Long vent, need opinions

[Wimzik]

Okay need opinions, long story I’ll try to make it short. My son has a friend he has known since middle school, this friend is, for lack of a better word, Evil. I have always felt that way, and I am not the only person that feels this way, I have talked to members of his own family and they say the same thing. I tried everything I could to keep my son away from him.
The kid comes from an abusive home, his mother is an alcoholic and his stepfather was physically abusive. In the beginning my sister and I both tried to help him and tried to get him out of the home but he always ended up back there.

My son felt sorry for him, the kid had no friends, no one liked him, and my son kind of felt like he needed to help him. At the time, Stephen (my son) was a straight A student, popular, played little league, and never got in trouble, all that changed when this friendship started. As time went on it was one thing after another, getting expelled from school, drugs, alcohol, fights, (usually defending his friend) youth home, jail, drug court, and on and on.

I know it sounds like we are blaming the friend for our sons problems, that isn’t true, my son has made his own choices to do the things he has done, we have always made him face the consequences, the thing is, his friend has always been there when he has gotten in trouble, when he was away from this kid, there were never any problems, there is so much more to this but I can’t write it all. bottom line is, the friend is manipulative, and Evil. Dh and I have been through a lot with these two boys, and I am not a hateful person but I hate him. (the friend)

Okay, fast forward, My son was in jail for 3 months last summer (dui, and yes he was with his friend) it was a difficult time for everyone, when he got out he really straightened his life up, he got a job, moved out, met a nice girl they have been together for 9 months, and my first grandchild is on the way. Stephen is doing great, being very responsible, no longer drinking and getting in trouble, and The friend has been out of the picture, until this weekend. Stephen had to go out of town with his job, to the town where the friend lives, we get a call yesterday from him in jail, after work Friday he got together with the friend, got drunk got in a fight, and arrested for MIP, disorderly conduct, and Paraphernalia, of course the friend got nothing,:rolleyes::mad: dh and I are so pissed, dh had to go 164 miles to bail him out, so he doesn’t lose his job.:rolleyes: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Okay, he bails him out, and they go to get his car that he left parked at the job site, the car is gone, It seem his friend decided to use the care while he was in jail.:eek: :mad:
Okay here is where I need your opinion, the car is in our names, dh and I, we did not give permission for the friend to take it, so I insisted that hubby go to the police station and file charges against him for taking our car, My son is not happy with me, he wants dh to just go to the kids house and see if the car is there, and if it isn’t just drive around until they find him.:rolleyes: Yes my reason for pressing charges is based entirely on my desire for revenge and hate for this person, and because I‘m pissed.:mad: (btw, this would be a felony charge)

What would you do?:confused:

Please forgive any misspelled words our bad grammar.

[mlathroum]

I would press charges also AND call the insurance company. If this kid does any damage to the car while he has it the insurance company will cover it.

[odyssey]

{{{{{SuperMellie}}}}}
if I was in your shoes I too would want to press charges


BUT


your child is not a child, an adult I believe with a baby on the way and job he is old to see what a bad person his friend is.
If you press charges your son might resent (sp) you and that is not something you with with your grandbaby on the way-because you are a caring person you will be there for the birth, for the the baby shower even if it is just you with some hand knit sweaters.

Give it a little time before you press charges if the car is return without damage, tickets, try to let it go.

I can really feel your pain. sorry.

[Wimzik]

Update
Sheriff went to the kids house, the stepfather said that he may have taken it to Salt lake (out of state):eek: :mad: but he wasn't sure, they are in the process of contacting him to see if he has it.
Dh says the police told him that if he admits that he has the car we can't charge him with stealing it? we can only do that if he denies having it. does anyone know if this is true?

[mom4angels]

Your heart is telling you to do this to get revenge because a part of you does blame this evil person for what happened to your son and because you love your son. That is the natural thing to feel. I know that I would want to have the cops lock him up and throw away the key. But if you do do this it could really alienate your son I would think about what he would feel after you have this person arrested. This person seems to have alot of bad influence over your son and he could make your son take his side over yours. This evil person could make your relationship with your son bad and make your life miserable. You and your Dh should talk to your son a remind him what he could lose if he starts to mess up being around this guy again. He could lose his DGF and baby if he ends up in jail again. I would try to put my energy into making sure that your son stays away from this person. I hope that everything works out for you and your family. My prayers go out to that your son will see the light about his evil person in his life.

[ilvmy3babs]

really now, i thought if u took something without asking that is considered stealing. u didn't give him permission to take it. i'd ask this police officers superior. he might be trying to rid himself of some paperwork.

[FireFox1973]

Taking a car w/o the owner's permission is GRAND THEFT AUTO!!! Go see the police chief if you have too. Also, call the insurance company, file muliple reports if you have too. Be a PIA! If this jerk kills someone, the trail comes back to your door. You must CYA!!!

[kelblend]

If this jerk kills someone, the trail comes back to your door. You must CYA!!!

Yep!!! I agree here!!! Your name, you end up with responsibility for whatever little jerk does. You had better report it and keep up with it!!! Tell your son that and that if it's in your name, he should have never allowed it. IF he didn't know friend was gonna take it, then he should see his "bud" has no respect for him. JMHO


__________________

[Wimzik]

OMG!!!!!!!!! I am so p!issed! the sheriff just called me, he made a deal with the jerk that if he brings the car back before 1 am then it will just be a misdemeaner(sp?) WE DID NOT AGREE TO THIS DEAL!!!!!!!!dh said that when he left the sheriffs office they said they were going to enter it as stolen, the sheriff made the deal after my dh left!!!!!!! I am so mad!!!!!!!! I told the sheriff what I thought of his deal:mad:
WTF?
We are going to try to report it stolen out of our county, I can't believe this crap!!!!!!

[cherish328]

I would press charges. And if the car was taken w/o your permission, then I would be on the phone talking ot the police. Hey, it's your property! What are the police gonna do? Wheather or not the friend admits to taking the car, you have that right!

[momfromTN]

Stephen is an adult. He has a child on the way. If he cannot grow up enough to not get into trouble, then he deserves what he gets, and personally, if his wife is smart, she will not put up with any crap out of him either. I am sorry to sound mean, as I really feel for you and your family. But the buck stopped when your son became an adult. It must be terrible and I am so sorry he is selfish enough to risk not being around for his child. Do what you have to do with the "friend".

[Maeryn]

PRESS CHARGES. Nobody's benefitting if this kid gets off the hook, and he won't learn anything if he doesn't suffer any consequences. And I know it sounds mean, but there needs to be some consequence in place for your son, too. Otherwise he may just get sucked in again if nobody puts their foot down.

[DreamWarrior]

Press charges.... plain and simple....

[kelblend]

Something fishy with the sheriff making that deal. Maybe someone on here knows enough to give a reason for it??

[Sherrise]

No way. He can't make that 'deal'.
I can tell you from personal experience.
My son took a "Joy ride" in a car with a kid who had "Taken the keys of this car off of the table in the owner's house" WITHOUT the owner's permission (even though the owner was drunk at the time).. and they were arrested for STEALING that car. My son got lesser charges, but the other boy, who was 18 is IN JAIL. SO there is no reason for what the sheriff is trying to do. You need to contact perhaps the DA in your county? Go higher up. That's not right, and it's not justice. That boy needs a lesson. Revenge doesn't even enter into it in my opinion.. these are natural consequences of illegal actions.
Good luck,
I feel and know your pain, believe me!
Sherrise

[Wimzik]

Thanks everyone. After dh got home he called the deputy and asked him why he made the deal and told him we did not agree to that and he got no where. So I called his Supervisor, got him out of bed, he he,:p he read the law to me, there has to be ‘willful intent to deprive the owner of the vehicle’ for it to be considered stolen, when my son got arrested he gave the jerk permission to take the car to the job site, I didn't know that before:mad: so technically they can’t charge him with stealing it because he thought he had permission.:rolleyes: BUT because he never took it to the job site and he took off with it, we can charge him with ‘unauthorized use of a vehicle,’ which is a misdemeanor, IF he returned the car by 1 am, if he didn’t get it back in time then they would enter it as stolen. He also said that he would talk to the county attorney in the morning and make sure of all that before they charge him with anything.

The deputy called at 2:00 am and said that he hadn’t made it back there but his girl friend called and said the car broke down.:mad: :mad: I’m not sure what happened after that, we got a call this morning from the dispatcher in our county saying that the car was at the sheriffs office, and hubby asked if the jerk had been arrested and she said no. I guess we will have to wait until the deputy calls to find out what is going on.

We don’t know what is wrong with the car, I have a feeling this is going to be a long day.

[squirt]

You're going to hate me for this, but: I know you're thinking of your son, but you have to think of yourself and your husband. You are no longer responsible for your son's actions. Since the car is in your name, you need to report it stolen. When you get the car back then you need to get it out of your name and drop the insurance. This is called TOUGH LOVE. Your son will hate you until he comes to his senses, your daughter-in-law will probably hate you too until she realizes you have your sons best interest at heart. I feel for you and your husband both, but you're letting your wayward son ruin your lives. Hope everything turns out in your favor.

[schsa]

Your son was doing so well. But he needs to learn that this friend is poison and although you bailed him out this time, it will be the last time. He's been in enough trouble because of this kid and now it is time for him to face up to his responsibility in this matter.

If he wants a car, get it out of your name and in to his. If he ends up in jail again, that's his problem not yours. If he doesn't learn this lesson now he is going to really end up with some jail time and his friend is going to just walk away again.

Parenting is more than just giving. Sometimes you just have to say no.

[TxWildCherry]

i am wondering though if he is authorized to give permission to let him use the car if it is not his car in the first place you said the car is in your name dont that mean you have to give permission for the evil one to use the car?

[Wimzik]

Originally posted by TxWildCher
i am wondering though if he is authorized to give permission to let him use the car if it is not his car in the first place you said the car is in your name dont that mean you have to give permission for the evil one to use the car?

I know this is really confusing, my son is NOT authorized to give permission, because it is in our name, so the kid took the car without permission and he has been charged with unauthorized use of a vehicle.

We just can't charge him with stealing it. and that is what I was upset about at first, but I understand it a little better now.

What they are telling me is that according to the law books, the definition of a stealing a vehicle is ‘intent to deprive the owner of the vehicle’ that is like when someone takes a car and they intend to keep it or to sell or whatever, they aren’t going to bring it back, the intention is to deprive someone a vehicle. They are saying that it will be really hard for us to prove that in court, because Stephen had let him drive the car, and the kid thought the car belonged to Stephen, and he did intend to bring it back.:rolleyes:

We CAN prove that he took the car without permission, which is unauthorized use of a vehicle. That is still a serious charge, just not a felony.
Does that make sense? lol, it still gives me a headache!

[lisahiser]

Well since you can only get him for the lesser charge, "according to the law". When the car gets back take the BRAT to Civil Court! Sue him for any repairs or damage that you have to fix on the car because he used it! Plus you can bring up the fact that he took the car without permission from anyone and the judge will not look at that kindly at all! Find out where the car is and have it TOWED to you! Plus throw in the fact that your son needs the car for work and he has a baby on the way and this has made things difficult for him while this JERK had the car WITHOUT Permission!
Just my opinion..... but that is what I would do!