Why is it that I go...........................

[hotwheelstx]

out of my way to do something nice for my ENTIRE FAMILY and I just get ridiculed or complained to??????

I have no idea why:( :( :( :( :( :(

Well, it's Easter and I thought that it would be a nice thing to get together w/my family and Aggie and I take them all to lunch.

It's my aunt's birthday as well.

Here we start at 5:00 am on Easter morning. I'm baking a cake, frosted, it, decorated it. Made her a gift basket of her favorite chocolates Godiva, Hershey's, Mounds, Almond Joys, frosting (yes, the kind in the tubs) put it all together and I thought it looked great. I had also bought her a new comforter that she wanted. It has angels on it and I knew she'd never spend the money on herself for it. So, I bought it for her.

Momma-card, Easter Lilly plant, gc to Barnes & Noble for $75.00

Scooby-2 cd's that he really wanted and his birthday isn't til the end of the year.

Little Scooby-Her first Easter Frock, basket and decorated paper mache eggs. I did those last week. Along w/candy and stuff animals and a couple of learning games. As well as shoes to go w/the dress and dress socks, bows for her hair.

Aggie-A carton of cigarettes, a new keychain w/our anniversary date on it, new shirts and 2 new pairs of dress pants.

Plus, Aggie and I let the other "adults" choose the place to go eat. We really didn't care one way or the other.

All to hear the food is bad, you didn't get the right candy, dress is to "foo foo" for a girl, Easter Lilly will die, anyway, what can you buy at a book store for $75.00?

On top of all this Aggie and I paid for the entire meal that wasn't cheap. We went to a "swanky seafood" restaurant that I had to call ahead and make reservations for.

Then, I hear the cake is crooked, it's to mushy, doesn't have enough chocolate on it, should of put more decorations on it.

WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME????? I was trying to be nice and make everyone feel important and loved.

Me, what did I get????? ZILCH. Not even an HAPPY EASTER.

Then, all they talked about when leaving was how they didn't want to come in the first place on a Sunday!!!! Why did you tell me yes :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

I could of stayed home and not rushed around all morning long trying to get everyone and everything in the car to go in a rainstorm no less.

I'm saying NO next time. I was truly trying to have a nice holiday and celebrate my aunt's bithday. I didn't even put candles on it she's afraid of fire and doesn't want anyone to know how old she is.

Other gift exchanges were great and thanked all the way around. All I got was complained that I DRAGGED family out on a day like today.

Sorry, just a pity party for myself. I'm not doing it again..............They can throw their own gathering and I won't show up. See how that feels after you've worked your tail off trying to find the "right gift" for all attending.

Aggie didn't even tell me thank you or give me anything either. A card would of been nice.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[Bohemut]

((((((((((hotwheels))))))))))

I'm so sorry your family treated you that way. :( I like to go all out for my family too, and I've had that happen to me. Now I only do for my DH, DD, and sometimes SS. They all appreciate it. I won't do for any other family members anymore. It just isn't worth it to knock yourself out trying to make everyone happy to have them just complain about it. I'm with you. No more. Never again.

Hope the rest of your day is going better. :)

[BeanieLuvR]

{{{{hotwheelstx}}}}

How rude!!! I would not get any of them a thing next year. How people can be so ungracious is beyond me. I would have been so grateful if someone had put so much time and effort into making my holiday and birthday special. To not even say thank you was terrible. You need to kick back and do something to pamper yourself now. :)

[1busymomma]

Hotwheels, do yourself a favor and go buy something for yourself. Something really expensive. Something you would never normally do. :)

I had a lousy Easter myself and my family is not currently speaking to me. Knock yourself out on yourself not on them, those gifts sound great. Can't understand why they need to complain. :mad: :(

((((((((((((((((((((hotwheels))))))))))))))))))

[corkster]

Gee stinkin' whiz ((((hotwheels)))))! That just amazes me to no end...really it does. I am sure you are very ready to "hang this day up" huh? I am just in awe and cannot think of a thing to say but well..I sure am sorry all your hard work and all went so unappreciated:rolleyes: :( I hope the upcoming week is much better, to say the least! Take care and be well;)

[schsa]

Next time invite me! I promise to be appreciative of every effort that you have made and I don't even have to go to a swanky seafood place. And thanks for the cake! It was wonderful.

[mewoman]

I'm with the others. From now on, just give them a nice card and call it even :D



Originally posted by EMELLE
how horrible!! i was very impressed with your list and your generosity. gimme that b&n g.c., i could get a ton of books! maybe you do too much for them and they are spoiled? next holiday, give 'em a snickers bar and call it good. i have stuff stuck in drawers and out in the garage for the kids, suppose to have been for easter, but they treated me so badly today, they didn't get squat. no candy, no presents. i feel unappreciated and refuse to spoil them.


I`m really close to you (only about 15 minutes away)and the kids and I have been real good. We'll be glad to take that stuff off your hands. (Especially, if you have some Dove chocolate and some peeps :D :D :D :D :D :D)

[DreamWarrior]

Happy Easter hotwheels!!!

Sorry your day was so shi**y....

[mewoman]

Originally posted by EMELLE
i got peeps, i got m&m's, i got snickers, i got bob builder marshmallow thingies and jelly beans, i got a power ranger c.d., i got a book for 9 y/o called the day my butt went psycho, thought he would like that one, i got all sorts of little trucks, i also got pepperidge farm cookies and those are mine, all mine, *crew the diet!! i got other stuff, but don't even remember. also couldn't find sons b-day card and easter cards from my mom:eek: that i would give them, but i'm an airhead, don't remember where i put them. do your kids attend kempsville? i personally think peeps are gross, right up there with those orange circus peanuts (shiver).


wow, too much caffeine......sorry

LMAO...I think you've eaten too much of the kids candy :D
We're in Norfolk, near the airport.

[~Roxy~]

Im sorry that they treated you that way,I guess for some people a Thank You,is too much.((((hugs))))

[ahippiechic]

You should tell them all exactly what you posted here. It might not do any good, but ya never know! Hope your day gets better!

[rain_cries]

Can I be your family? I promise to appreciate every thing! No one does anything for me either. :)

[moe265]

HOW RUDE!!!!!!! If you went to the swanky seafood place I am thinking you went to then I know how expensive they are. People just amaze me sometimes. Sorry you had a bad day. :(

[hotwheelstx]

I'm NOT SAYING to praise me for what I did, BUT....................don't sit there and complain about every little thing.

There still is my birthday next month, Mother's Day and my cousin's graduation in June in Ca. I wonder what else I can do it mess those days up????

This is the long and short of it: I was an only child for many years almost 17 until Scooby came along. Momma and I w/me being disabled have ALWAYS been very close. She's never acted this way before.

Aunt-waited til "late in life" to start a family. She was 35 when she had her only child. So, for many years I was the "surrogate daughter" and was taught to treat her w/respect, dignity. Besides her not having any children when I was younger she (aunt) would really take me to cool places, buy me really nice clothes, buy concert tickets when I almost had all the money saved up. She also was the "cool excentric" wasn't married, had a great job, was a model at one time, gorgeous isn't the word for her. She looks a lot like Lauren Hutton. Someone that I wanted to grow up and be just like. Who needed a man to make you happy? You can do that yourself. She would always tell me that when I was younger.


Scooby-He's another story. He's the youngest, baby, last born and expects things to still be handed to him on a silver platter. I don't anymore. Still wants money, (borrowed of course) cool cd's, hip clothes, nice colognes, new cars.

Besides the fact that he takes momma to the hospital a couple of weeks ago and "forgets to call/tell me". He still thinks I shouldn't of said ANYTHING to him and that it was just a mistake. Yes, maybe it was but it was a BIG MISTAKE that could of cost our mother her life. That to me is unforgiveable for a long time.

As I've gotten "older" I've taken on the responsibility of having holidays where ever I have lived, don't ask family members to help, contribute money, decorate. Aggie and I have done it ALL the last 12 years. NO MATTER IF WE WERE LIVING IN A RAT HOLE OF AN APT. EITHER. I still have done it from the bottom of my heart w/love, devotion and appriciation for my family.

Aggie-He's just not BIG on emotions. Never has been and never will be. I can accept that. I'm used to it. I still usually get a thank you or it was a great day, lots of neat stuff, your family is a riot.

Wasn't the money that I spent either. I buy stuff thru the year and keep it for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, baby showers, bridal showers so I already have it.

My problem is finding the stuff when it's time. LOL.

So, I guess from now on you can cook a turkey, ham, roast for every holiday. Along w/all side dishes, desserts, buy the presents, wrap them, decorate your homes, make sure everyone has a disposable camera to "catch their special moment in time", enough blankets, pillows, beds, snacks, pop, movies, music videos, games computer, board, handheld or otherwise.

I'm packing my bags and coming to stay at your house for days on end for the next holiday and not help you clean, straighten, do the dishes, p/u the trash, do your laundry since you didn't do yours for the week, yet, referee arguments that happened years ago and you still bring them up years later.

If you can't tell by now I'm the "peace maker" in the family when everyone else gets their feathers ruffled.

About the only one who did have a good time was Little Scooby. She's none the wiser as to what's going on. She ate lots of cake, candy and has started to hold a spoon. She can almost feed herself now at 7 months. LOVES DILL PICKLES LIKE HER DADDY.

So, get ready I'm packed and ready to come stay. I haven't wrapped anything yet so I'll have to use your wrapping paper, tape, ribbon, gift tags. I hope you have enough dishes that will be dirty by the end of the celebration and enough arm and leg work to clean up............... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[MommyG3]

Tell you what, in another 2-3 years, when DH and I plan a trip to TX, we will come by and let you spoil us and the kiddos (if we have all three...may just have one with us) and we promise to say THANK YOU!!! :D I want to be spoiled for just 30 minutes.

[Kelsey1224]

This amazes me...

I don't know what to say to you. You have an family of ingrates. But what are you doing to do? You LOVE doing for others. That is what gives you joy. You aren't going to stop doing what you do...even when it hurts you sometimes that you aren't acknowledged. It would be easy for us to say...don't do it anymore. But that just isn't you. Let's face it...you aren't really doing it for the acknowledgement anyway; but it would be nice that once in a while someone would do it!

I'm really sorry your family doesn't appreciate you!

[katzenberg]

i would take theynmoney and do somthing for your self and get them nothing at all if they are going to be complaining a bout every thing

[hotwheelstx]

As was stated love doing things for family. I have the means to do it and enjoy it. Even if it's as simple as a card to say "hi". Have NEVER in my almost 40 years been treated this way by my family. I mean NEVER.

Except for the exception of Scooby and Hoochie coming over tearing up my house and refusing to clean. Then, trying to sneak in my house.

Have tried to give back to my family what they've given me. Do it w/love. Not to be noticed, excepted for being "different".

Mother's Day is coming and my 40th next month. Not going to the trouble I usually do. Let me tell you that I've covered Scooby's butt many times w/gifts, dinners, entertainment for a special day for momma.

Won't be doing it again this year. I'm truly hurt that not one relative said thank you. Would of appriciated an email thank you. Would of been just fine.

I just don't know what's happened. Aggie says stress, economy, today's age. NO, NO, NO!!!!!!:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Momma is from the "old school". All of a sudden she's changed????? I think not.

Scooby I can kind of???? of understand him being young not really knowing/understanding appriciation.

For the rest they should know better!!!!!!!

BTW: Aggie wore one of the new outfits to work today. Looked great too, if I can say so myself. Called a while ago said he'd received lots of compliments on the outfit. In his "own way" finally did say "thank you". He's not very verbal or talk-a-tive. Scooby and I are chatter box/the jokester in the family.

Have to admit was better than being w/his family. Sit there eat that's ALL YOU DO. No conversation mingling, ????'s are ever asked, no comments ever made.

I'm one tired "ol thing" today after yesterday w/all the running around I did.

Think next weekend have a wedding oot, 3 day trip. Following weekend Aggie has a LAN conference oos. That's 4 days. I'm more tired just thinking about it.

Resting this week. Long rides in the truck, too.

Thank ya'll for being understanding. Not trying to be selfish, egotistical, needy, whiney. All I'm asking is to give credit where credit is due and if you don't want to go anywhere, do anything TELL ME.

:(
No big deal. Will not hurt my feelings, won't feel neglected, unwanted. Saves time and energy could be doing/using energy on something else.

:o :o

[littlebell]

******on behalf of your family I say Thank You for all you have done********

[ieatalot]

All to hear the food is bad, Then they should have complained to the waitress, not you. You couldn't help it if their meals weren't done to their liking.


you didn't get the right candy Any candy should be considered the 'right' stuff....after all, it's only candy not some kind of gold jewerly.


dress is to "foo foo" for a girl Little girls should look like a princess on any holiday.


Easter Lilly will die It's a bulb & it will come back every year if they put it in dirt.


anyway, what can you buy at a book store for $75.00 How about a book on etiquette? I would recomend that one for sure!


Then, I hear the cake is crooked a crooked cakes means that it was homemade & nothing beats a homemade cake. I had my sister make my wedding cake, I taught her how to do decorations for a cake one week before, it was too moist of a cake so we couldn't get it to sit on the stands & yes it was a little crooked but do you know what?!? It was the nicest wedding present that I received because that was the only homemade present I had there!


Me, what did I get????? ZILCH. Not even an HAPPY EASTER. No, you have that all wrong, you got a good slap in the face & by them doing this to you, you would never treat another person like that so you received the best present there & that is called a lesson in etiquette & respect.

[wingsfan]

Originally posted by ieatalot


How about a book on etiquette? I would recomend that one for sure!

No, you have that all wrong, you got a good slap in the face & by them doing this to you, you would never treat another person like that so you received the best present there & that is called a lesson in etiquette & respect.


Snort!! Good one!

Hotwheels, will you adopt me? I can spent $75 in a bookstore in a heartbeat!!

[ldavern]

Are you always the victim .. why do you allow people to treat you this way,, I have seen it in every post you have made here, from shelly to MIL and angie, to scbooy & hoocie and now your mom and aunt
I know you can not change a person's ways or ideas ..but why put yourself in that position,,,Why do you feel a need to please these people??? I would have a chat with dr. phil if i was you..:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
*oops I forgot to mention former employer*:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[mlayton1994]

(((hugs))). I am sorry your Easter did not go well. They should have been thanking you and not griping.

[freeplease]

in their Easter bonnets. I would have been thrilled with your graciousness. Is that a word? lol
Next time this crew gets together, be sure and DO NOTHING for them. They need a huge dose of reality. What is with them???
I spent Easter doing laundry. *****!:p

[Kelsey1224]

Originally posted by ldavern
Are you always the victim .. why do you allow people to treat you this way,, I have seen it in every post you have made here, from shelly to MIL and angie, to scbooy & hoocie and now your mom and aunt
I know you can not change a person's ways or ideas ..but why put yourself in that position,,,Why do you feel a need to please these people??? I would have a chat with dr. phil if i was you..:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
*oops I forgot to mention former employer*:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Wow...that seems kind of harsh to me...

[hotwheelstx]

Originally posted by freeplease
in their Easter bonnets. I would have been thrilled with your graciousness. Is that a word? lol
Next time this crew gets together, be sure and DO NOTHING for them. They need a huge dose of reality. What is with them???
I spent Easter doing laundry. *****!:p

I should of been doing that. That's what I'm catching up on yesterday and today. No, not that many loads. I'm just a little slow.

Mother's Day is coming too. Still haven't really bought her a gift yet. I'm still debating. I still feel guilty if I didn't purchase anything.

Maybe a card. That should do the trick don't you think?????

LOL

[MommyG3]

My sister bought my mother a boquet of flowers and my mother loved them. Now I feel bad cause I didn't get her anything.

[Alexandria]

I've been down that road. I used to go out of my way for my family and when I needed THEM to go out there way for ME ... they abandoned me. We don't speak and we don't see each other. Easter was just another day for my husband and I ... as are most holidays. The only good thing is I no longer have to spend a ton of money at the holidays. I'd spend about $100 each at Christmas and be lucky to get a $10 gift from anyone - and it wasn't that they couldn't afford it.

[justbeachy]

hotwheelstx, I think you are a very kind and giving lady. Those of us who give without reservation are often taken for granted because it is in our nature to give just for the fun of it. You have two choices the way I see it. Give because it makes you happy or feel guilty (or not) because you don't. Hugs. :)

[cinnamonch]

The problem I see is why did you do what you did for them? Did you do it for praise and glory for them or because you wanted to and thats the way you are. Your family really hasnt changed. They have always been the "self-centered, ungrateful" people that most of us seem to have.

The thing is that you have probably turned a blind eye to how they have been and now with everything thats been going on with you lately, you are viewing everyone differently.

What it boils down to is, what is going to make you happy? If giving and doing things for your family gives you joy, then continue to do that, however, do it with the understanding that no matter how much you go out of your way, they wont appreciate your efforts. On the other hand, stop being so nice. Especially to Scooby. He is not your child nor is he a child himself. If he wants CD's, clothes, new cars, etc, then tell him either to get a better paying job, work overtime or get a second job or just maybe change his spending habits.

You have become a crutch to everyone and and they know that no matter what you will be there for them and therefore anything you do is and will continue to be taken for granted.

Just lavish your love and affection on little Scooby cause heaven knows with the "mother" she has, she deserves it

[ieatalot]

Now that is a great idea!!!!!!

[hotwheelstx]

Originally posted by Kelsey1224
Wow...that seems kind of harsh to me...


ldavern,

To harsh in my opinion. I don't feel/play the victim well. I NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL.

Since I was born w/disability I really don't let things get in my way. For someone to state that I'm a victim is not being fair. If I played the victim I would be staying home feeling sorry for myself, living on ss long ago, not go anywhere, not care about my appearance, not be active.

It's just something that happened. I'll get over it. Like I stated before this has never happened in the past. I'm not in ANY WAY LOOKING for praise, hoopla, bragging, encouragment. I do this because I truly do care about my family and I know they do me as well.

You have to admit HOOCHIE is only related to my by marriage and I don't have to let her in my house AGAIN EVER.

As for SHELLEY she did something to me. I didn't/haven't/won't do anything to her. She's her own person and maybe she's mentally ill. I'm not sure. I just know that I need to stay away from her as well as Aggie.

My mil is just a bigot and that's all there is to it. I can't change her and I'm not going to try. It's not worth the time, energy to do it.

Employer that's another story. I don't feel that she thought before she spoke. Yes, it's wrong what she said/did. I can't change that either.

I'm glad that I found out actually. I now feel that I have even more choices. How is my employer making me out to be the "victim"???? I'm taking care of the situation and told her and others exactly what I thought. If I was a "victim" I would of just kept my mouth hushed and not said a FRICKIN'WORD. That to me is being a victim.

I'm sorry that you feel that I am a "victim". I'm not beaten everyday, have good friends, Aggie is good to me, we are happy, truly a wonderful kind family w/a few nuts all scattered. (Everyone has some of those).

I really believed that this was a place to vent and get things off your chest. Not to be called names, critisized, feel useless.

I guess this is a hard lesson for me. Far be it from me to express something that made me sad and unhappy.

I read all to many times about headaches, stomach aches, aunt Flo coming or not, dil from hell, teenagers sneaking around.

These are all important things to some and to others not.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you can't say something comforting when something like this happens don't say anything at all. You have made me feel a lot worse than I did in the first place.
It truly made me cry when I read it. Like I'm some kind of IDIOT for trying to do something nice for my family.


I'M NOT A VICTIM OF ANYONE, ANYTHING. NEVER HAVE BEEN AND NEVER WILL BE.

BTW,

Kelsey,
This in NO WAY was directed towards you. I was just using your quote. When I first read the reply from ldavern I didn't want to respond thinking someone might think they had the "right idea" how ever harsh it may be/sound. Glad I'm not alone. Thank you for being there..........

[mesue]

It sounds like you went way over the top for a bunch of ingrates, your idea not to do it again is a good one. if they don't appreciate your thoughtfulness any better than that they don't deserve it. I do have a question though do you always do this kind of thing for them and get this reaction the reason I'm asking is I have a niece who gets treated similarly and the people she does these things for always complain and her reaction is to try harder next time. I try to tell her not to but she has not caught on to the fact not to like you have its almost gotten to be a contest that she has allowed in some way, in her mind, to see if she can actually impress and please everyone, of course she is never going to win, the least little criticism is all it takes for her to fall into a heap of depression and start planning to do better as soon as she gets over her depression. I hate the way she gets treated but can't do anything about it since she would be mortified if I said anything to anyone. She is a very talented smart person but she just can't get past this idea of perfection and how someday she will attain it by making everyone happy, which of course is an impossibility. Not saying this is the situation with you but your post reminded me of how things are for her, her working so hard and most of the time doesn't even get a Thank You, and the sad part is she just keeps trying and trying. I wish she would wake up and say No more like you have.

[hotwheelstx]

baby_froggy_69 and mesue,

I have tried to send you both a pm. mesue is the only one that I could get thru on right now. baby_froggy_69 box is full and can't receive anymore pm's.

I have pm'd others as well about this thread. It is something that I don't want to post on the boards and embarrasse anyone.

Thanks to some of you for making me feel 100 times worse than I did the day this happened. Stuff just happens and it's family. It's not like this goes on everytime we're together or give gifts.

I guess I won't be posting things like this again. Thank you for making me feel SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. What a laugh.............I hope some of you are happy w/yourselves that you've reduced me to tears on this. I was just venting. Isn't this what this forum is for???? Not to be ridiculed, made fun of, name calling. I feel really great now.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[freeplease]

Just consider these posts as another form of family day. ;)
By the way, do you have any Tide? I ran out. lol

[hotwheelstx]

Originally posted by freeplease
Just consider these posts as another form of family day. ;)
By the way, do you have any Tide? I ran out. lol

Yes, I'll bring it right over............Bought 5 big tubs when CVS had them on sale. Need bleach, softner, dryer sheets??????????????????

I'm all stocked up............
;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[littlebell]

hotwheelstx
Don't let what other people say hurt you in any way.You are better than that If you need to talk to someone you can pm me or get me on yahoo im look at my profile to get the info.Hold you head up high be proud of who you are and what you do for yourself and others. I wish I had some like you in my family.{{{{{{{{hotwheelstx}}}}}}}}}

[Alexandria]

It seems like so many people want to help folks here but sometimes try a bit too hard and sound "preachy" or like they're trying to psychoanalyze you. I learned one thing from GamAnon (support group for families of compulsive gamblers) and that is to share your own experiences and how you resolved them .. rather than trying to psychoanalyze or tell people what they should do or what they should have done. This way you don't have to worry that someone will think you are preaching to them or judging them. My therapist tells me that I do the things I do because I didn't get enough love from my mother. I think a whole lot of research needs to be done on that subject .. perhaps it would help explain why so many women are suffering from depression. It can't possibly all be explained by "chemical imbalance". Hang in there hotwheels .. and start doing more nice things for YOURSELF. It's hard I know .. but you CAN do it !