Why am I such a sucker????

[justinenycole26]

So here it is. Grab a Coke and a cigarette, this is LONG! A little background: my siter is 25 and has 3 kids, ages 2, 5 and 7, just had a hysterectomy in Feb and was off work for 6 weeks...I was talking to my mom last Friday about Easter. She mentions to me that my sister will not have any money to buy her kids Easter baskets. We had plans to go over to her house Saturday to let the kids color eggs together, then dinner at my house Sunday. She had never mentioned the money situation to me. So I called my sister and asked her about it. She said that was true. I told her don't worry about it, I will make sure her kids had baskets, I still had to do some of my shopping Saturday anyway. So while we are at her house coloring eggs, I ask her bf to come by after work and get their baskets. He says it will be late (he works at a bowling alley), I said no problem, we will be up. So Saturday nite I get all the baskets put together and fall asleep on the couch, BTW I work 3rd shift and had been up since Friday afternoon. I woke up about 2:15 a.m. and called his cell phone to see if he is coming. He tells me he just got home, he forgot and will come get them in the morning. Yeah right! I knew his lazy A$$ would not get up before the kids and get over here and back before they woke up. So I haul my butt across town in the wee hours of the morning to make sure my neices have Easter baskets when they wake up. Yes, I was in a high state of pistivity but I did not want my neices to wake up with no baskets. Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. I was talking to my sister about cheerleading (her 2 oldest and my 2 kids all cheered on the same squad last year. She was not going to let her middle daughter cheer last year(said she didn't want to, I asked my neice and she really wanted to cheer, so my mom and I paid for it and managed to get her on the sqaud just before practice started).I ask her if the girls are gonna cheer this year, she says no, she is not going to be able to afford it because they still have $400 to pay for her oldest daughter's modeling convention! I don't know how much they have already paid, $400 is the remaining balance. Then she adds that she is having trouble getting her schoolwork done anyway. So it is not OK for her to cheer, but it is OK to spend all that money to drag her to modeling stuff. Normally this would not bother me, but since they are spending all that money on the oldest, the middle child is not going to get to do anything either. My sister's bf is the type that has a new get-rich-quick scheme every week and I seriously think they are using this modeling thing as a way to make money for themselves. My bf gets irritated with me because I always bail my sister out with holidays and stuff like that because my neices are the ones to suffer for her irresponsibility. Last year when it was time to buy school clothes, she and her bf went to a day spa and spent $300 because they were "stressed" and my mom ended up buying them school clothes and supplies. How do I let her fall on her face and not make my neices suffer??? It is not possible.

[morris2b]

(((((((((justinenycole26))))))))) I don't know what kind of advice to give you, other than eventually in time the sister and dear bf will get what is due them

[Quaker_Parrots]

Not trying to be mean, but why should your sister provide these things for her kids, when it is clearly obvious she has you and your mom on a string, and you will do it.

You need to tell sis to grow up, and that you and mom are through doing this for her, that she needs to grow up, and put her priorities right, namely her children,and quit putting a guilt trip on you and mom.

[cinnamonch]

Honestly I wouldnt say anything to your sis. I would just step back and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. Its clear that she knows you and your mom will pick up the slack so thats why she and her bf find it perfectly acceptable to go and spend $300 at a spa when there are things they need to be doing for the children.

If I was your bf I would be more than irritated at you for allowing yourself to be used like this.

IMO:
"If your is "stupid"" enough to let someone use you, then the person should be ""stupid"" enough to use you.

[justinenycole26]

Taybai, Cinnamonch, I know I *should* stop stepping in to bail her out, but it is my neices that will suffer, not her. I always cave because of them, it is not fair to them that their mother does not put their needs first.

[Quaker_Parrots]

Originally posted by justinenycole26
Taybai, Cinnamonch, I know I *should* stop stepping in to bail her out, but it is my neices that will suffer, not her. I always cave because of them, it is not fair to them that their mother does not put their needs first.

If you tell your sister before the next comes up, she will have plenty of time to take care of it. Your sister isn't going to let those babies do without(I hope), but as long as she has you and mom, she doesn't have, she can blow her money on herself.

wasn't trying to be mean to you, just stating the facts

[Carmen42]

If your neices are getting clothed and fed, then they are not suffering if they can't cheer and model.....let your sister provide for her own children!! If you want to give them gifts, then give them gifts, but don't feel like you have to take care of her responsibilities.....Their lives as adults won't be devastated if they don't get to cheer. As long as you and your mom take care of sis, she will NEVER do anything for herself. It's hard to stand back and watch her fall down, but your relationship will be better off.

[schsa]

Your sister doesn't have to do it because she knows that you and your mnom will. Heck why should she spend her money when if she whines about it you will.

Time to play a bit of tough love. Once she realizes that you are not going to step in and take over she will start providing for her kids. Until then she will do what she wants to knowing that if she whines you will pick up the slack. The first morning that she gets up and knows that you didn't do for her, and her kids are crying because the Easter Bunny forgot about them, she will get the hint and start doing it on her own.

Until then why should she bother?

[Kelsey1224]

Originally posted by Carmen42
If your neices are getting clothed and fed, then they are not suffering if they can't cheer and model.....let your sister provide for her own children!! If you want to give them gifts, then give them gifts, but don't feel like you have to take care of her responsibilities.....Their lives as adults won't be devastated if they don't get to cheer. As long as you and your mom take care of sis, she will NEVER do anything for herself. It's hard to stand back and watch her fall down, but your relationship will be better off.

Yea...what carmen said!!!