminating evidence. get a lawyer not only for your self but get a laywer for your child, my unkle had one for his kids, i can't remember what it is called but they are a special kind for the kids. basikly they are trained in phycoligy and what not and will talk to the kids and testify in court on thier behalf. my unkle got his kids by doing all of this stuff. he even tracked his ex wives internet access, he knew exactly what web sites she had went to and how long and who she was talking to. in some states it is also completly leagle to tape record conversations and telephone calls, just check with your state laws. and definatly keep all reciepts and make copies of any birthday cards or anything you send her, even take pictures of them before you send them. it will not be easy. mu unkles ex was not a good person and it was hard for him.

[slyred]

I wish you luck with getting custody.

My DH has been trying to get custody of his kids from his psycho ex since we moved to alabama 2 years ago. Prior to that they had joint custody, although we had them all week, handled all the "problems" such as getting them to and from school, paying for all school supplies, lunches, etc, while mommy dearest just had the weekends (oh, she doesn't drive either, she takes the bus, which means we always had to drive them to her place or more like the friend's house she was mooching off of) When we decided to move to alabama we filed a motion to modify the custody order to have them down here. This was in May 2001, it was not ruled on until July 2002!

This woman has been physically and mentally abusive to my stepdaughter, who is 14, while she treats my stepson, who just turned 9, like he is god, One time we went to pick up the kids, drove 800 miles for a weekend to see the kids. First day we spent two hours there trying to get to see them. The witch yelled and screamed and refused. Second day, same story, only she took a swing at me. We have gone to court before, had 6 witnesses giving evidence of seeing abuse or threats (including my own daughter, who this witch threatened with "I will break your arm"), the witnesses would not testify unless it was agreed they wouldn't have to give their addresses for fear of retribution, the judge sat there for two days, played with the computer, and gave custody to this abusive woman. Her smarmy lawyer had not one piece of bad evidence against my DH, other than he moved, although the fact that we filed papers to take them with us didn't seem to matter. The reason she wants them, is to get the child support, in fact when my DH told her we were moving and would like to take them, she said, "your not taking them, your paying me support one way or the other", the week after we moved she raced down to get herself on the dole, so now she works, gets medicaid, food stamps, even managed to get my stepdaughter SSI because she has ADD so coupled with her child support, she can buy steaks and CDs and go to the movies, etc. while we are eating hamburger helper! The kids are too afraid to say anything against their mom but they are down here for the summer and have both told us they want to live here. We have to take them back friday and I hate to do it.

Ok, well sorry to hog things, just had to get this out. There are some people that should not own goldfish, let alone raise children and this psycho is truly one of them.

[SaraSmiles]

Originally posted by slyred


Ok, well sorry to hog things, just had to get this out. There are some people that should not own goldfish, let alone raise children and this psycho is truly one of them.


Very well put. I know, i have 2 stepchildren. The attorneys we spoke to wanted 15,000 to start and no guarantees.
Who has that $$$ laying around?


I do wish your and your hubby the best of luck. :)

[cch]

I agree with getting a lawyer! She/he'll be able to tell you exactly what needs done. If you can afford one on your own call the Division of Family Services in your area and ask them if there are any programs to help you get a lawyer.

The records thing is great too, that way if it comes down to going to court you'll have everything you could possibly need to know.

Here's an example from my journal:
Tuesday, August 5th I picked up the baby at his Mom’s house about 8:30 am. She was supposed to pick him up around 7:00 pm, but called and said she was helping her Mother and she would be late. She came to our house and picked him up about 8:45 pm, we sent him in a sleeper and onsie from our house. She offered to let us keep him Sunday, August 10th while she’s out of town. She’s supposed to call later in the week to figure out times to drop him off and pick him up.

I feel silly keeping every little tiny detail! And unfortunately we're waiting on a paternity test so I don't even know if the journal will be needed. But, better safe than sorry.

[ladyseals]

Seems like this will be very hard for us

[sprintx]

Yes it will be hard but it depends how determined you are. The post about keeping records and writing everything down, every detail is correct. When the time comes to go to court and be interviewed by the social worker who will decide whether to recommended custody for you you will seem well prepared and responsible and she will look bad. However I do rememeber they just want the facts. They dont want to read through pages and pages of stuff. So pick out all the pertinent stuff and write it seperatley so that in the time alloted you can get the most important facts out. But do have the other information with you so that you can look up things if need be. And our lawyer said to remain unemotional and do not talk bad about her in general. Just state the facts. They will have several questions to ask you.