Well my sis FINALLY called me

[Lilpetie]

As some of you have read I was having trouble getting ahold of my sis. She is going thru a messy separation from her hubby and all. Well she finally called me last night.
Basically the gest of the whole thing is she never has moved into her rent house. She is still at her home with hubby. She said she is trying to calm him down. (Even though she put a retraining order on him and her son?????) Not to mention he tried to get her fired from her job so he had more control on her. Then she proceeded to tell me that he is different. He is nicer, acting better doing this doing that. OMG...... HAVE I HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE??????? She said they are doing things together BLAH BLAH BLAH.......
So I basically told her I cant take anymore drama. I have had it. It is her decision and whatever she chooses to do is her business. And that I wish her nothing but happiness. Also that I will never like this man because of all the things he has done. But that has nothing to do about my supporting her. (Never has) That I refuse to have any contact with him because I know what he will do and has done and until he apologizes to me for 25 yrs of trying to turn my sister against her family. Point blank. Also that I hope if she stays with him that he wont try to do this again and that we can stay close. She said she is still going to move out and get some space. (WANNA BET SHE NEVER DOES)
I am so stuumped by this. This is the farthest she has ever went I guess with her threats of leaving this jerk. And after all this she has went back there and thinks that by being understanding to him and all that it will change. OK GALS how many here have seen and heard this before LOL........
So in a nutshell if she calls, emails, or whatever and starts in complaining again. I think I will just have to come up with an excuse and say I have to go and cant talk...... I cant stand pity parties or people that play this victim crap. BEEN THERE DONE THAT... and got help for it. I spend most of my life trying to accept blame for my choices in life and stop crying poor me on others shoulders. Too bad she is 54 (10 yrs older than me) and she still hasnt got it right yet.
OK I'M DONE NOW


I THINK.......LOL

[dlwt]

Oh Man. If she starts in again about HIM maybe just you should say been there done that dont need to hear about that. I know you hate not to support her so to say but she is the one who told you all the bad stuff. She will have to accept resposibility for her actions.
Sorry

[BeanieLuvR]

{{{{Lilpetie}}}} I am glad that she finally called. I am sorry that she is choosing to stay in that situation. Maybe one day she will get the courage to leave.

[MommyG3]

It is sad. It is also very hard to make the decision to leave and stick to it. :( I am glad you heard from her. One day, maybe she will be strong enough to leave.

[schsa]

Thinking back to VG who was posting here. She left and came back and then left again. It may take your sister a few more tries before she really has enough and leaves. She knows what she needs to do, now she needs the courage to do it. Wait until the next time he hits her or she lands in the hospital.

Doing something like this is like trying to give up a very bad habit. Some people can change and never look back and some people have to give up the habit over and over again before they can do it permanently.

[ilvmy3babs]

i have to let it be heard. i was married for 8 years to a man who physically and verbally abused me for the entire time. it took 8 yrs. to leave him because he broke me down in every way. i put him out, divorced him and thought i would live happily ever after. we were apart for 6 months and he really fooled me. i thought he had changed. he did everything to prove to me that he was different. treated me with so much respect (like i always wanted to be treated) and low and behold, i too the idiot back. well needless to say the niceness lasted long enough to get me pregnant with our 3rd child and boom it started again. i've havent bee hit since we've been back together but the verbal abuse will never stop. i'm called ugly names everyday. anyway i pray for her sake she wises up, but it probaly wont happen for a long time. i'd give anything if i had walked away and never looked back. now i'm stuck until i can finacally get me and my kids out of this mess, but i've learned my lesson. just be there for her and maybe one day she'll leave the jerk!

[lisahiser]

speaking from experince, it is so hard for you to leave your "comfort zone" in your life. It takes time and ALOT of support! She needs you, I know that you are sick and tired of hearing her say, oh i'm leaving this time..... i'll never go back....... but each time she takes that step, the next time she may take another step out and move on. When she does call, do try to be supportive, tell her how much you love her and how much you want her to be happy, and tell her how much you need her in your life. and if you can offer to help out some. any little words of encouragement, just that one phrase, just to know she is doing the right thing, may help her out. I hope she leaves him a.s.a.p. but she has to be ready. I left mine, it took me two years but I finally did it..... I know she can do it. she just has to be ready and know that she has all the support in the world, cuz she is going to need it.

[mom4angels]

Originally posted by ilvmy3babs
i have to let it be heard. i was married for 8 years to a man who physically and verbally abused me for the entire time. it took 8 yrs. to leave him because he broke me down in every way. i put him out, divorced him and thought i would live happily ever after. we were apart for 6 months and he really fooled me. i thought he had changed. he did everything to prove to me that he was different. treated me with so much respect (like i always wanted to be treated) and low and behold, i too the idiot back. well needless to say the niceness lasted long enough to get me pregnant with our 3rd child and boom it started again. i've havent bee hit since we've been back together but the verbal abuse will never stop. i'm called ugly names everyday. anyway i pray for her sake she wises up, but it probaly wont happen for a long time. i'd give anything if i had walked away and never looked back. now i'm stuck until i can finacally get me and my kids out of this mess, but i've learned my lesson. just be there for her and maybe one day she'll leave the jerk!

((Ilvmy3babs)))) I feel for you hon. I was in your shoes not so long ago. I was with this person for 10 years and married 6 of them. He never got bad until after we were married. He physically and mentally abused me. It took me 6 years to leave and then another 2 to get divorced. I finally got away from him . But it was the hardest thing that I have done because this person had convinced me that I was worthless and he was the greatest thing on earth. I was totally in fear of him all the time. I finally woke up on day and realized that I had a life without this miserible jerk and that I could have that again. I finally saw him for what he was and now I have had my life back for 4 years now. I hope that you get away from this man soon. It is not the way to spend your young life with an a$$ that treats you like garbage. You deserve better. Take care


Lilpetie I send you and your sister my prayers that one day she will make the final step and leave this man. Just like the other have said it takes time for a person that is abused to learn that they can leave and survive. I know that it is hard to support her when she keeps going back , but one she will make that major step and she will need you. An abuser takes away every ounce of confidence away from you. you think that you cannot survive on your own and that nobody will love or want you. I wasn't trying to take over vent I just can relate to Ilvmy3babs and your sisters life because I have lived it. But one day she will realize that she can have a life with someone that will treat her like a human being and not garbage.