Need help regarding visitation issues

[dena_darling]

I have been divorced from "Ricky" since 1997. We were
seperated in 1993. He is an abusive alcoholic.
I live in SC and he moved to GA in
1993 to be with his family. Since then I've had to fight
to get child support (just started getting it regularly 2yrs ago).
Now it goes through the court. Ricky rarely calls, writes, or
visits his son Jason. I have given him sase, postcards etc so
he would write to his son. Jason has gotten one letter & one
post card in 6yrs. Ricky only visits maybe once a year (if that).
He only lives 5hrs away. There is always some reason why he can't
come visit. Two years ago, I carried Jason up there
to visit for a couple of days at my expense. Ricky is always too
busy(drinking) to come down or call his son. Anyway, he moves
from one family member to another staying with them until they
get tired of him. The whole family is lazy scum. His brothers and
Dad are alcoholics and do cocaine. He let it slip about his dad. Whenever Ricky does call, he talks to me and only asks about Jason or will only talk to Jason for 2 min.
Now the main point, he wants to come and get Jason to stay with him
for a week this summer. In the court papers it does say he gets
reasonable visitation. Ususally when he would come down he would stay
for 2 days at his cousins house and see Jason for 1 day. The rest of
the time he would be getting drunk and going out. Anyway, I don't want a big hassle from him (which I know I will get cause everything
is always "my fault"). And I can't afford a lawyer. What can I do to
keep him from taking Jason up to GA this summer? I have no problems
with him coming down here and staying in my camper or even at my parents house- we have suggested this. Its just that I don't trust
him with Jason's safety. He has had 3 dui's and does not have a drivers license right now. 2 of the dui's were with suspended license. I have told him that Jason had to go to summer school but
he wants to know when he gets out etc.
Sorry this is rambling so, but I just need some advice. And I know he
will cause me a big hassle. I don't think he could afford a lawyer
though. tia

[Quaker_Parrots]

Do you have full custody? I believe(even though he lives in another state and has visitation rights) you might be able to get around it with the state line rule. He can not take the child across state line without your permission. To be certain, I would get copies of your decree, and have it looked at by a lawyer, or even check with the court.
Even though you can't afford a lawyer, it might pay in the long run, to go back to court and get something done.

[mydnitedzr]

pmed you!!

[mrs.john]

OMG--I think he's the male version of my ss's mother. We have it in our court papers about the state line thing. Do you really think he'll actually try to get the visitation? I mean, my ss's mother will talk the talk, try to make herself look good, then never show or say she can't make it, or try to get us to drive him (from OH to AL), or tell my ss she doesn't have rights anymore since she hasn't kept in touch with him (uh, she has more rights than I do with him, whether she's around or not--go figure) Maybe he won't follow thru?

I hope it all works out for you and your boy. Good luck to you {{{{hugs}}}}

[moe265]

I am going through something similar to this. My daughter's sperm donor got supervised visitation in Nov. so far he has only seen her two times.He hadn't seen her for almost 5 years. My lawyer told me to let him take me to court if he doesn't like something I do so that he can explain himself to the court. LOL In my situation he doesn't have the money and it doesn't sound like yours does either. Don't let him have them and let him take you to court! Oh I wanted to add that I do have full custody of her. I know he will call demanding he see her this summer. He drinks and does his variety of drugs also from what I have heard through the grapvine.

[chanbe]

Your ex and my ex sound so much alike that it's scary.We also live in different states and I am also expected to give him "reasonable" visitation.The term "reasonable visitation" does not apply to situations where your child may actually be in danger due to drinking,drugs,etc.My ex learned the hard way that I will go to great lengths to protect my child,and that includes with-holding visitation if need be.He has learned that if he can act like a mature father,he will be in his daughter's life.And if he can't-his loss.You already have the upper hand if the ex has a record of drinking,DUI's,etc.He may have to prove he can provide a safe environment for the child-at least this has been my experience.

[ahippiechic]

Originally posted by Ravenlost

I regret all the effort I put into getting my kids together with their dad. In the end, he just hurt them badly and the time they spent with him will never be worth the pain he's caused.

Me too, Raven. :(

I would refuse, and let him take you to court. Also try calling CPS for advice & many attorneys offer a free consultation. Good luck!

[callsheb]

My ex had to come to missouri from Illinois to see my daughter he did this 2 times and never did it again he was not allowed to take her across state line and had to visit her here. He could take her for the day but that was it guess he did not like traveling 3hours to see her and 3 hours back. He took us to court to get visitation and this is what the judge in illinois decided so make sure and stick to your guns and some lawyers will talk with you without paying for the service so call and check into it.

[MommyG3]

Just don't know what to say, so here is a big hug. (((((((((((((((((0))))))))))))))))))))))))

[girlwithsoul]

Well no one has said anything but how does your son feel about all this? And how old is he? When my parents went through a similar situation with having custody of my niece it was actually my niece who told her father that she didn't want to see him after he'd been gone off and on for years and then watned to take her for 2 weeks. That's just a thought. But more than anything I would want to make sure that your son feels safe.

[christianw27]

check your custody papers. They might say he is not to leave the state you live in with him. I feel for you...(((((hugs)))

[justme23]

I say let him take you to court. It is unreasonable for anyone to think letting this child go in this situation would be deemed 'reasonable visitation.' And I doubt for any reason other than being a jerk that he'd take you to court, I'm sure he knows you'd win anyways.

[schsa]

Your son should be old enough to make this decision on his own. If he doesn't want to visit his father, then tell the father no and then let him take you to court if he wants to see his son so badly. I am willing to bet that with the father's track record, he won't fight it.

[morris2b]

I was told by my attorney yesterday that since the ex is being bull headed not paying support when he should be and not making steady contact with the children that I should not let him see them and if he wants to see them then to let him take me back to court...

I would refuse to let my child go with him knowing all this and the court would more than likely agree on your side as they will look down on him for no operators due to DUI's and will wonder who will be transporting the child, I would not let my child go.

[ajksmom]

I agree with everyone, refuse, if he wants to press it and take you to court then you can bring up all the stuff you were telling us about his drinking etc. By the way it sounds with the few visits he makes and lack of interest he seems to show, he probably won't push it that far.