Ladytiger
07-28-2003, 07:21 PM
{Sorry Trekkies! This is too good NOT to post!
Top 6 things I hate about Star Trek
6. Noisy Doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without
some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office
building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If
those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked
through them, about once a month some guy in accounting
would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the
IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master
WD-40
5. Reversing the Polarity. For cripes sake Giordi, stop
reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a
while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good
authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every
time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup,
they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff.
"What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the
plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by
reversing the polarity."
Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned
polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't
just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.
4. Seatbelts. Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd
think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the
nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of
clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of
inventing some futuristic restraining device to prevent that
from happening." So of course, they did make something like
that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to
poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's
locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the
corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There
goes Kirk's torso!"
3. No fuses. Every time there's a power surge on the
Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a
shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over
Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the
polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the
nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And
while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and
pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going
to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the
least you could do is let me sit down.
2. A Star Trek quiz: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez'
beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?
1. The Holodeck. I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really
believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes
mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what
the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the
worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the
holodeck clean.
Top 6 things I hate about Star Trek
6. Noisy Doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without
some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office
building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If
those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked
through them, about once a month some guy in accounting
would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the
IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master
WD-40
5. Reversing the Polarity. For cripes sake Giordi, stop
reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a
while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good
authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every
time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup,
they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff.
"What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the
plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by
reversing the polarity."
Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned
polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't
just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.
4. Seatbelts. Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd
think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the
nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of
clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of
inventing some futuristic restraining device to prevent that
from happening." So of course, they did make something like
that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to
poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's
locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the
corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There
goes Kirk's torso!"
3. No fuses. Every time there's a power surge on the
Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a
shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over
Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the
polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the
nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And
while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and
pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going
to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the
least you could do is let me sit down.
2. A Star Trek quiz: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez'
beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?
1. The Holodeck. I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really
believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes
mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what
the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the
worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the
holodeck clean.