My DGD has turned into a Monster, Help from some of you savy Mothers

[kokopup]

My Easter was terrible


We had a real rocky start and I just gave up and went to bed. DIL has been having DGD every other weekend but the first weekend is when she gotso badly sun burned and her boyfriend slept over so Son said no more sleepovers as DGD started having a real bad attitude. Fri. she and I dyed eggs and everything was ok. Sat her mom picked her up for the day and when she brought her home her attitude stunk. She was nasty to me, Grandpa and Dad. I took her on an Easter egg hunt on Sat. morn and she won a big Easter basket and when she got home took everything out of it and said throw it away so I did what any thrifty woman does and recycled it. I was going to make her basket anyway but had enough stuff for 2 baskets so made one for her Dad to put out and made one for here. She came over Sun. morn about 8 and woke me up and said she wanted that pink basket but she knew we had used it to make her another one and that wasn't right, she didn't want a used basket but I said it had a lot of neat stuff in it didn't it, she said yeah ,but she was mad. She looked around the house and wanted to know where the basket was here as the Easter Bunny always left one here. I said I don't know he must have run out of new baskets. She went home and got her Dad up and proceeded to ream him out about the basket so then they came over here and I fixed breakfast and she said well she wasn't going to eat as her Mom will feed her so son took her pancakes and put them in his plate and ate them. A few minutes later she came back and thought maybe she would eat after all. I had 2 still in the pan so fixed them for her and she ate most of them but was rude so Son sent her to the corner for about 30minutes. He was so pissed at her. Grandpa went out and hid the eggs for her that we had done on Fri. and she found them then got dressed in the new dress and shoes that I had bought her. When her Mom came to pick her up,her Dad told her about how she was acting as she had come home the evening before with a bad attitude. Her Mom chewed her out for about 20 min, and said she could go to her grandparents for her basket and that was it. She was only gone about an hour but she was suppose to spend the day. Today she came and picked her up this morning for the day and brought her home about 4 and what a attitude she had. She was rude to everyone and kept talking about DIL's boyfriend. Since she wasn't suppose to go in the sun her Mom took her swimming at the beach but had a shirt on her. She was on my computer after dinner and I told her it was 7:45 and she needed to get a bath and go to bed. she informed me that she wasn't going to bed, she was going to do what she wanted to and that she was spending every weekend with her Mom and boyfriend cause HE said she could. I said well it is time to go home and she refused and I picked her arms up and said oh yes you will and she bit me and I smacked her not hard but in the mouth and she screamed at me that her Mother said if I ever smacked her again that she was going to do something to me so I forcibly took her home to let her Dad deal with her. She hit, bit and screamed at me all the way over there. I called DIL on the phone and said lets get this straight now. You are not going to play one against the other.DIL said I only have 3 min. left on my cell phone but she talked to DGD for 1 min and denied saying that then her phone went dead and she didn't call back. Her DAd made her go to bed right then and I left. I don't know what to do about this as everytime she is with DIL she comes home and hates us all. All they do is go to the beach, pool, playtime then she comes home and we have to make her take a bath, do her homework, get up for school and then we catch all of the pent up anger she has, the snootiest, the screw you attitude. DIL never spends time alone with her it is always with another man and he is so much fun. I am ready to give up as I just can't take her attitude any more. Everything's fine when you do what she wants and on her terms. If she has a friend down to play then she demands that I let her stay for dinner and starts in about spending the night and does it right in front of the child and I have been saying no as this kids mother would let her stay all day and night. She has really learned how to manipulate in her 8 short years. What a Monster we have created. Any one got any advice on how to handle this situation. I know she wants to live with her Mom but it is not safe as before her Mom was on drugs and gave DGD an overdose of over the counter medicine to make her sleep, never looked out for her and has been gone since last Aug. when she went into detox and then has been kicked out of treatment twice. She was suppose to get out of treatment in June and she left there in March. I don't know that she is using again but she is hanging out with some really rough looking characters.
I guess I am getting too old to take care of an 8 year old, she is much smarter than I am.

[Ghetto_Gurl]

no advice just (((((((kokopup))))))

[mlathroum]

My nephew lives with my parents. Every time his mother decides to let come him come for a day or a few hours he has the attitude. He is almost 11 now. Every time he sees her he has a problem in school the next week too. She also hangs out with low lifes.
I think it is time for these kids to be kept away from their parents. The only thing they are doing is ruining their lives. In your case it sound like your son needs to fight for full custody and no visitation rights for the Mom. She hasn't finished her treatments and is hanging out with the wrong crowd. To me she is back to the crap again. That isn't a healthy enviroment for her daughter.

[joesbaby]

i can see where you are coming from. my daughter goes to her dads every other weekend. when she comes home..for about a week shes a horribal kid. she fights with the other kids..and tells us she doesnt have to listen to us. i hate it. i hvae full custody of her, adn her dad will go in spurts wher he dont want to see her at all, the last was from halloween to valentines day. and now hes back. i let her go there some extra cause she asks, but its gettng to the point, this summer,im wanting to let her go there for almost 3/4 of it cause shes such a pain to eveyone else. shes only 6, will be 7 in june. they are holidng her back in school and the dad wont let me have her tested for adhd and put on meds. but thats what i think she needs. i dont know what to do either..so i guess ill just send you hugz.
{{{{{{{{{kokopup}}}}}}}}}}

[lisahiser]

If I were you, I would not put up with any of it!!! granted yes your granddaughter is in such pain right now, but she needs to learn RIGHT NOW! that no matter how upset you are that any kind of attitude like that is NOT acceptable! I don't know about you, but my parents told me to respect my elders and my grandparents NEVER hesitated to punish us grandkids if we got out of line ESPECIALLY if it was at their house, THIER HOUSE, THIER RULES! plain and simple! Trust me! if I got mouthy with my mother and she didnt do anything about it, you can bet anything my grandmother was there palm to my face telling me to stop my attitude and listen. and if one of my grandparents were to ever hear any of us grandchildren complain about anything, such as an easter basket, they would say TUFF LUCK, either you can accept what you have or I will take it away and you won't have anything!
I know she is hurt, and I know she is going threw alot, but do try to remember to praise her and reward her for the good behaivor that she does do (when she does it-lol) I can see she is going threw alot and is taking out on the ones who she knows CAN help her. But if you don't stop this now, it will continue to get worse.
I have gone threw the same things with my niece, and I stopped it almost right away when my sis and bf seperated (together for 7 years, sis had her when she was 15......ect.)
I let it go on for a bit, but when I was at the point where I wanted to pull my hair out, I decieded that if I love this child then I was going to have to take charge and show her who was the adult and who was the child. She now knows not to mouth off at me, or hit at me or anyone one else in my house, as far as at her mom's house, her mom lets her run the house, but when I am at my sister's house, my niece won't dare get out of line because she knows I will do something about it. And my niece loves to come to my house. as you can see I have gone threw this, and I pray that things come easier, but I do have one question........ Where is her dad at when all of this goes on and why isn't he helping you out??
But I am sending BIG ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you and hope that things improve soon!

[kokopup]

Thanks, Usually when she acts out like this he is at work or at his house which is next door. He will disipline her and won't let her talk to me like she does when he is not around. He attitude starts when she has been with her Mom. Right now she has every other weekend but now he won't let DGD spend the night since the first time she had a guy sleep over. They aren't divorced yet but just waiting on what I don't know as they have been to mediation and we thought every thing was settled. She is not working and living in a condo that belongs to her Dad's boss and just playing up and down the beach.She left drug treatment in Mar. for the 2nd time so don't know if she is doing drugs or not. Haven't seen any sign of it but only judging by her appearance. I just wish this would go away.

[MommyG3]

I feel for all of you. I am having problems with my older 2 as well. DS gets along with my DH better than DD#1, but they still have problems. We got into a major fight last night. The ex said he was going to try and take the kids away.

Sorry to vent in your vent.

[kokopup]

Well, how do you handle a child biting you. I guess my first reflex was to smack (not hard) in the mouth. I don't spank her or use physical force with her but this biting to get her way has got to stop. She is 8 years old and thinks she is 25. I would never hurt this child, I love her too much but reasoning and talking is doing no good. She just tells me no she ain't doing nothing.

[MommyG3]

kokopup...I know how you feel. I did that with my DD#1 once. I started biting her back...she stopped that real quick.

[mrs.john]

I'm definately not one to give advice on situations like this b/c I'm not dealing with it very well myself. Just wanted to come in here and give you some BIGBIG {{{HUGS}}}

[lisahiser]

well in order to disipline her take away her free time, such as using the computer or watching t.v. or something like that, I for one do not like to spank my children, I have done it but I will ONLY use it as a last resort, (this is after manyt times of yelling and many time-outs, no t.v., no computer, no play station, and many times of sitting with me or having the kids stay with me at all times of the day!- this drives them insaine!) I know it is hard, TRUST ME! But just keep doing it! Hang in there! Just remember that you are doing this for her because you LOVE HER! She needs you! and as far as the biting thing....... I use dishsoap! I am not kidding! I had to break my 5 yearold (was 3 at the time) of doing this. Everytime he bit someone or me, I would grab the dish soap and rub it into his mouth! and if he didnt let me in his mouth, I would rub it in his teeth! Try it! I bet she won't do it again! It may seem harsh, but at least she won't be biting you! at least I hope! :D

[Bohemut]

((((((((((kokopup)))))))))))

I don't have any advise, could probably use some myself. SS is here every other weekend and acts like we're scum. No respect. No consideration. He's better than us. What we want or how we feel isn't important. He doesn't have to do anything we say. Etc.. Sound familiar? We have't been able to have much impact on him, but since you GDG is younger and your son has full custody, and hence more time with her, maybe you can help her straiten out. Good luck.

[ebgreen74]

yep I know how you feel-it seems like when kids are going between so many homes and have so many different rules, and I'm sure her mother fills her head with lies as well, it makes it real hard for the kids to know the right way to act. She probably wants to think that its you and her father that are keeping her from living with her mom, when in reality her "wonderful" mother probably doesn't even want her. Yep been through it. Just try to stick with it, and show her you love her. She needs you.

[Iluvbears]

When you get bitten your first reaction is to smack them. I think biting and smacking are along the same lines, both cause pain, both are showing the child not to bite.

I never had a problem with my child biting. I have a friend who does, she has smack the child a few times without thinking, she has also bit her back. The child continues to bit, she even bit a smaller child on the face and drew blood. (This child is 2 yrs old.)

[lisahiser]

dishsoap! I tell ya! use it! for the bad words, spitting (also my son had this problem,when he got mad at someone he would spit on them instead of biting, this was after the biting phase :rolleyes: ), and biting! It works! it may seem harsh but they don't forget the taste of dishsoap!

[kelblend]

Ya know smacking someone who is biting you is a first reaction or biting back. Sounds like you have a really troubled little girl on your hands. My sis's kids used to go back and forth from her house, to grams (her ex's mom's where they basically lived) and her ex's house. They even wondered why her daughter didn't want to listen to anyone. WEll when you are young and have 3 different sets of people telling you different things (and yeah their values were different) and for the most part no talking between them, that happens. It's a fine line to walk to try to figure out what works best at each given moment. I read once to try to be the (and i know i have the wrong word here) pro-action parent vs. the reactionary parent. I guess get them before they have the chance. lol Try not to let a situation you just know (whether its the you can't tell me what to do thing) will cause problems and perhaps couch it in a different way.

All I know is with my three, it seems like I find myself looking at how I should have handled some things nightly. Yeah my hubby and I are married and I'm not sure how other people even begin to handle things in situations such as yours.

I can give you hugs though and wish you more energy each day!! (((kokopup)))

[Tadbit]

{{{{{{{{{kokopup}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know exactly what you are going through. I have my two grandkids most of the time adn sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy. Their dad is in jail, and my dd is usually off doing her thing and leaving them with me a lot. They are really good kids but when she is around them she yells at them non stop so when they are left with me, I get the full effect of the anger that rages up in them. They basically want love and attention. My Grandkids miss thier dad and a lot of times miss their mom and it's just not fair what they are having to go through. I can't even be a grandma, because I'm usually having to disipline them all the time. I found out the best thing I can do when they yell or fight is to just give them a great big hug, even if they act like they don't want anything to do with me. They seem to melt when I hug them because all they really want is to know that someone is there for them and really loves them. Could it be that her mother yells at her all the time? She may just be repeating what she sees. I know this is the case with my grandkids. I know it's not much help, but I can feel you pain. I live it. Hope it gets better for you.

[schsa]

This kid needs some serious therapy and tough love discipline or you are going to loose her. What a load of crap she is having to deal with at age 8. Her behavior is out of control and someone needs to be the guiding force in her life.

It's too bad that she can even spend time with her mother. It is going to ruin her life.