Does watching your parents get older ever become easier?

[Merryg]

My parents just returned back home to TX after visiting us here for a week and a half. I MISS THEM SOOOO MUCH. We had so much fun. We've been here a little over two years and they have been here 5 times. Does saying goodbye ever get easier? I see my Mom who is about to be 70, getting older every time I see her. She is now walking sooo slow! She had her gall bladder removed almost a year ago and I see her appetite has decreased. She also has diabetes to control. And now the doc said she may have bursitis on her shoulder area. SIGH I really think the best thing would be for them to move out here after my Dad retires in 3 years. I am not prepared to face taking care of my parents. I am not prepared for them becoming dependant. I know I am being dramatic. It's just hard to think of how many more years will we have with them. I see them look at their grandkids and I wonder if it hurts them to think that they won't be around to see them grow up and etc. Anyone else in this position? What makes it worse is I am the only child. I feel sooo bad that we had to move to another state (husband's job) :(

[Merryg]

{{cab}} I guess you can't ever be prepared for this. It used to be that the thought of them not being here with me anymore, was so far off in the distance. But now, it really hurts to think about it as I know the years are numbered. What gets me is the thought of them possibly getting bedridden, alzheimers, diaper wearing, etc. I do not want them to forget who they are and lose body functions. I just want them to grow old gracefully and without any major medical problems. That's my biggest worry - all the what if's.

[Kelsey1224]

My mother died last year. She had Alzheimers and had deteriorated horribly in a very short period of time. I had to place her in a board and care facility after trying to keep her in my home for two months (I work full time).

When she passed away, it was such a relief that she was out of that horrible situation.

But now...after several months have passed...I miss her so much. I miss the mother who was sharp and alert and who was my best friend. I wonder if she knew how much I loved her and appreciated all the sacrifices she made for me.

I guess my grief has been delayed until recently and it is really hitting me hard.

No...I don't think watching your parents age gets any easier at all.

[Merryg]

{{{Kelsey}}} I too don't know how I would handle that. My close friend just lost her Mom about 8 months ago. Her Mom one day had a stroke. They took her to do a cat scan and she ended up having another more serious stroke while in the cat scan. She ended up being in a come for about 3 months. One day she had her Mom laughing and there with her, the next she was in a ocma hooked up to life support. This girl would go and be by her Mom's side every day. She refused to believe her Mom needed to be off the life support. I don't ever want to be in that situation. My Mom has already said if that ever happened to her, to unplug her. There's no point living like a vegetable.

Cab my hubby is also one of 5 kids. So he doesn't understand my being an only child. I can totally relate there.

[FreebieCyn]

Hey hun, I know what you are going through....I was living in Kansas when I got the dreaded call that my father had a heart attack and was going in to have a triple bypass.....I had a great job in Kansas (Sheriff Deputy) and that was something that I always wanted to do..However, my parents were far more important than my job...I quit and moved to Texas to be near my father...I see my father and mother everyday, but I still see them getting older and older everyday....My father too was the strongest man I knew, but to hear him talk now, really breaks my heart....I really wish you the best in this, and hope that your parents live many many many more years...It is hard, but stay strong.....My hugs going to you.....

Hugs,
Cyn

[MommyG3]

My father is 63 and my mother will be 59 July 30. Everytime I look at Daddy, his hair seems that much whiter or I notice one more wrinkle in his face. When I see my mother, it is the same thing. I hear them talking about their aches and pains and I wonder where the years have gone. (I now have tears in my eyes). Who knows, they may outlive me and both live to be 100 or more. But still, I am 32 and reminded once a week when I visit them, that time does not stand still. It is sad...so very very sad to see your parent's health slowly drift away.

[mugwump]

I know what you mean ... my mom is 82 and for the past year I have noticed that she's aging much more quickly. Don't know how much longer she has even though she's healthy. It's really scary because she is my only family besides DH and my boys.

[Merryg]

OK talking about it and reading everyone else's responses has brought tears to my eyes!!! My parents traveld via Amtrak. It was so hard to see them get on board and wave goodbye to them. I was trying to be big about it and not let them see me tear up - boy on the way back home the tears were just flowing!! My husband was kind of laughing at me - not really understanding the bond I have with them, being an only child. I don't think he thinks about his parents getting older. I guess he'll leave it up to his sisters to handle all of the worries. Men!

[Maeryn]

My dad turned 69 last month. He's still independent and ornery as h#ll. He has a big 5th wheel trailer he lives in; travels around to the different Thousand Trails resorts. Still, he doesn't eat right or exercise, and he smokes a lot. Even though he seems very healthy, his age is showing and I just know that at any time I could get that phone call.

He had me come out last year and go over his will, and what needs to be done w/ all his assets in the event something happens to him. It felt so strange, sitting there making plans for his death. I know these things have to be done, but I don't like thinking about it.

[Merryg]

{{{Diana}} {{Maeryn}}}

To those of you who have moved your parents to another state - how hard was it? Did you feel guilty of removing them from their friends and family? Will you bury them there with you or back home?

[jcw]

I know what you mean. Every time I visited my parents it seemed like they had aged so much and it was so hard to say goodbye. I always wondered if it would be the last time I saw them. My mom is crippled and 71 years old now. Dad passed away suddenly 2 months ago. It is so hard now watching mom trying to make it on her own but not knowing how to go on by herself. She has really went down hill since dad passed. I guess this is something we all have to face sooner or later but dang it is so hard to watch the people we have been with all our lives getting old.You are not being dramatic ,you are just being a loving caring daughter

[schsa]

My parents are both 78 and still going strong. Yes, they are looking older and they don't move as much as they used to but they still get around. I was home a few weeks ago and as much as I know that they are getting older, I also know that they aren't ready to give up their home. My dad would fight to the very end before he would leave his house. My mother, on the other hand, keeps saying that after my father dies (like he won't outlive her but she could be very wrong) that she is going to sell the house and buy a little condo.

I am not going to insist on anything. If and when the time comes that they want help, I'll be there but until then I want them to be as independent as possible.

[DBackFan]

I am having a hard time dealing with my Moms deterioration too. :( She has Parkinsons and this once beautiful, energetic woman has aged dramatically. She hardly can get around now and she is only 69. I want her with me forever and actually I know in my heart ...I will. :)

[mrs.john]

I see my dad once every month or so. I've noticed lately that he looks so old to me. He's almost all gray and has lost a lot of weight. It seems like he shrunk in height too. I think he looks awful (he's diabatic and has high cholesterol and stomach problems). He's only going to be 54, but I swear he looks 84. Makes me sad every time I see him. I know it's kind of morbid, but I keep getting on my parents about getting their will done.

I remember when I was younger and my dad was such a big, tough, strong guy in my eyes.

[trufflez]

The only thing I can say is I wish I had had the opportunity to watch my mother age. I wish I had been able to take care of her but she was taken from me too early. I think it's just as hard on the parents watching their children grow older. It just reminds us how much older we are getting and how lonely we are without them.

[nightrider127]

Originally posted by Merryg
{{{Diana}} {{Maeryn}}}

To those of you who have moved your parents to another state - how hard was it? Did you feel guilty of removing them from their friends and family? Will you bury them there with you or back home?

I had to do that. I to am an only child. My mom passed away in 1997 and a couple of years ago, it got to the point that I couldn't stand it anymore with my dad living over 200 miles from here. And yes, I guess I did feel a little guilty about it and kind of selfish too. Daddy will be 82 in July and I can see him age. He still gets around good and has his own apartment but he has got his problems.
I have promised him that when IT happens, I will take him back down home and let him rest beside my mother. And I will keep that promise too.

It is so hard to see your parents age. And it never gets easier. Each holiday, you wonder if you will get to spend it next year with them.

[schsa]

We would go to my Grandmother's when I was a kid and it was always because this might be the last year we would see her. I heard that the entire time I was growing up and in to adulthood. My grandmother lived to be 96 and was alert every day. She just got tired one day and decided to go to bed and just died.

I am very grateful that I have lived to be an adult and still have my parents with me. It has been one of the most important parts of my life.

[Merryg]

It's nice to know someone else identifies with me!

When they were just here, I noticed the little things like my Dad has grey hair now, more wrinkles, my Mom's cooking just isn't what it used to be, my Mom forgets things she already said and will repeat them, etc.

[CarolinaBlue]

I lost my mom when she was 61 and my dad at age 70. So, those that are lucky enough to still have their parents, please cherish every day that you have with them.

[bbjoan]

WATCHING THEM DIE IS HARDER I HELP MY MOTHER WITH MY DAD HE GOT CANCER DIED AT 65 MY MOM IS NOW 68 I CLEAN HER HOUSE MOW HER YARD WORK ON HER CAR WHAT EVER NEEDS DONE BUT I THINK IT IS THE BEST GIFT I CAN EVER GIVE HER I THINK OF ALL THE TIME THEY GAVE UP THINGS TO FEED US. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN UNTILL THEY ARE NOT HERE. IF MEN KNEW WHAT THEY GAVE TO A CHILD THEY WOULD NEVER WALK AWAY MY DAD GAVE SECURITY I WAS NEVER AFAID WHEN HE WAS HERE SOME HOW I KNEW HE WOULD FIX WHAT EVER WAS WRONG AND HE DID TIME AND TIME AGAIN KNOW ONE EASE CAN GIVE THIS TO ME BUT MY DAD NOW THE FIRST TIME IN 40 YEARS I AM AFAID.

[Barbi_Route66]

I know what you mean. My mom just turned 70 (& she looks great for her age). She has some health problems (she uses a walker but takes medication for osteoporsis...that's one pill a week...and when her legs hurt...she takes a pain pill whenever she needs it). I'll be 38 next month & I'm on more medication that my mom (5 different ones for Rheumatoid Arthritis & 2 for asthma). Technically, my mom is in better health than I am.

It's always in the back of mind that one day my mom's situation will change. I just hope & pray that I won't ever have to put her in a nursing home. I hate nursing homes (3 of my grandparents spent their last years in a nursing homes).

Ten years ago, my dad died. We (my brother, sister & I) make sure my mom stays active mentally. She reads her newspaper every day, she subscribes to magazines, she always has the tv on. She recently got a lap top computer. She just plays games on it (I know she would love this site if she would get online...but she's not interested in the internet). I just wish my mom could physically get around better than she does. She recently bought a big Chevrolet van (my sister drives it) & got a motorized lift for her motorized wheel chair. She doesn't really drive anymore but she loves going to the casino & shopping. Her biggest passion is cooking. She's not able to cook the big, fabulous meals that she always loved doing. Once in a while she gets a good day that her legs aren't bothering her as much & she goes crazy cooking!

[Cindee]

This was one of the threads that I was trying to avoid, but I guess I just wanted to see how others were dealing with this subject. My dad is recovering from open heart surgery and I'm helping my mom take care of him(he's slowly recovering)he's on alot of medication and really having a hard time, but before this I saw him not standing up as straight as he use to and also now having to talk alot louder to him, because he thinks your whispering when you talk to him. Also my mother has her own problems, she's also on alot of different medications and I know things are hard for her. This whole subject is very hard, because you remember your parents as being able to do everything, it's not something that I want to deal with, but I guess that's life:(

[Merryg]

{{{{to all in the same boat}}}}

[Ashlee]

All I have is my dad, and even though I see him every week, I notice little things changing as he ages and his health gets worse! Since I lost my mom as a teenager, I am prepared but hopeful nothing will happen anytime soon!