now here is a question...perhaps you can help

[menanamama]

i just went through cervical cancer (thankfully it seems they got it all).
4 weeks ago hubby says i am going to throw the extra ram (we upgraded his comp) in Chris and Donnas computer. No problem...drive carefull. (keep in mind this is the day i told him i would have to go back in because they didn't get it all).
I just happened to call...never have before...to let him know to pick up a pack of smokes because we were out of tobacco to roll our own.
he was not there...they weren't even home all day. this is after i tried the cell which was shut off.
15-30 min. later he calls. when i asked where he was because they weren't home all day he said he was driving around because he was worried about the cancer.
don't worry i will be fine i say.
next day i get into the car and notice the mileage was only about 60 (i have always had an obsessive habit of checking mileage every time i get into a car since i started driving). still thinking fine...prolly parked somewhere.
two weeks ago he had some friends he met online over (they happen to live in town).
while we were all talking he let it slip that he had been over to this girls house. apparently she was way nasty and actually had her kids taken away earlier in the day that he was there.
I went...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...okay. when were you there i ask him. when he said two saturdays ago...big fat red flags went up. didn't have much of a response when i mentioned that was the day he was supposedly going to Chris and Donnas.
now, i am not an idiot; i know what happened
the hurtfull thing is not only that he lied but that he used the cancer as an excuse. i have always said if i don't hold you interest please be curteous enough to tell me rather than sneak around and cheat. we have actually had that conversation before because we have both been through it. he is a notorious cheater actually and i am supposedly his one true love that he has never cheated on...bla...bla...bla.
the problem is we have great little kids that love their daddy and would be devestated if i left. for now we have seperate rooms. now i just need to figure out what to do from here.
i am going to my moms with the kids for a few days to think about things.
he gets up, comes down to get coffee and smokes and then heads up on that chat. every day. on the days he goes to work he gets off about 1 and 1/2 hours before work to get ready and gets back on soon as he gets home. on his days off........he might come down for dinner maybe once a week. the kids don't even see him anymore. you tell me...where would you be in your thoughts?

[Char]

:( I have no clue your situation ( although soooooo sorry about the c-cancer, it could happen to any of us and it needs to be taken seriously...but WAY good news that they think they got it all !), I mean like how long you have been together and all, but, I have been married 17 years, and this sounds really, REALLY "not good" to me. I would be soooooooo PO'ed. Why is he doing anything other than being by your side ??? You are either a "team", or you're not. This just so bites. A married man has no business going to a females apartment while lying to his wife about it, that is just plain "no good". Just my opinion. Sorry you are dealing with this... :( it's a damn shame really.

[Widgetsx3]

My question would be why would you want to live like this? I have a gf in the same situation. Her husband does the same thing. On the puter every free chance he gets, never spends time w/her & DD as a family, has cheated, placed ads on the internet and I could go on and on. But she chooses to stay saying the same thing you did, that her DD would be devastated. How? When he never spends time with her anyways. Personally, I would rather be alone, than to stay in a relationship with someone who obviously has so little respect for me and the marriage. (the reason I am) I think that everyone deserves more than just to be in a relationship because it exists....I think it should thrive. JMHO I truly wish you luck, and clear thinking in your decision.

PS: I am a 14 year Cancer survivor! I also wish you good health, your mental state can really affect the way your body fights this disease!

[Tasha405]

Aww sweetie I don't know what to tell ya so I'll just give ya some hugs. {{{{h2223m}}}}

[Angelseyes28]

Originally posted by Tasha405
Aww sweetie I don't know what to tell ya so I'll just give ya some hugs. {{{{h2223m}}}}

Ditto {{{{{h2223m}}}}}

[twinkiesmom]

{{{h2223m}}} Sorry to hear about the cancer. But I also had cervical cancer 12yrs ago, which was detected early and taken care of and I had twins 6 years later. Which reminds me I need to make a gyne appt.

Can't give u any reassuring comments on your dh, tho. I have a friend in the same situation and she chooses to stay because of the kids. I think that's a lame excuse and just an excuse she uses to compliment her insecurity of being alone. It's time to seriously think if this is how u want to live. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Good luck, and whatever the outcome of it all, please make sure u and your kids live a happy life.

[menanamama]

no fear of being alone here though. but that is the general way i see things (what widg and others have said). he isn't spending time with them now so what would be the difference if we moved. just wondering if i am the only one who sees it this way. we have always been great friends me and him but i think that was where the end should have been. i figure it is better for the kids if i stay until i am sure of what i want to do. if i leave and then come back two months later it would be unfair to them and mess them up for no reason. of course the hard decision is leaving because i will no longer be able to go to school...and then i would be stuck on welfare....not what i really want to do.

[odyssey]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{h2223m}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I can't imagine your postion.
But if you left with the children the girls will understand maybe not now while so young but once older. It is your marriage, some people will live in a lovesless, or abusive, or open marriage. It is your choice you can make whatever decision you need to. You will be strong and brave I know it!:)