Jolie Rouge
04-16-2003, 02:31 PM
Don't nag.
Don't yell.
If you really want to build intimacy in a romantic relationship, one of the most thoughtful things you can do is avoid yelling and nagging.
That's the word from psychology researchers at Peace College in Raleigh, North Carolina, who learned that when we nag our lovers, it actually reduces the feeling of intimacy. "You want to try to avoid those negative behaviors and not do things you can't take back," psychology professor Betty Witcher told Reuters. "If you're yelling, that's going to have more of an effect than doing something nice."
Her team studied 94 dating couples, all of whom were college students who had been in their relationships for an average of two years. The couples completed questionnaires designed to assess their intimacy and conflict within the relationship. The results: Intimacy was increased when verbal aggression--that would be yelling at a partner or insulting that person--was avoided. Interestingly, positive responses to conflict, which would include discussing a heated issue calmly, didn't increase the levels of intimacy.
Why does this happen?
In long-term relationships where intimacy is already established and has reached a stable level, positive responses to conflict do not increase intimacy any more. But negative behaviors, especially nagging, could easily lower it. "If people thought that their partner nagged them, then they reported lower intimacy," Witcher told Reuters. "People really don't like their partner nagging them." Aside from damaging the health of the relationship, lovers' quarrels have also been linked to depression, eating disorders, excessive drinking, heart disease, and chronic pain, she noted. The study findings were presented at the recent meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.
Romantic things he can do!
Whether we admit it or not, every guy wants to be more romantic. Many books have been written on the subject, and yet the world is not populated with Romeos. Being romantic really is a state of mind. Women tend to already be there most of the time, so one can understand how it is more difficult for guys. Listed below are some tips for you aspiring romantics.
Show you care.
Perhaps the most important facet of being romantic is breaking down and showing someone you care. She's just waiting to see or hear that you have feelings for her. Showing her by giving her little sentimental gifts and sweet e-mails is your ticket in.
Create a romantic environment for her.
Women don't just want to be romanced; they want to be surrounded by love. If she enters your apartment or house, make sure that it is clean and neat with mellow lighting. Put an air freshener on the shopping list - her sense of smell will make or break the mood you're trying to set.
Brush up on your manners.
The gentleman gets the lady. If you question your etiquette - and you should - buy a book on it. Women know proper manners and while they may skimp on them, you should not. To answer the eternal question of whether or not to open a door for her, try it and see if she gets upset. If she turns down your good manners, then she's the oaf. Not you.
Shower her with affection...
and tasteful gifts.
Women enjoy knowing that you really like them... constantly. It's almost as though they doubt it if they aren't reassured from time to time. It is rare to meet a woman who is so low-maintenance that they don't require courting. While I'm not saying that you should take out a second mortgage on the lucky girl, you should be prepared to spend a little in order to get a little back. Flowers, candy, small token gifts that mean a lot, and the giant stuffed snake at the fair will more than likely get you play. Sex toys, pizza, and tickets to the game will probably not. Unfortunately.
Romantic things she can do!
Women. Estrogen enables women to be the romantic creatures that they are. Constantly keeping men on their toes with the ever-popular feminine mystique, women are usually skilled in the art of love. While they have guys beat with the Venus thing, women still have a few areas to improve upon.
Learn how to take a compliment.
Picture it: You're on a date with your crush and he tells you that your dress looks great. You come back with the tired line about how it was on sale or "this old thing?" It's harder for guys to compliment you than you think - make it easy for us by accepting our kind words.
Ease up.
You've decided to cook a nice dinner for a date. He's waiting for the main course, and while you're listening to music (and locking eyes), you burn the dinner. Ouch! So many women would think their date was ruined. But all is not lost...remember to relax and laugh at yourself. He'll think it's much sexier.
Bring him flowers.
You know the names of the fancy flowers. You have your favorite Internet flower shop in your Favorite Places. It's no secret that women love getting flowers, but did you know that your man probably does, too? A dozen roses will make him smile, and the birds of paradise will...uhm...it is probably best to stick with the old favorites.
Learn to realize what he likes.
Chances are he likes roast beef, football, and exotic sports cars. Does he like to have his face touched or his feet rubbed? What is his favorite scent? Paying attention to your man's likes and dislikes will help you in setting romantic moods and ultimately keeping him interested. Experiment by inviting him on adventures and sneaking touches here and there. Asking him works as well. He will be glad you care, and it may even prompt him to ask what you like.
Listen.
Shhhhh. What's that you hear? It's your man, trying to tell you something. It is a fact that women tend to be chattier than men, and silence is often seen as a downer. Enjoy the silence and be polite when he has the floor. You might hear something irresistible escape from his lips.
Love, lust, and revenge! Read racy love confessions.
http://channels.netscape.com/ns/love/confessionarchives.jsp?floc=ns-wnew
Don't yell.
If you really want to build intimacy in a romantic relationship, one of the most thoughtful things you can do is avoid yelling and nagging.
That's the word from psychology researchers at Peace College in Raleigh, North Carolina, who learned that when we nag our lovers, it actually reduces the feeling of intimacy. "You want to try to avoid those negative behaviors and not do things you can't take back," psychology professor Betty Witcher told Reuters. "If you're yelling, that's going to have more of an effect than doing something nice."
Her team studied 94 dating couples, all of whom were college students who had been in their relationships for an average of two years. The couples completed questionnaires designed to assess their intimacy and conflict within the relationship. The results: Intimacy was increased when verbal aggression--that would be yelling at a partner or insulting that person--was avoided. Interestingly, positive responses to conflict, which would include discussing a heated issue calmly, didn't increase the levels of intimacy.
Why does this happen?
In long-term relationships where intimacy is already established and has reached a stable level, positive responses to conflict do not increase intimacy any more. But negative behaviors, especially nagging, could easily lower it. "If people thought that their partner nagged them, then they reported lower intimacy," Witcher told Reuters. "People really don't like their partner nagging them." Aside from damaging the health of the relationship, lovers' quarrels have also been linked to depression, eating disorders, excessive drinking, heart disease, and chronic pain, she noted. The study findings were presented at the recent meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.
Romantic things he can do!
Whether we admit it or not, every guy wants to be more romantic. Many books have been written on the subject, and yet the world is not populated with Romeos. Being romantic really is a state of mind. Women tend to already be there most of the time, so one can understand how it is more difficult for guys. Listed below are some tips for you aspiring romantics.
Show you care.
Perhaps the most important facet of being romantic is breaking down and showing someone you care. She's just waiting to see or hear that you have feelings for her. Showing her by giving her little sentimental gifts and sweet e-mails is your ticket in.
Create a romantic environment for her.
Women don't just want to be romanced; they want to be surrounded by love. If she enters your apartment or house, make sure that it is clean and neat with mellow lighting. Put an air freshener on the shopping list - her sense of smell will make or break the mood you're trying to set.
Brush up on your manners.
The gentleman gets the lady. If you question your etiquette - and you should - buy a book on it. Women know proper manners and while they may skimp on them, you should not. To answer the eternal question of whether or not to open a door for her, try it and see if she gets upset. If she turns down your good manners, then she's the oaf. Not you.
Shower her with affection...
and tasteful gifts.
Women enjoy knowing that you really like them... constantly. It's almost as though they doubt it if they aren't reassured from time to time. It is rare to meet a woman who is so low-maintenance that they don't require courting. While I'm not saying that you should take out a second mortgage on the lucky girl, you should be prepared to spend a little in order to get a little back. Flowers, candy, small token gifts that mean a lot, and the giant stuffed snake at the fair will more than likely get you play. Sex toys, pizza, and tickets to the game will probably not. Unfortunately.
Romantic things she can do!
Women. Estrogen enables women to be the romantic creatures that they are. Constantly keeping men on their toes with the ever-popular feminine mystique, women are usually skilled in the art of love. While they have guys beat with the Venus thing, women still have a few areas to improve upon.
Learn how to take a compliment.
Picture it: You're on a date with your crush and he tells you that your dress looks great. You come back with the tired line about how it was on sale or "this old thing?" It's harder for guys to compliment you than you think - make it easy for us by accepting our kind words.
Ease up.
You've decided to cook a nice dinner for a date. He's waiting for the main course, and while you're listening to music (and locking eyes), you burn the dinner. Ouch! So many women would think their date was ruined. But all is not lost...remember to relax and laugh at yourself. He'll think it's much sexier.
Bring him flowers.
You know the names of the fancy flowers. You have your favorite Internet flower shop in your Favorite Places. It's no secret that women love getting flowers, but did you know that your man probably does, too? A dozen roses will make him smile, and the birds of paradise will...uhm...it is probably best to stick with the old favorites.
Learn to realize what he likes.
Chances are he likes roast beef, football, and exotic sports cars. Does he like to have his face touched or his feet rubbed? What is his favorite scent? Paying attention to your man's likes and dislikes will help you in setting romantic moods and ultimately keeping him interested. Experiment by inviting him on adventures and sneaking touches here and there. Asking him works as well. He will be glad you care, and it may even prompt him to ask what you like.
Listen.
Shhhhh. What's that you hear? It's your man, trying to tell you something. It is a fact that women tend to be chattier than men, and silence is often seen as a downer. Enjoy the silence and be polite when he has the floor. You might hear something irresistible escape from his lips.
Love, lust, and revenge! Read racy love confessions.
http://channels.netscape.com/ns/love/confessionarchives.jsp?floc=ns-wnew