I usually don't vent or whine but i just don't know what to do....

[LadyBones]

Ok since hubby went OTR My oldest son (17) thinks he's in charge and we must all do what he say's! He's never been like that and he knows i'm the boss. Last night we were arguing and he turned around and said F U to me, i got up and yes i smacked him good! This morning i needed the car (we share, he gets it almost always) well he took a baby tantrum about it which P***ed me off, I dropped him off at school and told him if he wanted to be an adult act like one! I told him he was immature and if i needed the car and his father had it, his father would have never took a tantrum like what you did! He won't do any chores i leave him, all he does is go in his room and watch tv or play video games or play on his computer.

Also My 12 and a half year old son will not clean his room and will back talk me all the time, he picks up my 8 yr olds golf club bag (no clubs in it) and throws it across the room over a table, well now im furious and go to put him on the couch and he yell's im calling child services your abusing me.

None of the kids do the chores they are supposed to and hubby just called and we got into a fight and i think sometimes he went back otr because of me!

I can't take anything (hubby, kids just everything) anymore...has anyone ever felt like this that you want out of everything!

Sorry you all don't have to reply i just had to get it off my chest!

[justme23]

I don't know what to say... (((hugz))) is all I have but I will keep you in my prayers.

[Angelseyes28]

{{{hugs}}} I'm sorry you are going through this but you have to remember you are the parent. You say that your oldest doesn't do his chores, instead he goes to his room to watch tv, play video games or play on the comp.....why have you not removed those things from his room? When I was growing up you only got special things like that if you deserved them and from what you have told me he doesn't even come close to deserving them!! You have to take the first step in proving that you are the parent and that your kids must respect you. When they leave for school take all tv's, videogames, comps etc out of their bedrooms along with anything else that is of interest to them. And do not give your oldest son driving priveledges either. And tell them that they will get their things back when they deserve them. My daughter just lost 75% of her things from her room (toys, tv, vcr, videogames) b/c she wouldn't clean her room......and I gave her NUMEROUS chances too but when push came to shove and she still wouldn't clean up the mess i cleaned it up for her and it is either boxed up or going in my yardsale saturday. I love my kids but they have to understand that I am the parent and when i make rules i expect them to be followed. It isn't always fun, but it is well worth it to ensure that my kids don't grow up thinking they can run all over me. I hope you get everything worked out and maybe you can take a couple days for yourself when your hubby gets back.

[Kelsey1224]

First...your feelings are absolutely normal and...it sounds to me...like they are totally justified.

You are doing all the work and getting to help or recognition.

Second...if it was my 17-year old...he would be walking everywhere! No more car for him. Driving is a priviledge...NOT A RIGHT! I would also take away every toy that he has in his room...TV, computer, video games...everything. Tell him he is free to go to his room, but the only thing he will have to entertain himself is a book!

Third...do the same with your middle child. Plus...I would tell him to go ahead and call protective services. Explain that they will remove him from this house and he will be put in foster care. Call his bluff! If you have no reason to fear protective services, it will work out.

As for your husband...how long is in on the road at a time?

When he got home I would sit him down and have a frank discussion with him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds really rough!

[morris2b]

Take the car completely from the oldest, and make it a firm stick that until he respects you that he does not drive to school.PERIOD!!!
The 2 youngest ones, make them sit on the couch a minute for their ages say they are 8 make them sit 8 minutes if that does not help make them sit longer or put them in the corner, another thing you could do is make them write sentences all kids hate this type of punishment.Let him threating to call child services, pick up the phone and ask him if he wants you to dial the number for him? This usually shuts them up

:D As for the 12 yr old send him to his room with no priveleges even if that means you have to take all games toys tvs radios out of his room, and the more he mouths the longer groundation is going to be, believe me this works, my 12 yr old does not mouth us anymore, when we speak she jumps, she was grounded in her room for 2 months no musicm no game boy nothing but her bed....It works you have to stay firm on your groundation though....

Now that you have all of them grounded, go grab the bubble bath and a good book and run you a hot bath and enjoy!!!!!!!

(((((((Free4us))))))))) It gets tougher before it gets better

[joey74]

I was a teenager when my mother and father divorced - and my brother started acting that way. At the time my mother felt like there was nothing she could do about it, so it just got worse. When my mother and I talk about those times now she wishes she had really put her foot down. She realizes she didn't do him any favors by letting him think it is okay to bully people around like that. It took so long for him to finally grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around him - and to finally "take care" of himself.( In fact he didn't move out on his own until he was 26, he said why should pay his own way as long as someone else will do it for him. She finally kicked him out and he stayed with me for one month ((hubby told him not a day longer!)).
He talked to my mother like your son talks to you- and eventually it lead to violence. You have to teach your kids while they are young respect for their parents or they will never learn to respect themselves. JMO
Stand firm and good luck....And if bad comes to worse call the police on him if he gets to sassy, maybe it will scare him and the younger one. {mom did that a few times, and to this day my brother is scared to be anywhere the police are !}

[mrs.john]

Originally posted by *Free4us*

I can't take anything (hubby, kids just everything) anymore...has anyone ever felt like this that you want out of everything!

Everyday for the past 3 weeks, honey. Who am I to give advice, so I'll give you some big {{{HUGS}}}

[chrissypoo]

(((Free)))

I agree with the others. YOU are the parent and YOU are in control! Who's house and car is this anyway? Who paid for all the electronics and whatever toys they have?

My son once threatened to call 911 on me because he was being punished. I called his bluff and sure enough, he made the phone call. To make a long story short, the policeman that came out saw right through my son and told HIM how unruly he was and that he had NO right to treat me that way. The officer told my son HE had NO right and that he is to respect and obey me. If he didn't, I had the right to call the authorities and send him to juvenile hall. Believe me, that scared the crap out of my son.

I am a single mother and I know how difficult it is. Until you set the example of who rules who, it's only going to get worse. Until children are out on their own, earn their own living and have their own place, they have to follow the rules you lay down. No ifs, ands, or buts. They have two choices, follow the rules or not follow them and suffer the consequences. And ALWAYS follow through on the consequences!

Good luck Sweetie. We're rooting for you.

[cinnamonch]

Suggestions for handling your children.

1) 17yr - Does he make any payments toward the car or insurance? If he doesnt, then no car. Let him understand that if he wants to be and adult you will treat him like one and with being an adult comes responsibilities.

2) 12 1/2 yo - Tell him that he doesnt have to threaten to call child services, that you will do it for him. Let him know that when he leaves, nothing goes with him. Since you have provided everything he owns, then you are keeping your things. Also, until he leaves, tell him you want everything that you have bought for him (ie games, movies, tv, etc) packed up because you want your stuff back and that you can find someone who would more appreciative to have them.

[Steffie]

I have all boys myself -- and I noticed that they back talk me and give me WAY more fits than they ever do my hubby!! My oldest is 13 and I don't even want to deal with him anymore (as far as any of the discipline)! I know that I will have to sooner or later because my husband is military and is gone sometimes. ANYWAY... I feel your pain and I would do as Kelsey stated.. NO MORE CAR!! His little smart @ss would walk everywhere until he learned respect!! And as for the little 12 year old I would ground him from electricity!! LOL -- that sounds funny but it works that is what I do to my 13 year old!! IT WORKS! NOTHING but lights -- no playstation or TV or phone or anything like that!!!!

Hope your day goes better!! :)

[lovechild]

Not to make light of your vent here but when you said and I quote

Ok since hubby went OTR My oldest son (17) thinks he's in charge and we must all do what he say's!

I thought OTR meant OFF THE ROCKER!! I feel really stupid now cuz my dad drove over the road when I was a kid!!!! I just thought you might smile and about my dumbness!! Hope it worked.

[kelblend]

Since I don't have a 17 old or a 12 year old, I cannot know exactly how you feel. With my 3 kids, let me tell ya, there are days I feel like that though. Also, with your hubby OTR that has to be soooo hard!! I'm sorry I wish I had something magic to say that would fix it for you. ((Free4us))

[OX_Love_OX]

Originally posted by cinnamonch
Suggestions for handling your children.

1) 17yr - Does he make any payments toward the car or insurance? If he doesnt, then no car. Let him understand that if he wants to be and adult you will treat him like one and with being an adult comes responsibilities.

2) 12 1/2 yo - Tell him that he doesnt have to threaten to call child services, that you will do it for him. Let him know that when he leaves, nothing goes with him. Since you have provided everything he owns, then you are keeping your things. Also, until he leaves, tell him you want everything that you have bought for him (ie games, movies, tv, etc) packed up because you want your stuff back and that you can find someone who would more appreciative to have them.

I think your advice is AWESOME!

[squirt]

((((((((((((((((( HUGS HUGS )))))))))))))))))))
I feel for you, did you ever hear of the term 'TOUGH LOVE' Doctor Phil talks about it all the time. It's tough to be the one who gets stepped on all the time, especially when you get no help from hubby. Hope things work out. Hang in there!!!