Ok Im Pissed!!! (LONG)

[scifiwoman]

My sis who supposedly lives with my mom.. eventhough half the time she is at her boyfriends apt or at one of her friends. A little background.. My mom has raised her oldest son, and is raising her 15 year old. She just had a baby in jan. She gets food stamps, ADFC, Medicaid, WIC, and anything else she can. She wont work. She drinks, smokes, and does drugs. She moved back in with mom after she found out she was pregnant. Her bf was at moms everyday. From early am to late night. Mom refused to let him sleep there or he would have.(the one thing she put her food down about) She would take half her foodstamps and supply boyfriend with food for his place. (since she eats there??) The ADFC that is supposed to be child support from the state for the 15 year old, he never sees. Thats her play money. She never offers mom a dime. Oh and bf (babys father) works making @ 300.00 a week. But he has her buy his cigarettes, beer, food, whatever.

Ok the latest that really pissed me off. I was supposed to go get the baby last monday for awhile. She said she would be at moms. I saw her there sunday. She came by to pick up some money because bf wanted some beer (yeah right) :rolleyes:. (she came and picked up money twice while I was there) Well, she never showed up monday at all. I spend half the day there waiting for her. Come to find out.. she got a friend of hers to lie and say she worked for her (they have their own business) and she filed income taxes. :eek: She got her check in and no one has seen her since. She got close to 1700.00 (my other sis told me but told me not to tell mom):eek:. And never offered mom a dime. Im sure its all going up in smoke, if you know what I mean. I feel so sorry for that baby. :( No one will see her until that money is long gone.

Why is it I try and try and cant get ahead or get any help and someone like this gets everything they want. If she doesnt have any money, so what.. she just comes to moms and steals it. Done it before and will do it again. And mom still lets her come back. Oh when she moved back..she never even asked if she could, just started moving stuff in. :( Ok through *****ing for the moment. Sorry this got so long. Just really gets my goat. :mad:

[KrystallizedFlame]

{{{{{{{{{{{{scifiwoman}}}}}}}}}}}

[BeanieLuvR]

{{{{scifiwoman}}}} The way I see it she might not answer for it now but she will one day. No good can come from the things that she is doing.

[scifiwoman]

I know she will eventually pay but I just hope that baby doesnt end up paying too :(. She has been putting cereal in its milk since it was @ 2mos old. Because she thought it would fill him up and he would sleep more so she didnt have to fool with him. He is around them both smoking cigarettes and god knows what else. Her bf came by moms one day last week drunk looking for my sis. (she told him she was going to moms) She wasnt there. And he was driving :eek:. He couldnt hardly walk and was going from.. tell her never to come back over there(his place) to crying .. I miss my baby. God I hope she has enough sense not to get into a car with him with that baby. He doesnt even own a car so I dont know who loaned him one to drive in that condition. :mad: Mom asked him whos car it was and he just looked at her and grinned. Then he left..I guess going to search for sis.

[Blackerose]

If she is getting AFDC and she filed a fedeal tax return, the state will find out about it. Or someone could make an anonymous call and let them know. ;)

[scifiwoman]

Thats what I cant understand either. The state is supposed to get your tax return if you are getting AFDC. Its supposed to be automatic?? At least thats what I thought.

[Maeryn]

No, the tax return isn't income that's counted against the cash grant. The state takes the tax return if you owe child support or back taxes.

What I'm wondering is why hasn't this been reported to Social Services??? This is welfare fraud, and your mom could be getting that money and the food stamps for the kids instead of Sis!

And let me get this straight...he was driving DRUNK and nobody called the police?????

These people aren't going to change their behavior as long as everyone around them is willing to put up with it. Until they start paying the price for their actions, they have no reason to do anything any differently. Time to start making some phone calls!

[jillian326]

the state usually gets there money back when it is afdc.my sis was on for awhile befcause she was reciving child support, and when her ex finally sent a check for all the back pay( it was a pretty big amount) . the state took it remibursement on the afdc she got. they usually trie to get there money back . that is what i thought also.

[Iluvbears]

Why is it I try and try and cant get ahead or get any help and someone like this gets everything they want.

The honest people don't get anywhere. You have to lie (it's the truth) to get any help nowadays. I can go into Social Services honest as hell and come out with nada. I have been there done it and I know a big majority of people who recieve government assistance lies. There are a lot of women who will lie and say their hubby no longer lives w/them so they can get help. All a long hubby is right their working, living in the household. Social Services isn't going to check out your living arrangements like they done several yrs ago. They take your word for it, unless you are truthful then you get screwed.

BTW, I do not recieve any type of government help. I can't get it, i'm not a liar & a cheat.

[scifiwoman]

I know she lies.

about the bf driving drunk I did call but I had no lisence plate number and they couldnt take my word for it they said. They couldnt search the city for a blue car, and thats all I could tell them.

No I dont lie either, guess thats why I cant get any help.
She even told them that she owes my mom money, true, and she is paying her back 50.00 a month, lie. Mom wont go to SS because she is her daughter and she doesnt want to get her in trouble. She says she puts up with it because of the kids.

She can raise sis' kids but my son cant even spend the night because we just live up the hill. :( We stayed late one night and I had to almost carry him up the hill home because we werent allowed to spend the night. He was @ 8 yrs old then.

Yet she comes and goes as she pleases. :( I asked mom one time to borrow 25.00 and she said she didnt have it. I never asked again. ok, rambling now..lol

[scifiwoman]

I never said that :(. I just said "she" lies and I dont. Sorry if I offended. I didnt mean it that way.

[scifiwoman]

*whew* :)

[Bohemut]

I used to get food stamps and other aid when my children were small and I never lied. Perhaps I could have gotten more, but I do take slight offense to the implication that everyone who gets government aid is a liar!

Raven I totally understand. I'm receive SSDI and am on Medicaid. I didn't lie to get on either program. But if I had lied I might have been able to get food stamps and more Medicaid paid caregiver hours. I just can't do it--it goes against my moral fiber to lie. That said, I do know people who have lied to get assistance, etc.. I have turned in a few, but the state people here only listen if you have proof. So the miscreants just keep getting whatever benefits they were. It is so unfair that people like you and me who have a legitimate need of the system are lumped in with others who abuse the system. Not everyone on assistance is a crook. It's just that there are so many that are. :mad:

[jadegentle]

I know what you mean about those people that do lie, when I worked at a local grocery store, I'd see people come in driving the latest model car, wearing $400 leather jackets (one I'm sure of, 'cause I wanted one just like it and priced it) and pay using food stamps after cashing a SS check at the customer service desk. We get food stamps, medical (hubby's job offers insurance, but for a family, it's $90 a week, and since he's lucky to bring home $140, we can't afford it) and my little one gets SSI for his disability, but I don't lie about anything. 'Course, we don't have anything to lie about, lol, we don't have anything!

[Sunee]

(((((Scifi)))))) sure we don't have the same sister :eek:

[redrig]

Originally posted by Marinafk
If she is getting AFDC and she filed a fedeal tax return, the state will find out about it. Or someone could make an anonymous call and let them know. ;)

Someone could make 2 anonymous calls, one to the IRS and the other to AFDC/state. As a taxpayer I would be absolutely bullsh*t that my tax dollars were going to support someone's habit. It's one thing to tell a little white lie because they won't give you enough food stamps or money so your kids can eat and have a roof over their head, but to lie so you can sit back and do nothing but drink and drug:mad: :mad: :mad:

[GAWildKat]

I live on welfare. Granted I have a newer car, a new leather jacket and a few other things that are somewhat new, but my fiancee bought these for me because he wanted me to have them. It was his own money that's supplied me with these things. What I get on welfare barely pays the bills. My mom takes all of my SS to support herself, not me. I could go to SS and report her and report her to DFACS but I wouldn't have a place to live after that (I rent an apt from her). My hope is we can save up enough money to buy a home or rent a better apt than what we live in now.

[Maeryn]

They won't take her tax return money, but if she's not reporting her "income" to Social Services she could get nailed for that.

Has anybody explained to your mom that she's not doing her daughter any favors by letting her get away with this?? Sometimes the best thing we can do to help someone is to let them take their licks, so to speak. The best thing your mom or anybody else can do is to report, report, and report until your sis finally starts learning her lesson. And personally, I think the children's needs should be a higher priority over their mom's partying.

[momfromTN]

I would call the IRS, CPS, and the welfare office. I hate cheaters and liars, especially BLATENT liars.

[scifiwoman]

I agree the kids should come first. Thats why my mom wont report her, because of the kids. She gets mad at me everytime I say anything about it. Today even I told her that she is going to end up in jail if they catch her. And I told her she would probably pay to keep her out. She says no but I dont know.

She did stop handing her money when ever she asked for it. She came in one night (Been a while back now, before the baby) asked to borrow (give) her 20.00 to get her medicine. This was @ 2am. Came right back and said she lost it going across the yard in the dark. Mom asked if she wanted a flashlight. She said she wouldnt find it in the dark. So she gave her another 20.00. Guess what, she lost that one going across the yard too :eek: yeah right. :mad: Mom gave her another 20.00 and then after she left thought about it and took a flashlight out to look in the yard, guess what she found. Nothing, big surprise.

Just stupid stuff like this. Mom woke up one night to find her with a flash light searching her room. She didnt say anything just watched her search. I think she got 20.00 in quarters that night. I told mom I would have picked something up and knocked the h@ll out of her and then say, Opps I didnt know it was you. Why are you searching my room in the middle of the night anyway. My mom had to put deadbolt locks on both of sis' sons rooms there to keep her out. Mom says its more fun to watch her try to get out of stuff than to say anything? I think thats just an excuse to not say anything to her.

Shes my sis and I love her but I hate how she acts. I dont want to have anything to do with her. She has stolen from me,my other sis, and mom. Even her own sons. Im kinda embarrassed to even tell you guys and I dont even "know" you. lol

What can you do? :(

[morris2b]

Is your sister my sister also by any chance?????
(((((((Scifi))))))) I feel your pain

[morris2b]

Originally posted by scifiwoman
Shes my sis and I love her but I hate how she acts. I dont want to have anything to do with her. She has stolen from me,my other sis, and mom. Even her own sons. Im kinda embarrassed to even tell you guys and I dont even "know" you. lol

What can you do? :( I think we all have family members that are like this, don't be embarrassed because of her behavior, look at it as a forwarning to others that if they ever meet up to her to dodge her like the plague.........It is a shame for her to be doing the things that she is doing but remember as long as the kids are with your mom they are safe just keep her away tell her go live with bf after she is going for X amount of days call DHS and tell them she abandoned(SP?) the kids so your mom can get custody in her hands and she can get the support and help that she needs to take care of them, if she decides to go to court to get custody back make sure she has to pass a drug test ;)There are ways that the system will work in you and your moms favor, start researching and asking questions and getting all of the information that you all can get and make sure to keep notes of everything that she does and how much $$ she is borrowing and what excuse she uses, if nothing else do it for the sake of the children

[NoFoolPrice]

{{{sci}}} Wow, I can certainly see why you have been so sweet to me with the trauma I have been going through with my sis. You have the same sis as me! Your mom realizes that your sis is a mess and you are not. You and sis are cut from entirely different cloth. Your mom sounds like mine, too. She feels sorry for your sis and lets her get by with crap; my mom did that for so many years and now regrets it. My sister called her last night, first time they had spoken in over a year since we blacklisted her (we took it for 44 years, and as you know, we still have to deal with her nastiness). My mom took her call and said, "why is it that everytime I hear about you it is about what an S*O*B* you are?" She will be 72 this summer, it took so many years of being screwed over for her to finally get fed up and put an end to it. I think if your mom is like my mom (sounds like it), she needs to get over the guilt trip and put a stop to the abuse. It is not her fault that your sis is rotten, (if it is, get over it already) and she is only harming your sis by coddling her. You all are going to have a lot of grief ahead of you if your sis is allowed to continue her behavior.
It's not fair to you or your son, h***l no, but that's the price we sometimes pay for being able to look at ourselves in the mirror. Trust me, I'll bet your mom is so very grateful for having you, even though she may not express it, give her a few years. She feels as if your sis needs her more, so you get the short end of the stick. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the situation, except to stand tall, protect yourself and son from her harming you, and let time play out your sister's fate. Don't let anger and stress take over, come here and vent and then fuggitaboutit! You know I had to vent here for a few days, but I am not going to let her win and take any more of my energy. I think your mom will eventually figure it out, and you will be so glad you took the high road. I am certainly not saying that you should stand by and let her children be endangered, if your mom wants to be a martyr, let her take care of the kids. Against popular belief here, I think calling welfare or anything like that will turn on you, you will end up being the bad guy. Dang it, sci, it is just how it works, I don't know why. Even though you love your sis because she is family, you certainly would not have chosen her. I really feel for you, fate has not been kind in its choice of sibling for you. This is my advice. Take what you need and leave the rest. Take care of yourself and son, sweetie, you come first. Please PM me if you want to talk, we have a lot in common!

[MommyG3]

When I was on Food Stamps and I received my tax return, I had to turn around and put that on the monthly income. They requested receipts of things I purchased with that $$$. They were very ticky with me.

Also, they asked what model of car, whether or not I rent or own, house or mobel home. I had to take a electric, water, and garbage bill into the office. I mean they wanted to know where every dime went. I have never owned a newer model car than 1986 until DH and I got together. A friend of mine said she went in for assistance and they denied her and her DH because she was driving a pickup that was less than 5 years old.

[NoFoolPrice]

Really well said, Fireball.

[kelblend]

Ok scifiwoman, I'm not going into what my lovely sis has accomplished in her life. I will say that she sounds ALOT like yours. I didn't report her to any authorities. I did, however, tell my father. That led to some how shall we say....ok bad stuff! lol But, she wasn't taking care of her kids in the least anyhoo, and now she ran off. Her kids are doing soooo much better. IT's not just the money here, its the PSYCHOLOGICAL damage to the kids as well. Ask the 15 yr old what he thinks?

Now, being through what I've been through, I would report her. If she goes to jail, so what, she's committing a crime. Yeah I know she's related but heck sooner or later she will get caught for something or other all by her little self. I do worry about the kids and your Mom doing what she has to do. Wonder how your mother would feel if someone else were to report her? Would she get to keep the kids and still receive some support?? I mean she really isn't getting to keep anything from your sis now as it is, so if it's less it wouldn't matter as it would probably still be more than she's getting now.


Hey I will give you one example of sis. Found out later that she would call churches to help with food. She would hide the food she had so they wouldn't see it!!!!! She would find a receipt outside a store and if it had like coffee on it, she would go in and get coffee and go to the customer service desk and get a refund. I found out most of this after the fact!!!! So here I'll be embarrassed with you.

I guess I'm just trying to tell ya I understand where you are coming from.:( :(

[Shann]

That's absoultely awful what your sis is doing to her family... I really think you should report her, everyone would be better off.. i cannot believe your mother is taking that from her too.. Thats ridiculous. This whole situation is bad, but just think of the better lives you and her kids and the rest of your family would have if she was reported and had to take responsibilitly for her crimes and got help... it's just so sad...

[Maeryn]

MommyG, there's a reason why they had you report everything you bought with the tax return. All income has to be reported, but some things count against the grant and some things don't. The tax refunds aren't counted as income, but if you hold onto the money (as is putting it in a savings account), it could be counted as property/assets. If you have proof that you spent the money, then it won't get counted as your property in a future month.

I used to be on welfare, and now work for Social Services. There are a lot of people who play games with the system, but there's also a lot of good reasons why people have expensive-looking property. It can be gifts from a friend or family member, it could be something they owned before they fell on hard times, or something on loan to them (like a car).

Be careful not to judge a whole group based on appearances, or the behavior of a few.

[scifiwoman]

thanks everyone for your kind words. Fireball, I am not jealous of her in the least. It just bugs me that some have to work so hard for what they get and some have it handed to them, thats not jealousy in my view.
NoFoolPrice, thank you for your kind words. I know you know better than most where I am coming from. Your post actually brought tears to my eyes. Yes we do have a lot in common. Feel free to PM me anytime you wish. :)

Update: my sis called me today. She said the reason she didnt show up when I was supposed to get the baby is she was sick?? I wonder. Also said the baby was teething? Isnt it early for that? I cant remember..lol Her bf was supposed to call me and let me know she wasnt going to be there but he forgot :rolleyes:. She said she blessed (my word not hers..lol) him out for it. So Im supposed to go and get the baby for awhile tomorrow. She said she will be at moms for the next couple of days. Going to leave Friday evening. Party weekend I guess.

My mom would never file for custody of the kids. I did make her get my sis to sign a paper so if something happened she could make decisions for the kids. She has a 24 year old, a 15 year old, and the baby that was born in jan. She has the baby with her. The other two live with my mom. They dont even really think of sis as mom. They think of my mom as mom. I love mom dearly but she enables. My 24 year old nephew went to college graduated with honors.. still doesnt have a job. And wont as long as mom supports him.

Heard from mom that sis gave the 15 year old 20.00 out of her tax return, can she spare it. <shakes head>

I know this doesnt really help much but thanks to all for letting me vent a bit. It does get overwhelming at times. I am the one that always tries to do right, goes by moms on a regular basis (not just to borrow money) and yet I am the last thought of. :( Oh well, guess I should be used to it by now.

oh first thing mom said when I told her about my troubles with the house.. Well I cant afford to pay your mortgage too. ??? I never asked?

[NoFoolPrice]

{{{sci}}}