Bad Fathers .....

[SueShopper]

Taking a poll...because I know so many people who have bad
relationships with their fathers.

I don't know what's the deal...
but I don't speak with my dad....I tried to re-kindle the relationship when my son was born, but it didn't work out.

How many of you have bad relationships with your Father.?!?!?

[DBackFan]

I have virtually no relationship with my Father and neither do my kids, sad.

[justme23]

My father beat me as a child... obviously it's bad between us. He's getting old tho and trying desperately to atleast have an 'on speaking terms' relationship w/ me. He keeps calling... I told him I would call him on occasion too, but I keep not doing it. I want him to come out and say he's sorry, not that it'll make it go away, but the words would be nice... His pride will only let him go so far tho, acknowledging things were bad is a start, but it's not enough... I want to hear sorry.

[GeThang]

Well, my parents divorced when I was seven. He left my mom for a "girl" twenty years younger than him. They have been married for like 15 years and she is only seven years older than me and I am 23. He would go months at a time before coming and seeing my brother and I. I mean, I love my dad dearly, I really do, but there are some things that I am really resentful about. He broke a lot of promises throughout my life, big and small. It seemed to me a lot of times that he was ignoring my brother and I. Heck, he didn't see my brother for eight months and hardly recognized the boy because puberty took its toll.

When I got married was when my dad and I got closer and so has his relationship with my brother. He gave me away at my wedding and he cried. I sometimes questioned my dad's love for me, but that day, many great things happened. I saw it in him that there was a lot of love there. My step mom had taken a picture of my dad fixing my brother's tie, and my brother keeps that picture by his bed because that is a special thing to him. Now, I think my dad is regretting all of the time he missed because he is always there when my brother and I need help with something and he is being very supportive of a new endeavor in my life. He also can't wait to be a grandpa. :) If he wants to be a better grandpa than what he had been as a dad, that is fantastic. I am just thankful that my dad is doing better in fatherhood with my brother while my brother is still a teenager. Although I am married, I am glad that my dad is always willing to help with things whether we need it or not. Just within the last several months have I truly forgiven him for everything and it feels great.

[HaveKids,LostMind]

Well, let's see......

My dad is a jerk and he doesnt even realize it!

Just this week he said several mean things about my niece and nephew and about hubby.

Something about the babies race. (They are biracial and he has yet to come to grips with the fact that he now has grandchildren who are part black, ugh!) Get over it! They are beautiful sweet babies!!!

And then something about hubby knowing nothing about computers and then asking me to ask hubby how to fix dad's computer! Jerk!



But maybe he has an excuse. He was a cop and deputy for many years and he has that cocky mentality.....Nah, its still no excuse!

[Kyla Kym]

Through my eye's, I see my father as the most perfect man on the face of the earth.

He has always worked hard all his life, and never once complained about it. My father was the only electrician in our town all the years I was growing up. He had the market cornered, but never took advantage of this. He never charged like others electricians did from other towns. And for this reason my dad is still swamped with customers at age 65.

He is even tempered. Never raised his voice to me. He tried to teach me good values. My father is the type that never bad mouths others, and I'm sure that is why he is so well liked in my home town.

My dad has always made me so proud of him. Even to this day, ladies will tell me how handsome they think my dad is. But yet he never ran around on my momma. He has always been loyal to her. One thing I could always be sure of, was my dad would be home every night.

I was so blessed when it came to my father. And I wish everyone could be as lucky as I was. I love my dad so much I could go on and on singing his praises, so just incase you couldn't tell. I'm crazy about my father! ;) shoot....I even named my son after him! :D

Here is a pic of my dad, uncle and me from around 1966
http://www.darladavis.com/pictures/1966.jpg

[queenangie]

Love my Dad dearly. He's 81 and old enough to be my grandfather, I guess. There were 9 kids, but he and Mom 'really wanted 10'. It was the era of large families in the 1950'2 and early 60's.

My parents were poor, but we didn't know it. We had 3 meals a day, a clean house, clean clothes, clean sheets every Saturday, church on Sundays, made certain that we did well in school, went on to all graduate college. My parents were not perfect, but they did the best they knew how. And there was always lots of love at home. Lots of good, happy memories from growing up. But as with all of us, there were some unhappy ones too. These were through the eyes of a child. Now that I am also a parent, sometimes I have to make decisions that are in the best interest of my child, which doesn't make them happy.

As a child I was not beaten, but can clearly remember getting spakens. One of my older sisters just recalls 'the horrible' things that happend. She wasn't abused, she just wasn't and isn't a happy person inside.

You see kids that come out of horrible homes that do well in life. You also see kids that come out of the 'best' of homes, that never amount to anything. Some of it must be genetics and some of it environmental.

My thought is this: my folks did the best they could with what they had for us kids.

[DreamWarrior]

My father is a drunk and a drug addict, I try to have as little to do with him as possible.. but there are times I feel he needs to know about his grandkids and I take them to see him. He is getting older, has had one kidney taken out, had SEVERAL heart operations, I know and HE knows that he doesnt have much time left, I just wish he had been there more for me when I was younger (I never really saw much of him til I was 13) but, such is life.

I have 2 other sisters youngest of which is 15, and a younger brother (we all have different moms) and well,lets just say, at least my youngest sister is being taken care of. Yeah I'm bitter about it, but dammit, he NEVER did ANYTHING for me and my mom when I was growing up and sometimes I REALLY hate him for it.

I know its all in the past and I should cherish what I have with him now, but damn, its kinda hard to do that when even now when I see him he is either drunk or high... so I kinda figure whats the point?

[gemini26]

My dad died when I was 15. I wish I could have known him and that he was still in my life. He died when I was pregnant with my first daughter.

[zitra]

My bio father split when I was 3 months. Never saw him again. We found he had died when I was 5.
My step fahter who my mom married when i was 5, hated kids, and only married my mom cuase he was still living with his parents at 44, and my mom had a house.

[gonnascream]

My dad was there physcially, we saw him almost everyday....but he was never there emotionally. It was like he was just some guy that lived there and yelled at me when I screwed up......My dad is an emotionally closed off person. He shows no emotion towards his kids, and it really does hurt. I know it's been more than 10 years since I heard my dad says he loves me, only because I told him I love him.

He never drank, never used drugs,didn't flaunt other women (I never knew of any till my folks divorced)didn't gamble, or beat on us every single day.

But he still had a way to let me know what a f*ckup I was. No matter what I do I will never be good enough.

I don't blame him though. He was raised in a cold, military houshold, and he raised me with the kind of strict emotions.

emotion equals weakness, weakness breeds fear, and your enemies will consume you. So if you show no emotion, you show no fear.

I know it's a strange mindset, but sometimes it comes in handy when it comes to the outside world. But I won't use it with my kids.

[Lora_1994]

When I was living at home, especially when I got older we bumped heads all the time. He was constantly degrading me, my brother and mother, hitting on us, giving us the 3rd degree about everything(he's a cop),etc. NOBODY would speak up to him. Then when I turned 16, I realized that I'm going to speak my mind and fight back. I told him what I think, and if he pushed or hit me, I'd do it back. I know its disrespectful, but I WAS NOT going to get beat on any longer. I got pregnant at 17 and I was called everything in the book. slut, no good piece of trash, low life welfare trash,etc. He also told me that he could drown my oldest like he would a puppy. Accused me of performing oral sex on my son(then 6 months old), it goes on and on.
I moved out, things are better, we still have our arugments, and I should by all rights probably not talk to him ever again. But he's my dad and I love him. And I want my children t know their grandfather, but they will NEVER stay the night with him. My oldest did once and my son told me that he kept calling him a little ba$tard. He has a drinking problem and I think possible bi-polar or something. No excuse, I know... So I dont know what you'd call my relationship with my dad. Messed up I guess...

[mjh341]

I have an absolutley wonderful Daddy. I have always been Daddy's girl, but now I share the title of Daddy's girl with my 15 y.o. sister. I am 35 and she is 15. She was born when Daddy was 44. Even though she was born when I was an adult had she been born when I was 6 I would have felt the same way. My Daddy always had time for me and my brother, so he would have made time for 3 instead of 2. He worked hard all his life. He was severely injured when I was 11. He lost all 8 fingers in an industrial accident. He went back to work in less than 3 months. He played golf, ran the cash register at his store, used a computer daily at work, coached little league football and baseball and was the little league director 1 year. He has taken an early well deserved retirement, but is at my little sisters high school constantly as a hard working band booster. I wasn't in the band. I took private baton lessons and made a state competition team. You should havseen my proud Daddy at very girly twirl days. He was there at everyone and everyone of my dance recitals. He is a wonderfull grandfather to my son and daughter. They both love him dearly. I also wish everyone could have had a Daddy like mine.

[mrs.john]

My dad and I have a decent relationship. Seems like as I've gotten older and have gotten myself educated, finacially stable, ect. that he seems to have a lot more respect for me. As I do for him.

[okie]

As far as i am concerned,my dad is dead and has been for a long time.He is a worthless piece of trash who was never there for us.

[joey74]

I see my dad every once in a while (when i make an effort to stop by his job). His live in girlfriend doesn't like any of his children, so we are not "technically" allowed at his house.
Growing up he use to beat my mom so bad. I am the middle child and the only sibling who even remembers it happening. My brother and sister blocked it out years ago.
Once I had my daughter (three years ago) I came to the realization that if I wanted a relationship with him I would have to accept him as he is, because if he has not changed in the last 30 years he is not going to do it now.
My sister bearly speaks to him -she is really resentful that he isn't close to her children and jelouse that he is close to my brothers daughter. (the gross thing is dad doesn't have a choice to be close to her. My father girlfriend is my brothers ex-girlfriends mother !! But I guess she puts up with his drinking and bull**** and pays the bills, so she wont be going any where for a while)
My sister thinks I sold out by even talking to him, But that is not how I see it. I am doing what I have to do in order to look myself in the mirror. One day when he passes away I want the knowledge that I tried - that I didn't shun him.. Guilt comes to easy for me and I don't want any part of it.....
(((wow, that was kinda theraputic )))

[peaceluver]

Dad, whats that? I met my dad in the middle of wal-mart for the first time. I just walked away shaking my head. When my DD was about 3 we saw him at a yard sale of all places, I had to be told who he was, he then told me DD that he was her grandpa. She said oh no you are not, my grandpas name is Larry. I was so proud. Some people just think they are a part of your life because they donated sperm. :(

[jcw]

I totally love and respected my dad. I miss him more each day. Today was his birthday and I would give anything to be able to hug him, tell him happy birthday and tell him how much I love him.Just one more time.I wish everyone could have a great dad.

[reneep45]

I'VE been reading these posts, some break my heart , some warm my heart , i do remember my dad , he died when i was 6 . What i'd like to tell you is about my sons, both of them are the BEST ! They do everything for thier girls, they are totaly devoted , loving daddy's, my grandaughters are the luckiest girls in the world ! i'm so proud of my kids i could bust ! my daughter in laws are the best mommies & my youngest daughter amazes me what a wonderful mommie she is, i guess i'm very lucky !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[smeans]

ive got a great dad!! HUGS to those of you who dont:(

[Xica]

Originally posted by Kyla Kym
Through my eye's, I see my father as the most perfect man on the face of the earth.


awwww I feel the same way about mine. :)


I enjoyed reading your post Kyla and thanks for sharing the picture. :D

[zitra]

I am happy for those of you that have good relationships with your father's, and jealous at the same time. I had hope even from an early age of about 4 that when I was old enough I could look for my father. At that time we had no idea where he had gone. He had left one night after an argument with my mother, in which she had thrown a plate of eggs at him, and he never came back. My older sister was 4 at the time, and said she can still vividly see the eggs runnign down the wall near the door. I was only around 3 months old at the time. My mom never tried to find my father when he left, until about a month after I turned 5. It was only becuase she wanted to remarry (the step father , who hated kids)..she only wanted to get married again, becuase she thought it would help her financialy with 4 kids to raise..but he quit his job 3 months after they married in 1978, right after I turned 6, and though they are still married today, has not had a job since. Anyway enough about my rotten step father...my mom hired a private eye, to find me bio father, and he found he had been living in Beatty Neveda, workign at a brothel (I beleive as a handy man, but who knows) called Fran's Ranch, that has since changed it's name but is still a brothel~ but had died about a week prior to her starting the search. The police in Las Vegas where he had died, mailed my mom his social secuirity card, as well, as a statement of death.
I have been doing genealogy, ever since I was old enough. Nonone in my family not even my mother had ever met any of my bio fahter's family. My bio father, had always told my mother that it was becuase they had a fallign out years ago. Following my fahter's death, my mom wrote a letter to my fahter's parents, telling them of his death. They wrote in return, tellign my mother, that 13 years ealier they has recieve a letter from the army, telling them that their son was missing in action. (My father was about 48 when i was born, while my mom was just 28) It wasn't until years later I was able to search for my grandparents, but by that time, they had also died. After my mother told me about this letter, after I requested info, to do a online search, I tried to look up my father's military records, where they had been kept in St. Louis MO. I foudn that they had had a huge fire there in 1973, the year after i was born, and his records were in the section that was burned down, and nothign was left of his files. Now i am left to wonder wether, my father was a soldier who went awol, in order to get out of serving his country, or wether my father, was lying about who he was altogether.

I have always felt cheated not having grandparents. My mother's father died the year before i was born, and her mother died, when I was about 1. I did have my step grandparents, but they did not consdier me, my sisters, or my brother their legitimate grand children. My step grandfather diedlast year, and though my mom has my #, she did not even write to tell me about it until 4 weeks after the fact. I had a uncle who I was very fond of, but hadn't seen in sometime. He had gone to live with my parents, also last year. He died of emphasemia. My mother did not tell me at all, i found out from my sister, in a phone call, about 3 months after he had died. My sister just assumed i knew so hadn't told me about it til then.

Sorry for my rambling, just every once in awhile I feel sorry for myself, where family in concerned, and for my kids..my mom has no desire to see either of my children..my hubby's bio father beat his mother, and they have not see nhim sice huby was 2...we also foudn out he died last year. My hubby's step father, who had been his father since the age of 10, divorced his mother in 1999, and cut off all contact with my hubby, his brother, and all grandchildren, even his own bio son, so my kids grandparent(s), really only consist of my hubby's mother, whom i consider more of a mother to me than my own...I just hate the fact, my kids will never know the love of a grandfather..and fele sorry for them, becuase I know the feeling, of having a emotionaly distant mother, as well as step father, and no grandparents...

Sorry for my rambling..
carry on.

[squirt]

I know I'm hear about this, but why not. I hated both my parents, thank god they're both dead. Last time I saw my father I was 9, Saw my mother last when I was in my 30's. As I said, thank god they're both dead.

[Lora_1994]

((( squirt ))))

[zitra]

Originally posted by squirt
I know I'm hear about this, but why not. I hated both my parents, thank god they're both dead. Last time I saw my father I was 9, Saw my mother last when I was in my 30's. As I said, thank god they're both dead.

I feel sort of the same way about my father..I hope this doesn't mke me seem cold hearted or mean, but I did not know my father..so I really have no feelign toward him whatsoever..I sm sorry I don't have a father, though..I have never had a good realtionship with my mother, and i don't love my mother, and at times i have hated her..now I even kind of feel sorry for her..I have often thought about how i would feel if she died (she is in her early 60's now)..I think I would be sad that another human being died, the way I would if I heard a person on the news died, that i had never met, but don't think I coudl even muster enough sorrow over it to cry..does that make me mean/cold hearted??

[Angelbear3]

haven't seen my father since 1996... he never met my husband... he's never met my son. My older brother got married two years ago and they just had their first in June and he'll probably never meet him either. My older sister and younger siblings get along with him though

[MommyG3]

Well, let's see. When I was growing up, my father was not around all that much. He worked for the Memphis Fire Department. And, the days he was at home, he did side construction work. I have many memories of him when we lived in Memphis. When we moved to Pontotoc, MS, my dad continued to work at the Fire Department in Memphis and still did the side construction work. He retired from the fire department in 95, I think. My sister and I worked for him on and off. She works for him now. We all get along great. Now that he is retired from the fire department, my mom works full-time. I told someone the other day, my dad worked hard to take care of his two girls, my mom works hard now to take care of her grandchildren (she does it to keep from getting bored, actually). :D Love both my parents dearly. They helped me out so much when I got pregnant with Nikki and after my divorce.

[HumblePie98]

I love my Dad. He was there for me through the horrible things that I did. Reading these reminded me that I haven't told him I love him for a long time. My dad is very active in my son's life and loves him to death! I don't know how to post a pic, or I would show you a picture of him and I saturday at my baby sisters bridal shower!!