Mama v. Papa

[Maggie02]

I have my children from late August to late June; my ex-husband has them during the summer for eight weeks straight. To the oldest, Papa is cool. It's hard to be cool when you are basically on the job the entire time you have the children because you are doing the school thing with them and dealing with everything that goes along with it. Papa is cool, sure, because he gets them during the fun time-summer time. Papa is not about getting to school on time, going to bed on time, eating properly, dealing with discipline issues brought to your attention by the school administration. Mama handles the business and Papa is all about vacation. The oldest thinks his father is cool but the younger one does not want to go at all.:(

[mrs.john]

{{{Maggie}}} When they're older and have their own kids, they'll realize more of what you did for them.

Welcome to the boards :)

[schsa]

You can't compete with someone who only sees them 8 weeks out of the entire year. They have a very false idea of who this man is and his life. At least you will have the satisfaction of raising good children while he is only a part time parent at best.

[Maggie02]

Mrs. John: thank you for welcoming me here. I appreciate that.:) I wish it would not take that long for them to realize all I do for them but I know you are right. He has never been a real parent, even when we were together. He was always the "play" parent while I got the part of being the "real" one.

Schsa: My oldest son is the one who might have a false idea. Strange thing is that he knows his father for what he is, yet he still loves him (which I am glad about and very much encourage). I just don't get why my ex gets all of the smiles and fun and I get the grit work.

Isn't there SO much more to parenting than just carrying a photograph in your wallet/purse?

[mrs.john]

Well, we kind of have that situation with my SS. He lives with us and has it "so bad" here, so he went with his mom for a year. He had a rude awakening when he didn't have clean clothes, 3 meals a day, and attention. He gives us a lot of trouble, and "hates" us, but I think deep down he knows how good he's got it--he just doesn't want to admit it. Hopefully someday he will--so I know what you mean.

[MsLynn]

i know how you feel, i'm pretty much in the exact same boat

[BeesKnees]

We were the “play parents” at one point in my stepdaughters life. Husband’s ex decided to move away to Colorado, I guess the grass is greener or something, so we only had SD for 8-9 weeks in the summer and a week at Christmas. We did not put up much of a fight because it would have been unfair to SD; we NEVER fight with the ex, nor talk disparagingly of her, and vice versa.

I want to point out that it is very difficult not to be over-obliging to a child that you only see 8 weeks out of the year. Summer is also traditionally a time of fun and good times.

That said, it put a lot of strains on us emotionally to be in that position. You miss the child desperately, you want the child to have fun and want to continue to come back to see you as they get older and have other options that might be more appealing (boyfriend’s, jobs, typical teen stuff where they do not want to hang out with parents that live 800 miles away.) We , at times, honestly resented being put in that position in the first place.

Thankfully, after 3 years, they moved back (guess the grass wasn’t greener ;) ) and we now have her living with us full time.

I understand to a point where you are coming from. Sadly it is the case, more often than not, that the non-custodial parent is the revered one in the child’s mind. However, it is not always the case and it is not always an enviable position.

Regardless - your kids love you, you know they do, and they will grow to see that you did your very best by them, if they don't recognize it already.