He is threatening again

[MommyG3]

The ex is threatening to take my kids away again. This time he is taking DD & DS to the psychologist to have them evaluated and let them tell how awful and abusive my DH is. Well, DH has not abused them physically. Emotionally, he has not done the best but he has been working on it. ***No one changes over night***. I told DH that the worst will probably be they have DH come in and get evaluated...go through counceling, and then get the kids to come back and talk about how things are. I don't know...if anyone else knows, please tell me. My ex is not as innocent as they make him out to be either.

[Tasha405]

{{{hugs}}} I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

[MommyG3]

Yes, Raven, I have talked to DH. He has apologized to me and the kids. He is trying to work on his problems. Told him it may be too late. I don't want to loose my kids, but I have another baby with DH and he isn't like that very often. I mean, it has been 4 times in 3 years. I think he is realizing it may be a little too late.

[schsa]

Having observed this with many friends these scenes generally work out like this. His psychologist agrees with him and then you are put in a position of having the kids evaluated and your psychologist agrees with you. So then you can pay for a Guardian Ad Lidem to go to each home and observe at which point the information will be given to the courts to decide what is the better home.

You have the kids and they are living with you. Unless there are major problems, the courts are not going to just come in and take your kids and give them to the father. All he has accomplished is to threaten and worry you.

[MommyG3]

The ex is saying that DH is abusive. DH does have problems with anger...he has never hit one of the kids out of anger. Punishment, yes, anger no. He has had my permission to punish the kids. I spank too. Now, ex says that my DH is abusing them, emotionally and physically. DH and I have used unusal methods of punishment, I will admit that, but the ex is not all inocent in his ways either. Ex was violent against me, but I never called the cops on him.

Schsa, I think you are right.

[Ghetto_Gurl]

((((MOMMYG3))))))

[guesswho!]

Most likely, they'll refer everyone for counseling. From what you've said, it sounds like it might be beneficial for both DH & ex to receive counseling. You've got me curious what sort of "unusual punishment" are you talking about? We do things like if my oldest won't pick up the few things we ask, then we tell him we'll dump more out & give him more to do! He chooses going ahead & picking up what we've asked to begin with! This is prob. unusual but it gets him to think & make choices,etc & is very effective. Just wondering what your "unusual" ones are?

Your ex is obviously angry, too. But pulling the kids into doesn't seem right. The kids need to see anger acted upon in constructive ways, not ways that pull them btwn two parents! Sorry you all are going thru this.

If you're really curious about the procedures, women's shelters deal with this often. You could call & tell them what's going on & they might give you some general info.

[MommyG3]

we have had them lay on their backs and put their arms and legs up in the air for a max of 15 minutes (they worked up to that). Dh had them going up and down steps (like he did at football practice). That is about it. Of course, spanking, grounding. We have done so many different kinds of punishment because they don't do their chores. They are gone every weekend, so grounding doesn't do much good. :(

[Kyla Kym]

{{{{{{{{{MommyG3}}}}}}}}}

[tiffany21]

oh mommyg3 I am so sorry he is putting you through that sweetie.

[ebgreen74]

does you ex "really" think there is abuse going on or is he just using this as an excuse to stir up trouble? My only suggestion is to have your husband get into counseling or anger management voluntarily-that will show that he is willing to work on his anger problems.

[babydoll_jen]

If your children saw the physical abuse in the first marriage, why would you put them through the emotional abuse in the second marriage? I mean, didn't you know your husband (current) before you married him? Or, did he all of the sudden get "anger" problems? This is only hurting your children and nobody else. Your children mimic your actions. I'm sorry, but as a mother myself, I wouldn't have to ask myself twice about the comfort of my child(ren). If someone or something was making them uncomfortable, I would remove them from the situation all together.

[MommyG3]

Babydoll, actually, DH never talked to them much before the marriage. In fact, the first time he "blew up" at them, we had been married for 6 months. I found out I was pregnant at that time. He wants to work on his anger and has been. I have not stood by to let him do this. I have jumped on him for the things he has said. I have thought of signing my rights over to their father so they would not have to deal with my DH. But, I keep remembering, DD came to me sometime in March and told me her dad said she was an accident. I told her just becuase I was pregnant with her before we got married, did not mean she was an accident. I tell her and her brother, they were planned, just a few years premature.

[babydoll_jen]

Babydoll, actually, DH never talked to them much before the marriage

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know it is hard to be a mother, but the comment I quoted you on should have raised a red flag somewhere. I know you love your DH and he is working on his problems, but it may be too late for the children. Not only with your DH now, but also your ex. If someone I loved very much (who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with) didn't talk to my child(ren)or atleast TRY to have a relationship with them, I would think something may be wrong with them emotionally. I don't know your DH's past, nor is it none of my business, but you knew all of this before you marriage him, right?

Eventhough I said the things I said, I do feel for you. I know motherhood is the toughest job in the world, but please, do what is right for the children. Afterall, they are our future.

WARNING: I AM NOT A FAMILY THERAPIST OR A COUNSOULER OF ANY KIND. As a Mother, I am just stating my opinion.

[MommyG3]

LOL. DH played with the kids a little before we married. He got along with them fairly well. However, DD NEVER accepted him. She hated him with a passion because it had been her, her brother, and me for so long. When we first got married they got along fairly well. He tollerated alot from her and her brother.

No, it isn't easy being a mother. And I want to do what is right for my kids, but I also want them to learn to respect DH and I. That is where the punishment comes in. The #1 reason my DH has to get onto the kids is, "My daddy says we don't have to".

DH has asked me to call the ex and see if we can all meet in a public place this Sunday and talk. Don't know how much good it will do.

[tina z]

Originally posted by Ravenlost
Sounds like a plan...just don't take the kids.

{{{{{{{mommyG3}}}}}}}}

I agree! (((((((((((mommy))))))))) love ya!

[MommyG3]

Left a message for the ex. He didn't return the call.

Thanks for the hugs.